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Difference between revisions of "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass/Quotes"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
< Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
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|episode = Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
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==Quotes==
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{{qf|[[Homer]]}} ''[singing, after beating Bart in the game]'' I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine! So kiss my behind! ''[scutting and grunting at Bart]'' In your face! ''[starts dancing]''
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*'''Homer''': ''(singing, after beating Bart in the game)'' "I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine! So kiss my behind!" ''(scutting and grunting at Bart)'' "In your face!" ''(starts dancing)''
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*'''Tom Brady:''' "Everyone sucks but me."
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{{qf|[[Tom Brady]]}} Everyone sucks but me.
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*'''Burns:''' What would you use instead of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_power Nuclear power]?<br />'''Marge:''' [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_energy Solar].<br />'''Lenny:''' [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroelectricity Hydroelectric].<br />'''Moe:''' A mix of conservation and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wind_turbine wind].<br />'''Burns:''' Who told you about those?<br />'''Carl:''' The talking tree in a commercial. [http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/pass11.mp3 audio clip]
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*'''Prof. Frink:''' (after seeing Ned's film, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Passion_of_the_Christ The Passion of Cain and Abel]) You have taught me a world of faith beyond the world of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Science science]. I would pay to see it again and again and again and again but '''''NOT SIX TIMES!!!''''' [http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/pass8.mp3 audio clip]
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{{qf|[[Burns]]}} What would you use instead of Nuclear power?
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*'''Homer:''' I wish I were a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Screensaver screensaver].
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{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Solar.
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*'''Comic Book Guy:''' My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me "Comic Book Guy".
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{{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Hydroelectric.
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*'''Michelle Kwan:''' Beware the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Trek_II:_The_Wrath_of_Khan wrath of Kwan]!
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{{qf|[[Moe]]}} A mix of conservation and wind.
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*'''Milhouse:''' Look! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan!<br />'''Michelle Kwan:''' You remind me of a young [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dorothy_Hamill Dorothy Hamill].<br />'''Milhouse:''' I didn't know you could talk!
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{{qf|Burns}} Who told you about those?
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*''The Passion of Cain and Abel''<br />''(Todd ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abel Abel]) and Rod ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cain Cain]) are together as Rod uses Todd's Shepard stick to sharpen his [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/knife knife]. Ned ([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_and_Eve Adam]), wearing nothing but a leaf on his crotch walks up to them)''<br />'''Ned:''' Boys, I just talked to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God God]. He's vacuuming Heaven to get it ready for when [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death dead] people show up. And he'd like you both to render a sacrifice.<br />'''Todd:''' I shall sacrifice my finest [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cereal grains] and [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/livestock livestock].<br />(cut to Todd setting his sacrifice on fire. Rod's sacrifice only has a few [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/rotting rotting] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/rodent rodents])<br />'''Todd:''' Behold. I have found favor with the Lord.<br />'''Rod:''' So shall my [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knife knife] find favor with thy [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdomen belly]!<br />''(Rod begins stabbing Todd. Ned, dressed as the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil Devil], laughs as he watches Abel's murder. There are several gruesome close-ups to the stabbing and two newspaper headlines appear: "[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massachusetts Massachusetts] Okays [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_marriage Gay Marriage]" and "[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stem_cell Stem Cells] Cure [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alzheimer%E2%80%99s_Disease Alzheimer's]". Rod kills Todd and runs off)''<br />''(cut to Ned covering Todd)''<br />'''Ned:''' Now, I must bury my son, while '''''you''''' wander the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth Earth] forever, with the mark of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil evil] upon your face!<br />''(Rod turns; the left side of his face is now grotesquely deformed, complete with his left [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye eye] hanging out of its socket)''<br />'''THE END'''
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{{qf|[[Carl]]}} The talking tree in a commercial.
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*'''Crazy Cat Lady:''' ''(calm)'' Thanks to this [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoactive_drug psychoactive medication] I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.<br />'''Marge:''' Those are [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reese%27s_Pieces Reese's Pieces].<br />'''Crazy Cat Lady:''' ''(goes crazy)''
