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Bart Gets an "F"/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- [Bart awakens and realizes he has not studied for his test today.]
- Bart: Otto man, I have a test I am so not ready for! Could you help out your pal and crash the bus?
- Otto: Whoa! Sorry, Bart dude, state law prohibits me from crashing the bus on purpose. But who knows, you may get lucky and we could have an accident!
- Bart: [talking to himself] No need to panic. Just pal up with some brain, sponge the answers, then I am back on Easy Street!
- Sherri: Look! It is Bart Simpson.
- Terri: I will bet he did not study for the test, and now he is trying to play up to us!
- Bart: Good morning, girls!
- Sherri & Terri: [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart!
- Bart: Who is up for a power cram session? I will go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' ship?
- Sherri: The Spirit of St. Louis.
- Bart: Where was their original destination?
- Terri: Sunny Acapulco.
- Bart: And why did they leave England?
- Sherri: Giant rats.
- [Sherri & Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook.]
- Bart: Cool, history is coming alive!
- [School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.]
- Martin Prince: As a natural enemy, I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel obliged to tell you that the information you just received is grossly erroneous.
- Bart: Speak English, man!
- Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do!
- Bart: [dejectedly] Thanks for the pep talk, Poindexter.
- [Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]
- Lisa: Everybody knows you are faking it.
- Bart: Well, everybody had better keep their mouth shut!
- Lisa: You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later.
- Bart: I got my bases covered.
- [Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse.]
- Bart: Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test, what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2?
- Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
- Bart: I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
- Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
- Edna Krabappel: I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you!
- [Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation.]
- Dr. Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
- Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
- [Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly.]
- Edna Krabappel {aged:} The topic is world literature. Let us start with Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. Can anyone tell me the name of the pirate... Bart Simpson Senior?
- [Bart is now a full-grown man]
- Bart Simpson Senior: Ah, lady, come on. My kid has the chicken pox, my wife has been nagging me for a new car and I need a root canal. So can you please cut me some slack and stop asking me for the name of that stupid pirate?
- [Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student.]
- Bart Simpson Junior: [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad!
- Edna Krabappel: I heard that, Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
- Bart Sr & Bart Jr: [in unison] D'OH!
- Bart: Woo hoo! A snow day! Last one out is a rotten egg!
- [Bart is stopped by Lisa.]
- Lisa: I heard you praying last night. You asked God to make it so that He would close the school and He did. I do not know much about the existence of God, but I do know this; He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.
- [Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the tempation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
- Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
- [July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.]
- Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
- Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
- Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
- Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
- Thomas Jefferson: That from that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable...
- John Adams: Hey, look everybody! It's snowing!
- Samuel Chase: In the middle of July?
- Roger Sherman: It's a miracle.
- Benjamin Franklin: Fellas, I've invented something fun... the sled.
- John Adams: Hey, look everybody! John Hancock's writing his name in the snow!
- [Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
- Martin: Later, Mrs. K.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Martin? OK, Bart, time is up. Hand over your test.
- Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Very well, let me get out "Old Red".
- Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.
- Mrs. Krabappel: That's 59, Bart, another F.
- Bart: Oh, no. I can't believe it.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Yes, I know, another year, oh, it's gonna be hell.
- [Bart looks at the test paper and breaks down in tears]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, what's the matter? I would think you'd be used to failing by now.
- Bart: [still crying] No..you don't understand. I really tried this time. I really tried! This is as good as I can do, and I still failed!
- Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59 is a high F.
- Bart: Who am I kidding? I really am a failure! Now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754.
- Mrs. Krabappel: What?
- Bart: You know, 1754. The famous defeat to the French.
- Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook.
- Mrs. Krabappel: My God, Bart, you're right!
- Bart: So?
- Mrs. Krabappel: You demonstrated applied knowledge! And due to the difficulty and relative obscurity of that reference, you deserve an extra point on that exam. It's only fair.
- Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely.
- Bart: I passed! I got a D minus! I passed!! All right! [Kisses Mrs. Krabappel and runs out of the school] I passed, I passed, I passed! I got a D minus! I passed! I got a D minus! I passed! I got a D minus! I passed, I passed, I... [Frowns suddenly] ...KISSED THE TEACHER?!!
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