The Secret War of Lisa Simpson/Quotes
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178
"The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"
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- Chief Wiggum: Aw, can't anybody in this town take the law into their own hands?
- Announcer: The moon. For several years, she has fascinated many. But will man ever walk on her fertile surface? Democratic hopeful Adlai Stevenson says so.
- Adlai Stevenson II: I have no objection to man walking on the moon.
- Lisa: Where's Miss Hoover?
- Janey Powell: Hey, her car's gone.
- Ralph Wiggum: Maybe she drove to the moon.
- Lisa: It's not my nature to complain, but so far today we've had three movies, two film strips, and an hour and a half of "magazine time." I just don't feel challenged.
- Principal Skinner: Of course we could make things more challenging, Lisa, but then the stupider students would be in here complaining... furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation...
- Marge: Well, it certainly was nice of you to accept Bart in the middle of the semester.
- The Commandant: Fortunately, we've had a couple of recent "freak-outs," so that freed up a couple of bunks.
- Bart: "Freak-outs?"
- Homer: If, uh, that happens, are we still charged for the entire semester?
- Lisa: Hey, look, it's the school motto.
- Bart: [reading] "I'll die before I surrender, Tim." [to Lisa] Who's Tim?
- Lisa: Apparently Tim was someone who was with the general moments before he was shot right in the head.
- Instructor: Since you attended public school, I'm going to assume that you're already proficient with small arms. So, we'll start you off with something a little more advanced.
- Bart: I'm sorry I froze you out, Lis. I--I just didn't want the guys to think I'd gone soft on the girl issue.
- Lisa: Ech, I'm tired of being an issue, Bart. Maybe everyone would be better off if I just quit.
- Bart: But if you quit, it'll be like an expert knot-tier quitting a knot-tying contest right in the middle of tying a knot!
- Lisa: Why'd you say that?
- Bart: I dunno. I was just looking at my shoelaces.
- Bart: I thought you came here looking for a challenge.
- Lisa: Duh! A challenge I could do.
- The Commandant: Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the State Supreme Court has determined that forcing cadets to cross "The Eliminator" is a barbaric and malicious practice.
- Lisa: [under her breath] Yes!
- The Commandant: Hence, you will be the last class to be subjected to it.
- The Commandant: The wars of the future will not be fought on a battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today, remember always, your duty is clear: to build and maintain those robots. Thank you.
