Difference between revisions of "Bart's Comet/Quotes"
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| − | ''' | + | '''[[Skinner]]''': When I was a little boy I discovered a comet, but the credit was stolen from me. If only I had not told my discovery to Principal Kouhoutek! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | ''' | + | '''Skinner''': "Still no sighting. You get that one, Bart?" |
'''[[Bart]]''': "Hell no." | '''[[Bart]]''': "Hell no." | ||
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---- | ---- | ||
'''Skinner''': "Look, there's "The Three Wisemen"." | '''Skinner''': "Look, there's "The Three Wisemen"." | ||
| − | + | :''(points to a constellation that looks like The Three Stooges)'' | |
| − | ''(points to a constellation that looks like The Three Stooges)'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | ''(The kids of [[Springfield Elementary]] look out the window at the oncoming comet, clearly visible in the daylight)'' | + | :''(The kids of [[Springfield Elementary]] look out the window at the oncoming comet, clearly visible in the daylight)'' |
| − | |||
'''[[E-mail]]''': "Oh no no, this isn't right at all!" | '''[[E-mail]]''': "Oh no no, this isn't right at all!" | ||
'''[[Database]]''': 'It must be coming at us at a ''fantastic'' speed!" | '''[[Database]]''': 'It must be coming at us at a ''fantastic'' speed!" | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Moe | + | {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Hey, uh, I got an idea. We can play a game to pass the time. Er, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you all try to guess what it is. Ahem. (Makes some unidentifiable noise) |
| − | |||
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| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} It's a pig! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} It's a cow, man. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} It's a pony. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Krusty the Clown]]}} No, it's a goat. You know, one of them lady goats. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Selma]]}} There are no lady goats! A lady goat is a sheep. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Dr. Hibbert]]}} I believe she's right. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Otto]]}} You're crazy. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Captain McCallister]]}} Arr, what's it to you? | |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Otto}} What's it to me? |
| + | :''(Everyone starts arguing.)'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Stop it! Stop it! Can't you see this barnyard noise guessing game is tearing us apart? Say, Moe, was it a duck? | ||
| + | :''(Everyone argues again.)'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it. I can't take this any more. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you, especially his children. I'm going out there! ''(pause)'' It was a baby ox. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} And now, to top off our most propane-explosion-free science week ever, our grand finale: the launching of a weather balloon! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Children}} Yay! | |
| − | Children | + | {{qf|Bart}} Go, weather balloon! Hurrah for science, woo! |
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} [to himself] "Hurrah for science, woo"? I can't say I approve of the "woo" but the "hurrah" was quite heartening. | |
| − | Bart | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | (Citizens of Springfield cram into Ned Flanders bomb shelter.) | + | :''(Citizens of Springfield cram into Ned Flanders bomb shelter.)'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I can't get the door closed. Somebody's going to have to get out. | |
| − | Homer | ||
| − | Lisa | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I'd get out but I don't know where I am. |
| − | Barney | + | {{qf|[[Barney]]}} Hey! Somebody's touching me. |
| − | + | {{qf|Skinner}} I am. | |
| − | Barney ( | + | {{qf|Barney}} ''(cheering up)'' Oh, okay! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} Get out of there. My family needs to use your bomb shelter. |
| − | Ned | + | {{qf|[[Ned]]}} I kind of figured this might happen, so I built the shelter big enough for both our families. |
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} No deal. Out. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Homer | + | {{qf|Homer}} So there's a comet. Big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere and whatever's left will be no bigger than a chihuahua's head. |
| − | Bart: Wow, dad. Maybe you're right. | + | '''Bart:''' Wow, dad. Maybe you're right. |
| − | Homer: Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow. | + | '''Homer:''' Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Moe | + | {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Let's go burn down the observatory, so this'll never happen again! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | '''Skinner:''' ''[ominous]'' Destroy that balloon. | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willie]]}} Aye. ''[cocks a shotgun, shoots into the sky]'' | |
| − | [ | + | :''[Two fighter planes fly overhead.]'' |
| − | Pilot 1: Iraqis again. | + | '''Pilot 1:''' Tango 14, we're being fired at. I'm getting an exact ID on the bogey now. |
| + | :''[Screen shows a silhouette of Willy and "Identify"; screen flashes "Iraqi fighter jet".]'' | ||
| + | '''Pilot 1:''' Iraqis again. Launching sidewinder missile. ''[missile destroys the other plane]'' Missed him. Launching second sidewinder missile. ''[missile destroys his own plane]'' | ||
