Moe Szyslak's Romantic Poems for the Lazy Lover

Moe Szyslak's Romantic Poems for the Lazy Lover is poems by Moe in Homer Simpson's Little Book of Laziness.

The greatest gift

 * I look around in vain for a gift worthy of my love for you.
 * TV remote,
 * Ashtray,
 * Footstool...
 * That lamp don't suck too bad.
 * Then it his me like the base you thre last spring.
 * The greastest gift I could give?
 * This here poem.
 * It belongs to you now.
 * Though I still hold the copyright.
 * Happy birthday, hon.

The goal

 * My goal in life,
 * In love,
 * In whaterver it is that you and me got,
 * Is to serve you,
 * To delight you,
 * To make your dreams come true.
 * Pass your heart to me,
 * And i promise to run with it,
 * Held tight against my own.
 * Though tackled, I will never fumble.
 * Though on my fourth down, I will never punt
 * Though penalized, I will return to the frag,
 * More determined than ever to reach that goal,
 * By the way, the game is on.
 * Could you make it your goal to keep the chattiness down
 * And fix me a sandwich?

Morning after #27

 * Socks and bras and skivvies,
 * Like steeping-stones
 * Between toilet and mattress.
 * White sheet tangle,v
 * Moist with sweat.
 * Half-empty cartoons,
 * Soy and silver noodle,
 * Chopsticks akimbo.
 * The memory of our lust
 * Hangs pungent in the darkened room.
 * Please clean up
 * Before you leave.

Here's lookin' at you

 * You and me, wea agreed to call it quites
 * Then by chance I saw you with the weasel-facked jerk
 * A beast with two backs
 * Glowing in the light of the street lamp
 * Outside your bedroom window
 * As my loafers turned your petunias into dirt salad
 * The bile rose in my throat
 * Like a dead roach to the top of a pickled jear.
 * Hot rage smacked the back of my skull,
 * Took the express down my spine and into my stomach,
 * Makin' me hungry for the Saturday Night Special.
 * Then a cop siren screamed my name,
 * Far away, but close enough to samck away the crazy.
 * Sorry, baby, you ain't worth doin' no jail time for.
 * You have a nice life.

The debt

 * You say I owe you
 * For making you watch cars transform into giant metal gods.
 * You say I owe you
 * For showing you ahandsome heroes, shaken but not stirred,
 * In masks and capes and armor, giving evil a holy beat down.
 * Before your baby blues
 * Zombies, aliens, time-traveling robots, and still I owe you.
 * Impossible missions, human cetinipedes, and still I owe you.
 * Barbarians, Bournes, and Bilbos, and still I owe you.
 * Date night, here at last--
 * What chick flick, Streeped in Meryl and Meg and McConaughey,
 * Will erase my blockbuster debt?
 * What eating and pryaing and loving snoozefest must I endure
 * To settle the score and remove the frost from your soft shoulder?
 * But wait, some other time.
 * Gout's flarin' up, so I gotta get off my feet and in fron of the tube.
 * Ooh, Schwarzenegger marathon on TBS...
 * Don't leave.
 * I'll make it up to you.
 * Don't go.
 * Oh well...
 * Hasta la vista, baby!