Bart Gets an "F"/Quotes


 * [Bart awakens and realizes he has not studied for his test today.]

Otto man, I have a test I am so not ready for! Could you help out your pal and crash the bus? Whoa! Sorry, Bart dude, state law prohibits me from crashing the bus on purpose. But who knows, you may get lucky and we could have an accident! [talking to himself] No need to panic. Just pal up with some brain, sponge the answers, then I am back on Easy Street! Look! It is Bart Simpson. I will bet he did not study for the test, and now he is trying to play up to us! Good morning, girls! [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart! Who is up for a power cram session? I will go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' ship? The Spirit of Saint Louis. Where was their original destination? Sunny Acapulco. And why did they leave England? Giant rats.
 * [Sherri & Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook.]

Cool, history is coming alive!
 * [School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.]

As a natural enemy, I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel obliged to tell you that the information you just received is grossly erroneous. Speak English, man! A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do! [dejectedly] Thanks for the pep talk, poindexter.


 * [Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]

Everybody knows you are faking it. Well, everybody had better keep their mouth shut! You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later. I got my bases covered.
 * [Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse.]

Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test, what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2?
 * Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.

I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
 * Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.

I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you!


 * [Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation.]

[echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade. Class, the topic is world literature...
 * [Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly.]

The topic is world literature. Let us start with Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. Can anyone tell me the name of the pirate... Bart Simpson Senior?
 * [Bart is now a full-grown man]

Ah, lady, come on. My kid has the chicken pox, my wife has been nagging me for a new car and I need a root canal. So can you please cut me some slack and stop asking me for the name of that stupid pirate?
 * [Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student.]

[whispering] Long John Silver, Dad! I heard that, Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class! [in unison] D'OH!

Woo hoo! A snow day! Last one out is a rotten egg!
 * [Bart is stopped by Lisa.]

I heard you praying last night. You asked God to make it so that He would close the school and He did. I do not know much about the existance of God, but I do know this; He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.


 * [Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the tempation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]

[talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
 * [July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.]

We hold these truths to be self-evident. [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident. That all men are created equal. [talking to himself] That all men are created equal. And are entitled to... Snow! Look everyone! It is snowing! Snow in July? It is a miracle! Let us go out and play! [in unison] Yeah!
 * [Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.]

Look, everybody, John Hancock wrote his name in the snow!


 * [Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]

Later, Mrs. K. Martin? OK, Bart, time is up. Hand over your test. Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now? Very well, let me get out "Old Red".
 * Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.

That's 59, Bart, another F. Oh, no. I can't believe it. Yes, I know, another year, oh, it's gonna be hell.
 * [Bart looks at the test paper and breaks down in tears]

Bart, what's the matter? I would think you'd be used to failing by now. [still crying] No..you don't understand. I really tried this time. I really tried! This is as good as I can do, and I still failed! Well, a 59 is a high F. Who am I kidding? I really am a failure! Now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Neccessity to the French in 1754. What? You know, 1754. The famous defeat to the French.
 * Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook.

My God, Bart, you're right! So? You demonstrated applied knowledge! And due to the difficulty and relative obscurity of that reference, you deserve an extra point on that exam. It's only fair. [overjoyed] You mean I passed? Just barely. I passed! I got a D minus! I passed!! All right! [Kisses Mrs. Krabappel and runs out of the school] I passed, I passed, I passed! I got a D minus! I passed! I got a D minus! I passed! I got a D minus! I passed, I passed, I... [Frowns suddenly] ...KISSED THE TEACHER?!!