| − | Pilot 1: [parachuting] This is what happens when you cut money out of the military and put it into health care! | + | '''Pilot 1:''' ''[parachuting]'' This is what happens when you cut money out of the military and put it into health care! |
| − | Pilot 2: [parachuting] It's a good program! | + | '''Pilot 2:''' [parachuting] It's a good program! Just give it a chance, that's all I ask. ''[their parachutes fail; they crash to the ground]'' |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | '''Skinner:''' Oh, it won't come down for months. Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre-Jules-Cesar Janssen. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | '''Skinner:''' I'm going to punish you for this, Bart... and it won't just be a simple caning this time. Because you have impeded science, you must now aid science. Yes... starting tomorrow, you will assist me with my amateur astronomy, taking down measurements, carrying equipment, and so forth. 4:30 in the morning. | |
| − | Bart: There's a 4:30 in the morning now? | + | '''Bart:''' There's a 4:30 in the morning now? |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | DJ on Radio: Top of the hour, time for the morning news. | + | '''DJ on Radio:''' Top of the hour, time for the morning news. But of course, there is no news yet. Everyone's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Kids: Welcome, Super Friend. | + | '''Kids:''' Welcome, Super Friend. |
| − | Ham: I am called Ham, because I enjoy ham radio. | + | '''[[Ham]]:''' I am called Ham, because I enjoy {{w|ham radio|Amateur radio}}. This is E-mail, [[Cosine]], [[Report Card]], Database, and Lisa. Your nickname will be Cosmos. |
| − | Bart: [finishing a mouthful of food hurriedly] Well, I'm done eating. Goodbye. | + | '''Bart:''' ''[finishing a mouthful of food hurriedly]'' Well, I'm done eating. Goodbye. |
| − | Kids: Goodbye, Cosmos. | + | '''Kids:''' Goodbye, Cosmos. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | '''E-mail:''' Oh no, no, no, this isn't right at all! | |
| − | Database: It must be coming toward us at a fantastic speed. | + | '''Database:''' It must be coming toward us at a fantastic speed. |
| − | Bart: Huh? | + | '''Bart:''' Huh? |
| − | Lisa: Don't you realize what's happening, Bart? Your comet is going to collide with the Earth and every living thing in its path will | + | '''Lisa:''' Don't you realize what's happening, Bart? Your comet is going to collide with the Earth and every living thing in its path will be killed! |
| − | be killed! | ||
| − | Bart: I knew you'd try to find something wrong with my comet, Lisa. You've always been petty and small, right from the beginning. | + | '''Bart:''' I knew you'd try to find something wrong with my comet, Lisa. You've always been petty and small, right from the beginning. |
| − | Report Card: We must alert the proper authorities. | + | '''Report Card:''' We must alert the proper authorities. |
| − | + | '''E-mail:''' To the observatory! | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Grampa: Sounds like the doomsday whistle! | + | '''Grampa:''' Sounds like the doomsday whistle! Ain't been blown for nigh onto three years. |
| − | Jasper: Tsk, tsk, tsk...trouble abrewing. | + | '''[[Jasper]]:''' Tsk, tsk, tsk... trouble abrewing. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Mayor Quimby: Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld...field. [everyone claps politely] First of all, yes, there is a comet in the sky, and yes, it is going to hit Springfield. [a couple of people clap] You don't need to applaud that. | + | '''[[Mayor Quimby]]:''' Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld... field. ''[everyone claps politely]'' First of all, yes, there is a comet in the sky, and yes, it is going to hit Springfield. ''[a couple of people clap]'' You don't need to applaud that. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Lisa: It blew up the bridge! | + | '''Lisa:''' It blew up the bridge! We're doomed. |
| − | Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man. | + | '''Homer:''' It's times like this I wish I were a religious man. |
| − | Reverend Lovejoy: [running down the street] It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer! | + | '''[[Reverend Lovejoy]]:''' ''[running down the street]'' It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Lisa: I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I've actually picketed against burned up the comet. | + | '''Lisa:''' I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I've actually picketed against burned up the comet. |
| − | Bart: But what's really amazing, is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen. | + | '''Bart:''' But what's really amazing, is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen. |
| − | Lisa: Yeah, Dad was right. | + | '''Lisa:''' Yeah, Dad was right. |
| − | Homer: I know, kids. I'm scared too! | + | '''Homer:''' I know, kids. I'm scared too! |
{{Season 6|Q}} | {{Season 6|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 09:14, December 1, 2018
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Skinner: When I was a little boy I discovered a comet, but the credit was stolen from me. If only I had not told my discovery to Principal Kouhoutek!
Skinner: "Still no sighting. You get that one, Bart?"
Bart: "Hell no."
Skinner: "Good."
Skinner: "Look, there's "The Three Wisemen"."
- (points to a constellation that looks like The Three Stooges)
- (The kids of Springfield Elementary look out the window at the oncoming comet, clearly visible in the daylight)
E-mail: "Oh no no, this isn't right at all!"
