Difference between revisions of "Five Characters in Search of an Author/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 19:25, November 2, 2024

[Level Entrance]

Homer: I've achieved my lifetime dream of gathering four key cards. But I can't help wondering, "What next?"

Homer: We've got so many key cards - I feel like the manager of small hotel! Now what?

Bart: So we've got 4 key cards, big whoop! What do we do now?

Bart: So we've got four super-lame key cards. What now?

[Introduction Cutscene]

8-Bit Lisa: Did you get the key cards?

8-Bit Bart: And how many points did you get?

Bart: Video games don't have points any more.

8-Bit Homer: No points? But how do you know you're doing good in the game?!

Lisa: Well, you make progress through the objectives of the game. Like here, we collected the four keys cards.

8-Bit Homer: Four points?! That's a pretty sucky score! I got 8,000,000 on a Centipede machine in a Pizza Hut once.

8-Bit Homer: But four? Pathetic.

8-Bit Bart: Look, how many lives did it take you to get these "cards?"

Bart: Lives? What do you mean?

Homer: I mean, I died a lot. And I mean A LOT. But it's not like I have a limited number of "lives."

8-Bit Homer: Infinite lives! Then how is the game even hard? What's the point if you can just play forever?

8-Bit Bart: The world I grew up in is gone.

Marge: Look cyber-chums! We need to use the keys to get into that mansion and talk to this "Creator" wacko! Our town is being blown up as we speak! So let's do this thing!

Homer: Hey, Bart. In these video games, levels get easier as you go along, right? Right?

Bart: That's right, dad. They sure do. Let's go.

8-Bit Homer: Go get em guys! Get your initials at the top of that high score screen! Yeah! Fat chance. Four points, yeesh!

[Homer and Bart reach the mansion]

Bart: This is it - the home of our creator. I say we smash his face, bust his stuff, and take a leak on his lawn!

Homer: Way ahead of you, boy.

Homer & Bart: (GIGGLING)

Matt Groening: So they want a war? Well, then it's a war they'll get!

Matt Groening: Violet, engage the super-toon defense systems!

Vyolet Diaz: Yes, Mr. Groening.

Matt Groening: It's "Gray-ning"!

Vyolet Diaz: Are you sure?

Matt Groening: No.

[Homer and Bart at the mansion's entrance]

Homer: Holy Macaroni, this guy's loaded!

Homer: I bet this guy thinks he's better than me.

Homer: I could be this rich - I just choose not to be.

Homer: Aww, even his lawn is nicer than mine! Maybe I should try hydro-seeding...

Homer: The stacks of money mean he's wealthy!

Homer: Who is the creator? I like to think it's the guy who created us.

Bart: Whoa -- this guy is like Richie Rich, except straight!

Bart: I'm Bart Simpson - but who the hell is my creator?

Bart: With this much money, I'd score all the honeys!

Bart: These sculptures make me uneasy.

Bart: What are those flowers? (GASPS) Forsythia!

Bart: Let me breathe in the wealth. Hmmm, Exquisite.

[Homer and Bart attacking the lawyers]

Homer: Ahh! Attorneys-at-law!

Homer: I saw your LSAT'S - they weren't great!

Homer: Lawyer is just Latin for "nerd"!

Homer: Time for some tort reform! Mmmm...tort...

Homer: The movie "Legal Eagles" is terrible!

Homer: I move for a bad court thingie!

Homer: You law-talkin' guys have gone too far.

Homer: I know I'm the first to say it, but I hate lawyers!

Homer: Oh, I'm tired of fighting off-beat villains.

Homer: You still haven't paid off your student loans!

Homer: Your suits are poorly tailored!

Homer: Stop sharpening your pencils! They're sharp enough.

Homer: Looks like you just had an "accidente".

Homer: You're not the first lawyer I've beaten.

Homer: Woo hoo! Everyone sucks but me!

Homer: If I had time, I'd drink your blood.

Homer: Inherit my wind, jerks!

Bart: (SCREAMS) Lawyers!

Bart: You just failed the "Bart" exam!

Bart: Go sharpen a pencil!

Bart: You went to a second-rate law school!

Bart: Your ties are ugly!

Bart: I bet you were nerds in grade school!

Bart: You're just Milhouse in a suit!

Bart: Haven't you heard? This country has a lawyer glut!

Bart: Go chase an ambulance!

Bart: Battling with lawyers - it's every scofflaw's fantasy!

Bart: Objection denied!

Bart: The prosecution rests...forever!

Bart: I find you guilty...of being lame!

Bart: You fight so bad, you oughta sue yourself.

Bart: (LAUGHS) Lawyers are even lamer than teachers!

