Wikisimpsons:Previously featured comic quotes

All previously featured comic quotes.

October 2, 2021 -

"But remember, the most important power a kid can have is the power of a library card!"

―Lisa

September 1, 2021 - October 2, 2021

"Rain? But the weatherman predicted a clear night."

―Principal Skinner

"The weather's like you, Seymour. Disappointing and all wet!"

―Agnes Skinner

August 1, 2021 - September 1, 2021

"Principal Skinner! Bart's not letting me bully him! His superpowers are getting in the way!"

―Nelson Muntz

"Bart! Report for detention after class!"

―Principal Skinner

"What? That's not fair!"

―Bart

"Bart, this school is like an ecosystem, if the bullies can't do their jobs, the weak children will rise up... and then we'll have anarchy!"

―Principal Skinner

June 2, 2021 - August 1, 2021

"When injustice rears it's ugly head, and the democrats and republicans fail America, we can always turn to tthe Keg Party!"

―Homer

May 1, 2021 - June 2, 2021

"Hello there, are you here about the hiring?"

―Mr. Burns

"Ahhh... why, yes! Yes I am."

―Bart

" Excellent say no more. You've got the job since you're obviosly overqualfied for the position! I can tell by your slick suit, eh, mister...?"

―Mr. Burns

"Bar... uh, I mean... Buck... Buck Sampson!"

―Bart

"Strong name, I like it! Smithers show Buck to his new executive office."

―Mr. Burns

"Right away sir."

―Waylon Smithers

April 2, 2021 - May 1, 2021

"You're going back to school?"

―Bart

"I've always wished I had a bit more education, so I signed up for some community college classes."

―Marge

"Going back to school? But that's like going back to prison after you've done your time! Yo're talking crazy talk!"

―Bart

March 2, 2021 - April 2, 2021

"I think that if you care about mother earth, not recycling is a sin!"

―Lisa

"I agree! That's why I'm recycling my vegetables from dinner!"

―Bart

February 2, 2021 - March 2, 2021

"And after three days, of intense competition, team Springfield is tailing Shelbyville by only ten points. Now it all comes down to the final event of the games... The Ultra-Extreme Mega-Downhill Snowboarding Competition! Competing for Springfield is our Bart Simpson! Many are calling him the next Krispy Kid Welch. Who is Krispy Kid Welch you may ask? Well, you'll have to ask the people who are calling him that. And competing for Shelbyville. It's little Larry "Li'l Larry" Newell!"

―Kent Brockman

January 1, 2021 - February 2, 2021

"Lisa, Milhouse has told me you've canceled three study sessions in a row! You're in danger of flunking, young lady! A big fat f-eroonie! Is that what you want? You want to fail? Fail at life. Fail at love. Become one of the unwanted and--"

―Edna

"No, Mrs. Krabappel. I want to pass, it's just--"

―Lisa

"No justs, Lisa. Study tonight, or else!"

―Edna

December 1, 2020 - January 1, 2021

"I am sorry, Mr. Simpson, but Duff has still not delivered any of their holiday brews."

―Apu

"But that's what you said last month!"

―Homer

"From what I am hearing, their special water supply has been contaminated."

―Apu

"Is this because of the time I was at the river and couldn't find a tree..?"

―Homer

"However, there is still regular Duff to purchase!"

―Apu

"Pssh! You just don't get Christmas... do you, Apu?"

―Homer

November 1, 2020 - December 1, 2020

"And in a land-slide victory... Snowball II is the new mayor of Springfield! "When he asked for a comment, the new mayor licked herself for ten minutes and fell asleep on the television.""

―Kent Brockman

October 3, 2020 - November 1, 2020

"Bart? What are you doing?"

―Lisa

"We heard there was a ghost stealing library books... you?"

―Bart

"Chasing a meatloaf monster that eats people."

―Nelson

"Nuts! That's way cooler than our lame mystery!"

―Bart

"I are too many dog treats."

―Ralph

"And I lost my glasses."

―Milhouse

September 1, 2020 - October 3, 2020

"Not even a rainy day can ruin a "girls day out!""

―Marge

"I'm really looking forward to going to the salon for a makeover. I need a new look!"

―Lisa

"I've got some bad news. Your father spent this month's budget at Apu's "mystery meat clearance sale"... so we can't afford to go to an actual salon."

