https://simpsonswiki.com/w/api.php?action=feedcontributions&feedformat=atom&user=Abbot 2026-11-07T19:57:25Z User contributions MediaWiki 1.43.11 https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Marge_and_Homer_Turn_a_Couple_Play/Quotes&diff=925776 2020-05-06T07:31:27Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Monkey Suit|The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} You suck!<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I concur!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} We've been through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So why didn't you marry one of your crummy backup dancers?<br /> {{qf|Tabitha Vixx}} They're day laborers. We pick them up in the Home Depot parking lot.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|&quot;Jock Squawk&quot; host}} And that's why Lou Gehrig was a selfish crybaby who deserved to die! Springfield, what do you think?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Isotopes announcer}} Led Zeppelin is a whole lotta love!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And you said it would never work.<br /> {{qf|[[Duffman]]}} Duffman said he would do whatever you wanted! Please stop kicking and punching Duffman!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Duffman}} Duffman gives the people what they want!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Weren't you just tied up in the blimp?<br /> {{qf|Duffman}} Three Duffmen are working this game tonight!<br /> {{qf|Second Duffman (entering)}} Don't tell the children, it's disillusioning!<br /> {{qf|Both Duffmen}} Duffman! Duffman! Duffman! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mom and Dad can't do marriage counselling. If you listen closely, you can here them arguing now. ''[they then listen closely]''<br /> {{qf|Homer (in distance)}} And I say, a monkey ''can'' mow our lawn!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Baseball Announcer}} That ball is going, going, going...and like America's credibility on the world stage, that ball is gone!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Remember when we used to kiss like that Carl?...with our respective girlfriends?<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} I wonder where Jill and Kelly are now.&lt;br&gt;'''Lenny:''' I heard Jill died and Kelly I think is a prostitute.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart (seeing Tabitha dancing around a lamp)}} ''[on his cellphone) ''Cancel all my appointments.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[To Homer]'' The only person you should be giving chicken grease neck rubs to is me! but not me because I think they're disgusting!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, so now we're judging each other based on things we've done?! Real nice, Marge!! Class act!!<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Monkey_Suit/Quotes&diff=925773 2020-05-06T07:27:12Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Regarding Margie|Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Todd]]}} Daddy, was Mommy a monkey? I can't remember.<br /> {{qf|[[Ned]]}} No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! [[God]] put us here and that's that!<br /> {{qf|Todd}} But you said a stork brought me.<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Umm... that was God disguised as a stork.<br /> {{qf|[[Rod]]}} Then who brings baby storks?<br /> {{qf|Ned}} There's no such thing as storks! It's all God!<br /> {{qf|Todd}} ''[Kneeling beside a statue of a stork]'' Please bless Daddy and Roddy...<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Stop praying to that stork!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} [[Lisa Simpson]], you're under arrest for the teaching of non-biblical science!<br /> {{qf|Lisa Simpson}} There are so many worse crimes. Why are you persecuting me?<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Well, we only have the man power to enforce the last law passed. You know, it's not the best system, but... well, in fact, it's pretty much the worst.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|TV Host}} So you are calling God a liar? An Unbiased Comparison of Evolution and Creationism. Let's say hi to two books. One; ''The Bible'' was written by our Lord. The other; ''The Origin of Species'' was written by a cowardly drunk named Charles Darwin.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned Flanders}} As sure as I am that Jesus hates hip-hop!.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Miss Hoover]]}} Class, the town has spoken. From now on we're only teaching one theory: creationism. Now please hand in your evolution books to Groundskeeper Willie while I beat this ominous drum.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Barney Gumble]]}} [[Homer]]'s son's sister is right!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Clarisse Drummond]]}} This trial is the biggest load of... Oh for crying out loud!<br /> {{qf|[[Wallace Brady]]}} Now Bambi, who started that forest fire that killed your mother? Evolution?! My my my...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Weaving? Homer, you're my father. You're supposed to protect me from things like this.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Monkey Suit/Quotes, The}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Regarding_Margie/Quotes&diff=925770 2020-05-06T07:20:06Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> <br /> :''[Homer finishes painting &quot;'74 Oakland A's - Best Team Ever&quot; on his curb.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Dad, all you had to do was paint one number, now no one is going to be able to find our house!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But sweetie, I just wanted to tell the '74 Oakland A's how I felt about them.<br /> :''[Sal Bando, Gene Tenace and several members of the '74 A's roll up in a convertible.]''<br /> {{qf|Sal Bando}} Look, that guy remembers us!<br /> {{qf|Gene Tenace}} Hey Sal Bando, give him a '74 A's thank you honk!<br /> :''[Sal Bando honks horn and drives off.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} My work here is done.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Brenda}} Hi. I'm Brenda Weingarten.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Aaaah!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} How many fingers am I holding up?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Two.<br /> {{qf|Hibbert}} Very good, now I'll put them back into the jar.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Now I just have one question. ''[pointing to Homer, Bart, and Lisa]'' Who are you people?<br /> :''[Homer, Bart, and Lisa gasp.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} She doesn't recognize us! ''[grabs Dr. Hibbert]'' You monster! What have you done to my face?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Who?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm your husband! We're the same age!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} But you look so much more... ravaged... than I do.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Ha ha! I do eat a lot of crap.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} For once, things are going ''my'' way. ''[his shotgun fires into the ground and a black substance spews out]'' I've struck oil! ''[begins dancing around]''<br /> {{qf|DWP Guy 1}} When do we tell him that's not oil?<br /> {{qf|DWP Guy 2}} Let him have his moment.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[in a tree with Bart]'' Oh no! This is horrible!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} We've gotta tell Dad!<br /> ''Homer:''' ''[in the same tree]'' Oh no! Bart and Lisa are gonna tell me something horrible!<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[in the same tree in a crashed hang glider]'' 'Buy the police a hang glider', you said! 'It will help us', you said!<br /> {{qf|Lou}} You said you weigh only 180 pounds!<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Shut up and look for crime.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Don't answer the door! I don't want that judgmental bitch in my house!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Now, how would you boys like to clean my garage for $100?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} What? Honest work for honest pay? ''[they scream and run off]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You idiot! ''[the man screams]'' Do you know what you just gave up?<br /> {{qf|Man}} Who the hell are you?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} The wisest, wettest man you'll ever meet.<br /> {{qf|Man}} Go on.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You just walked away from the sweetest most beautiful woman a guy could want. In ten years, she never had the last slice of pizza and she's never complained. Every election she wishes she could vote for both guys because they both seem nice. And there's a light inside her that makes everyone else look better. And you blew her off.<br /> {{qf|Man}} Dude, she's got three kids.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I...really? Well, she's still great.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What do you say we stop for a drink on the way home?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''You'' drink?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh, yeah, I started while you were in the hospital. You see, I recently tried this thing called beer...<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[gasps]'' I remember everything now. You get drunk all the time!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh...but do you also remember that you're an enabler?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Of course! That's why we're such a great team ''[she kiss Homer on the cheek]''.<br /> :''[Homer begins swerving uncontrollably.]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, have you been drinking today?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I sure have, ''partner''!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Luigi}} ''[singing while playing an accordion during Marge and Homer's date]'' ''Homer Simpson is a great guy.&lt;br&gt;He paid me ten bucks so I would lie.&lt;br&gt;Truth is, he's not so great.&lt;br&gt;He's the one man I truly hate.''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[rying in happiness)]'' I wish I knew Italian.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Regarding_Margie/Quotes&diff=925768 2020-05-06T06:58:41Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, removing quote characters (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> ''[Homer finishes painting &quot;'74 Oakland A's - Best Team Ever&quot; on his curb]''&lt;br&gt;'''Lisa:''' &quot;Dad, all you had to do was paint one number, now no one is going to be able to find our house!&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' &quot;But sweetie, I just wanted to tell the '74 Oakland A's how I felt about them.&quot;&lt;br&gt;''[Sal Bando, Gene Tenace and several members of the '74 A's roll up in a convertible]''&lt;br&gt;'''Sal Bando:'''&quot; Look, that guy remembers us!&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''Gene Tenace:''' &quot;Hey Sal Bando, give him a '74 A's thank you honk!&quot;&lt;br&gt;''[Sal Bando honks horn and drives off]''&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' &quot;My work here is done.&quot;<br /> <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Brenda}} Hi. I'm Brenda Weingarten.&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' Aaaah!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} How many fingers am I holding up?&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' Two.&lt;br&gt;'''Hibbert:''' Very good, now I'll put them back into the jar.&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' Now I just have one question. ''[pointing to Homer, Bart, and Lisa]'' Who are you people?&lt;br&gt;''[Homer, Bart, and Lisa gasp]''&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' She doesn't recognize us! ''[grabs Dr. Hibbert]'' You monster! What have you done to my face?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Who?&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' I'm your husband! We're the same age!&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' But you look so much more... ravaged... than I do.&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' Ha ha! I do eat a lot of crap.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} For once, things are going ''my'' way. ''[his shotgun fires into the ground and a black substance spews out]'' I've struck oil! ''[begins dancing around]''&lt;br&gt;'''DWP Guy 1:''' When do we tell him that's not oil?&lt;br&gt;'''DWP Guy 2:''' Let him have his moment.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa (in a tree with Bart)}} Oh no! This is horrible!&lt;br&gt;'''Bart:''' We've gotta tell Dad!&lt;br&gt;'''Homer (in the same tree):''' Oh no! Bart and Lisa are gonna tell me something horrible!&lt;br&gt;'''Wiggum (in the same tree in a crashed hang glider):''' 'Buy the police a hang glider', you said! 'It will help us', you said!&lt;br&gt;'''Lou:''' You said you weigh only 180 pounds!&lt;br&gt;'''Wiggum:''' Shut up and look for crime.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Don't answer the door! I don't want that judgmental bitch in my house!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Now, how would you boys like to clean my garage for $100?&lt;br&gt;'''Bart:''' What? Honest work for honest pay? ''[they scream and run off]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You idiot! ''[the man screams]'' Do you know what you just gave up?&lt;br&gt;'''Man:''' Who the hell are you?&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' The wisest, wettest man you'll ever meet.&lt;br&gt;'''Man:''' Go on.&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' You just walked away from the sweetest most beautiful woman a guy could want. In ten years, she never had the last slice of pizza and she's never complained. Every election she wishes she could vote for both guys because they both seem nice. And there's a light inside her that makes everyone else look better. And you blew her off.&lt;br&gt;'''Man:''' Dude, she's got three kids.&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' I...really? Well, she's still great.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What do you say we stop for a drink on the way home?&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' ''You'' drink?&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' Uh, yeah, I started while you were in the hospital. You see, I recently tried this thing called beer...&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' ''[gasps]'' I remember everything now. You get drunk all the time!&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' Oh...but do you also remember that you're an enabler?&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' Of course! That's why we're such a great team ''[she kiss Homer on the cheek]''.&lt;br&gt;''[Homer begins swerving uncontrollably]''&lt;br&gt;'''Marge:''' Homer, have you been drinking today?&lt;br&gt;'''Homer:''' I sure have, ''partner''!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Luigi}} ''[singing while playing an accordion during Marge and Homer's date]'' ''Homer Simpson is a great guy.&lt;br&gt;He paid me ten bucks so I would lie.&lt;br&gt;Truth is, he's not so great.&lt;br&gt;He's the one man I truly hate.''&lt;br&gt;'''Homer (crying in happiness):''' I wish I knew Italian.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Girls_Just_Want_to_Have_Sums/Quotes&diff=925766 2020-05-06T06:54:10Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Wettest Stories Ever Told|Regarding Margie}}<br /> <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chalmers]]}} Skinner, you've got to deal with these kooks.<br /> {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} Don't worry, I have a plan: pretend I agree with them.<br /> {{qf|Chalmers}} Well, you'd better hurry. ''[pointing to his car]'' Look what they've done to your car.<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} No, that's how its always looks.<br /> {{qf|Chalmers}} Oh, how sad.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} Today, we celebrate the first of many, many, many, many diversity forums. Why is it that women 'appear' to be worse at math than men? What is the source of this 'illusion' or as I call it, the biggest lie ever told.<br /> {{qf|[[Lindsey Naegle]]}} You're a worse version of [[Hitler]]!<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} Please believe me. I-I understand the problem of women. ''[he moves from behind the podium revealing he's wearing a purple dress and purple heels]'' See. ''[the audience gasps]''<br /> {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Ha, ha! ''[sing-songy]'' The principal's a {{w|Transvestism|tranny}}.<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} Am I wearing women's clothes? I didn't notice. When I look in my closet, I don't see male clothes or female clothes. They're all the same.<br /> {{qf|[[Edna Krabappel]]}} Are you saying that men and women are identical?<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} Oh, no, of course not! Women are unique in every way.<br /> {{qf|Lindsey Naegle}} Now he's saying men and women ''aren't'' equal!<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} No, no, no! It's the differences of which there are none that makes the sameness exceptional. Just tell me what to say! ''[he starts to breathe heavily then pass out]''<br /> {{qf|Chalmers}} Oh dear. Um, attention students. Due to nervous exhaustion and {{w|Verbal diarrhea|diarrhea of the mouth}}... ''[the students start laughing]'' Yes, yes, yes. I said diarrhea.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} You'd do that for me? That's so sweet! ''[hugs him]''<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} ''[pushes her away]'' You're a boy. Nothing is sweet. ''[steps on her foot]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Ow! That hurt!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Sweet.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Principal Skinner?<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} That's ''Groundskeeper'' Skinner now.<br /> {{qf|[[Willie]]}} ''Assistant'' Groundskeeper, ya moron!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Ralph]]}} I got hit by Boy Lisa and Girl Lisa!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} ''[covered in ants]'' These dots are itchy!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Cat}} ''[singing to [[The Lion King]]'s Circle of Life]'' In the circle, the circle of-<br /> {{qf|[[Itchy]]}} ''[Spoken]'' Knife! ''[cuts puppets arms and legs and red streamers fly out]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[Lisa thinks of math, as they speak to her]''<br /> {{qf|{{w|Inequality|Greater-than-or-equal-to}} sign (≥)}} Do it Lisa! You'll be greater than or equal to boys.<br /> {{qf|Number eight}} Even though you're only eight ''[flips over to side to become {{w|infinity}} sign]'', your possibilities are infinite.<br /> {{qf|Number Twenty-Seven}} Twenty-seven!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} What are you drawing?<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} A robot with guns for arms shooting a plane made of guns that fires guns.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Thank you or should i say thank you! ''[removes her disguise and the entire student gasps in shock]''<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Toilet is Lisa?<br /> {{qf|[[Dolph]]}} We've been Yantold.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} That's right everyone. The best math on the whole school is a girl!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Forgive me for this?<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} Okay. ''[Lisa punches Ralph in the shoulder and he starts crying and walks away]''<br /> ----<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Wettest_Stories_Ever_Told/Quotes&diff=885872 2019-12-01T17:06:23Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore|Girls Just Want to Have Sums}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Captain McCallister]]}} Yarr. Sorry about the delay. The chef is having a problem with tonight's sepcial. ''[A knife-weilding chef is battling an octopus with eight knives]''. Meanwhile, I can send a busboy out to get you somethin' from a better restaurant.<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Red Lobster?<br /> {{qf|Captain McCallister}} Not that good ''[the family moan in dissapointment]''. Until then, perhaps an old sea yarn may pass the time. Too bad I don't know any.<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I know one, about the most inportant sea voyage in American history. The journey of &quot;[[Mayflower]]&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Captain McCallister}} Ah, yes. The ship that brought prostitutes to America.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Not prostitutes, Protestants.<br /> {{qf|Captain McCallister}} Now who's being naiive?<br /> <br /> == Mayflower Madman ==<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I'm so bored, I figured out where the wallpaper pattern repeats. See, it goes: ship's wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat, fish with boobs, and back to ship's wheel.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} What about this swordfish?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh! My life's work is ruined.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Do you have your shipboard entertainments?<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} I've got my toy wood lump! ''[he drops a lump of wood on the floor and starts to kick it around]'' What jolly fun!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Beefeater [[Lenny]]}} Has anyone seen this knave? ''[he holds up a picture of Homer]''<br /> {{qf|Beefeater [[Carl]]}} He's wanted for daring to question why we call this the Jacobean era when the king's name is James, not Jacob.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mother, we must protect him. Look, he's praying.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh Lord, please let the soldiers kill this family instead of me.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So, though art a widow, eh? Then the codpiece holds no terrors for thee.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What kind of booze cruise is this? Where's the hooch?<br /> {{qf|[[Ned Flanders|Ned Fladish]]}} Heh, heh, heh, we Puritans have no place for drunkeness... or colorful clothes, or dreaming, or poetry. So, if you write a sonnet, keep it under your bonnet. ''[panicked]'' Oh no! That was a poem! ''[he pulls out a cat-o'-nine-tails and flogs himself with it]'' Forgive me, Lord! ''[he pours salt on his back]'' Then, pour a little salt in the wounds... and I'm good.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I see you met our devout leader, Ned Flandish.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Stupid Flandish.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh, listen, since all the other fun stuff is out of bounds, how 'bout a little Bible-thumping in the crow's nest? What do yiu say, Miss...?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Constance Prudence Chasity Goodfaith.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} [[D'oh]]!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} My friends call me &quot;Marge&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Huh?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Marge Obedience Temperance Sexwon't.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} D'oh!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Moe Szyslak|Moezekiel]]}} We're engaged! I didn't kill her husband just so.... I-I mean, I-I didn't kill her husband.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} We're not engaged. Uh, it's really more of an amiable concordance.<br /> {{qf|Flandish}} Oh! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Such language from a woman. Oh no! i just thought of you as a woman! ''[begins flogging himself again]''.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} Lord, we thank you for the many ways you show your love: the sun which bakes our lips to the point of bleeding and your hillarious idea to surround us with water that would kill us if we drank it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moezekiel}} Oh my God, look at that hand-on-hand action! If I don't do somethin', soon they'll be exchanging pleasantries.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Yes, the weather is fair.<br /> {{qf|Moezekiel}} Man, that guy sends my humors from sanguine to bilious. ''[he addresses the camera]'' That's how we talk, weird, huh? ''[returning to character]'' Time to think of a plan most sneaky.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moezekiel}} Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm throwing a little party tonight to celebrate that only half of us have died so far.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Beer! I thought you guys didn't drink on the Gayflower.<br /> {{qf|Moezekiel}} Stop callin' it that.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What-ever.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, I can't believe I was thinking about letting you touch my elbow through a cloth.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But, baby, a man has needs.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Oh, I guess we'll never make it to the New World.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Oh, when we landed, I was going to denounce my sister as a witch.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I keep telling you, the ability to add two-digit numbers is not witchcraft!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Thirty-one plus fourty-three.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Seventy-four.<br /> {{qf|Pilgrims}} ''[pointing at Lisa]'' Witch! Witch! Witch!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Flandish}} I just thought of a name for where we're going. New England!<br /> {{qf|[[Willie]]}} Oh, that's real creative. Whaddaya call your foot? &quot;New hand&quot;?<br /> {{qf|Flandish}} At least I'm pitching.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Land ho!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What did you call me?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Flandish}} Great [[Chief Wiggum|Chief Wig-gum]], we could never have survived our first year in the new World without you. I almost regret what we Europeans are about to do to ya.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wig-gum}} What are you gonna do?<br /> {{qf|Flandish}} Give you the biggest slice of pumpkin pie! ''[under his breath]'' Also, we're gonna take your land and wipe you out. ''[normal talking voice]'' Who wants whipped topping?<br /> <br /> == Stupidity on the Bounty ==<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Who else has a story?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I do!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, you can tell the third story. Bart will tell the second, which is usually the weakest.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Hey!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'm just trying to take the pressure off of you.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Well, I read this boring comic book about a ship called the &quot;[[Bounty]]&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Ooh, like the paper towels. Go on...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Seymour Skinner|Bligh]]}} First of all, in an effort to save water, you will no longer be given any water. And because of a drawing of myself having a romantic congress with a merman... ''[the crew laughs]''... I am dumping all your mail out to sea. And I can assure you, there were cookies in there. Good cookies. The kind only a loving mother or [[Milhouse]]'s father could make.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} My father's alive?<br /> {{qf|Bligh}} No, he died while baking. It's all in the letter. ''[he throws Milhouse's letter out the window]''.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bosun Willie}} I warn ye, captain, push this crew too far, and there'll be mutiny.<br /> {{qf|Bligh}} Mutiny? On the &quot;Bounty&quot;? Heh, heh, heh, heh. What have you been smoking.<br /> {{qf|Bosun Willie}} Opium.<br /> {{qf|Bligh}} Besides that.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|King Homer}} Welcome to our tropical paradise. Enjoy our lugas, our lagoons, and our ladies. And remember, what happens in Tahiti stays in Tahiti.<br /> {{qf|Queen Marge}} Because we have no way of communicating with the outside world, tell me, has Robert Fulton invented the steam boat yet?<br /> {{qf|[[Jimbo]]}} Any day now.<br /> {{qf|Queen Marge}} Ooooh.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart Simpson|Fletcher Christian]]}} Captain, this is a mutiny.<br /> {{qf|Bligh}} ''[uncomfortable laugh]'' Well, let's not be hasty, there, uh, what if I introduce a suggestion box?<br /> {{qf|[[Dolph]]}} We have a suggestion box. You made it from the head of the last guy who had a suggestion.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Christian}} Well, I know you had your doubts, men, but there they are... the most beautiful women in the world.<br /> {{qf|[[Kearney]]}} Those are penguins.<br /> {{qf|Christian}} Well, look at it this way. We're going to discover the North Pole.<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} South Pole.<br /> {{qf|Christian}} Oh boy, do I suck.<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Yeah.<br /> <br /> == The Neptune Upending ==<br /> {{qf|[[Disco Stu]]}} The ship's doctor has reported an outbreak of... disco fever! The only cure is to do a little dance, make a little love... get down tonight.<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} ''[worried;y taking notes]'' Wait, what was the second one?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[singing to the tune of &quot;The Morning After&quot;]'' I think we're headed for disaster, And most of you will not be saved. Unless the captain is attentive, we'll all be crushed by a huge wave.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Woo-Hoo! It's almost New Year's! Ten... nine... eight-<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, the ship's upside down and hundreds of people are dead.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Three... two... one... Happy New Year! ''[he blows a noisemaker]'' My resolution is to be more fun.