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*'''Frank:''' Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat and I can't even see the game!<br />'''Marge:''' Just poke through!<br />(Frank then pokes his head through Marge's hair)
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{{qf|[[Professor Frink]]}} ''[after seeing Ned's film, The Passion of Cain and Abel]'' You have taught me a world of faith beyond the world of science. I would pay to see it again and again and again and again but NOT SIX TIMES!!!
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*'''Announcer:''' The crowd gets ready for the half-time show, sponsored by the new [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ford_Motor_Company Ford] pickups, [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citibank Citibank], and Moe's Tavern'.<br />''(cut to private [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skybox skybox], where Moe and the two executives are watching the game)''<br />'''Executive 1:''' How could you afford this?<br />'''Moe:''' I hustled a lot of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/billiards pool]. Speaking of which, you wanna play? I gotta warn ya though, I ain't that good.<br />'''Executive 1:''' Alright. ''(under his breath)'' Sucker.<br />''(Moe swings his [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cue_stick cue stick] full force against the executive's back, possibly killing him)''<br />'''Moe:''' Who's the sucker now!? Huh?!!
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*'''Mother:''' You try to raise your kids as [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secular_Humanism secular humanists] but these show-biz types keep shoving religion down our throat.<br />'''Kid:''' Mommy, why wasn't I [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baptism baptized]?<br />'''Mother:''' You see? YOU SEE??
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{{qf|Homer}} I wish I were a screensaver.
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*'''Yao Ming:''' "Wo zhen de bu dong ni men de yu yan." ("I really don't understand your language" in Mandarin)<br />'''Lisa:''' But I heard you have an excellent knowledge of English.<br />'''Yao Ming:''' "Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going on!"
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*''(the athletes are carrying an ark in Homer's show)''<br />'''Tom:''' You think Homer's mad at me? I waved at him in the parking lot and his stared right through me.<br />'''Yao:''' I left the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People%27s_Republic_of_China People's Republic] for this?<br />'''Warren:''' Yo, Michelle, ya got a boyfriend?<br />'''Michelle:''' Not in here I don't.
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{{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me "Comic Book Guy".
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----
 +
{{qf|[[Michelle Kwan]]}} Beware the wrath of Kwan!
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----
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{{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Look! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan!
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{{qf|Michelle Kwan}} You remind me of a young {{W|Dorothy Hamill}}.
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{{qf|Milhouse}} I didn't know you could talk!
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----
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{{qf|[[Crazy Cat Lady]]}} ''[calm]'' Thanks to this medication I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.
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{{qf|Marge}} Those are Reese's Pieces.
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{{qf|Crazy Cat Lady}} ''[goes crazy]''
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----
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{{qf|Frank}} Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat and I can't even see the game!
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{{qf|Marge}} Just poke through!
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:''[Frank then pokes his head through Marge's hair.]''
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----
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{{qf|Announcer}} The crowd gets ready for the half-time show, sponsored by the new Ford pickups, Citibank, and Moe's Tavern'.
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:''[Cut to private skybox, where Moe and the two executives are watching the game.]''
 +
{{qf|Executive 1}} How could you afford this?
 +
{{qf|Moe}} I hustled a lot of pool. Speaking of which, you wanna play? I gotta warn ya though, I ain't that good.
 +
{{qf|Executive 1}} Alright. ''[under his breath]'' Sucker.
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:''[Moe swings his cue stick full force against the executive's back, possibly killing him]''
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{{qf|Moe}} Who's the sucker now!? Huh?!!
 +
----
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{{qf|Mother}} You try to raise your kids as humanists but these show-biz types keep shoving religion down our throat.
 +
{{qf|Kid}} Mommy, why wasn't I baptized?
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{{qf|Mother}} You see? YOU SEE??
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----
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{{qf|[[Yao Ming]]}} Wo zhen de bu dong ni men de yu yan. ''["I really don't understand your language" in Mandarin]'
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{{qf|Lisa}} But I heard you have an excellent knowledge of English.
 +
{{qf|Yao Ming}} Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going on!
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----
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:''[The athletes are carrying an ark in Homer's show.]''
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{{qf|Tom}} You think Homer's mad at me? I waved at him in the parking lot and his stared right through me.
 +
{{qf|Yao}} I left the People's Republic for this?
 +
{{qf|[[Warren]]}} Yo, Michelle, ya got a boyfriend?
 +
{{qf|[[Michelle]]}} Not in here I don't.
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----
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{{qf|[[LeBron James]]}} Omelettes? For dinner? This is the best day of my life!
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{{qf|Lisa}} Didn't you just sign a $100 million dollar contract?
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{{qf|LeBron James}} Oh yeah. That was a good day too.
  