―Marge

July 2, 2020 - September 1, 2020

"Bart Simpson, you've been underachiving and produ of it far too long! I'm enacting emergency academic protocols... and locking you in the school library until you read a book and turn in a book report! I'm forcing you to learn!"

―Seymour Skinner

"Noooooooooo"

―Bart

June 2, 2020 - July 2, 2020

"Hey, hey this is Krusty the clown, filling in for Kent Brockman... and now, the news. Springfield residents should be on the alert for sudden and tragic tornadoes during the next week, huh. Tornado season? That really blows! Get it? This is all improvised! By the way! Come on, people! Give me something to work with here! Is this mic on! Helllllo! Clown at work! Some laughs would be nice! Is this an audience or a funeral? So, I'm fired right?"

―Krusty

May 1, 2020 - June 2, 2020

"Well, if your personality is back to normal, I suppose you can have your job back. Truth be told, the new man we had taking your place just wasn't working out. Wiggum, you're fired!"

―Waylon Smithers

"I got lost on a field trip here, and the school left without me. You're Lisa's daddy man."

―Ralph

April 1, 2020 - May 1, 2020

"I'm driving, but the Leprechaun is telling me where to go."

―Ralph

March 1, 2020 - April 1, 2020

"Homer, come here! Whatever the marriage problem is, don't blow this, or you'll end up like me! Alone forever! You'll never get another woman... ever!"

―Abe

"Relax, dad. I've had this fith a zillion times. I know how to handle my wife..."

―Homer

February 2, 2020 - March 1, 2020

"There's been a heinous crime of heinous proportions! It's so heinous, I am literally sitting with rage."

―Clancy Wiggum

"What is it, chief? Murder? Kidnapping? The bogart-ing of illicit substances?"

―Lou

"Worse! Someone stole all the donuts for the senior class fundraiser!"

―Clancy Wiggum

"Dang!"

―Lou

January 2, 2020 - February 2, 2020

"No time, to eat, Marge. I'm late for donuts! Um... I mean, "work"!"

―Homer

December 2, 2019 - January 2, 2020

"Oh no, it's snowing! The school will be closed!"

―Lisa

"Oh yeah, it's snowing! The school will be closed!"

―Bart

November 2, 2019 - December 2, 2019

"Three hundred dollars is a lot of money, Homey. We can still carpet the basement."

―Marge

"It's not the money, Marge. It's that I failed.... again! And at something as simple as running a billion dollar beer empire."

―Homer

October 1, 2019 - November 2, 2019

"Lisa! We were lost in the woods! You would not believe the hardships we endured!"

―Bart

"We nearly starved to death!"

―Milhouse

"Calm down, you two. You've only been gone for half an hour, and the only meal you missed was snack time."

―Lisa

"What are you talking about?"

―Bart

"Only half an hour?"

―Milhouse

September 1, 2019 - October 1, 2019

"Why are you so grumpy?"

―Bart

"Why do they get a parade, and I don't? I came up with the idea that saved the town."

―Lisa

"Little girl, this parade celebrates using the power of stupidity to solve our problems. I'm changing the town charter to read that the dumbest people in town will always be consulted first in times of crisis."

―Joe Quimby

August 2, 2019 - September 1, 2019

"And now back to Arnie Pie. The teleprompter is telling me he's had a change of heart and now ill fly over the erupting volcano... what? Is he crazy?"

―Kent Brockman

"I'm not crazy. I've just decided that I realyl want to win the local news Emmy... even if it's posthumous! Through the smoke I see something... It's... ...it's a pile of burning tires! There is no volacno! [SIGH] So much for that Emmy. Back to you, Kent."

―Arnie Pie

"So views, this should serve as a lesson. Always listen to your Emmy Award-winning news anchor when he says, "remain calm.""

―Kent Brockman

July 1, 2019 - August 2, 2019

"This is amazing! People have already downloaded my podcast over two thousand times! The Huffington Post even put it on there "[SCOFF] oh, your not listening to this?" list!"

―Lisa

"Wait wait. A podcast finally got people to listen to Lisa? That means I need to start one!"