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Selma]]}} I've spent the entire cruise reading these maintenance brochures because as a lonely single woman, I've had nothing better to do.<br /> {{qf|Surviving men}} Awww.<br /> {{qf|Selma}} &quot;Awwws&quot; are cheap, I'm looking for some action.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} Whatever you do, don't look down! I mean up! I can't do this anymore, it's too confusing! Ahhhh! ''[he lets go of the ladder and plummets to his death]''.<br /> {{qf|Carl}} Not that confusing.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} I've tied it off. You're all going to make it. ''[he clutches his chest]'' Tell the world... that I saved you all. ''[he dies]''.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Don't tell me what to do.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Christian}} Do you guys know the way to Tahiti?<br /> {{qf|Dolph}} Way to go, genius. You sailed into someone else's tale of the sea.<br /> {{qf|Christian}} At least I'm not gay for skeleton Kearney.<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Our ribs got tangled 75 years ago! That's not gay!<br /> {{qf|Christian}} Right, you keep believing that.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Wettest Stories Ever Told/Quotes}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Kiss_Kiss_Bang_Bangalore/Quotes&diff=885871 2019-12-01T17:04:48Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Million-Dollar Abie|The Wettest Stories Ever Told}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} ''[he steps off the plane and sees where he is]'' ''This'' isn't India! Where's the University of Notre Dame and the Indy 500 and Wrigley Field and Dodger Dogs?!<br /> {{qf|Indian Woman}} You ignorant American! You have confused India with Indiana, Indiana with Illinois, and the Cubs with the Dodgers!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I took a job on the other side of the world?! ''[groans as the camera pulls to a satellite's view of India]'' I hate this subcontinent!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Richard Dean Anderson]]}} ''[after being kidnapped]'' You won't get away with this! People will know I'm missing! There's a liquor store I go to every morning!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Selma]]}} ''[forcing Richard Dean Anderson to write an autograph on her breasts]'' You can write &quot;help me&quot; all you want! No one will ever see it! ''[sinister laugh]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} ''[sitting in the back row of the plant's auditorium]'' I wouldn't sit too close if I were you. It's bad for your eyes. ''[camera pulls out, revealing a vat of nuclear waste behind Lenny, which glows through his skeleton]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[sweetly]'' Oh, Marge. I've never been less angry to receive a book.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[touched]'' Aw.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} All right, book, I didn't read you and you didn't read me...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[contemplating a mosaic of Hindu gods]'' Let's see, you got the Elephant Man, Johnny Six Arms, Papa Smurf... You know, maybe I am one of these guys. If only I had some sort of proof. ''[Opens soda bottle, then looks at cap and gasps]'' I won a free soda! I AM A GOD!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} ''[finding Selma's XXXL bra during an escape]'' A-bra, Kada-bra!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} '']arriving in India]'' We're worried about Homer. He sent us this weird card.<br /> :''[He shows the card. On the cover, it says &quot;Come celebrate my promotion...&quot; On the next page, it says &quot;...TO GOD!&quot; The camera then shows a hand-written note saying &quot;My cell phone number will be the same.&quot;]''<br /> {{qf|Guard}} ''[points to two doors]'' One of these doors leads to Homer Simpson. The other leads to a Bengal tiger. Choose wisely.<br /> :''[Lenny opens one door, which has a tiger; he closes the door. Carl opens the other door, which has a tiger; he closes the door.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Both these doors have tigers!<br /> {{qf|Guard}} One of these tigers is named &quot;Homer Simpson&quot;.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} Ya know Moe, that sign is powered by non-American workers.<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]}} So? The beer is German and the TV is Japanese.<br /> {{qf|Carl}} You got anything here made in America?<br /> {{qf|Moe}}´(angrily gets out shotgun]'' This! ''[cocks the gun, but the back explodes in his face]'' Oh God! Misfire!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Selma}} MacGyver's back and not just at 2:00 am on the USA Network!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} That show was just a paycheck to me, nothing more.<br /> {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Richard Dean Anderson just off the wrong two Richard Dean Anderson fans!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Before we begin the movie, I would like to hold a moment of silence to remember the workers who gave their lives to...<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Movie! Movie! Movie!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} Did somebody mention my names?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} I want you to put through another escape. But this time, don't make it so easy!<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Okay. ''[hits Richard Dean Anderson's head with a hammer]'' Is that too much?<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Not for MacGyver! ''[hits him with the hammer]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} Richard Dean Anderson, of the four &quot;Star&quot; franchises: Wars, Trek, Gate, and Search, &quot;Gate&quot; is ''easily'' in my top three!<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} I get that a lot.<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} What in the name of Steve Ditko?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} ''[after Richard is kidnapped]'' He's gone!<br /> {{qf|[[Doug (nerd)|Doug]]}} There must be a Stargate in this room!<br /> {{qf|[[Benjamin (nerd)|Benjamin]]}} Let us find it!<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} Wait! I have some even more exciting news! I have heard that there is a girl in this room!<br /> {{qf|[[Squeaky-voiced teen]]}} Let us find her!<br /> :''[The nerds close in on Willie.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Willie]]}} This isn't a dress! It's a kilt! And I'm not a girl!<br /> {{qf|Squeaky Voiced Teen}} You're the closest we'll ever get!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} ''[dressed as MacGyver]'' Hey, ladies! Guess who made MacGyver burgers? MacGyver!<br /> {{qf|Selma}} But we didn't have any ground beef.<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} True. But you ''did'' have Slim Jims, a cheese grater, and rubber bands to hold it all together!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} So, Mr. Burns, you're saying my dad has gone insane, thinks he's a god, and has sealed himself in the plant, cutting off all touch with the outside world?<br /> {{qf|[[Smithers]]}} Sir, I told you Simpson would be a bad choice to run the plant.<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} You know, Smithers, &quot;I told you so&quot; has a brother. His name is, &quot;Shut the hell up&quot;!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You are not a god!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I ''am'' a god!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Then when's mom's birthday?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh, Janu...Febu...Mar...<br /> {{qf|Marge}} It's May!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Right. May fir...sec...thir...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} I've come up with another escape. I want you to tie me up and lock me in the trunk of your car, under the pier at low tide. All I need are these everyday objects — a toothpick, some liquor, a gun with no bullets, bullets, and three of my ''MacGyver'' writers.<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Okay. Maybe we can do it during lunch.<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} ''[childishly]'' Now!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} ''[as he's being kidnapped]'' Watch the face! I need that for acting!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[reading the book]'' &quot;Fried eggs are as important to business as bacon.&quot;<br /> {{qf|Worker 1}} ''[subtitled from Hindi]'' What's he talking about?<br /> {{qf|Female Worker}} ''[subtitled from Hindi]'' Fried eggs? I have a degree in physics from M.I.T.<br /> {{qf|Worker 2}} ''[subtitled from Hindi]'' Maybe if we cheer, he'll let us go back to work!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Burns, Smithers, and the Simpsons arrive at the Indian power plant, with the workers chanting 'mylar balloons']''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Should we take our stuff or are we coming back on the same boat?<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Same boat, but take it anyway. I'm renting the boat to a Dixieland booze cruise.<br /> :''[They disembark as an Indian Dixie Land band gets on the boat.]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} The man's a genius! We don't need to be here to help him.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You mean you're giving me absolute power!?<br /> {{qf|Smithers}} Sir, doesn't that corrupt?<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Absolutely...not!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Richard Dean Anderson}} ''MacGyver'', AWAY!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Well, I'm just glad I'm not a god anymore. Let's go home. How's [[Chief Wiggum]]?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} He was gravely wounded in a bank shooting.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, he's funny.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I was playing Carnac with my bodyguard...<br /> :''[Homer removes the turban from his Sikh bodyguard, and places it on his own head. He then places an envelope to his head]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[in Johnny Carson voice]'' Hin...du<br /> :''[Homer rips open the envelope, blows into it, removes the card inside and reads...]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[in Johnny Carson voice]'' The moisture that collects on my Hin!<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Kiss_Kiss_Bang_Bangalore/Quotes&diff=885861 2019-12-01T16:43:02Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> *'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[he steps off the plane and sees where he is]'' ''This'' isn't India! Where's the University of Notre Dame and the Indy 500 and Wrigley Field and Dodger Dogs?!&lt;br /&gt;'''Indian Woman:''' You ignorant American! You have confused India with Indiana, Indiana with Illinois, and the Cubs with the Dodgers!&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' I took a job on the other side of the world?! ''[groans as the camera pulls to a satellite's view of India]'' I hate this subcontinent!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' ''[after being kidnapped]'' You won't get away with this! People will know I'm missing! There's a liquor store I go to every morning!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''[[Selma]]:''' ''[forcing Richard Dean Anderson to write an autograph on her breasts]'' You can write &quot;help me&quot; all you want! No one will ever see it! ''[sinister laugh]''<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''[[Lenny]]:''' ''[sitting in the back row of the plant's auditorium]'' I wouldn't sit too close if I were you. It's bad for your eyes. ''[camera pulls out, revealing a vat of nuclear waste behind Lenny, which glows through his skeleton]''<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Homer:''' ''[sweetly]'' Oh, Marge. I've never been less angry to receive a book.&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' ''[touched]'' Aw.<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Homer:''' All right, book, I didn't read you and you didn't read me...<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Homer:''' ''[contemplating a mosaic of Hindu gods]'' Let's see, you got the Elephant Man, Johnny Six Arms, Papa Smurf... You know, maybe I am one of these guys. If only I had some sort of proof. ''[Opens soda bottle, then looks at cap and gasps]'' I won a free soda! I AM A GOD!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson (finding Selma's XXXL bra during an escape):''' A-bra, Kada-bra!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Lenny (arriving in India):''' We're worried about Homer. He sent us this weird card.&lt;br /&gt;''[shows card. On the cover, it says &quot;Come celebrate my promotion...&quot; On the next page, it says &quot;...TO GOD!&quot; The camera then shows a hand-written note saying &quot;My cell phone number will be the same.&quot;'')&lt;br /&gt;'''Guard (points to two doors):''' One of these doors leads to Homer Simpson. The other leads to a Bengal tiger. Choose wisely.&lt;br /&gt;''[Lenny opens one door, which has a tiger; he closes the door. Carl opens the other door, which has a tiger; he closes the door]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Carl:''' Both these doors have tigers!&lt;br /&gt;'''Guard:''' One of these tigers is named &quot;Homer Simpson&quot;.<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Lenny:''' Ya know Moe, that sign is powered by non-American workers.&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe:''' So? The beer is German and the TV is Japanese.&lt;br /&gt;'''Carl:''' You got anything here made in America?&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe (angrily gets out shotgun):''' This! ''[cocks the gun, but the back explodes in his face]'' Oh God! Misfire!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Selma:''' MacGyver's back and not just at 2:00 am on the USA Network!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''[[Richard Dean Anderson]]:''' That show was just a paycheck to me, nothing more.<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Richard Dean Anderson just off the wrong two Richard Dean Anderson fans!<br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''[[Mr. Burns]]:''' Before we begin the movie, I would like to hold a moment of silence to remember the workers who gave their lives to...&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Movie! Movie! Movie!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' Did somebody mention my names?<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' I want you to put through another escape. But this time, don't make it so easy!&lt;br /&gt;'''Patty:''' Okay. ''[hits Richard Dean Anderson's head with a hammer]'' Is that too much?&lt;br /&gt;'''Selma:''' Not for MacGyver! ''[hits him with the hammer]''<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''[[Comic Book Guy]]:''' Richard Dean Anderson, of the four &quot;Star&quot; franchises: Wars, Trek, Gate, and Search, &quot;Gate&quot; is ''easily'' in my top three!&lt;br /&gt;'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' I get that a lot.<br /> *'''Comic Book Guy:''' What in the name of Steve Ditko?!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Comic Book Guy (after Richard is kidnapped):''' He's gone!&lt;br /&gt;'''Doug:''' There must be a Stargate in this room!&lt;br /&gt;'''Benjamin:''' Let us find it!&lt;br /&gt;'''Comic Book Guy:''' Wait! I have some even more exciting news! I have heard that there is a girl in this room!&lt;br /&gt;'''[[Squeaky-voiced teen]]:''' Let us find her!&lt;br /&gt;''[the nerds close in on Willie]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Willie:''' This isn't a dress! It's a kilt! And I'm not a girl!&lt;br /&gt;'''Squeaky Voiced Teen:''' You're the closest we'll ever get!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson (dressed as MacGyver):''' Hey, ladies! Guess who made MacGyver burgers? MacGyver!&lt;br /&gt;'''Selma:''' But we didn't have any ground beef.&lt;br /&gt;'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' True. But you ''did'' have Slim Jims, a cheese grater, and rubber bands to hold it all together!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''[[Bart]]:''' So, Mr. Burns, you're saying my dad has gone insane, thinks he's a god, and has sealed himself in the plant, cutting off all touch with the outside world?&lt;br /&gt;'''Smithers:''' Sir, I told you Simpson would be a bad choice to run the plant.&lt;br /&gt;'''Mr. Burns:''' You know, Smithers, &quot;I told you so&quot; has a brother. His name is, &quot;Shut the hell up&quot;!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Marge:''' You are not a god!&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' I ''am'' a god!&lt;br /&gt;'''Lisa:''' Then when's mom's birthday?&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Uh, Janu...Febu...Mar...&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' It's May!&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Right. May fir...sec...thir...<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' I've come up with another escape. I want you to tie me up and lock me in the trunk of your car, under the pier at low tide. All I need are these everyday objects — a toothpick, some liquor, a gun with no bullets, bullets, and three of my ''MacGyver'' writers.&lt;br /&gt;'''Selma:''' Okay. Maybe we can do it during lunch.&lt;br /&gt;'''Richard Dean Anderson (childishly):''' Now!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson (as he's being kidnapped):''' Watch the face! I need that for acting!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Homer (reading the book):''' &quot;Fried eggs are as important to business as bacon.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;'''Worker 1 (subtitled from Hindi):''' What's he talking about?&lt;br /&gt;'''Female Worker (subtitled from Hindi):''' Fried eggs? I have a degree in physics from M.I.T.&lt;br /&gt;'''Worker 2 (subtitled from Hindi):''' Maybe if we cheer, he'll let us go back to work!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *''[Burns, Smithers, and the Simpsons arrive at the Indian power plant, with the workers chanting 'mylar balloons']''&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' Should we take our stuff or are we coming back on the same boat?&lt;br /&gt;'''Burns:''' Same boat, but take it anyway. I'm renting the boat to a Dixieland booze cruise.&lt;br /&gt;''[they disembark as an Indian Dixie Land band gets on the boat]''<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Burns:''' The man's a genius! We don't need to be here to help him.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' You mean you're giving me absolute power!?&lt;br /&gt;'''Smithers:''' Sir, doesn't that corrupt?&lt;br /&gt;'''Burns:''' Absolutely...not!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Richard Dean Anderson:''' ''MacGyver'', AWAY!<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Homer:''' Well, I'm just glad I'm not a god anymore. Let's go home. How's [[Chief Wiggum]]?&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' He was gravely wounded in a bank shooting.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Yeah, he's funny.<br /> <br /> ----<br /> <br /> *'''Homer:''' I was playing Carnac with my bodyguard...&lt;br /&gt;''[Homer removes the turban from his Sikh bodyguard, and places it on his own head. He then places an envelope to his head]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer (in Johnny Carson voice):''' Hin...du&lt;br /&gt;''[Homer rips open the envelope, blows into it, removes the card inside and reads...]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer (in Johnny Carson voice):''' The moisture that collects on my Hin!<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Million-Dollar_Abie/Quotes&diff=885860 2019-12-01T16:41:16Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife|Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Jock Center anchor]]}} But first, the commissioner of pro football has announced plans to expand the league! Owners will meet soon to award a new team to one lucky city.<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Well, it's a cinch Springfield won't be that lucky city.<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Yeah, the only thing we're known for is leading the country in heart attacks.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Marge, meet pro football's newest team: the Springfield Meltdowns! Plus I designed a state-of-the-art stadium. We'll fund it with corporate naming rights. It's the [[Duff Beer Krusty Burger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park]]!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[The Rich Texan]]}} I'm sick of L.A.! They got earthquakes, wildfires, Bennifers, Brangelinas, and that potty mouth {{Ch|Sarah Silverman}}! To hell with all of 'em!<br /> {{qf|Female owner}} I didn't kill my husband to get control of his franchise to give a team to Los Angeles!<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} Then Springfield it is! Yee ha! Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go tell my gay grandson I still love him.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} &quot;Touchdown Avenue&quot;? Delightful!<br /> {{qf|[[Jimbo Jones]]}} Who ya talkin' to? Your imaginary girlfriend?<br /> {{qf|Sideshow Mel}} Isn't your mother a well-known whore?<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} You win this round, Mel.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} If I knock him out, I'll be a hero. And people will listen to my loose-brained nonsense.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} It's so strange that the commissioner didn't show up.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Maybe he's thinking of a new shape for the football.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You're a useless old man! Name one thing you do for this family.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} I watch the baby.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Where is the baby?<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} You left me with a baby?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Dr. Egoyan]]}} Mr. Simpson, you are a good candidate for assisted suicide.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Aw, I think you're cute, too.<br /> {{qf|Dr. Egoyan}} But killing yourself isn't as easy as putting on an ugly sweater like you did today. I want you to carefully think about this for twenty-four hours.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Oh, I see. You want me to reconsider whether or not I really should give up my life.<br /> {{qf|Dr. Egoyan}} Yeah. And we're cleaning the death machine today. A lot of gunk gets stuck in it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Okay... if I get a single phone call in the next twenty-four hours, I'll keep on livin'.<br /> {{qf|[[Jasper Beardsley]]}} If you go, can I have your blanket and your liver?<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Blanket? Sure. Liver? Never!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} You're all dead too? So, who went berserk? Fatso or the little guy?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Los Souvenir Jacquitos leader]]}} I suggest we use the stadium for the ancient art of the toreador... bullfighting!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} No! Wait! Wait! Bullfighting is a cruel, pseudo-sport!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Lisa's right! It is a cool, super sport!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Grampa, I think you should give up the bullfighting.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Forget it! I'd look pretty stupid in this outfit walkin' around fightin' oysters!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Spanish announcer}} Grampa Simpson's movements are tentative. As if he is distracted. Distracted as if by a moral dilemma. A moral dilemma posed by a young boy... no, a girl! A girl named Linda... no, Lisa! The flutter of the cape tells all.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Homer_Simpson,_This_Is_Your_Wife/Quotes&diff=885858 2019-12-01T16:35:56Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart Has Two Mommies|Million-Dollar Abie|Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I am so stoked about [[Lenny]]'s party. He said he was gonna make a surprise announcement!<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Maybe he's getting married?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why the hell would he want to do that... blessed sacrament that has made my life so rich? I like your hat, sweetie.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'm not wearing a hat.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I mean the one at the house.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Brandine]]}} Another party and we cain't go.<br /> {{qf|[[Cletus]]}} Yeah. Just 'cause we's afraid of usin' the uppity box. ''[points at the elevator]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Ain't no party like a Lenny party, 'cause a Lenny party don't stop! ''[checks his watch]'' Eh, I gotta work tomorrow. I-I'd better go.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} How did Lenny get to be &quot;[[Newsfake]]&quot; magazine's man of the year?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} That's just a souvenir from am amusement park.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What?! Next you'll be telling me he didn't meet [[Woody Woodpecker]]. ''[points to a photo of Lenny shaking Woody's hand]''<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} I dated the woman in that suit for three months. Then she left me for the guy that cleans the vomit off the roller coasters.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Lenny, bring me a beer and your deepest chamber pot. Chop-chop!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Later, if I have enough energy, we can walk up to the TV, and I'll show you how thin it is.<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} ''[looking out the window]'' Wow, there's a rainbow outside.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[pointing to the TV]'' Oh yeah, well, right there's a commercial with a dancing cold sore.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} Beat it! This is my alone time.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Can you at least take a picture of me with the TV?<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} I ain't fallin' for that again. ''[points to several framed pictures of Homer posing with the TV on the wall]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh yeah, good times.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yello?<br /> {{qf|Smooth-voiced man}} Congratulations, Mr. Simpson, you've won!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} The big-screen TV?<br /> {{qf|Smooth-voiced man}} No. No one wins that. You win third prize. A tour of the Fox Network in [[Los Angeles]], [[California]].<br /> {{qf|Homer}} All expenses paid?<br /> {{qf|Smooth-voiced man}} Uh, look, I gotta go.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Tour guide}} Ooh, why look, there's {{Ch|Dan Castellaneta}} from ''[[The Tracey Ullman Show]]''.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, funny man, say something funny!<br /> {{qf|Dan Castellaneta}} Please, don't lean out the tram, sir, you might get hurt.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Ooh, &quot;don't lean out the tram-&quot; Aaaaagh! ''[Homer is knocked out of the tram by a statue of [[Mischa Barton]]]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What are you doing, Homer?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm signing us up for a reality show where we trade you to another family.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, that might be interesting... or it could damage many, many lives.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer and Bart moon the cameraman]''<br /> {{qf|Producer}} Uhh. We'd better pixelate those.<br /> {{qf|{{ap|Doug|camera man}}}} ''[panicky]'' There aren't enough pixels in the world!<br /> {{qf|Producer}} Yeah, urm, just cover it with {{Ch|Ryan Seacrest}}'s head.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Producer}} Your two families will exchange wives for a month. Then a viewer vote will decide who they think is the least reprehensible.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I don't understand, dad. Our family has so many flaws. Why must we share them with the world?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Because we'll be on TV, and earn enough money to buy a TV. TV!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} But, dad...<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yes, TV-sa?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Eh, forget it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Listen up, Stonehenge. I made a drawing of the places on Marge you can't touch. Especially the hair.<br /> {{qf|[[Charles Heathbar]]}} Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. Heh, heh, heh. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You take forever to say nothing.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Verity Heathbar]]}} Charles hasn't satisfied me in years.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} So, Charles, what do you do for a living?<br /> {{qf|Charles}} Well, I'm an office manager, and no, I didn't even get a promotion today, again. So go on, go ahead. Disembowel me with your pointy, pointy words.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Verity}} Young man, I'm going to turn that cartoon into homework.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Help me, cameraman! I let you some a cigarette in my bedroom!<br /> {{qf|Doug}} ''[brusque]'' That was a joint. And I have a name. It's Doug.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Charles}} One more kind word from her, and I am completely smitten.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Ooh, your toaster takes bagels! How ritzy!<br /> {{qf|Charles}} And there we have it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What's that delicious smell?<br /> {{qf|Verity}} I'm burning all of your underwear.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'm sorry, but I love Homer.<br /> {{qf|Charles}} Uhhh. Of course, you do. He's a real man... not like me, a miserable toad under the thumb of the biggest bitch this side of the Westminster Kennel Club.