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D'oh-lice Academy/Quotes

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< D'oh-lice Academy
Revision as of 14:13, May 8, 2021 by SolarBot (talk | contribs) (→‎top: replaced: :'''[[ → {{qf| (25), ]]''': → }} (25), Clancy Wiggum → Chief Wiggum (5), :''' → {{qf| (3), ''': → }} (3), → (3), removed: " (2))



Lisa: Mr. Hurlbut?! From the Springfield Historical Society?
Chief Wiggum: What are you doing here?
Hollis Hurlbut: Congratulating Mr. Simpson, chief. You see, he has just broken a hundred-year-old record!
Homer: I did?
Hollis Hurlbut: Yes. While in that tank, you held your breath for seven minutes and one secnod!
Chief Wiggum: Wonderful. Can I arrest him now?
Hollis Hurlbut: Mr. Simpson's feat is quite historic. Are you familiar with Obadiah Cheeks Wilmington?
Homer: Was he the lead singer for Blues Traveler?
Homer: Wow, Mr. Wolfcastle! I'm impressed at how fast you got this thing up to... 72 MPH! And in a school zone, no less!
Rainer Wolfcastle: My apologies. But I am late for a massage... for my pot-bellied pig.
Homer: Well, I still have to write you up.
Rainer Wolfcastle: But this will be my twenty-first strike! I will lose my license!
Homer: Isn't it just three strikes?
Rainer Wolfcastle: When you're a celebrity, tickets are counted like dog years.
Rainer Wolfcastle: You with the contraband! Freeze!
Fat Tony: It's the fuzz! But how did you know about my illegal ice-shaving racket?
Homer: We got an inside tip...
Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips?!
Johnny Tightlips: Sorry, boss. But sometimes I just need to talk to some-body about my issues.
Lenny Leonard: And I'm a wonderful listener.
Fat Tony: Much like our illegal snow cones, my heart is chipping away into many broken pieces.
Lenny: There, there. Lenny's listening.
Waylon Smithers: I've got to say, Clancy, there have been no accidents since you've taken over! Nice work!
Chief Wiggum: I guess I'm finally motivated! Unlike being police chief, a safety inspector can actually make a difference!
Homer: Well, I guess this town might be safer with you in charge, Wiggy. Just promise not to work too hard.
Chief Wiggum: Easiest promise I ever made!
Waylon Smithers: But, chief! The plant has never been safer! You can't just walk away!
Chief Wiggum: Sorry, Mr. Smithers. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't argue with an archaic statue from the town charter.
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