My Fair Laddy/Quotes

[talking about the Home, Sweet Home sign Lisa made for him] You made that for me? [sniffles] I think I need a moment alone. I understand. [leaves]
 * [When she's gone, Willie takes the sign off the wall and smashes it.]

I liked it the way it was!


 * [Marge is shocked by the ad on Homer's head when he turns out the lights.]

It glows in the dark! [nervously] It's not supposed to.

Bombardment! Bombardment! Bombardment!

Look at her, trying to civilize Willie! That's as unlikely as Kearney going around the world in eighty days! [has a thought] Eighty days? More than ample time to circumnavigate the globe. Would you care to wager on that? You're on! I shall hold the money!
 * [Pays Jimbo some money and then bikes off screen right. A few seconds later, a hot-air balloon appears going the opposite way.]

[in balloon] To Istanbul! Wrong way, dingus!

Today we will be playing a game as old as pain itself, BOMBARDMENT. I'm intrigued! How do you play? DUCK OR DIE!

VAN HOUTEN! [sheepishly] Here, sir, but my doctor says no more bombardment. WELL HERE'S A SECOND OPINION! [the coach chucks a dodgeball at Milhouse] MUNTZ! Do your worst! I'm drunk! Well welcome to A.A., ALWAYS ATTACKING! [the coach chucks a dodgeball at Nelson]

Good night, Willie! Good night! [hits himself on the head with a hammer, then falls asleep]

[after he hits Bart with a ball] Son, are you all right? I think so... BOMBARDMENT![hits Bart with a ball again]

[puts a water dodgeball in the freezer and takes out Lisa's saxophone] Why did I put this in here? My saxophone! [begins playing, but her lips get stuck] Oh, now I remember! [muffled] You jerk! I'm telling Mom!


 * [Homer is on a go-kart when his seat collapses, causing his butt to scrape the ground.]

Sir, your go-kart's broken! No! I paid for fifty laps and I'm taking them!
 * [Homer then has brief moments of laughter followed by brief moments of pain. He passes the lap sign, which goes from "2" to "3".]

Oh for God's sake! [camera pulls out, revealing his tractor is on the school roof] How did I get up here? I feel like I..[singing] could be indoors all night, could use a fork and knife, and never soil my suit! I could be so polite, start not a scene nor fight and still not feel like a fruit! How very nice that there's no lice in my hair, and my toenails I don't bite! Now that I've reached the stage where I'm not full of rage, I could be indoors, indoors, all night!

[sings to the tune of wouldn’t it be loverly] All I want is a place somewhere... [pause] And? That's it. Maybe you should aim a little higher. Hmm... Let's see... [continues singing] ''Oh, to have me shack rebuilt, Get my rotten teeth all drillt, something on underneath my kilt, oh, wouldn't it be adequate? Matching shoes for both me feet, dining on untainted meat, a toilet what still has its seat.''
 * [Zoom to Homer sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper.]

Oh,wouldn't it be adequate? ''Adequate? Adequate?'' Wouldn't it be adequate? [tries to close the living room's window's curtains but they fall down]

[watching Super Bowl ad for blue pants] How long is this ad? I don't know. I've never made it to the end.

[singing] What flows from the nose does not go on my clothes. I think he's got it, oh yeah, he's got it. [in front of Lisa's mirror] What flows from the nose- -Does not go on my clothes. Gah! A talking mirror! [takes a chair and smashes Lisa's mirror] Gah! [takes Bart and Lisa's noses and swoops them] Where is that ghastly flow? The nose,the nose! And where should it not go? Blue pants, blue pants! [stops singing] Dad, get your own song! Fine. [goes away singing] I'm getting blue pants in the morning, ding dong, the zipper's gonna shine!

[singing] ''I've a fancy suit,and a clean white shirt, but I miss the days when tractor fumes blew up my skirt. I was freezing cold, and I slept in mold, but I long for the shack where I lived. She was true to me, my own home of wood, and when I passed out drunk from turpentine she understood. Life was so sublime-'' -Well Boo-Hoo,'cause I'm hanging ferns in the shack where you lived! [stops singing] If I had your voice I'd talk-sing everything!

Willie, do you want to stay at our house? I don't need your charity, just as long as I've got a pan over my head. That's a colander. [sees that Marge is right] So that's where all the soup went.

I feel like I... [singing]
 * Could be indoors all night,
 * Could use a fork, and knife,
 * and never soil my suit!
 * I could be so polite
 * Start not a single fight
 * And still not feel like a fruit!
 * How very nice
 * That there's no lice
 * In my hair.
 * And my toe-nails I don't bite.
 * Now that I've reached the stage
 * Where I'm not full of rage
 * I could be indoors
 * Indoors all night!