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Charles, please... your son might see this.<br /> {{qf|Charles}} He's not my real son! His real father is either the pool man or my wife's lover. Oh, ho. They're the main two candidates I've narrowed it down to. Pretty sure.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Oh, there, there. God, I miss Homer.<br /> {{qf|Charles}} I miss him too. What is it about him that is so damned irresistible?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, he's loved me ever since the first moment he saw me, and he's never stopped. And whatever it takes to make me happy, he'll do it, even if it kills him.<br /> :''[Doug turns to the director]''<br /> {{qf|Doug}} Sorry, I ran out of tape just before that beautiful speech of hers. But I got a great shot of him saying his son's a bastard.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Lisa! What are you doing in the nutmeg state?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Fox flew me out here to bring you back. They flew me on Frito-Lay's Air Force Yum! And I'm required to say &quot;Come to the cool ranch and rope in the flavor. Yee-haw.&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Let's go home, sweetie. I'm sure there's a hamper full of Homer waiting for me.<br /> {{qf|Charles}} And I'm coming with you... to tell my sea hag of a wife, &quot;You're fired!&quot; Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I was doing, uh, {{Ch|Donald Trump}}? Billionaire? If you knew who he was, you'd be dying.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I know who Donald Trump is.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Me too.<br /> {{qf|Charles}} I don't think you do. Spot on.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, Marge, thank god you're back! She made me spend time with the kids! And not just TV time. Talking time!<br /> {{qf|Charles}} Where is she? Where's the soul-sucking she-beast that I call &quot;Sweetums&quot;?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} [[Maggie]]? She's in her crib.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Verity}} Charles, I'm leaving you.<br /> {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Ya snooze, ya lose.<br /> {{qf|Charles}} You're leaving me for him?!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So it would appear. However, Cousin Itt there, was born a woman.<br /> {{qf|Patty}} What brought us together is how much we hate you.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, well, I'm gonna vote no on 38 so you can't adopt. ''[Patty twists his arm]'' Ah! Ow! Kidding! Kidding! I don't vote! The polling place is up a hill, and I never make it!<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Bart_Has_Two_Mommies/Quotes&diff=885471 2019-11-30T10:48:30Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Seemingly Never-Ending Story|Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bart}} Why does [[God]] need our money?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} He has to finish paying off the planets. Did you see that ring He gave Saturn?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rod}} Hurry, let's climb down.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[as he and Rod climb down the church steeple]'' Don't let our hands touch it's gay.<br /> {{qf|Rod}} What does 'gay' mean?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Um, It means...you used to be afraid... but you're not anymore.<br /> {{qf|Rod}} ''[shouting down at Flanders]'' I'm gay, Daddy! I'm gay! Mrs. Simpson made me gay!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[laughs nervously]'' I believe he's saying... he's okay.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What are you talking about? Monkeys don't have feelings. If they did, my experiments on them could be called cruel.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[sarcastic tone]'' Oh, you're so right! I guess I should be more concerned with Bart's safety than covering my own butt! And maybe I'm talking like this because I can't stop! Help me, Lisa, I have serious mental problems!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned}} ''[gasp]'' A sliver from a band-aid wrapper! Call me Ned Zeppelin, but is one of my boys abraised and contused?!<br /> {{qf|Todd}} I cut myself on the knife playing Christian Clue.<br /> {{qf|Rod}} The secular humanist in the school house with misinformation!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rod}} ''[praying]'' And please thank Mrs. Simpson for giving as much fun as we had when Mommy was here.&quot;<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Aw.<br /> {{qf|Todd}} ''[praying]'' And please ask Mommy to come to Daddy in a dream so he knows how to cut our sandwiches.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Aw.<br /> {{qf|Rod}} ''[praying]'' And please tell Mrs. Simpson it's rude to eavesdrop on our prayers.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[surprised]'' Oh.<br /> {{qf|Rod}} ''[praying]'' But we forgive her.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Ooooo.&quot;<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Seemingly_Never-Ending_Story/Quotes&diff=885468 2019-11-30T10:10:11Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|My Fair Laddy|Bart Has Two Mommies}}<br /> <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Our god made their god.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Save me, Tsisnajini!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Mad beast!<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Liberal midget!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Rich Texan]]}} ''[after the Rich Texan douses Mr. Burns' head with crude oil]'' Back in Houston, we call that a &quot;Fort Worth Shampoo&quot;!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} ''[emerging from the shadows holding a revolver]'' I'll take the gold iffin' ya please!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} How can you take it? We haven't even found it.<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} It's right behind the rock on the left. No, your left. &quot;Texas&quot; Left, which is your down. <br /> :''[Marge holds up the bag]'' <br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} I'll take the gold iffin' ya please!<br /> {{qf|Burns}} ''[emerging from behind a thin stalactite holding a derringer]'' Not so fast, Shady Bird Johnson! I'll take that gold!<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]}} ''[emerging from the shadows holding a baseball bat]'' Yeah, y'all take the gold and then you'll give it to me if ya know what's good for ya.<br /> :''[Burns and the Rich Texan aim their guns at Moe]''<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[nervous]'' You guys got guns? ''[retreats to the shadows]'' Uh, yeah, me too. ''[makes the sound of cocking a shotgun]'' Huh? Huh?<br /> {{qf|[[Snake]]}} Coolest entrance gets the gold! ''[goes down a rope like James Bond]'' I hope it's okay that I brought my son. Today's my day with him. ''[points to Bart]'' Look, Jeremy. There's a boy you can play with.<br /> {{qf|Jeremy}} ''[to Bart]'' You like Xbox?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} I had to start up from the bottom to get my fortune back. And to get to the bottom, I had to work my way up from Moe's.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} YEE-HAW! I'm gonna win me a nuclear plant!<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Dream on, bitch.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} ''[to Burns]'' Hey barboy, write a play where I meet Henry Ford and Captain Kirk!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} YEE-HAW! Moe can't catch a break! 1-2-3-4! Can't catch a break! 1-2-3-4! Can't catch a break!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} Howdy! What's your business, boy?!<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Nuclear power. I make money using my brain, not sticking a pole in the ground and praying for goo.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} ''[after Burns gives him the gold]'' Okay. I'll give you back all your worldly possessions, exceptin' this here nu-clear plant, until you give me a picture of yourself with a smilin' child!<br /> {{qf|Burns}} What the hell could that possibly mean to you?<br /> {{qf|Rich Texan}} I'm obsessive compulsive! ''[firing his pistols]'' Ye-haw! ''[tapping his foot]'' 1-2-3-4! ''[firing his pistols]''Ye-haw! ''[tapping his foot]'' 1-2-3-4! ''[firing his pistols]'' Ye-haw! ''[tapping his foot]'' 1-2-3-4! ''[firing his pistols]'' Ye-haw! :''[tapping his foot]'' 1-2-3-4!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[retelling the story of his tragic romance with Edna]'' I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe.'<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Fate gave me an awful dilemma — should I rob the guy or rob him ''and'' kill him?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[telling his story]'' I knew that in order to keep Edna, I'd have to get rid of the human garbage otherwise known as &quot;my friends&quot;.<br /> :''[throws out [[Barney]], then [[Lenny]] and Carl, then Barney again, then Homer, then gets ready to throw out Barney again]''<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Barney, how do you keep getting back in here?<br /> {{qf|Barney}} I'm a drunk. I don't know nothin' 'bout how I do anything.<br /> :''[Moe throws Barney out again and then Barney is back in the bar, behind Moe.]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[to Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl]'' Listen Boozebags! I got a good thing going here. If you mess it up I will out the one of you who is gay! <br /> :''[the drunks then run off in a flamboyant fashion]'' <br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[to Edna]'' Now, where were we? ''[they resume kissing]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Snake}} I've been robbed! I'll take my revenge on society...by which I mean convenience stores! And who would suspect me, Professor Jailbird!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} I didn't want the gold, so I just kept playing our song on the jukebox one...<br /> {{qf|Burns}} ''[reading letter]'' ...one gold coin at a time. ''[looks at jukebox]'' Oh, you poor man. You're about to get poorer.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} ''[voice over]'' I steamed open the letter using Moe's cappuccino machine.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[in letter]'' If you are reading this, I am dead and I shall tell you the story about my treasure.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} ''[reading letter]'' Treasure?!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[in flashback]'' Treasure?!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Moe has a cappuccino machine?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Professor Snake Jailbird}} So, I'm excavating this Mayan pyramid and I came across these coins and I was all like &quot;Could you be any more pre-Columbian?&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} ''[voiceover]'' At 5.15 an hour, I knew it would take an eternity to get my fortune back. And Fica wasn't helping! But for once, things went ''my'' way!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} ''[after hearing Bart's story/excuse]'' Bart, that story is the biggest load of cra...bappel?!? Making out with Moe?!? ''[he sees Moe and Edna making out outside his office window]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Keypad to Safe Room}} Enter password.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Dammit I forget.<br /> {{qf|Keypad}} Forgot password? Enter place of birth.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Pangaea.<br /> {{qf|Keypad}} Correct. Your password has been emailed to you.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} D'oh.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Martin]]}} ''[attached to a kite being flown by Nelson]'' Lab partners don't treat lab partners like this!<br /> {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Shut up and attract lightning!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Wait a minute. You're telling Moe's story in Burns' story in your story?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Yes, dad. It's like a play inside of a play, like Hamlet. <br /> :''[Homer looks at her puzzled]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Fine, it's like you watching a home movie of you watching TV.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[understanding]'' Oh yeah.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[after falling down the hole in the cave]'' I'm stuck, and I have to pee! ''[A few seconds later]'' Now I'm just stuck.<br /> ----<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Seemingly Never-Ending Story/Quotes, The}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=My_Fair_Laddy/Quotes&diff=882258 2019-11-17T10:21:36Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, applying template Qf, removing quote characters (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|We're on the Road to D'ohwhere|The Seemingly Never-Ending Story}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''[talking about the Home, Sweet Home sign Lisa made for him]'' You made that for me? ''[sniffles]'' I think I need a moment alone.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I understand. ''[leaves]''<br /> :''[when she's gone, Willie takes the sign off the wall and smashes it]''<br /> {{qf|Willie}} I liked it the way it was!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Marge is shocked by the ad on Homer's head when he turns out the lights]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} It glows in the dark!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[nervously]'' It's not supposed to.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} Bombardment! Bombardment! Bombardment!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Look at her, trying to civilize Willie! That's as unlikely as Kearney going around the world in eighty days!<br /> {{qf|Kearney}} ''[has a thought]'' Eighty days? More than ample time to circumnavigate the globe.<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Would you care to wager on that?<br /> {{qf|Kearney}} You're on!<br /> {{qf|Dolph}} I shall hold the money!<br /> :''[pays Jimbo some money and then bikes off screen right. A few seconds later, a hot-air balloon appears going the opposite way]''<br /> {{qf|Kearney (in balloon)}} To Istanbul!<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Wrong way, dingus!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} Today we will be playing a game as old as pain itself, BOMBARDMENT.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} I'm intrigued! How do you play?<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} DUCK OR DIE!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} VAN HOUTEN!<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} (sheepishly) Here, sir, but my doctor says no more bombardment<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} WELL HERE'S A SECOND OPINION! ''[the gym teacher chucks a dodgeball at Milhouse]'' MUNTZ!<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} Do your worst! I'm drunk!<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} Well welcome to A.A., ALWAYS ATTACKING! ''[the gym teacher chucks a dodgeball at Nelson]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Good night, Willie!<br /> {{qf|Willie}} Good night! ''[hits himself on the head with a hammer, then falls asleep]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} ''[after he hits Bart with a ball]'' Son, are you all right?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I think so...<br /> {{qf|Gym Teacher}} BOMBARDMENT!''[hits Bart with a ball again]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart (puts a water dodgeball in the freezer and takes out Lisa's saxophone)}} Why did I put this in here?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} My saxophone! ''[begins playing, but her lips get stuck]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Oh, now I remember!<br /> {{qf|Lisa (muffled)}} You jerk! I'm telling Mom!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer is on a go-kart when his seat collapses, causing his butt to scrape the ground]''<br /> {{qf|[[Squeaky-voiced teen]]}} Sir, your go-kart's broken!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} No! I paid for fifty laps and I'm taking them!<br /> :''[Homer then has brief moments of laughter followed by brief moments of pain. He passes the lap sign, which goes from &quot;2&quot; to &quot;3&quot;.]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Groundskeeper Largo}} Oh for God's sake! ''[camera pulls out, revealing his tractor is on the school roof]'' How did I get up here?<br /> {{qf|Willie}} I feel like I..''[singing]'' could be indoors all night, could use a fork and knife, and never soil my suit! I could be so polite, start not a scene nor fight and still not feel like a fruit! How very nice that there's no lice in my hair, and my toenails I don't bite! Now that I've reached the stage where I'm not full of rage, I could be indoors, indoors, all night!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''[sings to the tune of wouldn’t it be loverly]'' ''All I want is a place somewhere...''<br /> :'''Lisa: '''''(pause)''''' '''And?<br /> {{qf|Willie}} That's it.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Maybe you should aim a little higher.<br /> {{qf|Willie}} Hmm...Let's see... ''[continues singing]'' ''Oh, to have me shack rebuilt, Get my rotten teeth all drillt, something on underneath my kilt, oh, wouldn't it be adequate? Matching shoes for both me feet, dining on untainted meat, a toilet what still has its seat.''<br /> :''[zoom to Homer sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''Oh,wouldn't it be adequate?''<br /> {{qf|Bart and Lisa}} ''Adequate? Adequate?''<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''Wouldn't it be adequate?(tries to close the living room's window's curtains but they fall down]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[watching Super Bowl ad for blue pants]'' How long is this ad?<br /> {{qf|Executive}} I don't know. I've never made it to the end.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''[singing) What flows from the nose does not go on my clothes.''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''I think he's got it, oh yeah, he's got it.''<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''[in front of Lisa's mirror) What flows from the nose-''<br /> {{qf|Willie's mirror reflection}} ''-Does not go on my clothes.''<br /> {{qf|Willie}} Gah! A talking mirror! ''[takes a chair and smashes Lisa's mirror]'' Gah! ''[takes Bart and Lisa's noses and swoops them]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''Where is that ghastly flow?''<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''The nose,the nose!''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''And where should it not go?''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''Blue pants, blue pants!''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[stops singing]'' Dad, get your own song!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Fine. ''[goes away singing) I'm getting blue pants in the morning, ding dong, the zipper's gonna shine!''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''[singing)I've a fancy suit,and a clean white shirt, but I miss the days when tractor fumes blew up my skirt. I was freezing cold, and I slept in mold, but I long for the shack where I lived. She was true to me, my own home of wood, and when I passed out drunk from turpentine she understood. Life was so sublime-''<br /> {{qf|Groundskeeper Largo}} ''-Well Boo-Hoo,'cause I'm hanging ferns in the shack where you lived!(stops singing]''. If I had your voice I'd talk-sing everything!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Willie, do you want to stay at our house?<br /> {{qf|Willie}} I don't need your charity, just as long as I've got a pan over my head.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} That's a colander.<br /> {{qf|Willie (sees that Marge is right)}} So ''that's'' where all the soup went.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Willie}} I feel like I... ''[singing) ''<br /> :''Could be indoors all night,''<br /> :''Could use a fork, and knife,''<br /> :''and never soil my suit!''<br /> :''I could be so polite''<br /> :''Start not a single fight''<br /> :''And still not feel like a fruit!''<br /> :''How very nice''<br /> :''That there's no lice''<br /> :''In my hair.''<br /> :''And my toe-nails I don't bite.''<br /> :''Now that I've reached the stage''<br /> :''Where I'm not full of rage''<br /> :''I could be indoors''<br /> :''Indoors all night!''<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=We%27re_on_the_Road_to_D%27ohwhere/Quotes&diff=882256 2019-11-17T10:12:40Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} '''''D'OHHHHHH!''''' (after hearing that Bart can only travel to Oregon via car)<br /> :''[D'oh echoes to Moe's]''<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Oh, dang, Homer ain't comin'.<br /> {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Haw, haw!<br /> {{qf|Carl}} And Nelson saw something funny! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season17/dohwhere6.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Did you know that in Massachusetts it's legal for a guy to marry his son?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Well Maggie, I always knew it would someday boil down to just you and me; I'll look for work in the morning.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Pilot (over PA)}} Welcome to Atlanta. Please keep your seat belt on until we've come to a complete stop.<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} No one tells Bart Simpson what to do! ''[unbuckles seat belt, which sets off an alarm]''<br /> {{qf|Pilot (over PA)}} Thanks a lot, Row 33 C! Now we have to fly back to [[Minneapolis]] and I'm very tired!<br /> :''[everyone groans as the plane makes a U-turn and takes off again]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Waylon Smithers, Jr.]]}} How much for this {{w|estrogen}}?<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} But that's a female replacement hormone.<br /> {{qf|Smithers}} Uh-huh, it's for a friend who's trapped in the body of another friend.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'll have the smiley face breakfast special. Uhh, but could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, {{W|five o'clock shadow}} made of bacon bits and a bacon body.<br /> {{qf|[[Cora|Waitress]]}} How about I just shove a pig down your throat?<br /> :''[Homer looks excited]''<br /> {{qf|Waitress}} I was kidding.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Fine, but the bacon man lives in a bacon house!<br /> {{qf|Waitress}} No he doesn't! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season17/dohwhere8.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[inside Homer's head]''<br /> {{qf|Fun Homer}} Aw, Come on, Serious Homer, lemme out! We can get a monkey drunk and push him down the stairs!<br /> {{qf|Serious Homer}} ''[whacks Fun Homer with his gun]'' I'll kill you, the way I killed Intellectual Homer!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Wow, the valve room. Now we can leave without touching a valve. What a story that will be!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} To help show the seriousness of Bart's offense, Superintendent Chalmers will be joining by video link.<br /> {{qf|[[Chalmers]]}} And joining me by video link, State Comptroller Atkins.<br /> {{qf|[[State Comptroller Atkins|Atkins]]}} Can we move this along? I'm attending an important conference here in [[Scottsdale]].<br /> {{qf|Chalmers}} You're in Scottsdale? I'm in Scottsdale! The {{W|Hilton Hotel|Hilton}}. Room 381.<br /> {{qf|Atkins}} Get out! I'm in 502! Hey, do you guys have any ice buckets down there?<br /> {{qf|Chalmers}} No, we've been using shower caps. ''[Skinner turns off the TV]'' Skinner!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} (Homer and Bart laugh) You made that TV show really mad.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Carl}} But why you being so generous? You're usually so stingy and rat like.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Yeah well you remember that time I tried to hang myself and the rope broke? Well, I sued the rope company and I got a huge settlement...and a new rope!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer's car is just hanging over a cliff]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} If I help you, what are you gonna do to me?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Shower you with love, because this experience has taught me just how precious you are. ''[Bart pushes the car down]'' I'll kill you! I'll kill your whole family! ''[Bart moves the car up, threatening to send Homer over the cliff]'' Kidding, I'm kidding. We can do that; we have a special friendship. ''[car down]'' I'm gonna double kill you! Then I'm gonna bury you in a shallow grave! Then I'll dig you up and kill you again! That's the beauty of a shallow grave!! ''[car up]'' You sweet little angel, I'm ''[car down]'' gonna rip your head off and spit''[car up]'' down your adorable little neck, ''[car down]'' because I wanna smash your stupid head! ''[car up]'' I love you; we'll go on a fishing trip. ''[car down]'' But first, I'm gonna put you on a saw mill and punch your little face out! That's what I'm gonna do! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season17/dohwhere10.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Jimbo]]}} Uh, I'm here for the, um...yard sale.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} But that was yesterday.<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} No, I mean the &quot;yard sale&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What are you talking about?<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Can I buy some pills?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, maybe someone else can help you, because I'm not a drug grocer. ''[closes door, then hears knocking]'' Oh, I'm out of drugs! See how much money I've made! ''[sees Chief Wiggum at the door]'' ''[gasp]'' Chief Wiggum! Uh, are you still with the police department?<br /> {{qf|[[Wiggum]]}} Save it, Ma Peddle!<br /> {{qf|Lou}} &quot;Ma Peddle&quot;?<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} It's a reference to {{W|Ma and Pa Kettle|Ma Kettle}}, the popular movie character from the 1940s.<br /> {{qf|Lou}} If you have to explain it, it's not good, Chief.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Oh, my God! My Dad had a long talk with me about this, but you never believe it until you see it! The cafeteria loading dock! We're having pizza tomorrow.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} I'm gonna have a light breakfast.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Ralph]] (after steam engulfs the band room)}} I have two kinds of wet in my pants.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart (to the restaurant shef)}} Hey Stavros, there's a guy in your bathroom trying to dine and dash.<br /> {{qf|[[Stavros]]}} What?! No one dashy-dine on Stavros!<br /> :''[Bart runs outside and past the bathroom window. Homer tries to climb out the window to chase him, but he gets stuck.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why you little!... I'm stuck! Somebody's hitting my ass with a thing!<br /> {{qf|Stavros}} This is frying pan!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Leave your ass, Homer. Leave your ass.<br /> ----<br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Homer%27s_Paternity_Coot/Quotes&diff=882254 2019-11-17T09:27:53Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Simpsons Christmas Stories|We're on the Road to D'ohwhere}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Commercial}} How often have you driven by a fire and thought 'How can this benefit me?'<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} To hell with that paternity test and its 99.99997% accuracy!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Sideshow Mel}} ''[after his tires are ripped]'' My tires have been severely damaged! The prophecy has been fulfilled! ''[pointing to sign that reads &quot;Do Not Back Up - Severe Tire Damage&quot;]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Sign}} [[Springfield]] Tire Fire. Now smelled in 46 states.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Quimby}} People aren't taking the tollbooth! We need those seventy-five centses to de-python the town fountain! Get them through that tollbooth by any means necessary!<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Gotcha. No survivors. ''[gets out a shotgun and cocks it]''<br /> {{qf|Quimby}} No Shooting.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} But it's already cocked.<br /> {{qf|Quimby}} Okay. Shoot into the fireplace.<br /> :''[Wiggum does so and laughs]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Let's go there before the next commercial tells me to do something else.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Who could my father be? [[Hans Moleman|Moleman]]? [[Mr. Burns]]? ''[gasps]'' {{w|M. Night Shyamalan}}? That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season17/coot7.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} ''[with a tuba on his head]'' I'm C3-D2!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[Looking around Mason's study, which is decorated with various adventurer's items]'' So, I infer from all the knickknacks you're some sort of..fruitcake?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm sure my listeners will be pleased about that.<br /> {{qf|Mason}} Listeners? Didn't you say you work for a newspaper?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh, no I didn't. I says I work for a radio station. WXI 940. Number one with our viewers.<br /> {{qf|Mason}} Viewers? Wouldn't that be a TV show?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh, well, um, oh what the hey. I think you're my pappy!<br /> {{qf|Mason}} Ga-whaaa?!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Lisa, I'm not sure that letter is age-appropriate reading. Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries?<br /> ----<br /> :'''Reverend Lovejoy''' ''[heading for the toll booth]'' Don't worry, this one's on [[Jesus]].<br /> <br /> :''[He takes out the church collection plate which is full of coins. The Jesus figurine on his dashboard looks as if it's about to cry]''<br /> {{qf|Lovejoy}} Oh, be cool for once.