[Lawyer enemies]

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Get them!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Lawyers attack!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: There they are!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I'm taking you to court!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: David E. Kelly should make a show about me!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Suck pencil!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Crush! Kill! Litigate!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Lawyers rule, non-lawyers drool!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: You couldn't even do entertainment law!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I'll turn you into a habeus corpus!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Eat our briefs!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I'll kill you, then get myself off for it!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Here's a plea offer: you die, I live!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: This is the case of Awesome lawyers v. Stupid Jerks.

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Dred Scott! We have to kill them!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Stop in the name of Byron "Wizzer" White!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Stop in the name of Felix Frankfurter!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: What the voir dire?!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I'll sue everybody!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Now I'll never make partner!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Help me, American Bar Association!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Ow! My lawyer head!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I went to Brandeis for this?

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Nolo contendre!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I call for a recess!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Drat, that smarts!

Blue-Haired Lawyer: This is a setback, I admit it!

[Homer and Bart reacting to the "front door bell"]

Homer: Mmm, I have a sudden urge to sit on a couch...

Homer: What the? I suddenly want to send money to Danny Elfman.

Bart: (GASPS) That song! It's been haunting me for years!

[Homer and Bart meeting the creator"]

Bart: I betcha our creator is, like, a 1000-foot Godzilla...with big boobs...and he breathes fire snot.

Matt Groening: Think again! Your creator is TV's most beloved animation visonary!

Homer: Seth MacFarlane?!

Matt Groening: Arrgh! Say hello to my little friends!

[Homer and Bart inside the mansion/reacting to Matt Groening"]

Homer: Ahh! Our creator looks like a grad student!

Homer: Our creator is this guy?!

Homer: This is one superfly crib!

Homer: I love standing still - I can think about pastries.

Homer: This mansion is bigger than the inside of Snoopy's doghouse!

Homer: You know who would love living here? Poor people.

Homer: Your comic strip confuses me!

Homer: How dare you name me after your father!

Homer: Damn your easygoing hipster ways!

Homer: Stop signing your name on my ass!

Homer: Stop drawing me stupid!

Homer: In another life, we could have been friends!

Homer: In Russia, I created you!

Homer: Eat curtain, Groening!

Homer: Boo-ya!

Homer: In your face, creator!

Bart: (GASPS) This is the dude who created us?

Bart: This place is amazing. I don't know what to break first!

Bart: This place is huge. Check it out - "BOOGER!"

Bart: Check out this creepy artwork! (SHUDDERS)

Bart: Your animation style is crude, dude!

Bart: You sucked at ComiCon!

Bart: Go write "Life in Hell"!

Bart: Move along, you friendly millionaire!

Bart: Akbar and Jeff can't save you now!

[Homer and Bart reacting to Bender and Zoidberg]

Homer: Aah! Low-rated future robots!

Homer: Your show's too hard!

Homer: I like your style, but you gotta go!

Homer: See you in hell, R2D2!

Homer: I hate your weird mouth-line!

Homer: Go cry to your Future-Mama!

Homer: Hu! That weird thing I saw once!

Homer: Your jokes are too obscure!

Homer: I'm gonna eat your face with melted butter!

Homer: You're not even a real doctor!

Homer: Go cry to that weird one-eyed lady!

Homer: Female viewers found you off-putting!

Homer: Eat death, weirdos!

Homer: Suck it!

Homer: I hate you because you're different!

Homer: I can't believe we shared a timeslot!

Homer: Zoidberg? Oh, I know what kinda name that is.

Homer: Take that, bait face!

Bart: (SCREAMS) It's Bender, from Futurama!

Bart: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!

Bart: Go back to Adult Swim!

Bart: Take that, you hunk of junk!

Bart: You're just a mechanical Homer!

Bart: Go cry to Leila!

Bart: (GASPS) It's cult favorite Dr. Zoidberg!

Bart: What the hell is that?

Bart: Nobody gets your jokes!

Bart: You were too weird for network TV!

Bart: You're too gross even for me!

Bart: Don't you dare get ink on me!

Bart: You're my least favorite Billy West character!

Bart: Take that, lobster-face!

[Matt Groening]

Matt Groening: Prepare to be destroyed by warriors of the future!

Matt Groening: Ow! Curtain burn! Curtain burn!

Matt Groening: (GRUNT) My evil plans been foiled by a curtain yet again!

Matt Groening: Hey four-fingered yellow morons -- I'm over here now!

Matt Groening: Look I have a teleporter -- just like in Space Trek!

Matt Groening: I brought you into this world, I can take you out!

Matt Groening: Why you little!

Matt Groening: You made me rich, now I'll make you dead!

Matt Groening: When you guys are dead, I'm gonna marry Marge!

