I Won't Be Home for Christmas/Quotes


 * Apu: Well, if you're here for a last minute gift, we have a cell phone holder that fits no cell phone made after 2002. And, uh, Kwik-E-Nog. Nog stands for "Not Okayed by Government.


 * God: Merry Christmas, son.
 * Jesus Christ: Uh, don't you mean "happy birthday"?
 * God: It's two presents.
 * Jesus Christ: Um, walkie-talkies don't count as two presents. God. I mean, you. Idiot.


 * Homer: Thank you magical creatures of the mall! You have all taught me a Christmas message I'll never forget. The place to get drunk is at home.


 * Lisa: Mom, where's dad?
 * Marge: I don't know.
 * Bart: Aw it's Christmas Eve man, we do not want to set a precedent for fat guys being late tonight!


 * Homer: Flanders, how do you stay so happy—and don’t say Jesus!