Treehouse of Horror/Quotes

Hello, everyone. You know, Halloween is a very strange holiday. Personally, I don't understand it. Kids worshiping ghosts, pretending to be devils... things on T.V. that are completely inappropriate for younger viewers. Things like the following half hour. Nothing seems to bother my kids, but tonight's show, which I totally wash my hands of, is really scary, so if you have sensitive children, maybe you should tuck them into bed early tonight, instead of writing us angry letters tomorrow. Thanks for your attention.

There you are, my man. And a dollar for yourself. A buck! I'm glad there's a curse on this place. Huh?

Ow! Mom! Bart threw a book at me. Did not. Did, too. Did not. Did, too. Get out! What on earth was that? Probably just the house settling.

It's only natural there would be some things wrong with an old house like this. It's a fixer-upper. What's the problem? We get a bunch of priests in here...

This family has had its differences, and we've squabbled, but we never had knife fights before... and I blame this house.

[angry] Mr. Ploot? Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house you forgot to mention one little thing. You didn't tell me it was built on an Indian burial ground. No you didn't! Well, that's not my recollection... Yeah! Well... all right, goodbye. He says he mentioned it five or six times.

You will die, you will die slowly. Your stomach will swell, your intestines will writhe and boil, your eyes will burst; and some horrible stuff, possibly your brains, will start coming out through your nose...

Why are you trying to scare us? Are you trying to keep us from getting close to you... maybe even loving you?

It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can't help but feel a little rejected.

Greetings Earthlings, I am Kang. Do not be frightened. We mean you no harm. You... you speak English. I am actually speaking Rigelian. By an astonishing coincidence, both of our languages are exactly the same. Well, what are you gonna do with us, man? Kodos and I are taking you to Rigel Four. A world of infinite delights to tantalize your senses and challenge your intellectual limitations...

Here you go, earthlings. Take all you want. Eat all you take. Well, thank you very much, Mr....? To pronouce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.

On this cable system we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy. Do you get HBO? No, that would cost extra.

And over here is our crowning achievement in amusement technology. An electronic version of what you call table tennis. Your primitive paddles have been replaced by an electronic... Hey, that's just Pong! Get with the times, man. Marge and I played that old game before we were married. Well, we did build this space ship, you know? Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand.

Listen, you big stupid space creature. Nobody, but nobody eats the Simpsons.

We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions a hundred times greater than what you call love, and a thousand times greater than what you call fun. You would have been treated like gods and lived forever in beauty. But, now because of your distrustful nature, that can never be. For a superior race, they really rub it in.

Hey, Poindexter. It's Halloween, put the book away. For your information, I'm about to read you a classic tale of terror by. Wait a minute. That's a schoolbook. Don't worry, Bart. You won't learn anything.

Here I opened wide the door; -- This better be good. Darkness there and nothing more. You know what would have been scarier than nothing? What? Anything!

Quoth the Raven, Eat my shorts! Bart! Stop it. He says "nevermore". That's all he'll ever say.