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The Last of the Red Hat Mamas/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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363
"The Last of the Red Hat Mamas"
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- Homer: "Burns' mansion"?! That's Mr. Burns' mansion!
- Wiggum: Lou, talking like the chief doesn't make you the chief!
- Lou: No, to be chief I'd have to wiggle into size 58 pants!
- Wiggum: Oh, here it goes with the fat jokes! I just wish you could hit the easy targets on the firing range! You know... [pause, sees Lou preparing to cry] Lou, why must we hurt each other so?
- Lou: [crying] Because... it's easier to be cruel than to say what you really feel. Permission to hug, chief.
- Wiggum: Permission granted.
- Ralph: [picking up eggs not noticing he is dropping them and picking up the same one again and again] Yay!
- Bart: Ralph, your basket has a hole in it.
- Ralph: [stares blankly for a while] You're Lisa's Brother!
- Homer: [in a fight with Hugs Bunny the Egg Hunt referee] Silly rabbit, kicks are for ribs!
- Homer: You're just like all Easter bunnies; can't take a punch to the crotch!
- Burns: Now, while we're out, remind me to get my eyes "re-balled" and my brain flushed out with vinegar.
- Smithers: Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will be back from the shop tomorrow.
- Burns: Excellent.
- Tammy: I'm Tammy, and these are the women of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.
- Marge: [gasp] The national organization for women of a certain age?
- Agnes: Yeah, only we don't sit around watching TV and eating bonbons, except on TV-Bonbon night, which is every Tuesday and Thursday.
- [Homer and Marge are having dinner in the basket of a hot-air balloon. There is a thud and the camera pans upward, showing Moe on top of the balloon.]
- Moe: I can't believe this happened to me twice!
- [In a flashback, Milhouse is walking through Italy with Grandma Nana Sophie.]
- Milhouse: [voice-over] My grandma hated English, 'cause in World War II, a GI left her with child, my uncle Bastardo. She only spoke Italian to me.
- Nana Sophie: [Italian] These, my cherub, are olives.
- Young Milhouse: I love you, Nana. [gets slapped]
- Nana: Idiota!
- Milhouse: [voice-over] Every time I spoke English, she hit me.
- Young Milhouse: Ow, that hurt. [gets slapped]
- Nana: Idiota!
- Young Milhouse: I'm sorry I'm so stupid.
- Nana: Milhouse Mussolini Van Houtan, parla in italiano, IDIOTA! [chases Milhouse with an olive branch]
- [Back to the present.]
- Milhouse: That's how I learned Italian and started wetting my bed.
- Marge: I never had the courage to sky dive before!
- Tammy: When we get back, we have a surprise for you.
- Marge: Oh! Now I really hope my chute opens!
- [The girls go into a circle while Moe dives through them attempting suicide.]
- Moe: Goodbye, cruel world! [to the girls] Ladies.
- Lisa: I studied all night. I even made flashcards. [Milhouse takes the flashcards and rips them up] My efforts!
- Milhouse: Lisa, you don't learn Italian! You live Italian!
- Luigi: Mr. Milhouse, I need your help! I don't know the translation to the cheese in my lasagna.
- Lisa: But Luigi, surely you speak Italian.
- Luigi: [sigh] No, I don't. I speak-a, how you say, fractured English. It's what my parents spoke at the home.
- Miss Springfield: Joe! You said your wife was dead!
- Quimby: And you said you graduated from Typing School!
- Miss Springfield: I have trouble with the spacebar.
- [At the Easter Egg hunt, Nelson takes four eggs from a bird's nest.]
- Lisa: Nelson, those don't count as Easter Eggs.
- Nelson: Yeah, but they count as breakfast.
- [Nelson eats one of the unhatched eggs. Several birds then fly in and begin pecking at his face.]
- Nelson: Ow! Ow! Ow! It was worth it!
- Homer: If Marge is going bird watching, then why did she leave our copy of The Field Guide to the Birds by Roger Tory Peterson on our kitchen shelve?
- [Opens book and begins reading.]
- Homer: [gasp] Roadrunners are real!
- Wiggum: [watching Eddie direct traffic] Look at him tease that Subaru. And that guy can't get a girl; I'll never figure it out.
- Skinner: Okay, Lisa, to go to Italy you must have outstanding grades. Check. Uh-oh. In order to go, the person must speak fluent Italian.
- Lisa: [lying] Uh, check.
- Skinner: You speak Italian?
- Lisa: Of course! Why would I lie?
- Skinner: Hmm, faultless logic. Of course, I must ask you to speak a few phrases to verify your fluency. [Lisa makes a nervous noise] Though not right now, 'cause I have meetings. [Lisa makes a relieved noise] How's tomorrow? [Lisa makes a nervous noise] 'Cause it's terrible for me. But I'll get back to you... soon.
- Italian tape: "Voglio affittare una barca piccola." - I would like to rent a small boat.
- [Lisa stops tape, repeats, then pushes "play"]
- Tape: "Progetto di scaricare questo corpo nell'oceano." - I plan to dump this body in the ocean.
- Lisa: Huh? [she looks at the tape case, which says "Italian for Italian-Americans"]
- Tape: Ciò è che cosa ottenete per fare le domande! - This is what you get for asking questions! [gunshots are heard and Lisa throws the tape in the garbage]
- Lisa: Hmm, "Spend a summer in Rome".
- Sherri: Rome?
- Terri: Founded by twins by the way. [sees Lisa is gone] Hey, where'd she go?
- Sherri: Oh, well. Let's speak in our secret twin language.
- [Sherri and Terri then go into a bizarre language of high-speed jabbering and body movement.]
- Marge: [after learning of the plan to break into Burns' mansion] Are there any other surprises?
- Tammy: I'm not a natural red-head.
- [Marge faints.]
- Agnes: I'll handle the vault. Burns told me the combination while feeling me up during the Depression. Zero to the left, zero to the right, back to...zero.
- Burns: [about to hand a giant cheque before snatching it back] Instead of giving the money, I will use it to extend my life, another ten minutes. Smithers.
- [Smithers takes out a giant marker pen and writes the word VOID over the cheque.]
- Burns: And the register.
- [Smithers uses the pen to draw a cross over the reply slip.]
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