―Bart

June 2, 2019 - July 1, 2019

"Earth to Homer! Wake up, big boy! Maybe if you'd pay attention you could learn how to take a worthwhile family vacation."

―Selma

"I have taken this family on plenty of goods trips!"

―Homer

"Name one."

―Selma

May 1, 2019 - June 2, 2019

"Go on, boy. Your report's not going to write itself."

―Homer

"Can't I just copy stuff out of an encyclopedia and rent a costume? It's not just Grampa. It's all those old people. They're depressing!"

―Bart

"That's why they're the perfect ones to talk to about the great depression!"

―Homer

April 1, 2019 - May 1, 2019

"Daddy has to run out for just a minute, Ralphie. You're in charge 'til I get back. Okay?"

―Clancy

"Yes, Daddy!"

―Ralph

"I won't be gone long, son."

―Clancy

"Okay, Daddy! That makes me the man of the house! I'm just like Daddy now, 'cept I'm smaller and my pants are wetter."

―Ralph

March 2, 2019 - April 1, 2019

"Well, Smithers, have you convinced the olympic committee to hold the winter games in Springfield?"

―Mr. Burns

"My deepst apologies, sir, but they said that to bring the world together for a massive celebration of you wasn't a good enough reason. Although I wholehearedly disagree."

―Waylon Smithers

February 1, 2019 - March 2, 2019

"Seymour! You're a disgrace!"

―Agnes Skinner

"What is it now, mother?"

―Seymour Skinner

"Three dollars?!?! When did rifling through your pockets become such a pathetic waste of time?"

―Agnes Skinner

"Mother, you have no right! I was saving that three dollars for my date with Edna!"

―Seymour Skinner

"Ahhh, let the chippie find her own fish!"

―Agnes Skinner

January 2, 2019 - February 1, 2019

"Jumpin' Jolsons's jowls! A real live penguin! My prayers have been answered. As have my letters to Babe Ruth, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Santa Claus."

―Homer

December 2, 2018 - January 2, 2019

"Marge! I screwed up!"

―Homer

"I'm sure it's not that bad, Homie."

―Marge

"I didn't buy the kids' gifts yet!"

―Homer

"This is terrible!"

―Marge

"I know! Their sad little faces staring up at me on Christmas morning. Who can I blame this on?"

―Homer

"Well, the snow is an act of god."

―Marge

"God! Why can't you leave Christmas alone?"

―Homer

November 1, 2018 - December 2, 2018

"Are you sure these expiration dates don't just mean the food is bad to eat?"

―Milhouse

"Many times the simply mean that the old food has become a new pet."

―Apu

October 1, 2018 - November 1, 2018

"Welcome, friends, to Garbagio! An island made entirely of garbage from the other Hawaiian islands, and you are it's new citizens."

―Mr. Burns

September 1, 2018 - October 1, 2018

"Krusty! That actor you planted as an undercover kid at Springfield Elementary just called in!"

―Squeaky-voiced teen

"This could be important. Cancel my A.A. meeting, my N.A. meeting, and my hey-hey meeting!"

―Krusty

August 1, 2018 - September 1, 2018

"Hey, kids... where's your mother?"

―Homer

"Working."

―Lisa

" She's doing both day and night court! Maggie tried to make a soufflé, but it fell. Probably because it was made of mud."

―Bart

July 2, 2018 - August 1, 2018

"I can't believe we have to hear about another fund-raiser. This is the eleventh one this year!"

―Lisa

"I'll take any excuse to get out of class... but this is the worst! Can't somebody get us out of this thing?"

―Nelson

"Have no fear... Bart Simpson is here! Let's see if I can liven things up."

―Bart

June 2, 2018 - July 2, 2018

"Troy McClure here, ringside. You might remember me from such schoolyard competitions as "Pink Belly Smackdown" and "Stop Punching Yourself-Palooza.""

―Troy McClure

May 2, 2018 - June 2, 2018

"Marge, is food all you ever think about?!"

―Homer

April 2, 2018 - May 2, 2018

"To make up for our lack of customer service, might I interest you in free tickets to "Krusty on Ice"?"

―Apu

"Free tickets?! What's the catch?"

―Homer

"No catch at all. The tickets are only for our best customers. A holiday gift from our Kwik-E-Mart family to yours."

