Labor Pains/Quotes


 * Lisa: Did you know some historians think American football is based on an ancient Aztec game?
 * Bart: It's not American football, it's just football.
 * Lisa: Bart, you're not annoyed that Milhouse asked me to go to the American football game instead of you?ḕ
 * Bart: Mom, Lisa's ruining football.
 * Lisa: American football.


 * Homer: Oh, you like movies? This reminds me of that scene in Alien.
 * Gretchen: What?
 * Homer: The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end.
 * Gretchen: Aw, well, that's sweet.


 * Homer: College is expensive but it's worth it.


 * Milhouse: (looking at the Jumbo-tron in the football stadium) These are great seats. You can hear the players swear from up here.
 * Football Player: (off screen in distance) I'll kick your ass, Milhouse!


 * Milhouse: I dating a cheerleader.
 * Lisa: No, you're not!
 * Football player: Burned again, Milhouse!


 * Homer: Wow, so now there's two things named after me... a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m.


 * Marge: You have a baby together?
 * Homer: Oh, it's cool. We did it in an elevator.
 * Marge: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife.
 * Homer: But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good.
 * Marge: It's not good. None of it's good.
 * Homer: I haven't had a drink for a week.
 * Marge: That is pretty good.


 * Grandpa: If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match?


 * Rich Texan: Okay, I give up. I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo-- surrender.


 * Kirk: While you're at it, how about a little boost for peanut vendors?
 * Rich Texan: What do you think I'm taking their raise out of?