  
Difference between revisions of "This Means Dino War"
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Revision as of 11:52, June 23, 2025
| This Means Dino War
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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This Means Dino War is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Treehouse of Horror XXXII content update.
Dialogue
Pt. 1
| Between October 15, 2021 and November 10, 2021
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Dinosaurs are destroying this town…not that it wasn't already in ruins!
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Don't blame me. Blame dinosaur me! And while you're at it, could you put dinosaur me out of its misery?
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There's no need for anything rash! City Hall has contingencies for situations like this.
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The Springfield National Guard?
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Something with even more firepower…the Springfield Militia!
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Son solo cinco hombres en camiones monstruo!
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Translating for our English-speaking audience: "That's just five guys in monster trucks!"
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YEE-HAW! Translating for our non-Hillbilly-speaking audience: "YEE-HAW!"
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Task: "Collect Hilarium" (x155).
Task: "Capture Dinosaurs" (x15).
If Quimby is owned: Task: "Make Quimby Unleash the Springfield Militia". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
If Sideshow Mel is owned: Task: "Make Sideshow Mel Dramatically Rev His Engine". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
Task: "Make Homer Wish He Had a Monster Truck". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
If Grampa is owned: Task: "Make Grampa Demand Dinosaur Him Be Killed". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
If Grampasaurus is owned: Task: "Make Grampasaurus Chase Monster Trucks Out of Town". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 2 hours.
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My dinosaur posse will never be stopped by a bunch of yokels!
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Hey, I resembles that remark!
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And I take offense! But I shall not be vexed, for I am no yokel!
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Fine, four yokels and one pretentious Shakespearean-trained blowhard.
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That's better.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
Sideshow Mel Monster Truck
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Pt. 2
| After completing Pt. 1
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Maybe we can, er, negotiate with this monstrous Grampasaurus.
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This is America. We don't negotiate until AFTER we've dropped bombs.
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It's time to mobilize our army base.
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What is this "army" you keep talking about?
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We previously equipped an advanced military base to fight off the hideous, slime-ball Rigellians. No offense.
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We've been on Earth long enough to know that "no offense" means we should very much be offended!
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Task: "Collect Hilarium" (x115).
Task: "Capture Dinosaurs" (x15).
If Chalmers is owned: Task: "Make Chalmers Demand a Military Response". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Homer Chant "USA! USA!"". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Quimby is owned: Task: "Make Quimby Concede to Chalmers' Demands". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Kodos is owned: Task: "Make Kodos Be Deeply Offended". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Kang is owned: Task: "Make Kang Try to Settle Kodos Down". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Geriatric Park Dome, Geriatric Park Front Gate, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Future Military Jeep
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Pt. 3
| After completing Pt. 2
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Springfield doesn't have a formal military, so who's leading this operation?
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I'd be happy to lead from my hidden command bunker at 1223 Cowards Lane in Shelbyville.
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Damn it! Wipe that address from your memories.
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The Springfield town charter specifically designates all military operations be led by a descendant of Jebediah Springfield, and that means me!
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Is Chalmers really a descendant of Jebediah Springfield?
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He does kind of look like the statue — stone-faced, always up on a pedestal, has pigeon poop on his shoulders…
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Task: "Collect Hilarium" (x115).
Task: "Capture Dinosaurs" (x15).
If Chalmers is owned: Task: "Make Chalmers Take Command". The job takes place at Rigel 7 Military Base, Hover-Copter, Attack Helicopter, E.P.A. Hoverjet, WWII Tank, Marine One, the Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Springfielders Enlist in the New Army" (x3). The jobs take place at Rigel 7 Military Base, Hover-Copter, Attack Helicopter, E.P.A. Hoverjet, WWII Tank, Marine One, the Town Hall, or a Visitable Home and take 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Review the Town Charter". The job takes place at the Town Hall, Springfield Library, Springfield University, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Listen up troops…and trolls.
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Callin' a troll a troll ain't very nice.
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Sorry, that's the school superintendent in me.
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When is it going to be time to blow things up?
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We're not blowing things up. We don't want to destroy the town.
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*fires rocket into the library*
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Oopsie…
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Maybe you should sit this one out.