―Apu

March 2, 2018 - April 2, 2018

"Great news! Just snake some money outta a mommy's purse and hustle your little legs over to your local Krustyburger... 'cause here's a new dessert on the menu! Finger-lickin', napkinstckin' Krustypie! You'll binge 'til you bulge! Hyuuck!"

―Krusty

"Yum! That looks delicious!"

―Bart

February 1, 2018 - March 2, 2018

"But this is the last museum in town we can visit after Bart unwrapped that mummy at the Natural History Museum"

―Lisa

"So worth it! I came in third in that costume contest!"

―Bart

January 1, 2018 - February 1, 2018

"Have a great day at school, kids! And don't forget that tonight is bath night. No excuses... Bart."

―Marge

"Bye, mom!"

―Lisa

"Bath night? I just took one last week! What are we, British?"

―Bart

December 2, 2017 - January 1, 2018

"Ah yes! Nothing says Christmas like being dressed as a zombie in a Santa suit! We're gonna be Television stars after this!"

―Bart

"I still can't believe you won the Wassailing Dead Christmas Special contest. Drinking one hundred Squishees was pretty amazing, even for you."

―Lisa

"I'll have severe brain freeze until the day I die, but it was worth it!"

―Bart

November 1, 2017 - December 2, 2017

"Whatcha' doing, Lis?"

―Bart

"I'm trying to make a new fruit or vegtable."

―Lisa

"What? You're actually trying to make new healthy food for prents to force us kids to eat? It's monsters like you that created broccoli!"

―Bart

October 1, 2017 - November 1, 2017

"Whoa! No running in the hallway while I'm wearing my hall monitor jacket!"

―Lisa

"I saw something horrible in the school cafeteria!"

―Nelson

"I know. It's meatloaf Monday. Have you ever thought of giving vegetarianism a try?"

―Lisa

"No! And also, a meatloaf monster ate Lunchlady Doris!"

―Nelson

September 1, 2017 - October 1, 2017

"During 'namn, I saw stronger men than Bart crack under the pressure of discipline!"

―Seymour Skinner

August 2, 2017 - September 1, 2017

"Good morning, I'm Kent Brockman. Our lead story today... mayor hates kittens, perhaps even all mammals. And this just in... something better is on Channel 5. Plus a spaceship! Is the right? Do we have a source on that?"

―Kent Brockman<

July 1, 2017 - August 2, 2017

"Hello, Marge? I'm in jail. I need you to come down and post bail."

―Homer

"Tell her to bring enough for your pals... and one of her cherry pies."

―Clancy Wiggum

June 2, 2017 - July 1, 2017

"Mr. Burns, stop! You're leaking nuclear waster all over!"

―Lisa

"This was you dream, little girl."

―Mr. Burns

"Not like this! You aren't fighting for the environment. You're just a greedy old man fighting for money!"

―Lisa

May 2, 2017 - June 2, 2017

"Hello, Marge, would you like a piece of pie?"

―Judge Snyder

"What about court?"

―Marge

"It's eat and nap day!"

―Judge Snyder

"What? That's just a silly holiday Homer made up years ago!"

―Marge

"Well, it's the law now, so either eat or sleep, or I'll have you arrested!"

―Judge Snyder

April 2, 2017 - May 2, 2017

"So what did you do this weekend, Milhouse?"

―Bart

"I went to the ball game with my dad and sat around reading comcis. What did you do?"

―Milhouse

"I destroyed an entire army of flesh eating zombies and stopped an invastion of hostile space mutants."

―Bart

March 3, 2017 - April 2, 2017

"Wow, Bart, a Comic Book store in your own backyard! How's it working out?"

―Milhouse

"Well, so far no comic fan has been fit enough to climb up to it. And there are the occasional acts of nature."

―Bart

February 2, 2017 - March 3, 2017

"Homer! It's a meltdown!"

―Lenny

"That sounds serious! Who do we call to stop one of those agan?"

―Homer

"You!"

―Carl

January 1, 2017 - February 2, 2017

"You mean I'm going to grow up to be just like Homer?!"

―Bart

December 1, 2016 - January 1, 2017

"Wow, Homer! That's a lot of gifts. Your secret Santa will certainly be happy."

