Flaming Moe/Quotes

Quotes

Season 22 Episode Quotes

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474

"Moms I'd Like to Forget"

475
"Flaming Moe"

"Homer the Father"

476

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Homer: "Oh, no! I left a candy bar in my desk!"

Late shift worker: "That's funny, 'cause I found this candy bar in my desk!" [eats the candy bar]

Homer: [angry, balling his fists] "Time to punch in!"

[Homer hits his late-shift counterpart, and a brawl quickly ensues.]

Smithers: "Sir, the shifts are fighting like Iran and Iraq!"

Mr. Burns: "Who?"

Smithers: "Persia and Mesopotamia."

Smithers: Sir, is that your will?

Mr. Burns: It is. I know it's hard to see a young buck like me and think of a day when I'm no longer in the pink..

Mr. Burns sneezes, and the top of his skull flips open to reveal his brain. He quickly flips it back, closing his head

[After his half hour of lucidity passes, Mr. Burns is riding on his lawyer's back, pretending he is riding a dinosaur. Homer walks into the room.]]

Homer: "Aaagghhh! A dinosaur!" [Runs out of the room screaming]

[After Mr. Burns refuses to let Smithers see his will, Smithers sneaks into the office and has a look at it.]

Smithers [reading Burns' will aloud]: "I, C. Montgomery Burns, hereby divide my estate and shares between the University Department of Applied Evil, Gary from Gary's Trap-Door Installation & Repair and finally, to my constant companion ..."

[Cut to Smithers confronting Mr. Burns.]

Smithers: [indignant] "Your tortoise?!"

[Disappointed at learning he's been left out of Mr. Burns' will, Smithers decides to console himself by visiting Springfield's gay nightclub, The League of Extra-Horny Gentlemen.]

'Smithers: "Here's a place I can feel wanted."

[He gets in line outside the bar, where a doorman next to a velvet rope is screening who gets to go inside.]

Doorman: "You with the six-pack, you're in." [He moves on to the next man in line.]

"You with the Ben Affleck chin and the Matt Damon everything else, guess what. You're in."

[The doorman admits the next three men in line.] "In. In. In."

[To a man in a pink outfit] "Aahh." [The doorman smiles. Smithers arrives at the head of the line.]

Doorman: [to Smithers]] "In your dreams."

Smithers: "Oh, c'mon, I've had a rough day."

Doorman: "With the buzz cut and the bow tie? This is a nightclub, not a John F. Kennedy cabinet meeting."

Smithers tries to persuade a group of Springfield's unattractive homosexuals to visit Moe's Tarvern

Grady: Ew! Isn't that the place where all those rats committed suicide?

Homer bumps into a Comic Book Guy look-a-like thinking it is him

Homer: Hey, I didn't know you were...urgh...you know...one of those...

Comic Book Gay: I am not Comic Book Guy. I am his cousin, Comic Book Gay.

Homer: But you do like comic books?

Comic Book Gay: A certain kind.

Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?

Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.

Moe: Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.

Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.

Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?

Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.

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