Difference between revisions of "Trash of the Titans/Quotes"

Revision as of 12:09, January 6, 2019

This article or section needs to be cleaned up to fit in with the Manual of Style.

Homer: [walking trash out to curb] Ow, ow! Stupid trash. Rotten, stinky, [vengeful] hate world, revenge soon, take out on everyone. [steps in a puddle] Ewwww, garbage water! [to sky, fist raised] You're pushin' me, baby!

Garbage truck drives by Simpson residence. Homer chases after it carrying the trash can.

Homer: Hey! Wait! Stop! I have garbage! [loses breath and drops trash can in the street) You guys are the lousiest garbagemen ever! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, you trash-eatin' stink bags!

Garbage truck stops.

Homer: Uh oh.

Truck beeps and reverses, stopping short of Homer.

Garbageman #1: What did you call us?

Homer: [nervous)] Uhh, I don't know. A lot of people were yelling stuff.

Garbageman #2: You called us trash-eating stinkbags.

Garbageman #1: Didn't you learn anything from Love Day?

Homer: That was yesterday, moron.

Simpson residence. Homer enters kitchen with his pajamas stuffed with garbage.

Homer: Good news everyone! I got in a fight with the garbagemen and they're cutting off our service!

Marge: Oh lord! Now what are we going to do? Just let the trash pile up?

Homer: Well, I'd rather live in a dump than in a world run by snooty garbagemen!

Lisa: Dad, is this another one of those situations that could be solved by a simple apology?

Homer: I never apologize! I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

Marge: Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.

Homer: That's not how she tells it.

Ned tiptoes through the garbage on the Simpsons' front lawn toward the door.

Ned: [quietly)] Easy, Ned. Don't breathe in.

Garbage falls on Ned. Homer is on second floor.

Homer: Sorry, Ned! I didn't see you down there! [to Bart, hiding under window] Got him.

Ned: I hate to be a Fussy Freddy and all, but Maude's folks are here and they're a tad touchy about odors.

Homer: Well, then you better close your windows before the sun hits Diaper Hill.

Homer points to a pile of used diapers. Rod climbs on top.

Rod: Look, Daddy, I'm king of the mountain!

Ned: Rod! Get off of there!

Homer: Good morning, trash pile. How's --

Homer looks onto front lawn to see the trash has been removed.

Homer: Hey! Woo hoo! I won!

Kitchen.

Homer: This is a very very proud day for us, especially me. Your father, me, beat city hall! It's just like David and Goliath, only this time, David won!

Lisa's Brain: Oh, I know. I heard it too. Here's some music. [Lisa imagines soft piano music]

Homer: And to think you wanted me to crawl, Marge! Well, this man does not crawl, he stands tall! That rhymes Marge, and you know it rhymes. Admit it!

Marge lets out her signature annoyed grunt.

Marge: Oh, Homer, you didn't beat city hall! They picked up our trash because I wrote a letter of apology to the sanitation commissioner and signed your name. Period.

Homer: You signed my name? I feel so violated!

Marge: You've have signed my name lots of times.

Homer: But this isn't like a loan application or a will! You signed away my dignity. And I'm going to get it back. Lisa, do I have my pants on?

Lisa: [dreamily] Yes.

Homer: Perfect.

Paul McGuiness (U2 Manager): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can I help you?

Homer: [with accent] Potato man.

Paul McGuiness: Where the hell have you been?

[The image of the band on the video wall is replaced by Homer's face]

Homer: Hello, Springfield! It's me, Homer!

Bono: What the... bloody hell?

Homer: [to Bono] Quiet, you! [to crowd] I know you want to see these rocking rockers, but I know you're also concerned about the race for sanitation commissioner. So let me give you the 911!

[Homer walks out on stage, the audience immediately boos]

Bono: Hold on people, he is talking about waste management! That affects the whole damn planet!

[The rest of the band have a conversation in the background]

Larry: Oh, here we go! Want to duck out to Moe's for a pint?

The Edge: Can I come?

Larry: Hmmm... no.

The Edge: Wankers.

Bono: [into mic] Now, Homer... Ray Patterson is a fine public servant. Why should the people of Springfield --

[Crowd cheers yelling "Yeah Springfield!"]

Bono: [sighs and lowers mic] Why should they vote for you?

Homer: That's a very good question, Bono. [addresses crowd] Cause I'd be the most whack, tricked-out sanitation commissioner ever! Can you dig it?!

[Crowd is silent, Homer nervously tugs his collar and begins to dance]

Bono: [into mic, unimpressed] Wow, look at him go. You're the real lord of the dance, Homer.

[Bono motions for the guards to take Homer away, guard grab Homer and haul him off stage]

Homer: [grabbing side of stage set] No, no! Bono, help me! [lets go]

Bono: Don't worry, folks. He'll get the help he needs.

[U2 begins playing as the video wall shows Homer being held by one guard and beaten by two other guards]

Homer wins the election. He gets the news looking at a newspaper dispenser

Newspaper headline: SIMPSON WINS IN LANDSLIDE. Says "crazy promises" key to victory.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Lisa: Dad, are you not going to buy it?

Homer: 50 cents? Not likely.

An angry Mayor Quimby comes into Homer's office

Mayor Quimby: Simpson, you idiot! You spent your entire year's budget in a month! Your department's broke!

Homer: Uh...oh no! Wait! I think I've got the perfect solution.

Mayor Quimby: You'd better! 'Cause those garbage men won't work for free!

Homer: D'oh!

Homer: D'oh! Oh, Patterson was right. I'm crashing and burning! Crashing and burning!

Marge reviews expense reports.

Marge: How could you spend $4.6 million in one month?

Homer: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge. A stamp!

Lisa: You know, Dad, there's a lesson in all this. Many cities have problems with garbage disposal, and it's time we realize you can't just --

Homer: Wait! Shut up! I just thought of something.

Homer runs out of the house and speeds off in the car.

Sanitation Commissioner's office. Homer walks in carrying a briefcase and is greeted by several angry garbagemen carrying weapons.

Homer: Morning, boys!

Garbageman #1: Where's our paychecks, ya bum?

Head Garbageman: My men ain't working another minute till we get paid!

Homer unhinges briefcase to show it is full of money.

Homer: Will cash be ok?

Head Garbageman: [with a huge smile] Will it!

Quimby leans into Homer's office.

Quimby: Did I hear a, uh, briefcase opening?

Homer: I bet you're all wondering where I got the money?

Bart: Dealing drugs?

Lisa: Drugs?

Marge: I'll have to say drugs, too.

Homer: Close, but you're way off.

[Homer pulls off to the outskirts of town where garbage trucks are shoving garbage into a mine shaft.)

Homer: Look at that beautiful garbage. Other cities don't want it, so they pay me to dump it in this old abandoned mine.

Lisa: That's awful! I almost wish it were drugs!

Bart: Some of it is.

[Bart points to a garbage truck from New York.]