―Marge

"Heh, heh. He sure will, Marge. That's because i pulled my own name for secret Santa! I bought everything i wanted! It's a Christmas miracle!"

―Homer

November 1, 2016 - December 1, 2016

"That's it! I'm going to show those stupid teachers! I'm going to find the one sane adult in this city and to the best report ever!"

―Bart

"That's the spirit! Good luck, Bart!"

―Lisa

October 1, 2016 - November 1, 2016

"According to my calculations, I'm the least popular student at school. So I can advance by simply taking the place of the second least popular! And there he is! Milhouse van Houten!"

―Martin Prince

September 1, 2016 - October 1, 2016

"What do I have to buy to get that contest entry form?"

―Homer

"There's no purchase necessary, sir. "

―Squeaky-voiced teen

"All right, I'll take three Krusty Kolossal Burgers and an embiggened bucket o' fries."

―Homer

"Sir, I said there was no purchase necessary."

―Squeaky-voiced teen

"Okay! You twisted my arm! A Krustyshake and a chicken mystery meal, too! Crooks! "

―Homer

August 1, 2016 - September 1, 2016

"Professor you've got to shut down the prankbot! It's taking my place!"

―Bart

"Sorry, Bart. One day we'll all be replaced by robots. Except for us robot-creating scientists, that is! Just accept it. You can't fight the future! [HAH-HEY!]"

―Professor Frink

July 2, 2016 - August 1, 2016

{{Quote|Homer! I think something's wrong with Bart!!|Marge

"Something worth interrupting "Are You Smarter Than a TV Producer" for?!Homer"

―Model Citizen Simpson

June 2, 2016 - July 2, 2016

"Homer Simpson must wear pants code, Homer Simpsons bathing decree, Homer Simpson anti-body part as bottle opener act... gee, dad sure has a lot of city legislation named after him. [GASP!] That's it! We can keep them city from taking the ostriches! Out neighborhood isn't zoned for farming or ranching but we can have a petting zoo!"

―Lisa

May 2, 2016 - June 2, 2016

"Oh, I'm so hungry!"

―Pieman

"Then let's go home... ...you know how mom feels about you going out at night and fighting crime."

―Cupcake Kid

"You think so, boy...? ...then why did she leave this article on my seat at breakfast if she doesn't want Pieman and The Cupcake Kid to investigate?"

―Pieman

April 1, 2016 - May 2, 2016

"Come outside, sweetie! I made it cool!"

―Homer

"No, you didn't.... ...you sprayed dozens of cans of fake snow on our house. I think you just single-handily made global warming worse."

―Lisa

"You're welcome, sweetie!"

―Homer

March 1, 2016 - April 1, 2016

"This was a great idea, making a life-sized model of Homer out of butter!"

―Carl

"Mmm... I can't believe it's not Homer!"

―Lenny

February 1, 2016 - March 1, 2016

{{Quote|Don't you see? The Internet is fine in small doses. But you can't life it distract you from real life.|Lisa|The Dot Com Before the Storm}

January 1, 2016 - February 1, 2016

"Don't let the bubble monster get me!!!"

―Ralph

December 1, 2015 - January 1, 2016

"So now, the world's brightest Christmas tree serves as a twisted reminder that our days may indeed be bright... but far from merry."

―Kent Brockman

November 2, 2015 - December 1, 2015

"It doesn't matter who shouted first!"

―Lisa

"Of course it does! Shouting first is one of the foundations of modern American society!"

―Bart

October 5, 2015 - November 2, 2015

"Brainns..."

―Moe

"Brainsss... oh yeah!"

―Duffman

"Brrrains... [BRRAAAP!]"

―Barney

"I knew it! But why are you groping at me? You don't have any beer and donuts...."

―Homer

"Brrrainnnsss"

―Moe, Duffman, and Barney

"...and I sure don't have any brains!"

―Homer

September 1, 2015 - October 5, 2015

"Singing makes my boogers vibrate!"

―Ralph

August 1, 2015 - September 1, 2015

"So if this town is crumbling into economic ruin, I feel it's our duty to emigrate to Canada illegally, and take the jobs that regular Canadians will not do. Such as refereeing off-season hockey and ice road trucking. Ich Bin Ein Canadian."

―Joe Quimby

July 1, 2015 - August 1, 2015

"Family, I have an announcement."

