Mobile Homer/Quotes

Mr. Simpson before we can insure you we need to ask you some questions. Have you ever had a heart attack? Haven't we all. Strokes? None…no wait, three. [chuckles] Since the last one I don't remember so good. Are you a smoker? Yes I am. You don't smoke!! Shhh!! [whispering] I want her to think I'm cool.

Is there anything more fun than a nice Sunday drive? Oh yeah, it's great. Why don't we top it off by reading to old people? Well, I think, in these days of petro-terrorists and ozone depletion, a Sunday drive reeks of bio-hubris.

You can't enjoy money when you're dead so why not have fun now!! Don't you think you've had enough fun? Last year you spent $5,000 on donuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter. Hey, I earned that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I'm at work busting my hump. Oh, please. From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around Googling your own name until lunch. (gasping) Who told you that?! You shouted it while we were making love!! Now look here, mister, I pay the bills, I do the budget and I'm in charge of the money. Hmmm!

[pretending] Oohhh! I'm Marge Simpson! Don't eat off the floor. Oohhh!
 * [Bart and Lisa go outside into the backyard after Homer's bad impression of Marge.]

And I am so sick of that story about finding an onion ring in your French fries! It was 20 years ago! That was my Woodstock!
 * [The 2 kids then get into the RV.]

You know what started this trouble? This motorhome! How could a vehicle this cool destroy a marriage that crappy? Hey, I know this is a crazy idea, but hear me out. What if we... (gasps) [driving the RV out of the lawn] Take this back to the dealer? Well, I was gonna say "Call Reverend Lovejoy," but I guess this could work.
 * [Bart and Lisa drive it out onto the road while Homer and Marge are still arguing.]

Oh yeah, Marge? [the kids turn the RV around the corner] What about MY womanly needs? [wails]