Database: 'It must be coming at us at a fantastic speed!"
- Moe: Hey, uh, I got an idea. We can play a game to pass the time. Er, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you all try to guess what it is. Ahem. (Makes some unidentifiable noise)
- Chief Wiggum: It's a pig!
- Bart: It's a cow, man.
- Lisa: It's a pony.
- Krusty the Clown: No, it's a goat. You know, one of them lady goats.
- Selma: There are no lady goats! A lady goat is a sheep.
- Dr. Hibbert: I believe she's right.
- Otto: You're crazy.
- Captain McCallister: Arr, what's it to you?
- Otto: What's it to me?
- (Everyone starts arguing.)
- Marge: Stop it! Stop it! Can't you see this barnyard noise guessing game is tearing us apart? Say, Moe, was it a duck?
- (Everyone argues again.)
- Homer: Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it. I can't take this any more. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you, especially his children. I'm going out there! (pause) It was a baby ox.
- Skinner: And now, to top off our most propane-explosion-free science week ever, our grand finale: the launching of a weather balloon!
- Children: Yay!
- Bart: Go, weather balloon! Hurrah for science, woo!
- Skinner: [to himself] "Hurrah for science, woo"? I can't say I approve of the "woo" but the "hurrah" was quite heartening.
- (Citizens of Springfield cram into Ned Flanders bomb shelter.)
- Homer: I can't get the door closed. Somebody's going to have to get out.
- Lisa: I'd get out but I don't know where I am.
- Barney: Hey! Somebody's touching me.
- Skinner: I am.
- Barney: (cheering up) Oh, okay!
- Homer: Get out of there. My family needs to use your bomb shelter.
- Ned: I kind of figured this might happen, so I built the shelter big enough for both our families.
- Homer: No deal. Out.
- Homer: So there's a comet. Big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere and whatever's left will be no bigger than a chihuahua's head.
Bart: Wow, dad. Maybe you're right.
Homer: Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow.
- Moe: Let's go burn down the observatory, so this'll never happen again!
Skinner: [ominous] Destroy that balloon.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Aye. [cocks a shotgun, shoots into the sky]
- [Two fighter planes fly overhead.]
Pilot 1: Tango 14, we're being fired at. I'm getting an exact ID on the bogey now.
- [Screen shows a silhouette of Willy and "Identify"; screen flashes "Iraqi fighter jet".]
Pilot 1: Iraqis again. Launching sidewinder missile. [missile destroys the other plane] Missed him. Launching second sidewinder missile. [missile destroys his own plane]
Pilot 1: [parachuting] This is what happens when you cut money out of the military and put it into health care!
Pilot 2: [parachuting] It's a good program! Just give it a chance, that's all I ask. [their parachutes fail; they crash to the ground]
Skinner: Oh, it won't come down for months. Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre-Jules-Cesar Janssen.
Skinner: I'm going to punish you for this, Bart... and it won't just be a simple caning this time. Because you have impeded science, you must now aid science. Yes... starting tomorrow, you will assist me with my amateur astronomy, taking down measurements, carrying equipment, and so forth. 4:30 in the morning.
Bart: There's a 4:30 in the morning now?
DJ on Radio: Top of the hour, time for the morning news. But of course, there is no news yet. Everyone's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody.
Kids: Welcome, Super Friend.
Ham: I am called Ham, because I enjoy Amateur radio. This is E-mail, Cosine, Report Card, Database, and Lisa. Your nickname will be Cosmos.
Bart: [finishing a mouthful of food hurriedly] Well, I'm done eating. Goodbye.
Kids: Goodbye, Cosmos.
E-mail: Oh no, no, no, this isn't right at all!
Database: It must be coming toward us at a fantastic speed.
Bart: Huh?
Lisa: Don't you realize what's happening, Bart? Your comet is going to collide with the Earth and every living thing in its path will be killed!
Bart: I knew you'd try to find something wrong with my comet, Lisa. You've always been petty and small, right from the beginning.
Report Card: We must alert the proper authorities.
E-mail: To the observatory!
Grampa: Sounds like the doomsday whistle! Ain't been blown for nigh onto three years.
Jasper: Tsk, tsk, tsk... trouble abrewing.
Mayor Quimby: Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld... field. [everyone claps politely] First of all, yes, there is a comet in the sky, and yes, it is going to hit Springfield. [a couple of people clap] You don't need to applaud that.
Lisa: It blew up the bridge! We're doomed.
Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
Reverend Lovejoy: [running down the street] It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer!
Lisa: I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I've actually picketed against burned up the comet.
Bart: But what's really amazing, is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen.
Lisa: Yeah, Dad was right.
Homer: I know, kids. I'm scared too!