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Ohhh, I want to shoot more boom-booms!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
"Ride in an Exploration Pod" animated job
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Pt. 4
| After completing Pt. 3
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Chalmers couldn't lead those clowns to defeat Ralph Wiggum, let alone the dinosaurs — although Dad blowing up the library was cool.
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No, it's not cool. It's very NOT cool.
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Okay. Here's something "cool" — a monster from a trans-dimensional space called the "Over Under" is at the mall.
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In order to scare away the monster dinosaurs rampaging around town, we'll use a bigger monster like that to rampage around town.
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There is nothing that resembles logic in that plan.
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You have something better?
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I'm working on it.
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Until then, let's get us a big, scary monster to fight for us!
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Task: "Collect Hilarium" (x155).
Task: "Capture Dinosaurs" (x15).
Task: "Make Lisa Go to the Mall With Bart". The job takes place at Rats Court Mall, Springfield Mall, Heavenly Hills Mall, Sprawl-Mart, or a Shop and takes 2 hours.
Task: "Make Bart Try to Recruit the Over Under Beast". The job takes place at Rats Court Mall, Springfield Mall, Heavenly Hills Mall, Sprawl-Mart, or a Shop and takes 2 hours.
If Over Under Beast is owned: Task: "2 hours". The job takes Rats Court Mall, Springfield Mall, Heavenly Hills Mall, Sprawl-Mart, or a Shop.
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Hey, there's my guy, Mr. Over Under Beast.
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REAAARAGH!
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Right. I have trouble with "hellos" too.
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We were wondering…could we talk you into chasing some raging dinosaurs out of town?
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Grohlorg?
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Payment? Uh, I've got…like four dollars.
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RHYEAARGHAR!!
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He's going to eat us!
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Maybe you should chip in a couple more bucks?
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SHUT UP AND RUN!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Human Sized Body Bags Truck
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Pt. 5
| After completing Pt. 4
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Go, Team Springfield! Blow those dinosaurs back to the Flintstones age!
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Do what the bald lout says! Attack!!
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We're doing it, sir! They're falling back!
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One more push and we'll have won the—
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Why is my mech suit shutting down?
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And my machine gun just stopped working!
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¡Ay, ay, ay! ¿Por qué mi tanque no se mueve?
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I agree with whatever the bee said. *burp*
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Quimby's running away!
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No, I'm not. I'm er…going on a fact-finding trip to Aruba!
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Task: "Collect Hilarium" (x195).
Task: "Capture Dinosaurs" (x15).
Task: "Make Springfielders Battle Dinosaurs" (x3). The jobs take place at Cretaceous Park, Parking Lot Lot Lot, Grass Field, Large Parking Lot, Parking Lot, Catfish Lake, or a Visitable Home and take 4 hours.
If Mecha-Chalmers is owned: Task: "Make Mecha Chalmers Watch Equipment Fall Apart". The job takes place at Cretaceous Park, Parking Lot Lot Lot, Grass Field, Large Parking Lot, Parking Lot, Catfish Lake, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Chalmers is owned: Task: "Make Chalmers Watch Equipment Fall Apart". The job takes place at Cretaceous Park, Parking Lot Lot Lot, Grass Field, Large Parking Lot, Parking Lot, Catfish Lake, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Quimby is owned: Task: "Make Quimby Try to Duck Out on the Battle". The job takes place at Cretaceous Park, Parking Lot Lot Lot, Grass Field, Large Parking Lot, Parking Lot, Catfish Lake, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Grampasaurus is owned: Task: "Make Grampasaurus Lead Dinosaurs to Victory". The job takes place at Cretaceous Park, Parking Lot Lot Lot, Grass Field, Large Parking Lot, Parking Lot, Catfish Lake, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Not so fast, Quimby! What happened to all of our anti-Rigellian military equipment?
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Awkward! Rigellians in the room.
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Uh, sorry. I mean, what happened to all of our "anti-dinosaur" military equipment?
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Well, er…I, er…may have, er…diverted some equipment funds to, er…build hotel rooms for, er…Geriatric Park, er…
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That's a lot of "ers" Quimby!
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Hotel rooms are very important to my, er, constituency outreach efforts.
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Am I a constituency effort, Joe?
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Quest reward: 200 and 20
Geriatric Park Pond
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