Matt Groening: Well, if it isn't fat man and little boy! Or should I say, fat ugly man and stupid little boy!

Matt Groening: Thanks for the mansions, losers!

Matt Groening: I'm gonna kill you and put your images on sugary breakfast cereals!

Matt Groening: Ah, like many successful artists, I resent my own creations!

Matt Groening: I wish I'd created "Family Guy."

Matt Groening: Hey jackasses, eat my shorts!

Matt Groening: Why did I agree to be in this stupid video game?

Matt Groening: I miss my collection of vintage perfumes and colognes.

Matt Groening: Oh man, I broke my iPod!

Matt Groening: You have not seen the last of syndicated cartoonist Matt Groening!

Matt Groening: You don't scare me. I'm friends with Lynda Barry!

Matt Groening: You may destroy me -- but I've already got my cut of the merchandising!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha! (EVIL LAUGH)

Matt Groening: Homer, Bart... I bid you -- up yours!

Matt Groening: Off I go, for more authentic Cantonese Dim Sum!

[Bender and Zoidberg clones]

Bender: You stupid sacks of meat!

Bender: Hey fleshies -- you suck!

Bender: I'm gonna bend the hell out of you!

Bender: Bender likes to bend human flesh!

Bender: I'm gonna wear your skin like a Mardi Gras costume!

Bender: I know it's a cliché, but "crush kill destroy!

Bender: The future's gonna kick your ass!

Bender: Damn your high ratings!

Bender: I'm coming back strong on DVD!

Bender: I was a hit on the cartoon network!

Bender: Metal beats meat!

Bender: I'm gonna go "I, Robot" on your asses!

Bender: Asimov's first law of robotics -- robots rule!

Bender: Exterminate! Exterminate!

Bender: Kill all humans -- especially you!

Bender: Ow! My shiny metal ass!

Bender: I messed myself!

Bender: I scratched my new paint job!

Bender: I fell on my hard disk!

Bender: I think I broke my floppy drive!

Bender: I need a sexy robot nurse!

Bender: The bender has become the bent!

Bender: I'm bleeding oil internally.

Bender: Does anyone have any spare parts?

Bender: Robot down! Robot down!

Zoidberg: I will lay my eggs in your brains!

Zoidberg: I slap my thorax in contempt!

Zoidberg: If you're looking for trouble, you found it!

Zoidberg: Even for non-lobsters you're ugly!

Zoidberg: My claws will pinch your private areas!

Zoidberg: When you're dead, I get your money!

Zoidberg: Zoidberg will bring eternal sleep!

Zoidberg: I will use your blood as leave-in conditioner!

Zoidberg: The lobster will eat a human roll! (CRAZED LAUGHS)

Zoidberg: The crustacean will crush you -- get it?

Zoidberg: I'm a doctor of human-killing... and podiatry.

Zoidberg: I will digest you in my stomach for a thousand years!

Zoidberg: Bow before Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: Oy, I'm gonna give you such a pinch on the tushy!

Zoidberg: After you die -- latkes for everyone!

Zoidberg: I peed my meat!

Zoidberg: Who will give love to Zoidberg?

Zoidberg: I feel pain and loneliness!

Zoidberg: Doctor Zoidberg needs a real doctor!

Zoidberg: I'm suing -- call Lawyer Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: Fetch Zoidberg's Gold Bond Medicated Powder!

Zoidberg: You hurt my feelings, and my feelers!

Zoidberg: I need fifty cc's of drawn butter -- stat!

Zoidberg: Boo hoo hoo -- you made lobster cry!

Zoidberg: Someone call my therapist!

[Ending Cutscene]

Lisa: Bart! Dad! You just vanquished your own creator - the philosophical implications would make Eugene Ionesco's head spin!

Homer: Hmmm, you make a provocative point, Lisa. And furthermore...Kick him!

Marge: Stop kicking the man who doodled you! It isn't nice!

Homer & Bart: Yes, ma'am.

Matt Groening: Thank you for saving me Ma'am -- I'm enduring grateful.

Lisa: Mr. Groening, how could you have betrayed us - the fruits of your creative loins - and sold us out to all these awful video games where we endlessly die and lose health and jump and jump and jump?!

Matt Groening: I swear I didn't know they'd be awful, Lisa. If I'd known, I only would have stuck to slapping your faces on mugs, T-shirts, candy, lunchboxes, board games, gum, novelty flying disks, and fluffy, fluffy beach towels.

Simpsons: (ANGRY MURMURS)

Matt Groening: Ha, ha, ha! Now if you'll excuse me...

Simpsons: Video game engine self-destruct button!

Matt Groening: So long, suckers!