Difference between revisions of "We're on the Road to D'ohwhere/Quotes"

Revision as of 13:27, June 8, 2021

Homer: D'OHHHHHH! [after hearing that Bart can only travel to Oregon via car]

[D'oh echoes to Moe's.]

Carl: Oh, dang, Homer ain't comin'.

Nelson: Haw, haw!

Carl: And Nelson saw something funny! audio clip

Homer: Did you know that in Massachusetts it's legal for a guy to marry his son?

Lisa: Well Maggie, I always knew it would someday boil down to just you and me; I'll look for work in the morning.

Pilot: [over PA] Welcome to Atlanta. Please keep your seat belt on until we've come to a complete stop.

Bart: No one tells Bart Simpson what to do! [unbuckles seat belt, which sets off an alarm]

Pilot: [over PA] Thanks a lot, row 33 C! Now we have to fly back to Minneapolis and I'm very tired!

[Everyone groans as the plane makes a U-turn and takes off again.]

Smithers: How much for this estrogen?

Marge: But that's a female replacement hormone.

Smithers: Uh-huh, it's for a friend who's trapped in the body of another friend.

Homer: I'll have the smiley face breakfast special. Uhh, but could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, five o'clock shadow made of bacon bits and a bacon body.

Waitress: How about I just shove a pig down your throat?

[Homer looks excited.]

Waitress: I was kidding.

Homer: Fine, but the bacon man lives in a bacon house!

Waitress: No he doesn't! audio clip

[Inside Homer's head.]

Fun Homer: Aw, Come on, Serious Homer, lemme out! We can get a monkey drunk and push him down the stairs!

Serious Homer: [whacks Fun Homer with his gun] I'll kill you, the way I killed Intellectual Homer!

Milhouse: Wow, the valve room. Now we can leave without touching a valve. What a story that will be!

Skinner: To help show the seriousness of Bart's offense, Superintendent Chalmers will be joining by video link.

Chalmers: And joining me by video link, State Comptroller Atkins.

Atkins: Can we move this along? I'm attending an important conference here in Scottsdale.

Chalmers: You're in Scottsdale? I'm in Scottsdale! The Hilton. Room 381.

Atkins: Get out! I'm in 502! Hey, do you guys have any ice buckets down there?

Chalmers: No, we've been using shower caps. [Skinner turns off the TV] Skinner!

Homer: [Homer and Bart laugh] You made that TV show really mad.

Carl: But why you being so generous? You're usually so stingy and rat like.

Moe: Yeah well you remember that time I tried to hang myself and the rope broke? Well, I sued the rope company and I got a huge settlement... and a new rope!

[Homer's car is just hanging over a cliff.]

Bart: If I help you, what are you gonna do to me?

Homer: Shower you with love, because this experience has taught me just how precious you are. [Bart pushes the car down] I'll kill you! I'll kill your whole family! [Bart moves the car up, threatening to send Homer over the cliff] Kidding, I'm kidding. We can do that; we have a special friendship. [car down] I'm gonna double kill you! Then I'm gonna bury you in a shallow grave! Then I'll dig you up and kill you again! That's the beauty of a shallow grave!! [car up] You sweet little angel, I'm [car down] gonna rip your head off and spit[car up] down your adorable little neck, [car down] because I wanna smash your stupid head! [car up] I love you; we'll go on a fishing trip. [car down] But first, I'm gonna put you on a saw mill and punch your little face out! That's what I'm gonna do! audio clip

Jimbo: Uh, I'm here for the, um... yard sale.

Marge: But that was yesterday.

Jimbo: No, I mean the "yard sale".

Marge: What are you talking about?

Jimbo: Can I buy some pills?

Marge: Well, maybe someone else can help you, because I'm not a drug grocer. [closes door, then hears knocking] Oh, I'm out of drugs! See how much money I've made! [sees Chief Wiggum at the door] [gasp] Chief Wiggum! Uh, are you still with the police department?

Wiggum: Save it, Ma Peddle!

Lou: "Ma Peddle"?

Wiggum: It's a reference to Ma Kettle, the popular movie character from the 1940s.

Lou: If you have to explain it, it's not good, Chief.

Bart: Oh, my God! My Dad had a long talk with me about this, but you never believe it until you see it! The cafeteria loading dock! We're having pizza tomorrow.

Milhouse: I'm gonna have a light breakfast.

Ralph: [after steam engulfs the band room] I have two kinds of wet in my pants.

Bart: [to the restaurant shef] Hey Stavros, there's a guy in your bathroom trying to dine and dash.

Stavros: What?! No one dashy-dine on Stavros!

[Bart runs outside and past the bathroom window. Homer tries to climb out the window to chase him, but he gets stuck.]

Homer: Why you little!... I'm stuck! Somebody's hitting my ass with a thing!

Stavros: This is frying pan!

Homer: Leave your ass, Homer. Leave your ass.

In Homer's fantasy where Bart is a female waitress at some casino.

Bart: Hey Homer, you wanna eat my shorts?

Homer: *screams & runs away*