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are at the retirement home visiting Grandpa]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} See, Grandpa, you still have a family. We still visit you even though we have no biological obligation.<br /> {{qf|Grandpa}} So, Homer couldn't make it?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} No, but he told us to say hi. Hi!<br /> :''[long pause]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} So...what setting is that fan on?<br /> :''[pause]''<br /> {{qf|Grandpa}} Medium.<br /> :''[pause]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I would've guessed low.<br /> :''[pause]''<br /> {{qf|Grandpa}} You would've guessed wrong.<br /> ----<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Simpsons_Christmas_Stories/Quotes&diff=882252 2019-11-17T09:25:26Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{tabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Italian Bob|Homer's Paternity Coot}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Virgin Mary]]}} Joseph, you know I have never lain with a man.<br /> {{qf|[[Saint Joseph]]}} Tell me about it.<br /> {{qf|Virgin Mary}} And yet, I am with child.<br /> {{qf|Saint Joseph}} A pregnant virgin?! That's every man's worst nightmare.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} I knew you'd forget, so my gift to you is a gift for you to give me.<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} It's just what I wanted. Here, Marge, this is for you.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Grampa?!<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What are you doing in the chimney?<br /> {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} Trying to kill Santa. What's it to ya?!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} What do you have against Santa?<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} He screwed me over back in WWII! I was a navy pilot in the Pacific.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}}Bart, why'd you ask him a follow-up question?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} It just slipped out! <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Cyrus, I miss you every day.<br /> {{qf|[[Santa Claus]]}} He misses you, too.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Wait! He, what, who?!<br /> {{qf|Santa Claus}} Your brother didn't die in the war, Abe. He crashed into Tahiti. And he liked it so much, he never left. And now, if you like, I'll take you to him.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Will we be back for the tournament of roses parade?<br /> {{qf|Santa Claus}} Probably not.<br /> {{qf|Grampa}} Good, I hate that crap.<br /> {{qf|Santa Claus}} Yeah, me, too.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Where's Reverend Lovejoy? He's never been late for christmas service.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Maybe he's cheating on us with the episcopalians. Look at 'em, with their bright, airy narthex and light, flaky eucharist. I wouldn't mind dipping my hand in their font.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Italian_Bob/Quotes&diff=882250 2019-11-17T09:13:31Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Last of the Red Hat Mamas|Simpsons Christmas Stories}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Martin}} A new car? May I suggest an {{w|Oldsmobile|''Olds''mobile?}}<br /> :''[silence]''<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} Mr. Burns sucks!<br /> :''[everyone laughs]''<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} You're sending me to [[Italy]]?<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Yes.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Can I take my family?<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Sure.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Do I have to hang out with them?<br /> {{qf|Burns}} It would be nice.<br /> :''[Homer groans]''<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[sees a man in first class on the plane]'' Hey, that man has a TV in his seat. I wonder what I got. <br /> :''[rips off the top of the armrest]'' <br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, just a bunch of stupid wires.<br /> :''[Homer rips off some of the wires and one of the engines falls off, landing in Cletus' front yard]''<br /> {{qf|[[Cletus]]}} Hey, Brandine! The kids just gots themselves a new playpen!<br /> {{qf|[[Brandine]]}} Cletus, you're the most wonderful husband and son I ever had.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[At the airport]'' What's up with the Canadian sticker on your backpack?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Well, some people in Europe think that America has made some stupid choices for the past, oh, five years. So for the next week, I'm from [[Canada]].<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Uh, I think Dad may blow your cover.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[pushing through the crowd]'' That flag is mine! ''[takes an American flag off the conveyor belt and stands on top of suitcases, waving the flag around]'' Don't mess with Texas! Shock and awe, losers! Shock and awe!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} Excuse me, Mr. Mayor. They say you speak English.<br /> {{qf|Man behind chair}} Indeed I do.<br /> :''[man turns around to reveal that he is Sideshow Bob]''<br /> {{qf|Simpsons}} [[Sideshow Bob]]!<br /> {{qf|Bob}} The Simpsons!<br /> :''[they all scream]''<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yes, tell us your story. But it better have a beginning, a middle, and an end.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Woman crushing grapes}} Mi arrendo. Questo è troppo difficile.<br /> {{qf|Man crushing grapes}} Piedini <br /> <br /> -----<br /> :''[Homer gestures like Mussolini on the balcony]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[whispering]'' Dad, don't act like [[Mussolini]].<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Ooh, I thought I was doing Donald Trump.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bob}} This is my bride, Francesca, and my son, Gino.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Holy moley! I always thought that you were, you know, out loud and proud.<br /> {{qf|Bob}} Well, I experimented in college as one does.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yeah. I never went to college.<br /> {{qf|Bob}} ''[sarcastically]'' Stop the presses.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[to Francesca]'' Hello. I'm Marge. This is my husband, Homer, my daughters, Lisa and Maggie, and my son, Bart Simpson.<br /> {{qf|Francesca}} Bart Simpson? The name Roberto cries when he has the bad dream?<br /> {{qf|Gino}} ''[making stabbing motions with his hand]'' Bart Simpson! Bart Simpson! Bart Simpson! I make-a like my daddy!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bob}} We are here to honor my old friends, the Simpsons. Tomorrow they return to America, taking with them my gratitude, my friendship, and my heartfelt wish that they never return.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[looking in an Italian to English Dictionar]]'' Vendetta means...vendetta! ''[all the Simpsons scream]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Boy, that Sideshow Bob goes from zero to murder awfully fast.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} At least this time it was Lisa who ruined Bob's life.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[groaning]'' Oh, I feel so sick!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[chuckle]]'' It's called a hangover, sweetie. And it's an unavoidable part of life.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bart}} Please help us, Krusty. We don't want to be the first Christians to die at the Colosseum!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} Here's a cute fact. This sausage shop has been grinding the same family of pigs for six hundred years.<br /> {{qf|Butcher}} Sono abitato dai fantasmi di diecimila maiali morti. <br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Francesca}} Oh, he makes love like a man who just got out of jail.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Hey, Krusty's in an opera here in Rome! He can save our lives! Come on, let's go!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[groans]'' Opera? They have that here too?<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Lisa}} You have to help us! Sideshow Bob has sworn a vendetta against us!<br /> {{qf|[[Krusty]]}} Vendetta? What's that, an Italian vending machine? ''[the Simpsons stare at him for a few seconds before Krusty bursts into tears]'' Aw! That's my opening joke! And my closer, and my saver, and my topper!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Krusty}} Put on these costumes and mix in with the crowd scenes. He won't kill you in front of all those witnesses!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Can I be the Phantom of the Opera?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Dad, the Phantom isn't in this.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But I do such a great impression of him! ''[turns around and turns back to them with his hand covering one of his eyes]'' Ooh, I am the gayest supervillain ever! Beware my scented candles! Ooh, scented!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bob}} I can't believe what that ''clown'' is doing to {{w|Ruggiero Leoncavallo|Leoncavallo}}! And they call ''me'' a murderer!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bart}} Krusty, you saved us!<br /> {{qf|Krusty}} Yeah, well, I need someone to help me smuggle antiquities back to America. Take a piece and hide it on your person. Hide it well.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[on an ancient Roman aqueduct; to Homer]'' Dad! You're driving on an ancient Roman aqueduct!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Lisa]'' Well, what am I supposed to do about it? Transport water from distant cities?<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[about to drive off an end of an unfinished aqueduct]'' Lazy Romans!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bob}} ''[stomping grapes to the tune of &quot;These Boots Are Made for Walking&quot;]'' ''&quot;These feet are made for stomping, and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these feet will make Chianti out of you!&quot;''<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} We're in a foreign city with no car, being stalked by a killer. I feel like I'm {{w|The Bourne Identity}}.<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Krusty}} ''[talking to the audience at the Colosseum]'' So, I had this beautiful tour guide, right? And I tell her &quot;I want to see your Naples!&quot; She slaps me! ''[he laughs but the audience is silent]''<br /> {{qf|Man from audience}} We call it &quot;Napoli&quot;!<br /> {{qf|Krusty}} Yeah, well it sounds like you're all taking a Napoli! I know you're out there, I can hear you being greasy!<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> :''[in [[Venice]], the Simpsons take a gondola ride]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Oh, Homie, isn't Venice romantic? This gondola ride was a wonderful idea!<br /> {{qf|Gondolier}} ''[singing to the tune of ''That's Amore'']'' ''When a wife looks like that and her husband's so fat, that's immoral. When she kisses that jerk while I do all the work, that's im...''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, knock it off!<br /> {{qf|Gondolier}} Excusi, no speak-an English. ''[resumes singing]'' ''When that big tub of lard...''<br /> <br /> -----<br /> <br /> {{qf|Bart}} Dad, cheese truck!<br /> :''[they scream]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[gasps]'' Mozzarella! Parmigiano! Provolone! Pecorino! Gorgonzola! Fontina! Taleggio! Bocconcini!<br /> :''[bocconcini drops onto the windshield]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[screaming]'' MORTADELLA!<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Italian Bob/Quotes}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Last_of_the_Red_Hat_Mamas/Quotes&diff=878600 2019-10-27T07:44:35Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} &quot;Burns' mansion&quot;?! That's Mr. Burns' mansion!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Lou, talking like the chief doesn't make you the chief!<br /> {{qf|Lou}} No, to be chief I'd have to wiggle into size 58 pants!<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Oh, here it goes with the fat jokes! I just wish you could hit the easy targets on the firing range! You know... ''[pause, sees Lou preparing to cry]'' Lou, why must we hurt each other so?<br /> {{qf|Lou}} ''[crying]'' Because... it's easier to be cruel than to say what you really feel. Permission to hug, chief.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Permission granted.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} ''[picking up eggs not noticing he is dropping them and picking up the same one again and again]'' Yay!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Ralph, your basket has a hole in it.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} ''[stares blankly for a while]'' You're Lisa's Brother!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[in a fight with Hugs Bunny the Egg Hunt referee]'' Silly rabbit, kicks are for ribs!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You're just like all Easter bunnies; can't take a punch to the crotch!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Now, while we're out, remind me to get my eyes &quot;re-balled&quot; and my brain flushed out with vinegar.<br /> {{qf|Smithers}} Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will be back from the shop tomorrow.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Excellent.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Tammy}} I'm Tammy, and these are the women of the Cheery Red Tomatoes.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[gasp]'' The national organization for women of a certain age?<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} Yeah, only we don't sit around watching TV and eating bonbons, except on TV-Bonbon night, which is every Tuesday and Thursday.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer and Marge are having dinner in the basket of a hot-air balloon. There is a thud and the camera pans upward, showing Moe on top of the balloon.]''<br /> {{qf|Moe}} I can't believe this happened to me twice!<br /> ----<br /> :''[In a flashback, Milhouse is walking through Italy with Grandma Nana Sophie.]''<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} ''[voice-over]'' My grandma hated English, 'cause in World War II, a GI left her with child, my uncle Bastardo. She only spoke Italian to me.<br /> {{qf|Nana Sophie}} ''[Italian]'' These, my cherub, are olives.<br /> {{qf|Young Milhouse}} I love you, Nana. ''[gets slapped]''<br /> {{qf|Nana}} Idiota!<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} ''[voice-over]'' Every time I spoke English, she hit me.<br /> {{qf|Young Milhouse}} Ow, that hurt. ''[gets slapped]''<br /> {{qf|Nana}} Idiota!<br /> {{qf|Young Milhouse}} I'm sorry I'm so stupid.<br /> {{qf|Nana}} Milhouse Mussolini Van Houtan, parla in italiano, IDIOTA! ''[chases Milhouse with an olive branch]''<br /> :''[Back to the present.]''<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} That's how I learned Italian and started wetting my bed.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I never had the courage to sky dive before!<br /> {{qf|Tammy}} When we get back, we have a surprise for you.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Oh! Now I really hope my chute opens!<br /> :''[The girls go into a circle while Moe dives through them attempting suicide.]''<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Goodbye, cruel world! ''[to the girls]'' Ladies.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I studied all night. I even made flashcards. ''[Milhouse takes the flashcards and rips them up]'' My efforts!<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} Lisa, you don't ''learn'' Italian! You ''live'' Italian!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Luigi}} Mr. Milhouse, I need your help! I don't know the translation to the cheese in my {{w|lasagna}}.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} But Luigi, surely you speak Italian.<br /> {{qf|Luigi}} ''[sigh]'' No, I don't. I speak-a, how you say, fractured English. It's what my parents spoke at the home.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Miss Springfield}} Joe! You said your wife was dead!<br /> {{qf|Quimby}} And you said you graduated from Typing School!<br /> {{qf|Miss Springfield}} I have trouble with the {{w|spacebar}}.<br /> ----<br /> :''[At the Easter Egg hunt, Nelson takes four eggs from a bird's nest.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Nelson, those don't count as Easter Eggs.<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} Yeah, but they count as breakfast.<br /> :''[Nelson eats one of the unhatched eggs. Several birds then fly in and begin pecking at his face.]''<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} Ow! Ow! Ow! It was worth it!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} If Marge is going {{w|bird watching}}, then why did she leave our copy of ''{{w|The Field Guide to the Birds}}'' by {{w|Roger Tory Peterson}} on our kitchen shelve?<br /> :''[Opens book and begins reading.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[gasp]'' {{w|Greater Roadrunner|Roadrunners}} are real!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[watching Eddie direct traffic]'' Look at him tease that Subaru. And that guy can't get a girl; I'll never figure it out.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} Okay, Lisa, to go to Italy you must have outstanding grades. Check. Uh-oh. In order to go, the person must speak fluent Italian.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[lying]'' Uh, check.<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} You speak Italian?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Of course! Why would I lie?<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} Hmm, faultless logic. Of course, I must ask you to speak a few phrases to verify your fluency. ''[Lisa makes a nervous noise]'' Though not right now, 'cause I have meetings. ''[Lisa makes a relieved noise]'' How's tomorrow? ''[Lisa makes a nervous noise]'' 'Cause it's terrible for me. But I'll get back to you... soon.<br /> {{qf|Italian tape}} &quot;Voglio affittare una barca piccola.&quot; - I would like to rent a small boat.<br /> :''[Lisa stops tape, repeats, then pushes &quot;play&quot;]''<br /> {{qf|Tape}} &quot;Progetto di scaricare questo corpo nell'oceano.&quot; - I plan to dump this body in the ocean.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Huh? ''[she looks at the tape case, which says &quot;Italian for Italian-Americans&quot;]''<br /> {{qf|Tape}} Ciò è che cosa ottenete per fare le domande! - This is what you get for asking questions! ''[gunshots are heard and Lisa throws the tape in the garbage]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Hmm, &quot;Spend a summer in {{w|Rome}}&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Sherri}} Rome?<br /> {{qf|Terri}} Founded by {{w|Romulus and Remus|twins}} by the way. ''[sees Lisa is gone]'' Hey, where'd she go?<br /> {{qf|Sherri}} Oh, well. Let's speak in our secret twin language.<br /> :''[Sherri and Terri then go into a bizarre language of high-speed jabbering and body movement.]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[after learning of the plan to break into Burns' mansion]'' Are there any other surprises?<br /> {{qf|Tammy}} I'm not a natural red-head.<br /> :''[Marge faints.]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Agnes}} I'll handle the vault. Burns told me the combination while feeling me up during {{w|the Depression}}. Zero to the left, zero to the right, back to...zero.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} ''[about to hand a giant cheque before snatching it back]'' Instead of giving the money, I will use it to extend my life, another ten minutes. Smithers.<br /> :''[Smithers takes out a giant marker pen and writes the word VOID over the cheque.]''<br /> {{qf|Burns}} And the register.<br /> :''[Smithers uses the pen to draw a cross over the reply slip.]''<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Last of the Red Hat Mamas/Quotes}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=See_Homer_Run/Quotes&diff=878497 2019-10-26T06:23:48Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, rearranging links, removing quote characters (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo |Marge's Son Poisoning|The Last of the Red Hat Mamas}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> :''[Quimby is hijacking a plane]''<br /> {{qf|[[Joe Quimby]]}} ''[pointing with a gun to the pilot]'' Take this plane wherever girls are going wild!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Freddy Quimby]]}} Mayor Quimby, your twelve years as mayor have been corrupt and full of scandals.<br /> {{qf|Joe Quimby}} Who are you?<br /> {{qf|Freddy Quimby}} I'm your chief of staff.<br /> {{qf|Joe Quimby}} I knew I should have put my nephew in that position.<br /> {{qf|Freddy Quimby}} I ''am'' your nephew.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Joe Quimby}} Dear God, every wacko, nutcase and Disco Stu in this town is gonna run against me.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} Hundreds of Springfielders are running for mayor, including yours truly Kent Brockman. Coming up, a common household fabric could kill you! Find out when you vote for Kent Brockman.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} How is your tail doing that?<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I don't know.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kearney]]}} Way to give into peer pressure!<br /> {{qf|[[Dolph]]}} Hey, Milhouse! Cool kids ride bikes with their eyes closed!<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} ''[off camera]'' I'm cool! ''[he is heard him biking, as well as the inevitable results involving a train]''<br /> {{qf|Dolph}} Uh, I'm late for Hebrew school.<br /> ----<br /> :''[At the debate forum]''<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Now, our first question is to Eleanor Abernathy, also known as the Crazy Cat Lady. If you were mayor, what would be your primary concern?<br /> {{qf|[[Crazy Cat Lady|Eleanor]]}} ''[unintelligible staggering]'' Small business incentives! ''[unintelligible staggering]'' Corporate accountability! ''[unintelligible staggering) ''Cats in everyone's pants!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I will run for mayor!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} And I will be your campaign manager!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And I will find out what a mayor does! ''[Pulls out a bottle of beer]'' Expand my brain, learning juice.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Homer, what about these allegations about you strangling your son? ''[Holds up a photo of Homer strangling Bart in front of a banner that says Good luck at the press conference, Dad!]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why should this election be determined by a photo taken hours ago?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Rainier Wolfcastle]]}} Who else should be mayor but me! A steroid-abusing, pot-smoking, women groping, son of a Nazi, washed-up movie star! ''[crowd cheers]'' I think we should keep an open mind toward stem-cell research. ''[crowd boos]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Miss Springfield]]}} Imagine me! The mayor! Then no one will laugh at my singing! ''[High pitched and very terrible singing voice]'' ''I'm proud to be an American...''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} I hold in my hand a sticker with a frowning face. Don't make me affix it to your file.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[mocking him]'' Don't make me affix it to your file!<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} (''Lisa hits him with a dodge ball]'' I'm peeling off the back. ''[with a shoe]'' Don't make me do this! ''[with her saxophone]'' You leave me no choice. ''[He puts the sticker on Lisa's file. The lights begin flickering overhead]'' Willie, rats are gnawing at the wires again.<br /> {{qf|[[Willie]]}} Shut up, man! I'm making me ramen noodles!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Check it out, I stole the sign!<br /> {{qf|Dolph}} Check it out, we stole The Scream!<br /> {{qf|Kearney}} Put that away! It creeps me out!<br /> :''[Cletus drives his car with Brandine]''<br /> {{qf|[[Brandine]]}} Cletus, turn left on Bart Boulevard!<br /> {{qf|[[Cletus]]}} I told ya, there t'ain't ''[sic]'' no Bart Boulevard!<br /> {{qf|Brandine}} Too late. Baby's already out. Get your huntin' knife and cut the umbrellica cord. ''[Holds up his baby, still attached to the umbilical cord]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} To open another present now would be like following the London Philharmonic with Jessica Simpson. Whatcha got, Lisa?<br /> ----<br /> :''[Moe is pasting his own face onto pictures of Marge and Homer's wedding]''<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]''' ''[to the tune of 'Here Comes The Bride']'' ''Here comes the Moe / with a pretty girl / 'cause these are things that happened in real life.''}}[[Barney]]''' Hey, Moe, can we get a beer?<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Shut up and hand me more Moe heads.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer steps on Snowball II]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Sorry, Bart!<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Marge%27s_Son_Poisoning/Quotes&diff=878495 2019-10-26T05:58:47Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Treehouse of Horror XVI|See Homer Run}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[counting lifts]'' 16, 98, 54, banana...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Sorry, Mom, I can't. I'm playing a video game. ''[we then see that Bart's game is &quot;[[A Tandem Bike Ride With Your Mom]]&quot;]'' Big hill! Pedal faster! Now enjoy scenery! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Bart, you’re a wild heck-raiser, and I don’t want to see you turn in to THAT. ''[pointing at Seymour]''<br /> {{qf|Seymour}} What? A wall?<br /> ----<br /> :''[Outside the Simpsons' house, Jimbo, Kearney, and Dolph are singing &quot;My Sharona&quot;; music from The Knack. Homer throws his arm wrestling trophy through the window. They stop singing.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} That song is a pop music footnote! ''[beat]'' I didn't say &quot;stop&quot;! ''[the bullies continue singing. End episode and roll credits]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chalmers}} Next up on the Springfield Elementary Karaoke Showcase is.. SKINNERRRRR! and Mrs. SKINNERRRR!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge, you are worth more to me than all the pie-eating contests in the world.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I thought it was arm-wrestling.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I stopped by at a pie-eating contest on the way home.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer gets into a bumper car and drives away.]''<br /> {{qf|Sarcastic Guy}} ''[to Marge]'' Don't worry. He's not connected to the power supply, so he can't go far. Heh, heh, heh. Gulp.<br /> :''[Homer's car gets connected to a power cable and wreaks havoc on the street before trapping Wiggum in his squad car.]''<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Oooh, he's got us in the corner. I hate this ride!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[reading note at tea shop]'' &quot;Fellow guests, our tea shop has been shut down because the Health Association found rat droppings in our cakes. It's not that we're bad people, we just weren't paying enough attention.&quot;<br /> {{qf|Bart}} What's it say?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Um... she died.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Treehouse_of_Horror_XVI/Quotes&diff=877330 2019-10-20T06:26:57Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ|gags=no}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Milhouse of Sand and Fog|Marge's Son Poisoning}}<br /> <br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> == Opening Segment ==<br /> {{qf|Sports Announcer}} It's the sixth game in the world series, and the current highlights is a cloud shaped like a giraffe that floated by during the rain delay. And look at that. The batter just called time out again! Let's look in the stands with the player's wives. Oh what do you know! They're talking on cell phones. No doubt complaining about the good life.<br /> {{qf|[[Kang]]}} This is the most boring game in all the universe!<br /> {{qf|[[Kodos]]}} And with all those steroids they take they look like freaks!<br /> {{qf|Both}} Freaks! Freaks! Freaks! (''A small minuture version of Kodos' head appears on Kodos' neck]''<br /> {{qf|Mini Kodos}} Freaks! Freaks! ''[Kodos bites it off and eats it.]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kang}} If we don't speed this game up, the Simpsons' Halloween Special will not air until Administrative Professionals' Day!<br /> {{qf|Kodos}} Speaking of which, we must remember to get Dorothy something. :''[holds up a framed picture of Kang and Kodos with an attractive woman]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kang}} The boredom is excruciating! Fire the Accele-Ray!<br /> :''[The flying saucer then fires the Accele-Ray at Earth, which causes the game to go faster.]''<br /> {{qf|Announcer}} Strike out, left field. And some kind of Accele-Ray has bathed the stadium in an eerie green glow.<br /> {{qf|Kang}} It's still boring! Faster!<br /> {{qf|Kodos}} But the fabric of the universe itself may shatter!<br /> {{qf|Kang}} Good! Only then could the Cubs will finally win! ''[Kodos makes the Accele-Ray go faster]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kodos}} ''[after the fabric of the universe shatters]'' Smooth move, space laxs! You've destroyed the totality of existents!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kang}} It will be fine. I'll just leave a note. ''[Hangs a post-it note saying Trehouse of Horror XVI]''<br /> {{qf|== B.I.}} Bartificial Intelligence ==<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Yeah, a robot son will be great. We can confuse him and make his head explode! ''[robot voice]'' This statement is a lie. But if it's a lie, then it must be true! And if it's true, it must be... Woop, woop, woop! KA-BOOM!<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} And a robot would keep your mind off your dead son.