Difference between revisions of "Bart the Murderer/Quotes"
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:''A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect'' | :''A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect'' | ||
:'''Chief Wiggum''': Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer. | :'''Chief Wiggum''': Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer. | ||
Revision as of 14:36, July 25, 2018
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- A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect
- Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer.
- Reporter: People have been demanding to know what will happen about the resulting tobacco shortage in Springfield.
- Chief Wiggum: I will now turn it over to a spokesman from Laramie Cigarettes.
- Laramie Spokesman: I am sorry to hear of the hijacking. To make up for this Laramie Tobacco has sent a new truck to Springfield, and the driver has been specifically instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
- Audience: YAY!
- Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
- (Fat) Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
- Bart: No.
- Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
- Bart: Uh uh.
- Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
- Bart: I guess that's okay.
- Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
- Bart: Hell, no!
- Bart's nightmare. Bart is running in an open field. An undead Skinner comes out of his grave.
- Skinner's Ghost: You killed me Bart!
- Bart runs to a shack near a cliff and opens the door. There he sees an undead Skinner who was lynched.
- Skinner's Ghost: You killed me Bart!
- Bart then finds himself in an unnamed prison, which has a neon sign that flashes like a discotechque
- Sign: DEATH HOUSE.
- A mob of angry people have come to see Bart's execution, among them Homer.
- Homer: Yeah! Fry my boy!
- Cell. In the only quiet part of dream, a prison guard lets Reverend Lovejoy into Bart's cell.
- Bart: Reverend Lovejoy? Have you come to give me my condolences?
- Reverend Lovejoy: As a matter of tradition more than anything.
- Reverend Lovejoy pats Bart's shoulder ½-heartedly.
- Reverend Lovejoy{wooden}: There, there. There, there.
- Electric chair. Bart is strapped to electric chair and executioner pulls switch. The horror of being executied sufficienly scares Bart awake.
- Bart: AAAUUUGH!
