Simpsons Christmas Stories/Quotes

Joseph, you know I have never lain with a man. Tell me about it. And yet, I am with child. A pregnant virgin?! That's every man's worst nightmare.

I knew you'd forget, so my gift to you is a gift for you to give me. It's just what I wanted. Here, Marge, this is for you.

Grampa?! What are you doing in the chimney? Trying to kill Santa. What's it to ya?! What do you have against Santa? He screwed me over back in WWII! I was a navy pilot in the Pacific. Bart, why'd you ask him a follow-up question? It just slipped out!

Cyrus, I miss you every day. He misses you, too. Wait! He, what, who?! Your brother didn't die in the war, Abe. He crashed into Tahiti. And he liked it so much, he never left. And now, if you like, I'll take you to him. Will we be back for the tournament of roses parade? Probably not. Good, I hate that crap. Yeah, me, too.

Where's Reverend Lovejoy? He's never been late for christmas service. Maybe he's cheating on us with the episcopalians. Look at 'em, with their bright, airy narthex and light, flaky eucharist. I wouldn't mind dipping my hand in their font.