That '90s Show/Quotes


 * Marge: We wouldn't be in this trouble if you'd just paid the heating bill!
 * Homer: I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can't do anything right.


 * Lisa: Mom, I didn't know you went to college!
 * Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad "blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me."
 * Marge: Hey, parents are allowed to keep some secrets.
 * Homer: Like which kid's their favorite! [whispering loudly] It's Lisa.


 * Bart: The nineties? Never heard of it.
 * Homer: Oh, it was a wonderful time. The Iraq war was over once and for all, a struggling created "Futurama," and young people believed in their dreams, thanks to a TV show called ""...


 * Young Marge: [groans] I'm afraid it's Top Ramen again.
 * Young Homer: With you, baby, Top Ramen tastes like Cup O' Noodles.


 * Young Homer: You know these IKEA foam futons do Velcro together.
 * Young Marge: I'm sorry, I'm not ready to do that yet. I want to wait until I'm married, or at least really drunk.


 * Young Homer: You applied to college? Why didn't you tell me?
 * Young Marge: I did tell you.
 * Young Homer: I thought you were telling me you wanted to apply yourself to making a collage. And as I recall, I was against it.


 * Young Grampa: Well, well, well, look who's come crawling back to work for your old man. What do you need the money for? [sneering] Medicine?
 * Young Homer: None of your business. Now give me a job at your business.


 * Young Comic Book Guy: And that is why the Lord of the Rings can never be filmed.


 * Young Marge: Did you know that every U.S. president has been a straight white man?
 * Young Homer: Even Walt Disney?
 * Young Marge: And did you also know that history is written by the winners?
 * Young Homer: Really? I thought it was written by losers


 * Young Marge: Professor, do you think white male scientists have marginalized the contributions of the third world?
 * Steffan August: Great question. And the answer is "of course." Could a tribe of bushmen have invented penicillin? Maybe they already have. But no one asked them. No one asked them.


 * College kid: Stupid townie!
 * Young Homer: Hey, it's townies like me that cook your food and clean your bathrooms!
 * Dean: If you did the former better we'd use the latter less. [Homer runs off crying] That's it, townie! Run! Run back to your town!


 * Young Homer: Okay, I'll keep the L.P.s and you take the C.D.s. I'll take the typewriter, you take the computer. I'll take the stock, you take the Microsoft stock. And um...


 * Young Marge: Have you really read all these books?
 * Steffan August: Morally, I couldn't display them on shelves if I hadn't. But I watch sports as well, just like a regular man. [turns on the football game] Good Goddess! The "Patriots" are deep in "Redskin" territory. This isn't entertainment, it's genocide.


 * Steffan August: Marge, may I compliment your appearance?
 * Young Marge: Yeah, sure.
 * Steffan: You look lovely. If I were to approach you for a kiss, would you construe that as harassment or give your willing consent?
 * Young Marge: Consent, of course.
 * Steffan: Ah. Continuing in that line of thought, may I kiss your mouth with my mouth?
 * Young Marge: Just do it already!


 * Homer: I had finally realized every rock star's dream... hating being famous.


 * Young Homer: He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.


 * Steffan: Look at that lighthouse. That's the ultimate expression of phallo-centric technocracy, violating mother sky.
 * Young Marge: I thought they were just tall so boats could see them.
 * Steffan: No, Marge. Everything penis-shaped is bad.


 * Young Marge: Oh my God, you're a junkie!
 * Young Homer: I need it...
 * Young Marge: I'm getting you off this stuff.
 * Young Homer: But I need it...
 * Young Marge: No you don't!
 * Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin. It was insulin. Homer really did need those injections.
 * Homer: I had become diabetic from drinking too many Frappuccinos.


 * Young Homer: Of course. The thing that stood between us - the nineties - is almost over.
 * Young Marge: You're right. But I'm worried about what's on the horizon: reality shows,, the suspicious number of home runs being hit.
 * Young Homer: At least we know there'll never be a president worse than Bill Clinton. Imagine, lying in a deposition in a civil lawsuit. That's the worst sin a president could commit.
 * Young Marge: There'll never be a worse president. Never.
 * Young Homer: Never.