―Marge

"But Marge, the police are chasing some guy on the highway, live! I want to see how it ends."

―Homer

"Homer, they always end the same way. he runs out of gas or gets stuck in traffic and the police catch him. Okay?"

―Marge

June 1, 2015 - July 1, 2015

"Jumpin' Jolsons's jowls! A real live penguin! My prayers have been answered. As have my letters to Babe Ruth, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Santa Claus."

―Homer

May 1, 2015 - June 1, 2015

"Hey, everybody! Eat Lard Lad donuts! They're the lardiest!"

―Homer

April 2, 2015 - May 1, 2015

"We're going to be best friends forever, Prince Porkchops, and I am going to make you a bracelet that says so!"

―Ralph

March 1, 2015 - April 2, 2015

"Stupid Bart say's I'm not funny? I'll show gim! I'll learn how to be funny, the same way I learn anthing else with lots of studying!"

―Lisa

February 1, 2015 - March 1, 2015

"I'm going to read a few stories that have actually been verified by the Springfield Historical Society!"

―Lisa

"What do you use to verify the stories?"

―Ms. Hoover

"Wikipedia."

―Hollis Hurlbut

January 1, 2015 - February 1, 2015

"Just because he stinks, doesn't mean he shouldn't practice proper skateboarding safety."

―Dolph Shapiro

December 1, 2014 - January 1, 2015

"Lisa's right. Why can't every day be Christmas Day?"

―Bart

November 1, 2014 - December 1, 2014

"Cést le pancake?"

―Marge

"¿Que?"

―Bart

"Sorry, Bart. My only other language is High School French."

―Marge

October 2, 2014 - November 1

"The kids are awfully quiet."

―Marge

"Should I go yell at them?"

―Homer

"Mom! Dad! Look!"

―Lisa

"So much for quiet."

―Marge

September 1, 2014 - October 2 2013

"Hello, Bart. this will help you with today's quiz on the Solar system!"

―Martin

"Macaroni and cheese?!"

―Bart

"It's not just a tasty treat. It's also the answer! Just remember... "Martin values every minute just serving up noodles!" The first letter of each word is the same as the planets in the order they recede from the sun! Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupier, Satun, Uranus and Neptune!"

―Martin

"So, it's cheating!"

―Bart

"No, just a mnemonic device!"

―Martin

"Whatever! I'm still going to think of it as cheating."

―Bart

August 2, 2014 - September 1, 2014

"Marge... ...I'm having that dream again... ...the one where there's a crazy old Aztec guy in the kitchen eating all our leftovers."

―Homer

"Did you have the salami?"

―Marge

"The salami...? No! I don't... You said not to--- So I--! Yes."

―Homer

"You always dream about Aztechs when you have midnight salami. Now go to sleep."

―Marge

July 1, 2014 - August 2, 2014

"Lisa! Lisa! I think Sideshow Bob's trying to kill me!"

―Bart

"He keeps coming back and over! it's like I'm Super-Man and he's Mr. Mxyztplk!"

―Bart

"Isn't that Mr. Mxyzptlk?"

―Lisa

"Actually both are correct!"

―Comic Book Guy

"Comic Book Guy? What are you doing here?"

―Lisa

"Wherever useless trivia needs answering, I am there!"

―Comic Book Guy

June 1, 2014 - July 1, 2014

"Langdo Alger asked me to the spring fling! Isn't it exciting?"

―Lisa

"Nah. Langdo Alger's a big dork."

―Bart

"He is not a big dork!"

―Lisa

"If he's not a big dork, why would he ask you to the dance?"

―Bart

"Maybe he likes me!"

―Lisa

"Oh sure. Like that's possible."

―Bart

May 1, 2014 - June 1, 2014

"That's It! I shall destroy Lisa Simpson! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

―Cecil Terwilliger

March 2, 2014 - May 1, 2014

"Well, kids, what I did was purchase eighteen comic book that the covernment thinkgs are too disgusting to be read by any living thing."

―Homer

"Wait, you're saying I could write some words and draw some pictures so gross that it'd be a crime to look at them?"

―Bart

"Uh-huh."

―Homer

February 1, 2014 - March 2, 2014

"Homer? Homer Simpson?"

―Scorpio

"Mr. Scorpion?"

