A Serious Flanders (Part 2)/Quotes
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< A Serious Flanders (Part 2)
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- Marge: Have you been crying?
- Chief Wiggum: It's just so horrible. Mr. Burns? [{Disco Stu|The Disco Guy]]? Fat Tony? Look what they did to my beautiful goombah. I can't ever eat a donut again.
- Chief Wiggum: If Homer's mixed up in this, he's probably a cruller by now. Satan himself has come to this town, and I'm not man enough to take him on. If you see Lou, tell him Eddie's chief now.
- Ned Flanders: How am I gonna come up with that ransom? I can't do a GoFundMe for a kidnapping. There's too many of those already.
- Sheriff Flanders: You got something for me? Let me have it. Ah, my favorite time of day, bribe o'clock. Ooh, and thicker than usual.
- Slocum Szyslak: That's what I came to tell you. We made a deal with the Capital City Mob. We're slinging amphetamines now. That's right, "Brain fizz."
- Scotus Szyslak: "Trucker's milk."
- Scrotum Szyslak: "Texas Teeth looseners."
- Kostas Becker: One hundred seventy-three thousand, two hundred and... ...ninety-six dollars.
- Slocum Szyslak: Yeah, that's even more money back now in the early '70s.
- Sheriff Flanders: Oh, God, all right, fellas, why don't we all relax and put down our crazy assortment of weapons? I'm talking to you, Mr. Dynamite Nunchucks.
- Homer: Wait, you international psychos are married?
- Seamus: That's none of your concern, you shorn sheep.
- Homer: Huh?
- Colette: Tell him, how many year? How many year?
- Seamus: Ten years of wedded bliss. Each year sweeter than the last.
- Colette: Not one vacation.
- Seamus: We don't get to take vacations if we don't take jobs. It's called math, darling.
- Homer: Hm, wow, if I said something that sexist, my wife would be furious.
- Colette: You see? Even the dead man knows.
- Seamus: What did Dr. Pam say about acting on anger?
- Homer: You tell her, Irish guy. Go for the eyes, Frenchie. Whoever wins was right all along.
- Homer: Uh, guys? There's a little fire situation in the kitchen here. Okay, you're communicating honestly, which is great. What say we focus on achievable goals as a couple, like putting out this fire?
- Homer: Never go to bed angry? Cuddling doesn't always lead to sex? You're not just married killers, you're homicidal best friends. Happy anniversary?
- Barbara Belfry: Fish or get off the hole, Mr. Flanders.
- Ned: I haven't been able to get that spiffy bod of yours out of my dang-diddly mind.
- Barb: Jumpin' jiminy.
- Barb: Everybody, all around, look at this man. He saved the orphans' money and the flag. Look at the burns on his saintly arm. Oh, this husky gent is an American hero. Not like that snake, Ned Flanders. Why, he stole this money after trying to seduce me out of my happily-closed marriage to Sideshow Mel.
- Sideshow Mel: Oh, uh... That monster! Where is he, so that I might thrash him?
- Ned: I committed every sin in the book to get that money-- except sloth, I guess-- and now it's gone.
- Kostas Becker: Money can be lost, Mr. Flanders, but a debt never goes away. I am coming to collect. When you least expect it, expect it.
- Ned: You mean now?
- Kostas Becker: No, not now.
- Ned: Well, you saying not now makes me expect it more.
- Kostas Becker: Look, this is the one time you shouldn't expect it, but every other time, do expect it.
- Narrator: Three years ago, Homer Simpson risked his life to save an orphanage's future.
- Homer: And now, I'm here to save your car's future. Oil changes, alignment, and brake pads, brake pads, brake pads. All at Heroic Lube and Tire. Where Route 4 meets Disco Stu Memorial Drive. Just look for the inflatable me.
- Ned: So, how are things in good old Springfield?
- Homer: Uh... it's okay. Jailbird got super religious. And Marge hates me. Our marriage is deader than Disco Stu. All because I tried to save that money's life and not yours.
- Ned: Oh, no. He's tracked you here.
- Homer: No way. I took all the precautions, even the mariachi Ferris wheel.
- Ned: No. I won't put you two in any more danger. I'm the one he wants.
- Marge: Okay.
- Homer: Phew.
- Marge: Bye.
- Homer: Good luck.
