Gorgeous Grampa/Quotes


 * Homer: Hmm. I can't believe you're reading when there's so much great stuff on TV.
 * Lisa: Hmm, you're right. It is the golden age of well-written, brilliantly-acted TV shows.
 * Homer: Writing is for bathroom walls, and acting is for getting out of DUIs. The only reason TV exists is for reality shows about white-trash scuzzbags doing subhuman, made-up jobs.


 * Marge: I think your dad might be gay.
 * Homer: Oh, that's insane. My dad was married to a woman who left him because he ignored her needs for decades. Ah, my gay dad is gay for gays.


 * Waylon Smithers: Are you "Wrinkled and Romantic"?
 * Abe: Huh? What the heck are you talking about, Spectacles?
 * Waylon Smithers: Oh, I've been hung up on someone for years, but I'm trapped in the friend zone. It's time for me to move on.
 * Abe: So move on. You're blocking the ducks.
 * Marge: Don't you want to be happy, Abe? Admit who you are, a wonderful gay man.
 * Abe: What?! I don't ride sidesaddle! I'm straight as a submarine!


 * Lisa: Why do you think bad guys are so cool?
 * Bart: Why do you still have a thing for Nelson?
 * Lisa: I'm not! That's ridiculous! I just... it's that... he, uh... He's a rebel, and only I can change him!


 * Marge: I don't care if Bart is a wrestler, a busboy, or even a stoplight squeegee man, as long as he's a nice person. But if he gets too much attention for acting bad, he might turn bad on the inside.
 * Abe: Eh, that's women-talk. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to comb out my curls! One... two... three...