That '90s Show/Quotes
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< That '90s Show
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- Marge: We wouldn't be in this trouble if you'd just paid the heating bill!
- Homer: I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can't do anything right.
- Lisa: Mom, I didn't know you went to college!
- Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad "blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me."
- Marge: Hey, parents are allowed to keep some secrets.
- Homer: Like which kid's their favorite! [whispering loudly] It's Lisa.
- Bart: The nineties? Never heard of it.
- Homer: Oh, it was a wonderful time. The Iraq war was over once and for all, a struggling Matt Groening created "Futurama," and young people believed in their dreams, thanks to a TV show called "Melrose Place"...
- Young Marge: [groans] I'm afraid it's Top Ramen again.
- Young Homer: With you, baby, Top Ramen tastes like Cup O' Noodles.
- Young Homer: You know these IKEA foam futons do Velcro together.
- Young Marge: I'm sorry, I'm not ready to do that yet. I want to wait until I'm married, or at least really drunk.
- Young Homer: You applied to college? Why didn't you tell me?
- Young Marge: I did tell you.
- Young Homer: I thought you were telling me you wanted to apply yourself to making a collage. And as I recall, I was against it.
- Young Grampa: Well, well, well, look who's come crawling back to work for your old man. What do you need the money for? [sneering] Medicine?
- Young Homer: None of your business. Now give me a job at your business.
- Young Comic Book Guy: And that is why the Lord of the Rings can never be filmed.
- Young Marge: Did you know that every U.S. president has been a straight white man?
- Young Homer: Even Walt Disney?
- Young Marge: And did you also know that history is written by the winners?
- Young Homer: Really? I thought it was written by losers
- Young Marge: Professor, do you think white male scientists have marginalized the contributions of the third world?
- Steffan August: Great question. And the answer is "of course." Could a tribe of bushmen have invented penicillin? Maybe they already have. But no one asked them. No one asked them.
- College kid: Stupid townie!
- Young Homer: Hey, it's townies like me that cook your food and clean your bathrooms!
- Dean: If you did the former better we'd use the latter less. [Homer runs off crying] That's it, townie! Run! Run back to your town!
- Young Homer: Okay, I'll keep the L.P.s and you take the C.D.s. I'll take the typewriter, you take the computer. I'll take the Enron stock, you take the Microsoft stock. And um...
- Young Marge: Have you really read all these books?
- Steffan August: Morally, I couldn't display them on shelves if I hadn't. But I watch sports as well, just like a regular man. [turns on the football game] Good Goddess! The "Patriots" are deep in "Redskin" territory. This isn't entertainment, it's genocide.
- Steffan August: Marge, may I compliment your appearance?
- Young Marge: Yeah, sure.
- Steffan: You look lovely. If I were to approach you for a kiss, would you construe that as harassment or give your willing consent?
- Young Marge: Consent, of course.
- Steffan: Ah. Continuing in that line of thought, may I kiss your mouth with my mouth?
- Young Marge: Just do it already!
- Homer: I had finally realized every rock star's dream... hating being famous.
- Young Homer: He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.
- Steffan: Look at that lighthouse. That's the ultimate expression of phallo-centric technocracy, violating mother sky.
- Young Marge: I thought they were just tall so boats could see them.
- Steffan: No, Marge. Everything penis-shaped is bad.
- Young Marge: Oh my God, you're a junkie!
- Young Homer: I need it...
- Young Marge: I'm getting you off this stuff.
- Young Homer: But I need it...
- Young Marge: No you don't!
- Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin. It was insulin. Homer really did need those injections.
- Homer: I had become diabetic from drinking too many Frappuccinos.
- Young Homer: Of course. The thing that stood between us - the nineties - is almost over.
- Young Marge: You're right. But I'm worried about what's on the horizon: reality shows, Britney Spears, the suspicious number of home runs being hit.
- Young Homer: At least we know there'll never be a president worse than Bill Clinton. Imagine, lying in a deposition in a civil lawsuit. That's the worst sin a president could commit.
- Young Marge: There'll never be a worse president. Never.
- Young Homer: Never.
