Treehouse of Horror VII/Quotes


 * [Talking to Lisa in "The Genesis Tub".]

Hey what is this goo? Are you trying to build a friend?


 * [From "The Genesis Tub".]

This mini universe you've created is even more impressive then Martin's milk carton ukulele.
 * [Shot of Martin in the background in a grass skirt playing the ukulele.]


 * [From "The Thing and I".]

That means the evil twin is and always has been... Bart.
 * [They all turn around and stare at Bart.]

Oh, don't look so shocked.

[as Clinton] We must go forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

It's a two party system! You have to vote for one of us! He's right, this is a two-party system. Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate. Go ahead, throw your vote away.

Ah… The old fishin' hole. So peaceful and relaxing, doesn't even matter if I catch a single fish… come on, you stupid fish! Take the bait! Don't make me come down there!!!

Welcome to our world, most gracious Lisa. Your world is incredible. And you speak English. We have listened to you speak since the dawn of time, O Creator. And we have learned to imatoot you exarktly.

We think we saw Hugo at the airport; he was boarding a plane to Switzerland and… (sees Hugo) Oh.

What's up there? Is it a monster? We have to know. Tell us what's the secret. No more questions. I work my butt off to feed you four kids and all you do is--
 * [Marge stares at Homer.]

What? Three, we have three children! Yeah, three nosy kids. And you know what happens to nosy kids who ask too many questions? [talking quickly] No, what? Does something happen? Does something happen to nosy kids who ask questions? What happens?

Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton? [as Dole] It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED! Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole.

Oh my God, space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

Your micro-jerks attacked me! Well, you practically destroyed their whole world. You can't protect them every second. Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down, and then flush! It's toilet time for Tinytown!

Oh my God! I've created life! [from downstairs] Lisa, breakfast! We're having waffles! Ooh, waffles.

You're crazy! Am I? Well, perhaps we're all a little crazy. I know I am. I went mad after they tore us apart, but I'll be sane… once I sew us back together. But you'll kill both of us. No, it's easy. Look, I've been practicing: I made a pigeon-rat.

Did you guys hear something moving around in the attic last night? Attic? Oh, that's silly. Seriously though, don't ever go up there.

[as Dole] Fooling these Earth voters is easier than expected. [as Clinton] Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by an occasional saxophone solo or infant kiss.

[as Dole] Abortions for all!
 * [Crowd boos.]

Very well, no abortions for anyone!
 * [Crowd boos again.]

Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
 * [Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags.]

Oh, no! Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies! Oh my God! Lyndon LaRouche was right!

[gulps] I suppose you want to probe me. Well, might as well get it over with. [starts to unzip his pants] Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.

Wait, one of them is nailing something to the door of the cathedral. [gasps] I've created Lutherans!

Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food. But I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!

We'll search out every place a sick twisted solitary misfit might run to. I'll start with Radio Shack.

But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town. The child was an outcast. So, we did the only humane thing. We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week. It's saved our marriage.

[upon waking up and seeing her tooth] Mold! That's science project paydirt!


 * [From The Thing and I.]

You never forget the birth of Siamese twins! I believe they prefer to be called "Conjoined twins." And hillbillies want to be called "Sons of the Soil," but it ain't gonna happen. [laughs]

[as Clinton] I am Clin-ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal command. End communication. [crosses arms]

What are you spraying me with? Rum! So no one will believe your story.

[closely resembling ] People are becoming a bit confused by the way you and your opponent are… well… constantly holding hands. [as Dole] We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.

[on phone, gravely] Yes, Doctor, it's what we've always feared -- it's loose. Hugo is loose. [cheerfully] See you soon!

[captive on the alien saucer] I am so mad at the Secret Service right now.


 * [From "The Genesis Tub"']

Oh, great. I'm stuck in this lousy tub for the rest of my life.
 * [People stare at her.]

Shouldn't you people be groveling?
 * [Everyone starts groveling.]

And bring me some shoes. Nice ones. She'll want socks, too. I'll get socks.

Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.