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Difference between revisions of "Artie Ziff"

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Revision as of 13:59, February 27, 2020

Template:Featured article

Artie Ziff
Artie Ziff.png
Artwork of Artie Ziff by Matt Groening
Character Information
Gender:
Male ♂
Status:
Alive
Hair: Black
Occupation: Software billionaire
First appearance: "The Way We Was"
Voiced by: Dan Castellaneta
Jon Lovitz
v • d • e • h


Artie Ziff was Marge Simpson's high school prom date and former billionaire.

Personality

Artie is very confident yet nerdy, self-centered and pretentious, believing himself to be the best at everything - he said that it "would damage the town" if Marge told people about his "busy hands", and once imagined a can-can chorus and audience made up entirely of himself. He is Jewish, and once commented that if people don't like him it's because they're Anti-Semitic. He holds a deep obsession over Marge, and has done so since high school: His appearances mainly revolve around his plans to seduce her away from Homer, with the exception of his final encounter with the Simpson family.

Biography

High School

Artie was a student at Springfield High School. He was a member of the school Debate Team (where Homer mooned him for rebuttal), and at the end of the year took Marge to the prom. He ruined a wonderful evening with his "busy hands" in the back of his car, his urges resulting in the shoulder strap of Marge's dress being torn, followed by a slap to the face and a swift end to their date. He drove Marge home.[1]

Wealth

Many years later, Artie was revealed to have become a software billionaire, becoming the fifth richest man in the country. His wealth came from a device that transformed modem noise into easy listening music. Despite his riches, Artie's life was not complete: He lived alone, and the collection of Marge-resembling art around his mansion showed that he never got over Marge's rejecting him on prom night.

Artie claimed that he would offer a small fortune for a weekend with his childhood love, Marge, in a parody of the movie Indecent Proposal. She accepted, as the money would come in handy, and he seemed harmless. He managed to trick Marge into kissing him at a full recreation of their high school prom (including most of the original guests), which Homer witnessed. She slapped Artie and left. After a fruitless search for Homer, who left believing that they were having an affair, she enlisted Artie's help, using his helicopter to find Homer and bring him home. When they found him, Artie finally admitted defeat to Homer, saying that winning Marge's love was something that he could never accomplish, even with his billions.[2]

Ziffcorp

Some time later, the Simpsons discovered that Artie was living in their attic. He revealed that he ran his company, Ziffcorp, into the ground spending investors’ money on such extravagant items such as solid gold underpants. He was left penniless when the "dot-com bubble" burst, and secretly moved into the Simpson home to avoid capture. Homer won 98% of the company from Ziff in a game of poker; seconds later, SEC agents came to take Ziff, but they took Homer into custody instead (as he had just become the majority shareholder).[3]

Prison

When Artie Ziff finally turned himself in, one of his first acts upon arriving in prison was to begin extinguishing other prisoners' cigarettes with a squirt bottle—for the benefit of their health, whether they wanted it or not. Marge told the children to take a good look at Artie, as his actions dramatically lowered his chances of survival. The family's last view of Artie was of him continuing to squirt other prisoners' cigarettes while an ever-growing angry mob advanced on him.[3]

Release and later history

Artie survived the prison yard encounter and was eventually released from prison. He later revealed that he had negotiated an early release by ratting out other CEOs for their crimes, and regained his fortune when they paid him off to keep him quiet.[4]

His name was seen on a list of Springfieldians taking revenge on Mr. Burns.[5]

Later, Artie invited Homer and Marge to attend his wedding. When they arrived, Homer was asked to walk the bride down the aisle as she didn't have anyone to do so. When the bride took off her veil, she was revealed to look exactly like Marge. After the wedding, Homer and Marge confronted Artie and his wife only to find that the Marge Artie married was a robot, and that Artie had made several other Marge robots. Artie wanted to make Marge realize how perfect she would be with Artie by planning a fake wedding to a copy of Marge, but it failed. Marge then told Artie that he could use his brain to help people rather than try and win her heart.[6]

Non-canon

Donut Homer.png The contents of this article or section are considered to be non-canon and therefore may not have actually happened or existed.

When Marge decided to break up with Homer, Lisa found a talking picture of Artie telling Marge that it was good that she finally left Homer and that he had finally learned how to unhook a bra with one hand.[7]

The Simpsons: Tapped Out

Artie Ziff

This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/More Business Owners. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.
Artie Ziff
Image Cost Unlock method Unlocks with Unlock message
Artie Ziff.png Cash137,500 Level 45
The Way I Wish We Was Pt. 1 		ZiffCorp Sign You can't spell party without misspelling Artie!
Technical Information ID Groups Internal Name
32000 Regular Characters, Regular Male, Entrepreneur, Adult, Rich People ArtieZiff

Young Artie Ziff

This section is transcluded from The Simpsons: Tapped Out characters/A Simpsons Christmas Special. To edit it, please edit the transcluded page.
Young Artie Ziff
Image Cost Unlock method Unlocks with Unlock message
Young Artie Ziff.png Donut175 A Simpsons Christmas Special and Love and War
Premium 		Marge Sculpture Garden I would appreciate if if you didn't tell anyone about my busy hands.
Donut300 A Classless Reunion
Premium (Prom Photo Booth Bundle 1)
Donut150 A Classless Reunion
Premium (Prom Photo Booth Bundle 3)
Donut200 A Classless Reunion
Premium (Prom Photo Booth Bundle 5 and 7)
Donut60 Abe's in Toyland
Premium (Winter Wonderland Mystery Box)
Mystery Box Token1 Blargsgiving, Northward Bound, The Atom Smasher and Cold Turkey
Gold Mystery Box
Technical Information ID Groups Internal Name
213008 Adult, Premium Male, Premium Characters YoungArtieZiff
Taps Final Update
Wave Cost Release
3 Donut175 October 8, 2024

Behind the Laughter

Appearances

References

  1. ↑ "The Way We Was"
  2. ↑ "Half-Decent Proposal"
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner"
  4. ↑ Marge the Sellout
  5. ↑ "The Fool Monty"
  6. ↑ "Hail to the Teeth"
  7. ↑ "Mr. Lisa's Opus"


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