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*'''LeBron:''' Omelettes? For dinner? This is the best day of my life!
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{{Season 16|Q}}
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*'''Lisa:'''Didn't you just sign a $100 million dollar contract?
 
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*'''LeBron:'''Oh yeah. That was a good day too.
 
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{{Season 16 Q}}
 
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[[Category:Quotes]]
 

Latest revision as of 17:18, February 22, 2020


Season 16 Episode Quotes
← 342 "Mommie Beerest"
343
"Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"
"Pranksta Rap" 344 →


Homer: [singing, after beating Bart in the game] I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine! So kiss my behind! [scutting and grunting at Bart] In your face! [starts dancing]
Tom Brady: Everyone sucks but me.
Burns: What would you use instead of Nuclear power?
Marge: Solar.
Lenny: Hydroelectric.
Moe: A mix of conservation and wind.
Burns: Who told you about those?
Carl: The talking tree in a commercial.
Professor Frink: [after seeing Ned's film, The Passion of Cain and Abel] You have taught me a world of faith beyond the world of science. I would pay to see it again and again and again and again but NOT SIX TIMES!!!
Homer: I wish I were a screensaver.
Comic Book Guy: My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me "Comic Book Guy".
Michelle Kwan: Beware the wrath of Kwan!
Milhouse: Look! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan!
Michelle Kwan: You remind me of a young Dorothy Hamill.
Milhouse: I didn't know you could talk!
Crazy Cat Lady: [calm] Thanks to this medication I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.
Marge: Those are Reese's Pieces.
Crazy Cat Lady: [goes crazy]
Frank: Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat and I can't even see the game!
Marge: Just poke through!
[Frank then pokes his head through Marge's hair.]
Announcer: The crowd gets ready for the half-time show, sponsored by the new Ford pickups, Citibank, and Moe's Tavern'.
[Cut to private skybox, where Moe and the two executives are watching the game.]
Executive 1: How could you afford this?
Moe: I hustled a lot of pool. Speaking of which, you wanna play? I gotta warn ya though, I ain't that good.
Executive 1: Alright. [under his breath] Sucker.
[Moe swings his cue stick full force against the executive's back, possibly killing him]
Moe: Who's the sucker now!? Huh?!!
Mother: You try to raise your kids as humanists but these show-biz types keep shoving religion down our throat.
Kid: Mommy, why wasn't I baptized?
Mother: You see? YOU SEE??
Yao Ming: Wo zhen de bu dong ni men de yu yan. ["I really don't understand your language" in Mandarin]'
Lisa: But I heard you have an excellent knowledge of English.
Yao Ming: Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going on!
[The athletes are carrying an ark in Homer's show.]
Tom: You think Homer's mad at me? I waved at him in the parking lot and his stared right through me.
Yao: I left the People's Republic for this?
Warren: Yo, Michelle, ya got a boyfriend?
Michelle: Not in here I don't.
LeBron James: Omelettes? For dinner? This is the best day of my life!
Lisa: Didn't you just sign a $100 million dollar contract?
LeBron James: Oh yeah. That was a good day too.
Season 16 Quotes
Treehouse of Horror XV • All's Fair in Oven War • Sleeping with the Enemy • She Used to Be My Girl • Fat Man and Little Boy • Midnight Rx • Mommie Beerest • Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass • Pranksta Rap • There's Something About Marrying • On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister • Goo Goo Gai Pan • Mobile Homer • The Seven-Beer Snitch • Future-Drama • Don't Fear the Roofer • The Heartbroke Kid • A Star Is Torn • Thank God It's Doomsday • Home Away from Homer • The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star
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