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I thought he was in a coma!<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} They're pretty much the same thing except this way I get to keep billing you!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You already said that!<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} Well you didn't laugh the first time!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Now, I'm a man who likes to strangle his son...<br /> {{qf|Sarcastic Man}} Go ahead.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} WHY YOU METAL!! ''[begins strangling David]'' Wow! The windpipe is so responsive!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|David}} Bart, we can be friends.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Eat my shorts!<br /> {{qf|David}} I will comply.<br /> :''[David eats Barts shorts and then processes them into a teddy bear for Maggie]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[taking off his pants]'' Make me a kitty!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart-tron}} I'm home!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You told me he was at culinary school.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You wanted to believe the lie!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart-tron}} Time to destroy the one who did this to me!<br /> {{qf|David}} To get me, you will have to go through your fath... ''[David holds up Homer... and Bart slices them both]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[After being cut in half]'' Oh, those were my good pants!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} This stinks! I've got stubby little robot legs and an ass that's not equipped for an adult diet! ''[The robot legs break and Homer falls over]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Dad, dad, dad! You're not a robot! ''[Homer wakes up to find he's in bed and the whole family is next to him]'' You're just possessed by the devil.<br /> {{qf|Priest}} The power of Christ compels thee! ''[Throws a drop of holy water on Homer's head. Homer goes insane and his head keeps rotating as he climbs the wall and onto the ceiling]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'll call work and tell them he can't make it.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Woo-hoo! ''[falls onto the bed on his belly with his head pointing to the ceiling]'' He, he, he. Suckers.<br /> <br /> == Survival of the Fattest ==<br /> '''Burns' invitation:''' Mr. Burns is inviting you to a hunting party. ''[sinister laugh]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Don't accept this invitation dad. Hunting is cruel!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Lisa, animals don't feel death. That was proven by the scientists at Black Angus!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} No fair! Dad gets to kill wild animals, but I shoot one bird and I have to go to a psychiatrist!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} He still thinks that hobo was a bird.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Now, since I am so kind, I will give you a five minutes' head-start. You may commence running!<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} Five minutes of running? Just shoot me now! ''[Burns does so]''<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Well, that broke the ice. Whoever lives to noon tomorrow shall win his freedom!<br /> {{qf|Blue-Haired Lawyer}} Excuse me. What gives you the right to do this?<br /> {{qf|Burns}} You tell me. You are my lawyer.<br /> {{qf|Lawyer}} Well, you are zoned for hunting and you claim killing humans is part of your religion. I think I can write something up. ''[cut to the Lawyer on a typewriter]'' There. This should work in just about any courtroom.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Excellent. ''[kills the lawyer]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} I smell fear, mixed with curry.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Apu}} ''[after getting shot by Burns]'' Ah,you got me. But I shall be reincarnated. ''[dies, then a rabbit with Apu's face appears]''<br /> {{qf|Rabbit Apu}} Ha, ha! You can't kill a Hindu! ''[his foreleg gets caught in a bear trap]'' Ah! Help me Jesus!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer running away from Burns while Burns is shooting him. A TV show logo appears.]''<br /> {{qf|Logo}} &quot;The World Series of Manslaughter&quot;<br /> {{qf|TV Announcer}} You're watching the World Sseries of Manslaughter! The most violent spectacle since the Hip-Hop image awards!<br /> :''[Lisa and Marge watching TV.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mom! Mr. Burns is going to kill Dad!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I should have known something was wrong when we got this week's TV guide. ''[Holds up the TV guide with a picture of Homer running away from Burns.]''<br /> {{qf|TV Guide}} Must Flee TV.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|TV Announcer}} And here with his take on tonight's bloodthirsty action, here's guest Terry Bradshaw. Terry.<br /> {{qf|Terry Bradshaw}} Well conventional wisdom says &quot;Good fleeing will always mean good chasing&quot; BUT the stats say &quot;Put your money on the guy with the gun&quot;!<br /> :''[Krusty being chased by Burns in the background and gets shot]''<br /> {{qf|Krusty}} Dying is just like golfing, except in golf - ''[Burns keeps shooting Krusty]''<br /> {{qf|Terry Bradshaw}} Aw, you hate to see that. That's the kind of showboating that'll put people off this sport!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} (impaled on a weathervane) Well, before I die, I'll scratch off that lottery ticket I bought. ''[does so]'' Instant winner? One million dollars!? Boy, if I ever get out alive... ''[gets crushed by Wiggum]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} (after getting shot by Burns' plane) Carl, I see [[Heaven]].<br /> {{qf|Carl}} What does it look like?<br /> :''[we then see Lenny's vision: a Heaven with thousands of angels who look like Carl]''<br /> {{qf|Carl angels}} Hurry up, Lenny. We'll be late for work at the plant! ''[Lenny dies happily]''<br /> <br /> == I've Grown a Costume on Your Face ==<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} And our finalist, Blacula.<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} Good lord! Just because I'm black and I'm dressed as Count Dracula that makes me Blacula? My wife told me not to go as Count Dracula but I say &quot;Bernice, we live the 21st century times have changed&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Quimby}} (to bodyguard) Get him the standard racial apology letter. It's in the middle drawer.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Apu}} Sucker! 25 dollars won't buy you a Balance bar! I exaggerate, but my prices are very high.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} (to the witch) Now, which one of our beloved regulars are you? Lindsey Naegle? Helen Lovejoy? Old Jewish Man?<br /> {{qf|Old Jewish Man}} No, I'm here. I'm dressed as my brother Ivan. Everyday I miss him.<br /> {{qf|Witch}} Well, this is a little bit awkward, because I am not wearing a costume. I'm a real witch! ''[everyone gasps]''<br /> {{qf|Carl}} Wait a minute. That's cheating!<br /> {{qf|Sideshow Mel}} Burn her! ''[pauses]'' ... gift certificate!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} since you are not technically in costume you can't win this award. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Witch}} Rescind my award will you you're all going to pay. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Witch}} Taint of Mutant, scum uponed, thou shall become the guise thou donned!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Carl}} Speak English you moron.<br /> {{qf|Witch}}I am turning you into your costumes. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Witch}} Good luck getting your deposits back on those costumes!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Grandpa}} Look at me! I'm a hip, young, strapping gorilla! ''[Starts swinging from the telephone wires, but misses one wire and falls down, hurting himself. Dr. Dracula appears]''<br /> {{qf|Dr. Dracula}} Off we go to the gorilla hospital. ''[they fly off]''<br /> {{qf|Grandpa}} That's it, suck the poison out. Hey wait a minute. ''[screams]''<br /> ----<br /> :'''Disco Stu (who went as [[wikipedia:Steve Martin|Steve Martin]]):''' Disco Stu wishes he'd gone as Marilyn McCoo.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Mayor Quimby|Mayor Quimby McCheese]]}} ''[Being eaten by the dogs]'' I am not a Happy Meal right now.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa Einstein}} ''[German accent]'' Ach! Zer must be some way out of zis ''verdammten'' spell.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Lisa, you think you can check on your father?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, zat is an excellent use of a genius brain, to look after an idiot head.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa Simpson|Lisa Einstein]]}}: *gasp* zats de answer, Maggie's a veal vitch now, she can veverse the spell!<br /> :''[Werebart growls and jumps on the table]''<br /> {{qf|WereBart}} I don't want to reverse the spell, I can howl at the moon and eat rats ''[eats a rat and howls]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Apu|Apu-D2]]}} As for Apu-D2, I can go both ways. Beep, boop, beep, click, click.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[after being turned into a giant pacifier]'' Oh. Well I Guess It's still better than being Moe.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[to viewers]'' Okay that concludes this years Halloween show We hope you had as much fun watching' our show as the Koreans did animating' it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Dennis Rodman! What are you doing here?<br /> {{qf|Dennis Rodman}} Working off a speeding ticket.<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Milhouse_of_Sand_and_Fog/Quotes&diff=877326 2019-10-20T05:29:02Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Girl Who Slept Too Little|Treehouse of Horror XVI}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} Maggie, that's not what you do with a hymn book! ''[sees Homer flossing his teeth with a Bible's bookmark]'' Homer!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What? I forgot to floss today.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} We tried to break up ''your'' parents and we broke up ''mine''!<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} Wanna call my therapist and tell her how you feel? ''[dials into his cell phone]'' Hello, Dr. Wexler?<br /> {{qf|Wexler (over phone)}} Stop calling me! I'm on my honeymoon! ''[to her husband]'' Yeah, it's that weird kid again.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Fifteen dollars to infect your kids! Now featuring the Pox box! ''[disclaimer fast]'' Pox Box not recommended for pregnant or nursing women. As with any disease box, results may vary. ''[normal]'' Pox box!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I'd pay you a kajillion dollars for you and Marge to get together again.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[thinks]'' Make it 2 kajillion.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} We'll lose the first kajillion to taxes.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} I don't want to live in a world without Bart! ''[jumps down a cliff into the water]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Can he swim?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[cool]'' What do you think?<br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Girl_Who_Slept_Too_Little/Quotes&diff=877324 2019-10-20T05:18:39Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Bonfire of the Manatees|Milhouse of Sand and Fog}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Ned Flanders]]}} ''[awakened by stamp museum construction]'' &quot;It's seven A.M.! What are they cock-a-doodley-doing?&quot;<br /> ----<br /> :''[Walking through the cemetery, [[Lisa]] tries to talk herself out of being scared.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} &quot;If [[wikipedia:Scooby-Doo|''Scooby-Doo'']] has taught me anything, it's that the only thing to fear are crooked real estate developers.&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} There's no such thing as zombies.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I'm glad to hear you say that, because the one who doesn't believe in zombies is always the first to get feasted upon.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Alexander Graham Bell}} I'm Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone.<br /> {{qf|Elisha Gray}} You stole it from me, Elisha Gray.<br /> {{qf|Alexander Graham Bell}} Read the patent number, bitch!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} That Dr. Hibbert was so boring! &quot;Homer, we've got to get that lump checked out&quot;, &quot;Homer, we must discuss your test results&quot;, &quot;Homer, we've gotta find you a donor.&quot; Blah, blah, blah. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Hmmm, this is a little too spooky for me. I don't even like watching the Count on Sesame Street.<br /> {{qf|Count von Count}} (on &quot;Sesame Street&quot; that Maggie is watching) One coconut. Two coconuts. Three coconuts! (laughs)<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Go back to your own country!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I can't believe it took us forty minutes to get here. Why can't they build a stamp museum closer to our house?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Dad, you fought tooth and nail to get it away from our house.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Lisa, when you have as many concussions as I have, consistency is … something, something … I love you, Bart. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lou''' ''[to Eddie]'' I actually got into law school...I just couldn't afford it.}}Eddie:''' Quiet; I hear something.<br /> {{qf|Lou}} Yeah, that's my life slipping away. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Two! Four ! Six ! Eight! I hate stamps! They aren't great! ''[There's no reaction from the protesting people]'' Okay... How about this? Seven! Four! Three! One! Oh wait, that's my PIN number. Everyone forget that! ''[everyone writes down Homer's PIN number]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What if we show Lisa we can sleep in her room without being frightened?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} (suggestively) Ok, Marge. But don't be surprised if a &quot;Snuggle Monster&quot; shows up.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, I hope he's accompanied by the &quot;How Was Your Day Monster&quot;, and the &quot;Footrub Monster&quot;, and the &quot;Let Me Just&quot;...<br /> {{qf|Homer}} (flatly) Don't worry, he's not showin' up.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} (to Lisa) Tonight I want you to really try to sleep in your own bed, because it… (Homer is flying a remote control helicopter around Marge's head) Homer, stop that!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} There's a little plastic man in your hair, and I'm trying to rescue him. (salutes) No soldier left behind.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} We're back in the only safe bedroom in the house.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} What about Bart's room?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You know that racecar bed I made him?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Yeah.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} The brakes are shot! ''[scene goes to Bart's racecar bed out of control]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[After Bart's racecar bed crashes through Homer and Marge's bedroom]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Learn to drive, boy!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Groundskeeper Willie?<br /> {{qf|Gravedigger Billy}} No, I'm his cousin, Gravedigger Billy. I've been digging graves for thirty years and I've never buried anyone alive. If I did they'd ring this bell. (bell rings) Oh, that's just the wind. (hand comes out of ground) That's just a tree branch... with a nice watch on it! (takes the watch and beats the hand with his shovel) <br /> ----<br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Girl Who Slept Too Little/Quotes}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Bonfire_of_the_Manatees/Quotes&diff=877323 2019-10-20T05:17:26Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star|The Girl Who Slept Too Little}}<br /> <br /> :''[Marge is talking to [[Caleb Thorn|Dr. Caleb Thorn]]]''<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} ''[through the phone]'' Hello, Marge? Does the pizza guy take a check? If so, where do we keep the checks? And lastly, how do you write a check?<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Oh! ''[hangs up]''<br /> <br /> {{Season 17|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Bonfire of the Manatees, The}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Father,_the_Son_and_the_Holy_Guest_Star/Quotes&diff=872028 2019-09-29T13:02:13Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, removing quote characters (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Home Away from Homer|The Bonfire of the Manatees}}<br /> <br /> :''[Father Sea tells [[Bart]] how he became a priest in a flashback.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Father Sean]]}} ''[after fighting with his father]'' I was laying in the gutter, pickin' up me teeth when St. Peter himself appears before me.<br /> :''[Saint Peter appears.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Saint Peter]]}} Sean, you wanker.<br /> {{qf|Father Sean}} He says.<br /> {{qf|Saint Peter}} Repent of your wicked ways or sod off.<br /> :''[He spits on Father Sean and disappears, revealing he was just a streetlight.]''<br /> {{qf|Father Sean}} Then he gobbed in my face and turned back into a streetlight.<br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Father, the Son, and the Holy Guest Star/Quotes}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Home_Away_from_Homer/Quotes&diff=872025 2019-09-29T12:50:06Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Thank God It's Doomsday|The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star}}<br /> <br /> :'''[[Homer]]''' [to [[Flanders]]]: You wear a bathing suit in the bathtub?<br /> {{qf|Flanders}} Yeah! So I can't see my own shrinky-dink!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Makes sense.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Flanders}} You softcore sophomores took advantage of my trustful nature! And sullied the Internet by putting pornography on it! Get out!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I feel so much empathy for those villagers. They had to drink their own tears.<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} I was so bored, I cut the ponytail off of the guy in front of us. (holds it to the back his head) Look at me, I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and made $600 last year.<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Bart! Don't make fun of grad students. They just made a terrible life choice.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Mom, I don't want to read, it's the weekend.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I know what we can “Ask Jeeves.” Why does he suck?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Don't worry, I'll straighten things out with [[Clay Roberts|Coach Clay]]. We're good buddies. We play this game called who can punch the softest and he always lets me win.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And the best part is stupid Flanders doesn't even know it's happening in his stupid house; hence my nickname, stupid Flanders.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} You've totally humiliated the best friend the Simpsons ever had.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You're right, but you know who the real victim is here? Ned.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} That's what we've been trying to tell you!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lady}} Winner of the Romanian Film Festival's Prestigious Golden Bucket...Holy crap, someone's actually calling!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Homer's the one what wised us up to the sexy goings-on.<br /> {{qf|Flanders}} Homer, is this true?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Ned, I had no choice. It was just so funny.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Last-diddly-ast? Oh he's gone! And it's all someone's fault!<br /> ----<br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Thank_God_It%27s_Doomsday/Quotes&diff=872024 2019-09-29T12:49:15Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|A Star Is Torn|Home Away from Homer}}<br /> {{Incomplete}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} God, you've got a top notch destination resort here, but I can't enjoy myself knowing my family's suffering.<br /> {{qf|[[God]]}} Oh don't tell me about families suffering. My Son went down to Earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same since.<br /> ----<br /> :''[After a group of celebrities and Krusty fall out of The Duff Blimp]''.<br /> {{qf|[[Krusty]]}} Well, that's our show for tonight. I'd like to thank all the really talented people who broke my fall.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge, in a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=A_Star_Is_Torn/Quotes&diff=872022 2019-09-29T12:47:09Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Heartbroke Kid|Thank God It's Doomsday}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} From now on, I'm only eating food that I know had a soul.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} He's about to learn the most important lesson in the music business: don't trust people in the music business.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Lisa]'' Do you know how many hours I had to work? How many people I had to yell at? How many tires I had to slash?<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} No one told you to yell and slash!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} It's called schmoozing!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} We're going to write and sing our way out of this God-forsaken hell hole.<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} But your song said you liked [[Springfield]]?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I wrote it about [[Shelbyville]], then changed the names.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Lisa]'' The song I wrote for you is so schmaltzy it makes &quot;Moon River&quot; sound like a farting orangutan.<br /> ----<br /> :''[While Apu is being robbed]''<br /> {{qf|[[Apu]]}} Call the police.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I need change for a dollar.<br /> {{qf|Apu}} No change without purchase.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What's the cheapest thing you've got.<br /> {{qf|Apu}} A 2-ounce pack of chips. $5.99.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} $5.99, what a rip-off! Someone should shoot you.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Krusty]]}} Every week, we eliminate one contestant based on the votes cast by you, the audience.<br /> {{qf|TV announcer}} Disclaimer: All ballots were lost and vote totals made up.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Krusty's Li'l Starmaker]] commercial announcer}} We're not affiliated with ''[[American Idol]]''. We've never even heard of American Idol.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} That's [[Cameron]]. Girls go crazy over him. He's cute, unthreatening, and his smile brought a puppy back to life.<br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Heartbroke_Kid/Quotes&diff=872020 2019-09-29T12:41:16Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Don't Fear the Roofer|A Star Is Torn}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Little kids aren't supposed to have heart attacks! They're supposed to skin their knees, or poke their eyes out, or get smothered by cats!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, maybe you could ask [[Mr. Burns]] for a raise.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Even better, I'll ask him for my job back!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Superintendent Chalmers]]}} It's not my birthday, Seymour. You know I'm a Sagittarius.<br /> {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} Really? I'm a Libra. There's a lot of compatibility there.<br /> {{qf|Superintendent Chalmers}} Skinner, be gay on your own time.<br /> ----<br /> :[After [[Bart]] collapses from his heart attack]<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Do the Bart Man! Do the Bart Man! (Bart groans) Why won't you dance? Dance!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Julius Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]}} Now when Bart goes home, he's going to have to follow a program of strict diet and exercise. Dammit, I will not bury another patient!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Doctor, you're a pediatrician!<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} Yeah, but my head's been somewhere else this year.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Tab Spangler|Spangler]]}} ''[to Homer]'' Mr. Simpson, you're suffering from PSI. Poor self esteem. That's not I! (yelling) Every sign is wrong!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} ''[to Bart]'' Come on, let’s look for your dad. And if we have some time, maybe we'll look for mine.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} Kent Brockman, [[Channel 6 News]]. I gorge on kettle corn during the sports and weather.<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} We know. Your side fat's starting to spill over to channel 5 and 7. I hope you're getting 3 paychecks.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} ''[to Bart]'' Son, I'm gonna tell you a story about a young man who came here and failed. Well, that is the story. I shouldn't call a sentence a story. Anyway, it's you!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge, can you cut back on your makeup budget?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} But I already use crayons for lipstick and fireplace soot for eyeliner.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So that's where my soot went.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} ''[to Bart]'' Young man, there's something I have to show you. In one hour. We have to drive there. No talking along the way, it'll hurt the drama.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Can I just...<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} Shh, drama!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} ''[to the Simpsons]'' Folks, you have three weeks left on a non-refundable weight loss treatment, so if anybody else in the family wants to use it, use it now.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But who else needs to lose weight? [[Maggie]], [[Grampa]], my seldom seen half brother, [[Herb]]? ''[the rest of the family looks at him]'' What are you all looking at me for?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I've learnt that even made up corporate shills can lie to you.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[holds a stuffed fox animal]'' Did you hear that, [[Foxy]], the [[Fox Network]] fox?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} ''[to Homer]'' What are you eating now?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Cheeseburger.<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} You're a catastrophe. Let me have half of it.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I don't wanna.<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat. I do want the meat.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Here's a corner.<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} Let me just bite it, don't rip it! Let me have the whole thing, you'll get some later.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You're a selfish jerk.<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} I've smelled it, it has to be eaten!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But it's my burger!<br /> {{qf|Spangler}} I'm driving. I'll kill us!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Fine, I'd rather die!<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Heartbroke Kid/Quotes, The}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Don%27t_Fear_the_Roofer/Quotes&diff=872018 2019-09-29T12:37:19Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Future-Drama|The Heartbroke Kid}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} I'm going to take the dog to the V-E-T.<br /> {{qf|[[Santa's Little Helper]]}} ''[makes a questioning sound]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Then I'm going to take Bart to get C-I-R-C-U-M-C-I-S-E-D.<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Huh?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Uh...I'll tell you what it means when it's over.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Julius Hibbert]]}} Homer, that's just to bite on; not to eat.<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Sorry, give me one that doesn't taste so good.<br /> {{qf|Julius Hibbert}} That was rubber covered in vaseline.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge, write that down so we can have it at home.<br /> {{qf|Julius Hibbert}} ''[to Marge]'' We can't begin his treatment soon enough.<br /> :''[after electroshock treatment]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} How do you feel, sweety?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Much better.<br /> {{qf|Julius Hibbert}} Do you see anyone here, who isn't here?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} No: just you, Marge and Yogi Bear.<br /> :''[pause]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Ha, kidding!<br /> {{qf|Julius Hibbert}} ''[laughs]'' Well I see your sense of humor is not affected. That's a very bad sign.<br /> :''[begins electroshock treatment again]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ray}} So as I was saying Homer. Mondays 9:00 CBS. They say everybody loves that guy but I don't get it.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What are you talking about?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} I'm just saying, catch it while you still can.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What time's this show on?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} Monday 9:00 CBS<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And what's the network?