Bring Your Parents to School Day/Quotes

Quotes

[It's "Bring Your Parents to School" day at Springfield Elementary. Bart, Homer, and other students and parents are gathered in Mrs. Krabappel's classroom. Principal Skinner kicks off the day's events via an announcement over the intercom.]

Principal Skinner: [on intercom] Welcome, everyone, to "Bring Your Parents to School" day.

Agnes Skinner: [also on intercom, interrupting] Seymour, sit up straight and enunciate your words.

Principal Skinner: [apparently struggling with Agnes for control of the mike] Mother, I'm talking ... Let go, Mother.

Agnes Skinner: Now you're spitting all over the microphone!

Principal Skinner: [indignant] "I am not spitting!"

[Everyone in the classroom laughs, except Mrs. Krabappel, who looks annoyed.]

[As the school day gets underway at 8 a.m., Bart gives Homer the lowdown on how to behave in class.]

Bart: Just don't make eye contact with the teacher. That's how I make it through the day without having to answer questions. And above all else, don't embarass me!

Homer: No worries, boy. It'll be like shooting pork in a barrel.

[At 9 a.m., Homer has interrupted a class discussion.]

Homer: You'd want to get off that island too if some fat guy kept hitting you with his hat and calling you his "Little Buddy"?!

[Everyone in the classroom laughs, except ...]

Bart: [embarrassed, envisioning Homer as an ape] Dad! We're talking about the War of 1812.

[An hour later, Homer has again interrupted the discussion, this time to tell a fart joke.]

Homer: [finishing his joke] ... and then I said, "Listen, Barney, whoever smelt it, dealt it!" [laughing loudly] Wha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

[Unlike Homer's previous interruption, no one is laughing this time.]

Bart: [pleading, mortified, envisioning Homer as a braying donkey] Homer, shut up!

[It's now 11 a.m. and Homer needs a bathroom break, but he has a problem.]

Homer: [struggling to get up from his desk] Help, Bart! Help! I'm stuck, and I have to go to the little boys' room!

[Now seeing Homer as an elephant, Bart puts his head in his hands and groans.]

[Lunchtime has come and gone for most of the school, but not for Homer, even though it's now 1 p.m. With his back to the room, he bends over a bowl full of food scraps and eagerly devours them.]

Homer: Can you believe it? [snarfs down a mouthful of scraps] The lunch lady was going to throw all these leftovers away! [snorts] What a sweet deal! [burps]

[Everyone in the room is disgusted with Homer, including Ned Flanders, who holds up a cross in a warding-off gesture directed at Homer's posterior. Bart is not only disgusted but also even more embarrassed, as he now envisions Homer as a pig.]

[By 2 p.m., Homer has fallen asleep and is snoring loudly, annoying everyone in the room. Bart, with his head down on his desk, now sees Homer as a hibernating bear.]

Bart: Will this day never end?

[The next day, Mrs. Krabappel returns some graded reports to the class. Bart's has received a grade of C+.]

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, I must say I'm surprised how well you did on your report on "The Similarities between Man and Beast"!

Bart: [sheepishly] Let's just say I had some unexpected inspiration, Mrs. K.