Simpsons Tall Tales/Quotes

I can't believe it. We won another contest! The Simpsons are going to Delaware! I wanna see Wilmington! I wanna visit a screen door factory! Yup, Delaware's got it all.

Mornin', folks. [scared] What are you gonna do to us? Now, don't worry, I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo.
 * [the Simpsons sigh with relief]

[singing] Nothin' beats the hobo life, stabbin' folks with my hobo knife. I gouged 'em...

All right. Look, we gotta do something about Bunyan. We're goin' bankrupt just feedin' and clothin' the guy. Not to mention the crushings. Hey, I say we get him drunk and drag him outta town. Same way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Excuse me... Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan. And his size seems to be really inconsistent. I mean, one minute he's ten feet tall, the next his feet are as big as a lake... Hey, hey, hey, who's the hobo here? I'm just sayin'...

We've been together a long time now. When are we gonna, y'know...? Soon. I just need a few more yoga classes.

That meteor's headed straight for us, with the fire and the impact and the hundred per cent chance of pain... Pain in the glayvin! God has sent this fiery killrock to show us his love.

Oh, I get it. When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me. But when I can save your life, suddenly I'm Mister Popular. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Woo hoo! I'm Mister Popular!

Boy, that story had everything, a giant, house crushing, meteor... Townspeople... Got any more tall tales? Well, I s'pose I could spin ya a few more yarns... But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy. All right, but your next story better be worth it.

Dad, you just killed a poor, defenseless buffalo! A poor delicious buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train.

Mom! Dad! Look what I found! Oh boy! Buffalo testicles!
 * [he bites into a pair]

No Dad, they're apples. Yuh! Blaah! Yuck!

I haven't had buffalo in six hours. Marge, how 'bout whipping up some buffalo sausage, huevos buffaleros, and some fresh-squeezed buffal-O.J.

The buffalo are gone. I think you shot them all. Ohh! Connie was right! We wiped out an entire species! What have I done? What have I done?! Calm down, Pa. There's two left.
 * [Homer shoots the last two buffalo]

What have I done? What have I done?!

Hey, they done switched the groom with a pig! No wonder he was poopin' so much.

I'm considerable hungry. We got any food left? Hm. Looks like we're out of cornpone, fatback, hardtack, fatpone, corntack... Any tackback? Tackback? I mean backtack. Plumb out.

Well dog my cats. They's dis-apporated.

And that was Tom and Huck's last adventure. I liked that story 'cause I was a Judge.

Raise your arm... Okay, the other one... You know, I do four hundred sit-ups a day. Oh, it shows. I was gonna say something, but I thought it might sound you know, weird. Oh, not at all. I like when people say nice things about my body. And it's important to feel good about yourself... Okay, spread your toes. Do you know how much glass is in here?