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} CBS<br /> {{qf|Homer}} At what time?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} 9:00<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And if I wanna watch it what day?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} Monday. Monday 9:00<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And this is on the radio?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} No it's television Mondays at 9 on CBS<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And if I wanna see it what time should I watch it?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} 9:00 <br /> {{qf|Homer}} On what channel?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} CBS.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What day?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} Monday.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} On the radio?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} Television.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Turn the television to what channel?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} CBS<br /> {{qf|Homer}} At what time? <br /> :''Ray:'' 9:00 on Monday.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Now If I wanted to see it on a certain day what would be the best day to see it?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} It's only on a Monday.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And what time would be a good time..<br /> {{qf|Ray}} 9:00, from 9 to 9:30.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So If I turn my radio on at 9:00?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} Not the radio, television.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So it's Mondays at 9:00 on NBC?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} CBS.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} CBS.<br /> {{qf|Ray}} 9:00<br /> {{qf|Homer}} On the radio?<br /> {{qf|Ray}} Television.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Television at 3:00.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Future-Drama/Quotes&diff=870646 2019-09-22T06:27:39Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, removing quote characters (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} You're gay for [[Hans Moleman|Moleman]]!<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} No, YOU'RE gay for Moleman!<br /> {{qf|[[Moleman]]}} ''[sadly]'' Nobody's gay for Moleman.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kearney]]}} Okay, I want a nice clean prom. That means no booze, kick, puff, doze, max, stim, or turb. Remember, stim kills!<br /> {{qf|[[Skinner]]}} It's what turned Superintendent Chalmers into a vegetable.<br /> {{qf|[[Chalmers]]}} ''[going around in a circle in an electronic wheelchair]'' Skinner! Skinner! Skinner! Skinner! Skinner! Skinner!&lt;div style=display:none;&gt;(Note: please try to get the spelling of the drugs he mentions and fix links)&lt;/div&gt;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]}} ''[MoeClone drops a beer mug]'' You moron! Oh, why did I think I ever needed a clone?<br /> {{qf|MoeClone}} Hey, I'm not the clone! You're the clone!<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Oh, please, not this again. ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/drama9.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[Moe and MoeClone are watching Homer and Krusty strangle each other]''<br /> {{qf|Moe(?)}} Once they destroy each other...<br /> {{qf|MoeClone(?)}} ...then we make our move.''[a spider with Moe's head lowers himself down]''<br /> {{qf|MoeSpiderClone}} Yes, we make our move.&lt;br /&gt;''[camera zooms in on SpiderClone and both Moes look at him]''<br /> {{qf|MoeSpiderClone}} What? A spider got into the cloning machine.<br /> ----<br /> :''[In the future, Teenage Lisa strangling Teenage Bart after finding out he took the Yale scholarship'')<br /> {{qf|Teenage Lisa}} You've wrecked my life!<br /> :''[In the present, Lisa is also strangling Bart)&lt;br /&gt;''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} You're gonna wreck my life!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer puts on a wig and leads Bart to the airlock in his underwater home]''<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Come on, boy! We're hitting the town!<br /> :''[They sit in the decompression chamber. Homer reaches for a knob]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} After decompressing, of course.<br /> :''[Homer turns the knob which begins a countdown of three hours as well as the hissing noise of decompression. By the end of this dialogue, only eleven seconds tick by]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[beat]'' So...what do ya do to kill time in here?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} There's a DVD player, but it doesn't work.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Milhouse gets stuck between two trees]''<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} [[Lenny Leonard|Lenny]], [[Carl Carlson|Carl]], can you pull me out?<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Sorry, we're ghosts now.<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Our spirits live in those two trees.<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} Or maybe we're alive and feel like jerking you around!&lt;br /&gt;'''Carl:''' Or maybe we're one of each!<br /> :''[Lenny and Carl chuckle as they leave, complete with eerie alien-style music]''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/drama17.mp3 audio clip]<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} This blows! I wanna see Vice President [[Cletus Spuckler|Cletus]]!<br /> :''[changes machine screen to VP Cletus]''<br /> {{qf|Vice President [[Cletus]]}} ''[on phone]'' You want me to attend the funeral of the Sultan of Brunei? Well, I would consider it my honor. ''[yelling]'' Hey, Brandine! Pack my evenin' britches! We goin' to Brunei! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/drama20.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} How did you know we were coming?<br /> {{qf|[[Prof. Frink]]}} Because I have mastered the one true science...''[dramatic pose]'' astrology!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Don't you mean 'astronomy'?<br /> {{qf|Prof. Frink}} No, my dear, I said ''[goes back to dramatic pose]'' astrology!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Homer and Bart pass through a mountain using a portal/tunnel, coming out of the other side with [[Bender]] in the car]''<br /> {{qf|[[Bender]]}} Alright! You guys are my new best friends!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You wish, loser! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/drama8.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Snake]]}} Don't move, Teenage Bart! I've got you covered with my phaser-slash-cell phone.<br /> :''[the phone begins playing ''The Entertainer'') (talking into phone]''<br /> {{qf|Snake}}Dude, this is totally not the time to call me...I don't know, some kind of pasta...look, just get me what you're having...ew, not that!<br /> :''[Bart knocks Snake out]''<br /> {{qf|Snake}}(semi-delirious) What soups do they have? (passes out) ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/drama13.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[at the high school prom, it's time for slow dance. Martin and his date, Childlike-Humanoid-Urban-Muchacho {or C.H.U.M., which he invented in [[Fat Man and Little Boy]]} are dancing]''<br /> {{qf|[[Martin]]}} So, any plans after graduation?<br /> {{qf|C.H.U.M.}} Travel.<br /> {{qf|Martin}} Do you need a traveling companion per chance?<br /> {{qf|C.H.U.M.}} Travel cancelled!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Ralph]]}} ''[to a girl at prom]''I can use the potty now. <br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[Bart is watching a hologram of the prom, Martin is dancing with his robot date]'' Is that robot break dancing?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} No, he just activated his self-destruct mechanism.<br /> :''[the robot explodes]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey Moe. Hey MoeClone.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Hey ya, Homer.<br /> {{qf|MoeClone}} Hey, Homer.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Hey hey hey hey. I don't pay you to socialize.<br /> {{qf|MoeClone}} Oh right. You're the 'people person'!<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Watch with the attitude, mister! You came from my back fat.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Otto Mann|Otto]]}} (runs nude from the limo he was driving) I can fly! I can fly! :(runs toward a cliff while flapping his arms, but stops before he reaches the edge]'' ''<br /> {{qf|Otto Mann|Otto]]}}Just kidding. I know I can't fly. I can glide though! ''[runs off the edge and falls to his death]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[Bart is cleaning the Kwik-E-Mart floor.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Anoop Nahasapeemapetilon|Anoop]]}} ''[Spits on floor.]'' You missed a spot! Do it again!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Yes, Mr [[Gheet Nahasapeemapetilon|Gheet]].<br /> {{qf|Anoop}} &quot;I'm Anoop, you racist cracker! &quot;''[Kicks Bart.]''<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Seven-Beer_Snitch/Quotes&diff=870644 2019-09-22T06:24:06Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Mobile Homer|Future-Drama}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I only did what I had to do to survive... in a style befitting a French monarch.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Think, Marge think. Culture, vulture, birds of prey, pray in a church, The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, ghosts are scary, scary rhymes with Gary... That's it, architect [[Frank Gehry]]!<br /> ----<br /> :''[After [[Otto]] has switched Homer's urine sample with his own:]''<br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Simpson! I haven't see so many drugs in a wang, since I ran a Chinese opium den! Crack, smack, uppers, downers, outers, inners, horse tranquilizers, cow paralyzers, blue bombers, green goofers, yellow submarines, LSD, Mach-3, and trace amounts of... dewewehhhh, human urine?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} I'll make these rioters regret their folly! This prison will make {{w|Abu Ghraib}} look like the {{w|Four Seasons Hotels and Resorts|Four Seasons}}.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Snake]]}} Ha, ha! No Frank Gehry-designed prison can hold me!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Frank Gehry]]}} And none of this would happen if it weren't for a letter written by a little girl.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''I'' wrote that letter!<br /> {{qf|Frank Gehry}} ''You'' wrote, &quot;You are the bestest architect in the world&quot;?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, aren't you?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Fat Tony]]}} Gentlemen, we must determine which of our fellow inmates has become the ''Rodentus Incarcerarium''.<br /> {{qf|[[Louie]]}} You heard the boss! Find the rat!<br /> {{qf|[[Johnny Tightlips]]}} I found the rat, and he's right here.<br /> {{qf|[[Frankie the Squealer]]}} I ain't the rat! I'm the pigeon.<br /> {{qf|[[Legs]]}} I thought you was the mole!<br /> {{qf|Johnny Tightlips}} No, you're thinking of that guy who was the canary. But we can all agree, we work in a business with a very rich lexicon.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Seven-Beer Snitch/Quotes, The}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Mobile_Homer/Quotes&diff=870642 2019-09-22T06:20:26Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Goo Goo Gai Pan|The Seven-Beer Snitch}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Insurance Rep}} Mr. Simpson before we can insure you we need to ask you some questions. Have you ever had a heart attack?<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Haven't we all.<br /> {{qf|Insurance Rep}} Strokes?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} None…no wait, three. (chuckles) Since the last one I don't remember so good.<br /> {{qf|Insurance Rep}} Are you a smoker?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yes I am.<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} You don't smoke!!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Shhh!! (whispering) I want her to think I'm cool.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Is there anything more fun than a nice Sunday drive?<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Oh yeah, it's great. Why don't we top it off by reading to old people?<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Well, I think, in these days of petro-terrorists and ozone depletion, a Sunday drive reeks of bio-hubris.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You can't enjoy money when you're dead so why not have fun now!!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Don't you think you've had enough fun? Last year you spent $5,000 on donuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, I earned that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Oh, please. From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around Googling your own name until lunch.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} (gasping) Who told you that?!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You shouted it while we were making love!! Now look here, mister, I pay the bills, I do the budget and I'm in charge of the money. Hmmm!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[pretending]'' Oohhh! I'm Marge Simpson! Don't eat off the floor. Oohhh!<br /> :''[Bart and Lisa go outside into the backyard after Homer's bad impression of Marge]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} And I am so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries! It was 20 years ago!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} That was my Woodstock!<br /> :''[The 2 kids then get into the RV]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} You know what started this trouble? This motorhome! How could a vehicle this cool destroy a marriage that crappy?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Hey, I know this is a crazy idea, but hear me out. What if we... (gasps)<br /> {{qf|Bart}} (driving the RV out of the lawn) Take this back to the dealer?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Well, I was gonna say &quot;Call Reverend Lovejoy,&quot; but I guess this could work.<br /> :''[Bart and Lisa drive it out onto the road while Homer and Marge are still arguing]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh yeah, Marge? (the kids turn the RV around the corner) What about MY womanly needs? (wails)<br /> ----<br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Goo_Goo_Gai_Pan/Quotes&diff=870640 2019-09-22T06:15:25Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister|Mobile Homer}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Do you know this baby once out-raced the Flying Finn, [[Paavo Nurmi]]?<br /> {{qf|[[Selma]]}} ''[grunts]'' Turn the heater off -- it's boiling in here!<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} What are you talking about? This car is cooler than Guy Lombardo.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Good heavens, she's some sort of female madman!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Car!<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Car what? Car is the subject, but I don't know the verb!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Waylon Smithers]]}} Sir, thank God the airbags activated!<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Those are my lungs!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Selma, I never realized you wanted a child so badly.<br /> {{qf|Selma}} I didn't want to get pregnant and lose my looks--<br /> :''[Homer tries to stifle a laugh]''<br /> {{qf|Selma}} But now I'm afraid I'll grow old alone.<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What about your pet iguana, [[Jub-Jub]]?<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Jub-Jub can't take care of me when I'm old and sick. All he can do is eat me when I'm dead.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Everyone has a child but me.<br /> {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Cheer up, sis -- there's a dented-can sale down at Schwegman's.<br /> {{qf|Selma}} This is one problem damaged food can't solve.<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Wow, you really are down. Hey, you ever think of adoption?<br /> {{qf|Selma}} The adoption process! That'll end the heartbreak.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Don't give up, Aunt Selma. [[China]] has thousands of baby girls who need adoption.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Great, another job lost to a foreigner.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Zhao]]}} The Chinese government only allows wholesome, married couples to adopt. No &quot;hen without cock.&quot; I apologize if that is a double-entendre in your language. It is not in ours.<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Don't worry. I'll just write my husband's name on this form. Have you ever heard of [[Angus MacGyver|MacGyver]]?<br /> {{qf|Mr. Zhao}} Oh yes. Big star. Big star. We know he's not married to you.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey look, a dragon.<br /> {{qf|[[White Dragon]]}} Hello, Homer. Give me your peanuts and you can fly on my back.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'll give you one.<br /> {{qf|White Dragon}} Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey dragon! You fly like a girl!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, look at him sleeping. He's like a little angel that killed fifty million people. Yes you are... yes you are!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Madam Wu]]}} So, Mr. Simpson, what do you do for a living?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm a nuclear--<br /> {{qf|Homer's thoughts}} Wait a minute. These guys don't know me. I can be whatever I want.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm a Chinese acrobat!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Madam Wu}} You shall be back in the land you love soon. Tomorrow we will give you your baby.<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Oh my God, really? My life begins at last.<br /> {{qf|Madam Wu}} That is quite an insult to your other children.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} We understand, ma'am. We're pretty lousy kids.<br /> {{qf|Madam Wu}} Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} don't know about that -- I'm considered pretty smart.<br /> {{qf|Madam Wu}} Well, [[Tibet]] was considered &quot;pretty independent.&quot; How'd that work out?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Madam Wu}} Homer, we need your acrobatic skills. Only you can prevent this riot, and save our beloved Communist dictatorship.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You guys are commies? Then why am I seeing rudimentary free markets?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Madam Wu}} Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on Wu!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Ling, you're gonna be very happy in America, unlike everyone else there.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Listen, I've got a plan to get Ling back. But we must be discreet. You never know where there might be a spy.<br /> {{qf|[[Chinese spy]]}} Yes, tell me your plan in detail, American sister. Don't have a cattle, dude.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Uh, let's talk about this outside.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} You look just like a [[Buddha]] statue. Now, all you need is an expression of utter serenity.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Just think about the day you found that Junior Mint in your bellybutton.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Selma}} Madam Wu, I too work for a cruel and faceless empire -- the [[Department of Motor Vehicles]].<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Something's wrong with Bart. He's acting weird.<br /> {{qf|Chinese spy}} Feast on my shorts, stupid father man.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Wait, you're not Bart! Eh, close enough.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Red Dragon]]}} ''[singing]'' American jerks are going home. Now we sleep for a thousand years. When we wake the world will end.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=On_a_Clear_Day_I_Can%27t_See_My_Sister/Quotes&diff=870638 2019-09-22T05:44:00Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|There's Something About Marrying|Goo Goo Gai Pan}}<br /> <br /> :''[As the school bus is en route to [[Springfield Glacier]], [[Principal Skinner]] tries to get [[Mrs. Krabappel]] to talk to him to pass the time.]''<br /> {{qf|Skinner}} So, Edna, I, uh, wrote up some possible discussion topics for this trip. Oh, here's one. I'm still in love with you. Discuss?<br /> {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} Seymour, I moved on! Our romance is in the history books and there's nothing worth highlighting.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} ''[Entering [[Sprawl-Mart]] and looking around]'' Oh, I just love it here! So many things and so many things of each thing.<br /> ----<br /> :''[After [[Grampa]] gets hurt, [[Homer]] takes over as a [[Sprawl-Mart]] greeter.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[to the [[Squeaky-voiced teen]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;'' Pimple cream in Aisle 5.<br /> :''[to [[Bumblebee Man]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;'' Buenos nachos! Ask about our señor discount!<br /> :''[to [[Hyman Krustofsky|Rabbi Krustofsky]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;'' Hey, Rabbi. Jesus loves ya! ''[laughs]'' Just kidding.<br /> ----<br /> :''[While [[Lisa]] tries to raise the class's consciousness about global warming, [[Bart]] steals two walkie-talkies from the ranger's office, sneaks up behind her, and puts one in her backpack.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Listen, people! How can you stand there eating snacks and being children when the world's glaciers are vanishing? We have to do something about it! Glaciers are nature's alarm clock. And it's time for us to wake up. Can there be any doubt that the culprit is greenhouse gas produced by man?<br /> :''[A farting sound comes from behind Lisa. The culprit is Bart, who is making the noise into the other walkie-talkie. The class laughs.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} The only gas is coming from Lisa's butt! ''[The class laughs some more.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} People, please! I am talking about toxic vapors. ''[There's another farting sound, and the class laughs again.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Emanations! ''{Another farting sound, and more laughter.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Miasmas! ''[There's another farting sound. But before the class has a chance to laugh, another voice comes over the walkie-talkie.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} ''[on walkie-talkie]'' Hey, whoever's doing that, get off the frequency. We're combing the woods. There's a killer loose out here!<br /> :''[The scene shifts to the woods, where [[Lou]] and Wiggum are searching.]''<br /> {{qf|Lou}} Aww, let him do it, Chief. It'll lighten the mood.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Julius Hibbert|Dr. Hibbert]]}} My housekeeper is suing me for sexual harrassment. She hung up the mistletoe. What was I ''supposed'' to do?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Good morning, world! [[Eat my shorts!]]<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} There will be no more shorts-eating today, young man. ''[hands him a piece of paper]'' Bart Simpson, this is your restraining order. From now on you must stay at least 20 feet away from your sister.<br /> ----<br /> :''[In Family Court, The Hon. [[Judge Constance Harm]] presiding.]''<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Please lift this restraining order, Judge Harm. It's poking our family apart!<br /> {{qf|Judge Harm}} Bart, do you have anything to say?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} My sister has no sense of humor. I'm sure ''you'' understand. It's why you became a judge instead of finding a husband.<br /> {{qf|Judge Harm}} ''[indignantly]'' I ''have'' a husband!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} What is he, blind and deaf?<br /> {{qf|Judge Harm}} ''[angrily]'' From now on, the restraining order is set at 200 feet! ''[pounds gavel]''<br /> :''[Everyone in the courtroom gasps, except for three European people (judging by the traditional national attire they're wearing) sitting in the back row.]''<br /> {{qf|Judge Harm}} That's 61 meters!<br /> :''[The three Europeans gasp.]''<br /> ----<br /> :''[Looking into the backyard, [[Lisa]] sees that [[Bart]] has built a statue of her. Touched, Lisa walks over to Bart to talk to him. Fearing the poking pole, Bart cowers from Lisa until she breaks the pole in half.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I've realized how much I missed you. And I can see from this magnificent Lisa statue that you felt the same way.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Oh. Uh, yeah! When you're right, you're right. Let's eat.<br /> :''[Just then, [[Dolph]], [[Jimbo]], and [[Kearney]] arrive, carrying lit torches.]''<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Yo, Bart, we're ready to torch the Wicker Witch of the West.<br /> {{qf|Kearney}} ''[fearfully]'' Jimbo, the real one's here.<br /> {{qf|Jimbo}} Oh, man. This is every effigist's worst nightmare!<br /> ----<br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=There%27s_Something_About_Marrying/Quotes&diff=866693 2019-08-20T17:07:51Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Pranksta Rap|On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Barney]]}} Now as the Road Runner said to the Coyote ''[he jumps]'' Meep Meep! ''[he zips off]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Disco Stu]]}} Disco Stu just got an annulment from John Paul Two. Boogie down!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Is this one of those reality deals where a guy gets a million bucks for marrying Aunt Patty but they have to honeymoon in a box full of snakes?<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it! ''[picks up phone and dials]''<br /> {{qf|Phone}} You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Rev. Lovejoy]]}} While I have no opinion for or against your sinful lifestyles, I cannot marry two people of the same sex no more than I can put a hamburger on a hotdog bun. Now, go back to working behind the scenes at every facet of entertainment!<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Excuse me, Reverend.<br /> {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Yes?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} As long as two people love each other, I don't think [[God]] cares whether they both have the same &quot;hoo-hoo&quot; or &quot;ha-ha&quot;.<br /> {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Ha-ha!<br /> {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} The Bible forbids same-sex relations.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Which book?<br /> {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Which book?! The Bible!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} But Reverend... ''[Lovejoy begins cranking the church bells so loud that it drowns out what Marge is saying. What follows are Marge's mostly inaudible lines]'' Scriptural scholars disagree on the significance to Christians of many of the Old Testaments prescriptions! Jesus' teachings stress inclusiveness! And compassion!<br /> {{qf|[[Mayor Quimby]]}} Lovejoy's an idiot! His church is turning away hot gobs of gay green. He could get 200 bucks a couple.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Two hundred bucks a couple, eh? ''[he then sees three gay couples and sees them as $100 bills]'' Hey, I gotta get in on this. These people have rights! The right to buy me a 62-inch TV! ''[Homer then throws his picket sign &quot;Death before Gay Marriage&quot; into a trash bin]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} ''[in gay-pride video]'' Springfield, a place where anyone can marry, even dudes. We're just off Route 202. Do not take the Jefferson Avenue exit. For God's sake, '''''do not take that exit!'''''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Who's next? Adam and Steve? Or Madame and Eve?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, you married every gay couple in town.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, what can I say? I love love.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I guess now you have to wait for some other guys to turn.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hmmmm. Where's Lenny and Carl?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, don't you push them! They have to work it out for themselves.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And do you Julio take [[Thad]] to be your lawfully wedded life partner, in Massachusetts and Vermont, maybe Canada, stay out of Texas, for as long as you both are Gay?<br /> {{qf|[[Julio]]}} ''[lovingly]'' I do.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Hey, saturated fats, I came to ask you a favor.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Let me get my belt sander; maybe I can grind the ugly off your face!<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Very funny.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I wasn't joking! ''[pulls out a belt sander, turns it on, and advances on Patty]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Krusty]]}} I want to clear up a misconception about the Wha-Cha-Ma-Carcass Sandwich. I used '''''non'''''-diseased meat from diseased animals! Everyone does it!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} ''[on [[Smartline]]]'' Homer, have we started down a slippery slope to which marriage becomes so meaningless that anyone can marry any-'''''thing'''''?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, Kent, not anything. It has to exist...or does it?<br /> {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Call me old fashion, but I believe marriage is described in the Bible!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} If you love the Bible so much, why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife. And you're the wife! Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.. You owe me two hundred bucks.<br /> {{qf|Lovejoy}} Homer, your impulsive marriages are going to lead to a lot of divorces.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Which will lead to a lot more impulsive marriages, putting more green in the blue, the blue being my pants! ''[holds his hand up for a high five]''<br /> {{qf|Lovejoy}} I'm sorry, Homer. I'm gonna have to leave you hanging there.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} We need to bring tourism back to Springfield! As usual, I will open the floor to all crazy ideas that jump to people's minds.<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} Stronger beer!<br /> {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Gladiator fights!<br /> {{qf|Woman}} Poetry slams!<br /> {{qf|Barney}} Giant rats!<br /> :''&lt;nowiki&gt;[&lt;/nowiki&gt;[[Captain McAllister]] gets up.]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I have a real suggestion. ''[Captain McAllister sits back down with a swordfish]'' Why don't we legalize same-sex marriage? We can attract a growing segment of the marriage market and strike a blow for civil rights.<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]}} Yeah, them gay guys got lots of disposable income. I could serve fancy drinks and charge ten bucks a pop. What's in a martini?<br /> {{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} Gin and vermouth.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} And that makes a what?<br /> {{qf|Sideshow Mel}} A martini.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Never heard of it. But I'm still in favor of that same-sex marriage thing.<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} Then it's settled. We shall legalize gay money. I mean gay marriage.<br /> :''[Everyone cheers.]<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} I propose we also legalize gay funerals. ''[grabs Martin]'' Starting with this guy!<br /> {{qf|[[Martin]]}} I'm not gay! I'm nothing yet!<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Okay, let's say I put a Lean Cuisine in a blender and I pour some beer on it. What do ya call that?<br /> {{qf|Sideshow Mel}} A lean cuisini.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Wrong.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Selma, we'll always be there for each other. I don't know about Marge, though. If she doesn't show up at the ceremony, I have no &quot;non-identical sister&quot;!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'm proud of you, Homer. You have given a chance for everyone to express love in its most purest form—a binding legal contract.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Marge if you can find it in your heart to accept me for who I am, I would love to see you at the wedding. If not, I'll see you at Homer's funeral. ''[we then see Homer trying to get a fly with a knife]'' Should be pretty soon.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[stab noise]'' Got him! Uh-oh.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Pranksta_Rap/Quotes&diff=866691 2019-08-20T16:48:04Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass|There's Something About Marrying}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Rap music promotes violence and rudeness to hoes.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} I lied about being kidnapped. The whole thing was a hoax.<br /> {{qf|[[Wiggum]]}} A hoax? A hoax!? Aw please, you can't takes this away from me! How would I explain it to [[Ralph Wiggum|Ralphie]]? That kid can't understand where the world goes when you close the drapes.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart's rap}}<br /> :Don't critique my technique<br /> :I'm no geek.&lt;br /&gt;I make the principal nervous<br /> :my friends can confirm this<br /> :I'll bust a spitwad in your epidermis<br /> :you can trace my remorse to its super-sized source<br /> :a hungry, hungry hypocrite named Homer, of course<br /> :my old man's pathetic<br /> :damn is his head thick<br /> :the gas from his ass is carcinogenic<br /> :every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Well, I paid for this ticket. That makes me an adult. I'm going! ''[Bart leaves for a second, then comes back, hugging his [[Krusty]] doll.]'' I wuv you Krusty, Wusty! ''[Bart kisses his doll and leaves]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[50 Cent]]}} Yo! B, I heard you throw down on stage, wanna join my world tour?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Sorry, Fiddy, I have school tomorrow.<br /> {{qf|50 Cent}} You're right. The more you know, the further you go, and that's one to grow on. ''[turns to his assistant]'' Does that count as community service?<br /> {{qf|Assistant}} No!<br /> {{qf|50 Cent}} A'ight take us to the park. We'll go pick up some dog poop.<br /> {{qf|Assistant}} Yes, sir!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Are you mad at me?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} No, it's not about you.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} ''[disappointed]'' Oh, it's never about me!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Man, are you illin'.<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Rappers stopped saying &quot;illin'&quot; twelve years ago.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I'm keepin' it real!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} They stopped saying &quot;keepin' it real&quot; '''''three''''' years ago.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Mom! Lisa's dissin' me!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} &quot;Dissin'&quot;? Do rappers still say that?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[reads headlines to self]'' &quot;Wiggum Sleeps Through Riot&quot;, &quot;Top Cop Surrenders to Backfiring Car&quot;, &quot;Firemen Rescue Police Chief from Tree&quot;, &quot;Commission: Wiggum Sucks&quot; Wow I should have read these headlines a long time ago. Together they really paint a picture... a failure. And now, my only friend is the bottle ''[pulls out bottle of maple syrup and pancakes]''<br /> {{qf|[[Barney Fife]]}} ''[later]'' Rise and shine, Chief Wiggum. This pity party is over.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} ''[startled]'' Wha?! Officer down! ''[sees Fife on the TV]'' Barney Fife?!<br /> {{qf|Barney}} Y-E-S spells &quot;you got it, buster!&quot; and I wanna tell you that the feelings you have are common for every ''[sniff]'' brother of the badge.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Yeah, well my fat grew over my badge.<br /> {{qf|Barney}} Oh, sour mash. You just gotta pull together and get the old ''[sniff]'' crime-sniffer out on the street.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} You're right! It's time I buckle down and really do some police work!<br /> {{qf|Barney}} Now that's the can-do attitude that puts dudes in the can! Ha, ha, ha. Well, I'm wanted back on the set.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Set? Are you the character or the actor who plays him?<br /> {{qf|Barney}} ''[ghost-like voice]'' Now, I must goooooo!<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} What a minute. Now you're a ghost?<br /> {{qf|Barney}} Avenge meeee!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Alcatraaaz]]}} ''[throws Bart a Murder 4 Life jersey]'' Here ya go ya little yellow cracka. ''[to driver]'' Now let's go murder our enemies. ''[to Bart]'' Peace!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Bart's gone! I checked everywhere.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} That little sneak disobeyed us and went to that hip hop festival!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} If that's true he's gonna be like N.W.A: Not Without Ass-welts!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kirk]]}} Oh baby, what could be better than video poker and Chintsy-Pop? ''[takes a handful of popcorn]'' Wow! I'm lookin' at an inside straight! ''[presses a button, which replaces the ace with a five. The word &quot;LOSER&quot; appears with the losing music]'' Someday I'll hear the winning music. Someday.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=There%27s_Something_About_Marrying/Quotes&diff=866664 2019-08-20T12:18:24Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Pranksta Rap|On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Barney]]}} Now as the Road Runner said to the Coyote ''[he jumps]'' Meep Meep! ''[he zips off]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Disco Stu]]}} Disco Stu just got an annulment from John Paul Two. Boogie down!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Is this one of those reality deals where a guy gets a million bucks for marrying Aunt Patty but they have to honeymoon in a box full of snakes?&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it!&lt;br /&gt;''[picks up phone and dials]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Phone:''' You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} While I have no opinion for or against your sinful lifestyles, I cannot marry two people of the same sex no more than I can put a hamburger on a hotdog bun. Now, go back to working behind the scenes at every facet of entertainment!&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' Excuse me, Reverend.&lt;br /&gt;'''Lovejoy:''' Yes?&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' As long as two people love each other, I don't think [[God]] cares whether they both have the same &quot;hoo-hoo&quot; or &quot;ha-ha&quot;.&lt;br /&gt;'''Nelson:''' Ha-ha! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/marrying6.mp3 audio clip]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Rev. Lovejoy:''' The Bible forbids same-sex relations.&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' Which book?&lt;br /&gt;'''Rev. Lovejoy:''' Which book?! The Bible!&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' But Reverend... ''[Lovejoy begins cranking the church bells so loud that it drowns out what Marge is saying. What follows are Marge's mostly inaudible lines]'' Scriptural scholars disagree on the significance to Christians of many of the Old Testaments prescriptions! Jesus's teachings stress inclusiveness! And compassion!&lt;br /&gt;'''Mayor Quimby:''' Lovejoy's an idiot! His church is turning away hot gobs of gay green. He could get 200 bucks a couple.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Two hundred bucks a couple, eh? ''[He then sees three gay couples and sees them as $100 bills]'' Hey, I gotta get in on this. These people have rights! The right to buy me a 62-inch TV! ''[Homer then throws his picket sign &quot;Death before Gay Marriage&quot; into a trash bin]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Joe Quimby|Mayor Quimby]]}} ''[in gay-pride video]'' Springfield, a place where anyone can marry, even dudes. We're just off Route 202. Do not take the Jefferson Avenue exit. For God's sake, '''''do not take that exit!'''''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Who's next? Adam and Steve? Or Madame and Eve?&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' Homer, you married every gay couple in town.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Hey, what can I say? I love love.&lt;br /&gt;'''Bart:''' I guess now you have to wait for some other guys to turn.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Hmmmm. Where's [[Lenny Leonard|Lenny]] and [[Carl Carlson|Carl]]?&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' Homer, don't you push them! They have to work it out for themselves.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And do you Julio take [[Thad]] to be your lawfully wedded life partner, in Massachusetts and Vermont, maybe Canada, stay out of Texas, for as long as you both are Gay?&lt;br /&gt;'''Julio:''' ''[lovingly]'' I do. ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/marrying8.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Hey, saturated fats, I came to ask you a favor.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Let me get my belt sander; maybe I can grind the ugly off your face!&lt;br /&gt;'''Patty:''' Very funny.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' I wasn't joking!&lt;br /&gt;''[Homer pulls out a belt sander, turns it on, and advances on Patty]'' ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/marrying13.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Krusty the Clown|Krusty]]}} I want to clear up a misconception about the [[Wha-Cha-Ma-Carcass Sandwich]]. I used '''''non'''''-diseased meat from diseased animals! Everyone does it!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]] (on [[Smartline]])}} Homer, have we started down a slippery slope to which marriage becomes so meaningless that anyone can marry any-'''''thing'''''?&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Oh, Kent, not anything. It has to exist...or does it?&lt;br /&gt;'''Rev. Lovejoy:''' Call me old fashion, but I believe marriage is described in the Bible!&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' If you love the Bible so much, why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife. And you're the wife! Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.. You owe me two hundred bucks.&lt;br /&gt;'''Lovejoy:''' Homer, your impulsive marriages are going to lead to a lot of divorces.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' Which will lead to a lot more impulsive marriages, putting more green in the blue, the blue being my pants!&lt;br /&gt;''[Homer holds his hand up for a high five]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Lovejoy:''' I'm sorry, Homer. I'm gonna have to leave you hanging there.''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/marrying12.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} We need to bring tourism back to Springfield! As usual, I will open the floor to all crazy ideas that jump to people's minds.&lt;br /&gt;'''Lenny:''' Stronger beer!&lt;br /&gt;'''Carl:''' Gladiator fights!&lt;br /&gt;'''Woman:''' Poetry slams!&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney:''' Giant rats!&lt;br /&gt;''[Sea Captain gets up]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Lisa:''' I have a real suggestion. ''[the Sea Captain sits back down with a swordfish]'' Why don't we legalize same-sex marriage? We can attract a growing segment of the marriage market and strike a blow for civil rights.&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe:''' Yeah, them gay guys got lots of disposable income. I could serve fancy drinks and charge ten bucks a pop. What's in a martini?&lt;br /&gt;'''Sideshow Mel:''' Gin and vermouth.&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe:''' And that makes a what?&lt;br /&gt;'''Sideshow Mel:''' A martini.&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe:''' Never heard of it. But I'm still in favor of that same-sex marriage thing.&lt;br /&gt;'''Mayor Quimby:''' Then it's settled. We shall legalize gay money. I mean gay marriage.&lt;br /&gt;''[everyone cheers]''&lt;br /&gt;'''Nelson:''' I propose we also legalize gay funerals. ''[grabs Martin]'' Starting with this guy!&lt;br /&gt;'''Martin:''' I'm not gay! I'm nothing yet!&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe:''' Okay, let's say I put a Lean Cuisine in a blender and I pour some beer on it. What do ya call that?&lt;br /&gt;'''Sideshow Mel:''' A lean cuisini.&lt;br /&gt;'''Moe:''' Wrong.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Selma, we'll always be there for each other. I don't know about Marge, though. If she doesn't show up at the ceremony, I have no &quot;non-identical sister&quot;! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season16/marrying20.mp3 audio clip]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I'm proud of you, Homer. You have given a chance for everyone to express love in its most purest form—a binding legal contract.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Patty}} Marge if you can find it in your heart to accept me for who I am, I would love to see you at the wedding. If not, I'll see you at Homer's funeral. ''[we then see Homer trying to get a fly with a knife]'' Should be pretty soon.&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer (stab noise):''' Got him! Uh-oh.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Pranksta_Rap/Quotes&diff=866662 2019-08-20T12:00:52Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass|There's Something About Marrying}}<br /> {{Cleanup}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Marge}} Rap music promotes violence and rudeness to hoes.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I lied about being kidnapped. The whole thing was a hoax.&lt;br /&gt;'''Wiggum:''' A hoax? A hoax!? Aw please, you can't takes this away from me! How would I explain it to [[Ralph Wiggum|Ralphie]]? That kid can't understand where the world goes when you close the drapes.<br /> ----<br /> ''[Bart's rap]''&lt;br /&gt;Don't critique my technique&lt;br /&gt;I'm no geek.&lt;br /&gt;I make the principal nervous&lt;br /&gt;my friends can confirm this&lt;br /&gt;I'll bust a spitwad in your epidermis&lt;br /&gt;you can trace my remorse to its super-sized source&lt;br /&gt;a hungry, hungry hypocrite named Homer, of course&lt;br /&gt;my old man's pathetic&lt;br /&gt;damn is his head thick&lt;br /&gt;the gas from his ass is carcinogenic&lt;br /&gt;every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Well, I paid for this ticket. That makes me an adult. I'm going! ''[Bart leaves for a second, then comes back, hugging his [[Krusty the Clown|Krusty]] doll.]'' I wuv you Krusty, Wusty! ''[Bart kisses his doll and leaves]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|50 Cent}} Yo! B, I heard you throw down on stage, wanna join my world tour?&lt;br /&gt;'''Bart''': Sorry, Fiddy, I have school tomorrow.&lt;br /&gt;'''50 Cent''': You're right. The more you know, the further you go, and that's one to grow on. (turns to his assistant) Does that count as community service?&lt;br /&gt;'''Assistant''': No!&lt;br /&gt;'''50 Cent''': A'ight take us to the park. We'll go pick up some dog poop.&lt;br /&gt;'''Assistant''': Yes, sir!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} Are you mad at me?&lt;br /&gt;'''Bart:''' No, it's not about you.&lt;br /&gt;'''Milhouse:''' ''[disappointed]'' Oh, it's never about me!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Man, are you illin'.&lt;br /&gt;'''Lisa:''' Rappers stopped saying &quot;illin'&quot; twelve years ago.&lt;br /&gt;'''Bart:''' I'm keepin' it real!&lt;br /&gt;'''Lisa:''' They stopped saying &quot;keepin' it real&quot; '''''three''''' years ago.&lt;br /&gt;'''Bart:''' Mom! Lisa's dissin' me!&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' &quot;Dissin'&quot;? Do rappers still say that?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} (reads headlines to self) &quot;Wiggum Sleeps Through Riot&quot;, &quot;Top Cop Surrenders to Backfiring Car&quot;, &quot;Firemen Rescue Police Chief from Tree&quot;, &quot;Commission: Wiggum Sucks&quot; Wow I should have read these headlines a long time ago. Together they really paint a picture... a failure. And now, my only friend is the bottle (pulls out bottle of maple syrup and pancakes)&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney Fife (later):''' Rise and shine, Chief Wiggum. This pity party is over.&lt;br /&gt;'''Wiggum (startled):''' Wha?! Officer down! ''[sees Fife on the TV]'' Barney Fife?!&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney:''' Y-E-S spells &quot;you got it, buster!&quot; and I wanna tell you that the feelings you have are common for every ''[sniff]'' brother of the badge.&lt;br /&gt;'''Wiggum:''' Yeah, well my fat grew over my badge.&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney:''' Oh, sour mash. You just gotta pull together and get the old ''[sniff]'' crime-sniffer out on the street.&lt;br /&gt;'''Wiggum:''' You're right! It's time I buckle down and really do some police work!&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney:''' Now that's the can-do attitude that puts dudes in the can! Ha, ha, ha. Well, I'm wanted back on the set.&lt;br /&gt;'''Wiggum:''' Set? Are you the character or the actor who plays him?&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney (ghost-like voice):''' Now, I must goooooo!&lt;br /&gt;'''Wiggum:''' What a minute. Now you're a ghost?&lt;br /&gt;'''Barney:''' Avenge meeee!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Alcatraaaz}} (throws Bart a Murder 4 Life jersey) Here ya go ya little yellow cracka. (to driver) Now let's go murder our enemies. (to Bart) Peace!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Bart's gone! I checked everywhere.&lt;br /&gt;'''Marge:''' That little sneak disobeyed us and went to that hip hop festival!&lt;br /&gt;'''Homer:''' If that's true he's gonna be like N.W.A: Not Without Ass-welts!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Kirk}} Oh baby, what could be better than video poker and Chintsy-Pop? ''[takes a handful of popcorn]'' Wow! I'm lookin' at an inside straight! ''[presses a button, which replaces the ace with a five. The word &quot;LOSER&quot; appears with the losing music]'' Someday I'll hear the winning music. Someday.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Homer_and_Ned%27s_Hail_Mary_Pass/Quotes&diff=866141 2019-08-10T17:07:47Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Mommie Beerest|Pranksta Rap}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[singing, after beating Bart in the game]'' &quot;I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine! So kiss my behind!&quot; ''[scutting and grunting at Bart]'' &quot;In your face!&quot; ''[starts dancing]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Tom Brady}} &quot;Everyone sucks but me.&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Burns}} What would you use instead of Nuclear power?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Solar.<br /> {{qf|Lenny}} Hydroelectric.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} A mix of conservation and wind.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} Who told you about those?<br /> :''Carl:''' The talking tree in a commercial.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Prof. Frink}} (after seeing Ned's film, The Passion of Cain and Abel) You have taught me a world of faith beyond the world of science. I would pay to see it again and again and again and again but '''''NOT SIX TIMES!!!'''''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I wish I were a screensaver.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Comic Book Guy}} My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me &quot;Comic Book Guy&quot;.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Michelle Kwan}} Beware the wrath of Kwan!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} Look! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan!<br /> {{qf|Michelle Kwan}} You remind me of a young {{W|Dorothy Hamill}}.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} I didn't know you could talk!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Crazy Cat Lady}} ''[calm]'' Thanks to this medication I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Those are Reese's Pieces.<br /> {{qf|Crazy Cat Lady}} ''[goes crazy]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Frank}} Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat and I can't even see the game!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Just poke through!<br /> :''[Frank then pokes his head through Marge's hair]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Announcer}} The crowd gets ready for the half-time show, sponsored by the new Ford pickups, Citibank, and Moe's Tavern'.<br /> :''[cut to private skybox, where Moe and the two executives are watching the game]''<br /> {{qf|Executive 1}} How could you afford this?<br /> {{qf|Moe}} I hustled a lot of pool. Speaking of which, you wanna play? I gotta warn ya though, I ain't that good.<br /> {{qf|Executive 1}} Alright. ''[under his breath]'' Sucker.<br /> :''[Moe swings his cue stick full force against the executive's back, possibly killing him]''<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Who's the sucker now!? Huh?!!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mother}} You try to raise your kids as humanists but these show-biz types keep shoving religion down our throat.<br /> {{qf|Kid}} Mommy, why wasn't I baptized?<br /> {{qf|Mother}} You see? YOU SEE??<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Yao Ming}} &quot;Wo zhen de bu dong ni men de yu yan.&quot; (&quot;I really don't understand your language&quot; in Mandarin)<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} But I heard you have an excellent knowledge of English.<br /> {{qf|Yao Ming}} &quot;Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going on!&quot;<br /> ----<br /> :''[the athletes are carrying an ark in Homer's show]''<br /> {{qf|Tom}} You think Homer's mad at me? I waved at him in the parking lot and his stared right through me.<br /> {{qf|Yao}} I left the People's Republic for this?<br /> {{qf|Warren}} Yo, Michelle, ya got a boyfriend?<br /> {{qf|Michelle}} Not in here I don't.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|LeBron}} Omelettes? For dinner? This is the best day of my life!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Didn't you just sign a $100 million dollar contract?<br /> {{qf|LeBron}} Oh yeah. That was a good day too.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Mommie_Beerest/Quotes&diff=866058 2019-08-10T12:25:28Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Midnight Rx|Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Thinner... thinner... thinner... thinner... too thin. Better luck next time, &quot;{{ap|Tommy|Mommie Beerest}} - Virginia Beach.&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I've never been so embarrassed. And the worst part is, this is brunch so you've ruined two meals! I'll see you all at lupper!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Moe]]}} When we were kids, our dads used to get drunk and make us fight each other.<br /> {{qf|{{ap|Frankie|Mommie Beerest}}}} My Pop would buy me a malted for every tooth of Moe's I knocked out.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} That time you blinded me, he gave you a bike. That sure was a good soundin' bike...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Health Inspector}} Mr. Szyslak, your tavern is rife with Health Code violations.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} You gotta be kiddin' me. Like what?<br /> {{qf|Health Inspector}} For starters, the body of my predecessor is still on the floor.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Oh yeah. Uh well, ya see, uh trash day ain't 'til Wednesday...<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Thanks, Homer. No one's ever trusted me before -- except for that one guy who shouldn't have.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} That was me.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Oh yeah.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, those kookoo-birds at the bank goofed up and sent us a mortgage statement.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge! How dare you open a letter addressed to both of us?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge, you can't go with me to Moe's. I mean, how would you like it if I came with you to your mother's?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I would like it. You never come to my mother's.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} That's because I hate her.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Whoa, whoa, whoa, now wait just a minute. One thing Moe Szyslak has never had is a partner. Nor a wife, a friend, a chum, a casual acquaintance, a pen pal, a parrot, a meaningful conversation, a brief hug or eye contact.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But I don't wanna take care of the kids... Um... how many cigars are they allowed to have? Bart sleeps in the microwave, right?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Quit playing dumb.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} How many magic beans should I sell the baby for? Three? Duh, der, duh. That's me, jerk-ass Homer. Duh, der, doy.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Marge, my customers don't like themselves. Therefore, they seek the darkness.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well... as fabulous as your regulars are, a remodel might bring in a higher class of lush.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Look, I like Moe's the way it is, all right? And I ain't changin' it for any dame, skirt, Susie-Q, or face-macer.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Judge Snyder]]}} Pint of ale, my dear?<br /> {{qf|[[Lindsey Naegle]]}} ell thank you, your honor. You know, you're kind of sexy.<br /> {{qf|Snyder}} That's a deliberate mis-statement of fact. But I'll allow it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} So, [[Mr. Boswell]]. What do you think of the new Moe's?<br /> {{qf|Mr. Boswell}} Marge Simpson and Moe Szyslak, here's a mash note to your bangers: I wish you could live in me forever!<br /> {{qf|Moe}} Thanks, Freakazoid.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I know, I used to think of Moe as a scabby, dead-eyed hunchback. But now that I've gotten to know him, we kind of bonded.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Bonded?! How many times?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, Moe and I are just work friends. You and I are... marriage friends.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Simpson, you were going a hundred in a twenty-five zone. And you're not gonna flirt your way outta this one.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But I have to get to the airport to save my marriage!<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Really? Well, why didn't you say so? Let's roll!<br /> {{qf|[[Lou]]}} You didn't work this hard to save my marriage.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Wake up, Lou. She was way outta your league.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, I made a vow on our wedding day, to stay by you -- for better or worse. And besides... I love you. You're my Homie-womie-romie-domie...<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And you're my Margie-wargie-bargie-fargie-gargie-margie-targie-glargie.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} I may have dodged a bullet here.