―Homer

"Still Scorpio, Homer. I may be eatings bugs now-adays, but I haven't become one. So how's my favorite ex-emplyee? How are the Broncos doing?"

―Scorpio

"The what now?"

―Homer

"The Denver Broncos. I gave them to you as a gift, remember?"

―Scorpio

"Oh, yeah. They.... um... won the Superbowl."

―Homer

January 2, 2014 - February 1, 2014

"What kind of name is "Grenouille?""

―Bart

"It's French for "Frog." How can you not know that? You lived in France for two months!"

―Lisa

"I did?"

―Bart

"Yes! You spoke French fluently!"

―Lisa

"Who with the what now?"

―Bart

December 1, 2013 - January 2, 2014

"Even though Christmas is a Christian holiday, it is observed by many non-Christians. It's a season when people try a little harder to be good to one another. Santa is a symbol of that. The warmth and goodwill of Christmas time brings out the best in people. Sure, the "red and white" version that we're familiar with today was manufactured by a cola company, but that doesn't change the fact that Santa is a symbol of peace and joy. Don't take the joy away from Rod and Todd."

―Lisa

November 1, 2013 - December 1, 2013

"You're part of the Flanders flock, now! There's a lot of family history you need to catch up on!"

―Ned Flanders

"And, i'd dong-ding-doodly love to!"

―Edna Krabappel

July 1, 2013 - November 1, 2013

"Milhouse! You're going to summer school? I thought you passed!"

―Bart Simpson

"I did, but my mom is sending me anyway. She says having me around the house all summer makes her plants die."

―Milhouse

June 6, 2013 - July 1, 2013

"Uh-oh. I know that devious look."

―Lisa

"Yes, but this time I'll use my evil genius for good!"

―Bart

May 2, 2013 - June 6, 2013

"Milhouse, are you feeling okay?"

―Lisa

"Nothing that playing my saxophone wouldn't cure."

―Milhouse

"You don't play the sax."

―Lisa

April 1, 2013 - May 2, 2013

"Punchin' people when ya go Christmas carolin' ain't gonna get you no cookies. Just a lotta court orders."

―Moe Szyslak

March 6, 2013 - April 1, 2013

"Kid cops? Now I've seen everything!"

―Michael D'Amico

"Have you ever seen a flying puppy sneeze rainbows?"

―Ralph Wiggum

"What? No!'"

―Michael

"Then I guess you haven't seen everything!"

―Ralph

"Huh? What's wrong with you?"

―Michael

February 1, 2013 - March 6, 2013

"Calm, mes amis. Let's solve this in a judicious way."

―Martin

"I'll bash your head in a jupuci ... jucidip ... judidici ... whatever you said way!"

―Kearney

January 3, 2013 - February 1, 2013

"Bart, you are denser than osmium."

―Lisa

"Meh. I can't be offended by what I don't understand."

―Bart

December 1, 2012 - January 3, 2013

"I'm worried about how aggressive he's getting. We may have to kennel him until we find out what's wrong."

―Marge

"Which one? Homer or Santa's Little Helper?"

―Bart

November 2, 2012 - December 1, 2012

"Jimbo, do you and your friend like wieners?"

―Carol Jones

"Yeah, Mom. And if you wanna call 'em hot dogs next time, that's cool, too."

―Jimbo Jones

October 5, 2012 - November 2, 2012

"Chief Wiggum, you've failed the city you swore to protect!"

―Sideshow Bob, masquerading as Bartman from the future

"Now see here! I didn't swear to any such thing. And if I did, it was just an empty promise!"

―Chief Wiggum

September 1, 2012 - October 5, 2012

"Know that these "rolling freeze-outs" are largely the result of a power plant mismanagement..."

―Mr. Burns

"This won't stand! My dad works at that plant, and he'll do something!"

―Bart

"...caused by an employee in Sector 7G who hasn't been to work because he didn't want to get out of bed this week."

―Mr. Burns

"Never mind."

―Bart

August 1, 2012 - September 1, 2012

"Mom, can I be a Ninja Assassin when I grow up?"

―Bart Simpson

July 1, 2012 - August 1, 2012

"Help, Bart! Help! I'm stuck, and I have to go to the little boys' room!"

―Homer Simpson