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Midnight_Rx/Quotes&diff=866050 2019-08-10T12:11:53Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Fat Man and Little Boy|Mommie Beerest}}<br /> <br /> <br /> :''[Homer and Grampa arrive at the border. Homer is dressed in Mexican clothing, including a sombrero]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[To border patrol]'' ''Hola señor!'' We are gringo and wish to spend ''mucho dinero'' in your country.<br /> {{qf|Border Patrol}} Splendid! Welcome to Canada!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} D'oh!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Montgomery Burns|Mr. Burns]]}} Fear not Smithers! I'll move heaven and earth to save you! It's still easier then teaching a new assistant my filing system.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Apu Nahasapeemapetilon|Apu]]}} ''[While they ride to Canada]'' Homer! Please tell Mr. Ned to stop trying to convert me!<br /> {{qf|[[Ned Flanders]]}} I was just saying how brave he is to worship a false god!<br /> {{qf|Apu}} I do not worship one god, okay? I worship a whole super team of deities that--''[Flanders pinches]'' OW, ow! Okay, he just pinched me!<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Where's your super team, now?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Listen, you two! I'll you both who the true God is, ''if'' you're both quiet for the rest of the trip! ''[Ned and Apu protest]'' All right, I'm coming back there! ''[Unbuckles seatbelt and leaves driver's wheel to go to the back seat. The van swerves uncontrollably through traffic]''<br /> {{qf|Apu}} Save me, Shiva!<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Why don't you just call for Hawkman?<br /> {{qf|Apu}} Why don't you just shut up!?<br /> ----<br /> :''[After Homer and Grampa are arrested for smuggling in Canada]''<br /> {{qf|[[English translator]]}} We have confiscated your car and its contents.<br /> {{qf|[[French translator]]}} ''Nous avons confisqué votre voiture et son contenu.''<br /> {{qf|English translator}} You may leave Canada, but never return.<br /> {{qf|French translator}} ''Vous pouvez quitter le Canada, mais vous n'avez plus le droit de rentrer.''<br /> {{qf|English translator}} I am a big fat French idiot.<br /> {{qf|French translator}} ''Je suis un grand gros...''--hey!<br /> {{qf|English translator}} Heh, heh, heh!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|{{ap|Johnny|Midnight Rx}}}} Just take these health cards to any pharmacy and you'll get enough drugs to make [[Regina]] look like [[Saskatoon]]. <br /> :''[He and the other veterans laugh]''<br /> {{qf|[[Johnny's friend]]}} That's a good one Johnny.<br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Fat_Man_and_Little_Boy/Quotes&diff=866046 2019-08-10T06:47:57Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|She Used to Be My Girl|Midnight Rx}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]''' and '''[[Janey]]}} ''[singing and rhyming]'' ''Miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. Miss Lucy went to Heaven and the steamboat went to-''<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} ''[gasps]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa''' and '''Janey}} ''Hello operator, get me number 9, and if you disconnect me, I'll chop off your be-''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[more gasps]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa''' and '''Janey}} ''-hind the 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass, Miss Lucy sat upon it and it cut her big, fat-''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[gasps, then passes out]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa''' and '''Janey}} ''Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more-''<br /> :''[Lisa gets hit by a spitball]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Ow! Spitballs!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} &quot;You give my son what he deserves, or I'll knock you on your delightfully offbeat ass!&quot;<br /> {{qf|[[Goose Gladwell|Goose]]}} &quot;Ah, I must warn you, Sir, I was a Green Beret in [[Vietnam]]. The things I saw there are what made me - CRAAAAAAZYYYYY!&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=She_Used_to_Be_My_Girl/Quotes&diff=865274 2019-08-04T13:37:12Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Sleeping with the Enemy|Fat Man and Little Boy}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Mom, the dog won't take his medicine.<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} It helps to wrap it in a slice of cheese.<br /> :''[she wraps it in a slice of cheese and holds it in front of [[Santa's Little Helper]], but [[Homer]] runs in]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Woo-Hoo! Free cheese!<br /> :''[he swallows the cheese-wrapped pill]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Homer, that was for the dog!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night. Then came the heart attacks.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} It's a media circus!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Woo-Hoo! The circus!<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} A media circus.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Woo-Hoo! I don't know the difference!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} This is the most exciting scandal since [[O.J. Simpson|the Juice]] was on the loose.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} The Juice is still on the loose.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Aaaaaaaaaaahh!!!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} [[Joe Quimby|Mr. Mayor]], just how many illegitimate children are you hiding?<br /> {{qf|Mayor Quimby}} Kent, I'm hiding nothing... ''[takes out a puppy from behind his back]'' except his puppy.<br /> {{qf|Reporters}} Awwwwwwwww.<br /> {{qf|Quimby}} Look into his eyes and tell me I'm lying.<br /> {{qf|Brockman}} Well, I'm placated, and so are all my friends in the local media.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chloe Talbot]]}} Well, if it isn't local news legend Kent Brockman. Hey, Kent, run over any more pedestrians?<br /> {{qf|Brockman}} Those records are sealed.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I didn't think anyone successful came from [[Springfield]].<br /> {{qf|Homer}} What about the two-headed goat?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Technically, he was born in [[Shelbyville]].<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yes, but he came here to die. ''[looks out of the window at a statue of a two-headed goat]'' One of you ate tin cans, the other ate health food. How you solved crimes, I'll never know.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Brockman}} [[Channel 6 News]] rocks! A car chase every night or the weather girl wears a tube top. And if she doesn't, you win a pizza!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chloe}} Marge, where are you living now?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[mumbling]'' [[Evergreen Terrace]].<br /> {{qf|Chloe}} [[Paris]]? Just like you always dreamed!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow?<br /> {{qf|Chloe}} Oh, I'd love to! I'm getting so sick of these greasy catered meals.<br /> {{qf|[[Luigi Risotto]]}} You insult-a me, you insult [[Italy]]... ''[holds up a place mat with a map of Italy on]'' which is shaped like a boot?! Who knew?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You know, Chloe, some of us stayed in this town and made it a better place.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, come on, Marge. The only reason we don't move out of this dunghill is because of my court-ordered ankle bracelet. ''[he pulls up his pants leg to show off the bracelet, which starts beeping]'' I'm here! I'm here! Quit buggin' me!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Why do you always have to show that to company?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} It's a conversation starter!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mom, Chloe just won the {{W|Peabody Award}}!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, I just made the bathroom floor smell like lemons, where's the award for that?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Good news, Marge! I've learned to walk naked on stilts!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Marge, listen to me. Chloe may have a flashy job, but you're the backbone of this family. You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} That's a sweet thought, Homie.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I just hate to see you upset, honey. ''[Homer snaps his fingers]'' You know what would be a good name for [[Maggie]]? Chloe.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Lisa, honey, let me explain what happened tonight. Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Mom, I wanna be just like you. I mean the lava part, not the saving Lisa.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[starts strangling Bart]'' Pretend to care!<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Sleeping_with_the_Enemy/Quotes&diff=865272 2019-08-04T13:33:38Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|All's Fair in Oven War|She Used to Be My Girl}}<br /> <br /> :''[Marge in Bowling Ally with Nelson]''<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Sometimes I think he's more interested in his '''Itchy and Mitchy''' cartoons than me.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Bart and Lisa go home and witnesses Marge hugging Nelson]''<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} My Mother.. My bully.. My God.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Marge open the door and meet Mrs Muntz]''<br /> {{qf|Mrs Muntz}} Self Respect. No wonder he came home with his vest all buttoned like he was somebody. ''[Underwear falls]''<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Go home to your son, Mrs Muntz, and try not to have intercourse on the way.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Sherri giggles as Lisa reachs down to pick a rock]''<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} What?<br /> {{qf|Sherri}} Nothing.<br /> :''[Lisa reachs down to pick a rock Sherri giggles]''<br /> {{qf|Sherri, Terri and Janey}} ''[singing]'' Lisa has a big butt. Lisa has a big butt.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Shut up, I do not!<br /> {{qf|Sherri}} Oh no, don't make Lisa mad.<br /> {{qf|Terri}} She might crush us all with her giant butt<br /> {{qf|Willie}} ''[attempts to defend Lisa]'' Shut up you, stop teasing the big bottomed lass. <br /> <br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=All%27s_Fair_in_Oven_War/Quotes&diff=865209 2019-08-03T08:59:58Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Treehouse of Horror XV|Sleeping with the Enemy}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|Club owner}} I'm turning this disco into a hockey rink.<br /> {{qf|[[Blacula]]}} You mean a honky rink!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Relax, we're just looky-loos. We're only here to compare our lifestyle to our neighbors.<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Oh, c'mon Marge. It's not fair to compare us to an American household.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Hey, the lady in this picture is hot. She can calamine my hives anytime.<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} That's congresswoman [[Bella Abzug]].<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} Ciao, Bella!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I think you used too much plaster.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Oh, now you tell me.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I never stopped telling you.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} So that's what that white noise was.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Moe Szyslak]]}} Same old stuff: meatloaf, casserole, tunaloaf, loaferole, casseloaf...<br /> {{qf|[[Carl Carlson]]}} Marge Simpson's wasabi buffalo wings.<br /> {{qf|[[Lenny Leonard]]}} Ooh, an Eastern twist on a Western [[New York]] favorite!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What do you think {{Ch|Thomas Pynchon}}?<br /> {{qf|Thomas Pynchon}} These wings are V.-licious! I'll put this recipe in the Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook right next to The Frying of Latke 49.<br /> {{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} I agree with my fellow Cornell alumnus. Huzzah for Marge!<br /> {{qf|Crowd}} Huzzah!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} And how about a huzzah for my husband who paid for our new kitchen?<br /> {{qf|Mel}} Never!<br /> ----<br /> :''[Bart and Milhouse are listening to Jazz]''<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} When do they start singing?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Well, the [[Playdude]] Advisor says the music will get a stewardess to give you a layover.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} I hope it's [[Omaha]]. My grammy lives there.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} In the [[Ovenfresh Bakeoff]], clever presentation is as important as taste. So I'm entering my dessert dogs. It's deep fried cookie dough with meringue buns, cherry &quot;ketchup&quot; and caramel &quot;mustard&quot;.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Mmm... It's dessert, but it's hot dogs, so it's good for you!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Sorry, Ralphie. The Bakeoff rejected your recipe.<br /> {{qf|[[Ralph Wiggum]]}} I wanna be in the bakeoff!<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} There, there. I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} You only took a pretend bite.<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} No, I'm eating it, look.<br /> :''[he swallows it with great difficulty]''<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} Can you taste the thumbtacks?<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Aw, crap.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Bart is dressed in a smoking jacket and carrying a pipe]''<br /> {{qf|[[Nelson Muntz]]}} Haw Haw! Bart looks different today.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Ah, Nelson. Your debonair wit reminds me of a young {{W|Mort Sahl}}.<br /> {{qf|Nelson}} Guh?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers. I'm throwin' a little sip'n'quip at the Playdude Treehouse. Saturday night, at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square.<br /> {{qf|Ralph}} I want to be a triangle.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} You're not invited.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} It's going to be weird cooking without your tipsy father grabbing me from behind. But I think I'm up to it.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|{{Ap|Stuart|All's Fair in Oven War}}}} So, whatcha makin', Marge?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Well, Stuart, I'm making a dessert that looks like a hot dog, but isn't.<br /> {{qf|Stuart}} You're making a tasty fake? ''[chuckles]'' That is so 90s. Why don't we move to [[Seattle]] and use slow modems.<br /> :''[several chefs laugh at Marge]''<br /> {{qf|[[Luigi Risotto]]}} Yo, Marge. Your recipe, she's-a pathetic!<br /> {{qf|Marge}} She is not!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|{{Ch|James Caan}}}} Hey, Bart, me and [[Edna Krabappel|Mrs. Krabappel]], uh, we're going to go play some &quot;backgammon&quot;, if you know what I mean.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I don't, but I hope you win.<br /> {{qf|Edna}} Oh, he's gonna win.<br /> {{qf|Caan}} Some guys like a challenge. Not me.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Listen here, Simpson. Your son has been exposing our kids to adult themes, unabashed dictionaries, and the lesser short fiction of {{W|John Cheever}}.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Adult themes? What are you talking about?<br /> {{qf|[[Ned Flanders]]}} Well, my [[Rod Flanders|Roddy]] told a joke about an octopus and a set of bagpipes, and the punchline implied that they fornicated.<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} Ralphie wants to go on the pill.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Stupid Bart. Heh heh heh heh heh heh. Bagpipes getting down with an octopus... that's classic.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Come on, Mom. You still have twenty minutes left. You can fix it.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You're right! If I can feed a family of five for $12 a week, I can do anything.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} You feed us on $12 a week?<br /> {{qf|Marge}} I stretch your father's meatloaf with sawdust.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Even the pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot slide these days.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, sweetie, is Mom winning?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Oh, she'll win the contest, but she'll lose her soul.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But she'll win the contest?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} And lose her soul.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But win the contest?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[weary]'' Yes.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Woo-hoo! If Marge becomes [[Auntie Ovenfresh]], we'll meet all the food personalities. ''[Homer imagines himself at a swanky party with Marge and various food mascots]'' Look! It's [[Mr. Cashew]]... [[the Kobbler Dwarfs]]... [[Snip]], [[Crinkle]] and [[Poof]]! [[Twinkle the Kid]]! I love you! ''[he hugs Twinkie]''<br /> {{qf|Twinkie}} Whoa, easy there pardner. ''[he hugs him harder and cream squeezes out of him]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh-oh.<br /> {{qf|Pringles-type man}} You killed him!<br /> {{qf|Kobbler Dwarf}} He was my world!<br /> {{qf|Food icons}} ''[angrily]'' Blood for cream! Blood for cream!<br /> :''[back in the real world]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[angrily]'' Blood for cream! Blood for cream!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Head judge}} Our two remaining dishes are &quot;blackened dessert dogs&quot; by Marge Simpson and &quot;Armadillo a la Road&quot; by [[Brandine]] No Last Name Given.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} That was an entry? I thought it was garbage.<br /> {{qf|Brandine}} Just 'cause it was cooked in a garbage can don't make it garbage.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[reading from Playdude]'' Canned and frozen juices are more popular than ever these days. But, most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes.<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} Bachelors are always squeezin' stuff.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Would you excuse us, Milton?<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} It's Milhouse.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, and your father's &quot;No House&quot;. Now scram.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Bart, I know a father has no right to pry into the life of his ten-year-old son. But what's goin' on up here.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I'm just spreadin' the ''Playdude'' philosophy. Hi-fis, {{W|Normal Mailer}} and gettin' some.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Uh, um. What do you think &quot;some&quot; is?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Uh... toys?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[sighs]'' I thought I'd never have to do this, but it's time I told you the facts of life. Do you know what a boob is?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Oh yeah.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Good. That'll save us some time. Okay... why do you think your mother and I sleep in the same bed?<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Because we're poor.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Exactly. And we're poor because we have kids. And the biological method by which children are created by a man and a woman is...<br /> :''[the scene cuts to outside the treehouse]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[horrified]'' Aaaaaahhh!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} ''[coldly]'' Congratulations, mom. You seem to have a prescription for success.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} What a kind, yet oddly ominous, thing to say.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Mom, if I don't have you to look up to, I don't have anyone.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Look, I'll be a winner with feet of clay... like {{W|Mickey Mantle}}. Everyone loves the Mick.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I don't want Mickey Mantle. I want my mom.<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Hey, plenty of kids are going to look up to me when I'm Auntie whatever it is. Right now, people just know me as the wife of the guy who doesn't go to work. Can't you understand that I need this?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I guess dad has to be my hero now.<br /> :''[she turns to see Bart huddled in the corner]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Not if you know what he's been doing. ''[shudders]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} ''[to Lisa]'' Thanks honey, for saving me from myself.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} And Marge, you'll always be the best chef in our house<br /> {{qf|Marge}} Eh, B.F.D. I've had your scrambled eggs, Homer. The secret ingredient is whiskey.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Hey, it keeps the kids quiet.<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Treehouse_of_Horror_XV/Quotes&diff=865207 2019-08-03T08:55:41Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Fraudcast News|All's Fair in Oven War}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Ned]]}} Homer, do not press the core destruct button!<br /> :''[Transmitted into the booth: Press (Static) Destruct button!]''<br /> :''[Homer looks and decides to press the button]''<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Don't do it! Don't do it! You'll kill everyone!<br /> :''[Transmitted: Do it! (Static) Do it! (Static) Kill everyone!]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} More snickers bar pie, dad?<br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Oh my, no I'm full enough as it is.<br /> :'''Home:r''' ''[inside Burns]'' If I say we're still hungry, we're still hungry! You don't wanna piss off somebody who can kick you in the crotch from the inside!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Homer, please, don't tempt the gods... er, I mean God! There's one God! Only one! Well, sometimes there's three.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Ned shoots Homer]''<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Homer! Fall backward! ''[Homer walks backwards and dies outside the button]''<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Phew!<br /> :''[Homer turns on to his back and dies]''<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Phew!<br /> :''[Homer's tongue comes out and hits the button]''<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Oh, you stupid son of a…… ''[town explodes]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} If you must kill our dad, remember the family motto: not in the face.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} (sighs) Looks like the Mutton-Chop Murderer has struck again.<br /> {{qf|[[Lou]]}} What should we do with the body?<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} I want you to dust her for prints.<br /> {{qf|[[Eddie]]}} What does that mean?<br /> {{qf|Wiggum}} The prince is coming by and I want her clean when he looks her over.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Lisa and Bart see the shrunken heads of Ned Flanders, Rod, and Todd]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I know these missionaries!<br /> {{qf|Shrunken Head of Ned Flanders}} I just told the natives they were having sex the wrong way.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned}} I had a vision of my self... shooting your father.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} In this neighborhood, who hasn't?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Ned}} Homer, stay away from the nuclear plant.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Fine, I'll never go back… starting tomorrow. Today is Lenny's birthday and they're having ice cream cake.<br /> {{qf|Ned}} B-B-B-But you'll kill us all!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} But ice cream cake!<br /> :''[Homer drives off]''<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Am I the only one who is in horrible pain?<br /> {{qf|Homer}} You're the only one who won't shut up about it<br /> <br /> {{Season 16|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Fraudcast_News/Quotes&diff=865205 2019-08-03T08:51:56Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{tabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart-Mangled Banner|Treehouse of Horror XV}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} All my daughter ever did was tell people to think for themselves. I may be her father, but when I grow up, I wanna be just like her, except still a dude.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Now get out!<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} I can't! My mom's not picking me up for an hour.<br /> :''[''long pause'']''<br /> {{qf|Burns}} So, what do you think of today’s popular music scene.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} I think it distracts people from more important social issues.<br /> {{qf|Burns}} My god, are you always on!?<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} The town still mourns the loss of its venerable old man.<br /> {{qf|Mr Burns}} Here it comes.<br /> {{qf|Kent}} Beloved by children.<br /> {{qf|Mr Burns}} Ah yes, the little ones.<br /> {{qf|Kent}} Thought to be thousands of years old.<br /> {{qf|Mr Burns}} I have been 89 for a while now.<br /> {{qf|Kent}} We'll miss you, Geezer Rock.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Well, I guess it's impossible for one man to control all the media. Unless, of course, you're [[Rupert Murdoch]]. (''Looks at camera'') He is one beautiful man.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Mr. Burns}} Ah, it's as easy as crushing an ant! ''[sees ant]'' You know? ''[tries to crush it but it knocks him over]'' AARRGGHH!!! Oh! Take my wallet and leave me alone!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Nelson, what journalistic skills do you have?<br /> {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} I dunno, making nerds cry?<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} Great, you'll be our TV critic.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} What's the big deal about a rock that looks like a dude? I've got a dad that looks like a monkey!<br /> :''[''Homer is humped over, scratching his crotch and eating a banana''.]''<br /> {{qf|Homer}} (''Scoffs'') Bart! You promised you'd stop making that comparison! (''Grabs Bart to strangle him''.)<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Homer}} I'm gonna pull an all-nighter for my daughter! Marge! Go put on a pot of coffee! Drink it. And start making hamburgers!<br /> <br /> {{Season 15|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=Bart-Mangled_Banner/Quotes&diff=864894 2019-07-21T17:38:49Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{tabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Way We Weren't|Fraudcast News}}<br /> <br /> :''[Dr. Hibbert tries to injects Bart but he injects Drederick Tatum]''<br /> {{qf|Drederick}} ''[punches Dr. Hibbert]'' Black on black violence must end! ''[punches Dr. Hibbert again]'' That was for Dr. King.<br /> ----<br /> :''[Dr. Hibbert sitting in the sidewalk breaking a vial]''<br /> {{qf|Bart}} ''[climbs down the tree]'' Don't feel bad doc. I won't even let my mom cut my toe nails. ''[removes his shoe wiggles his toes and puts it back on]''<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} I guess you just too smart for me Bart.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} What?<br /> <br /> ''[Dr.Hibbert removes his mask reveal to be Barney Gumble]'' <br /> <br /> {{qf|Barney}}Aha!<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Huh?<br /> :''[The real Dr. Hibbert emerges from behind the tree Bart tries to run but Barney grabs him and Dr. Hibbert finally injects him]''<br /> {{qf|Dr. Hibbert}} Thanks Barney. ''[turns to Moe who is in diguise]'' Moe we won't need you anymore.<br /> {{qf|Moe}} ''[removes his mask]'' (Okay well i believe you join you Dr. Hibbert.) Oh by the way you're not welcome at the public library. Sorry. ''[leaves]''<br /> <br /> {{Season 15|Q}}</div>

Abbot https://simpsonswiki.com/w/index.php?title=The_Way_We_Weren%27t/Quotes&diff=864893 2019-07-21T17:37:12Z

<p>Abbot: Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf (code: quotes)</p> <hr /> <div>{{TabQ}}<br /> {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Simple Simpson|Bart-Mangled Banner}}<br /> <br /> {{qf|[[Marge]]}} ''[walking funny]'' I used to walk like this until my tendons snapped. They heard it in [[Shelbyville]].<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I'm Elvis! Elvis Jagger. Elvis Jagger Abdul-Jabbar.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Dad, how could you?<br /> {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Because he's the kind who kisses and leaves you!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Men are dogs, the worse we treat you, the more you want us.<br /> {{qf|Lisa}} That's not what dogs do.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Lisa said, &quot;Dog doo!&quot;<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Bart}} Let me get this straight. When you were my age, you had the hots for Mom and didn't even know it? That's cool! Or is it lame? I guess I'll go with lame. You're lame!<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Why, because I've only kissed one girl in my whole life? That's still one more than you.<br /> {{qf|Bart}} I've kissed 3 girls.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} ''[crying]'' I'm so lame!<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Milhouse}} ''[while playing &quot;Spin the Bottle&quot;]'' Round and round the bottle twirls, I hope it stops on one of the girls. ''[the bottle lands on [[Sherri and Terri's cousin]]]'' I hope you like the taste of ringworm medicine.<br /> ----<br /> {{qf|Marge}} You won't be kissing anyone for a while.<br /> {{qf|Homer}} Well, that stinks, but I'll still get to kiss you, right?<br /> <br /> {{Season 15|Q}}<br /> {{DEFAULTSORT:Way We Weren't/Quotes, The}}</div>

Abbot