Treehouse of Horror XVII/Quotes

Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a 50-foot Lenny!

50-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.

Carl: I still like you.

50-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!

Kodos: Colonel Kang, report.

Kang: What a day. You said we'd be greeted as liberators.

Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds. (holds up a heart and brain)

Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think "Operation: Enduring Occupation" was a bad idea.

Kodos: We had to invade! They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!

Kang: Sure, they were!

(Bart writes a command on a piece of paper and sticks it in the golem's mouth, who walks up to a wall and puts his foot through it.)

Bart: Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls."

(Homer walks up and the golem kicks him between the legs.)

Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.

Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?

Female Golem: They're pan-fried...

Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!

(In "Married to the Blob," Homer happens upon an Oktoberfest festival while roaming through the streets of Springfield on an eating rampage.)

Homer: (gasps) Ooh. Beer-battered Germans.

(The crowd screams and scatters as Homer eats a couple Germans.)

German Man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this? (A second German man looks disapprovingly back at the other German.) (realizing) Oh, right.

(The two Germans dissolve inside of Homer's stomach.)

Homer: (zombie-like) Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America.

Mayor Quimby: We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology!

Orson Welles: The devastation is incredible! They're grinding up the bodies of human beings!

Sound technician: (uses a wisp to grind up cornflakes.)

Orson Welles: Now they're riding horses in the rain!

Sound technician: (clacks coconut halves against a wooden board while pouring water into a tray.)

Orson Welles: Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport.

Sound technician: (holds up sign reading "Screw you" and leaves.)

Radio Announcer: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.

Homer: Flanders?

Radio Announcer: Mars! --- Radio Announcer: We interrupt this dance music from Lamourian Roman Capital City's Fabulous Hotel Hitler to bring you a special bulletin.

Homer: Hey, I'm not done dancing! This bulletin better swing!

Grandpa: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.

Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?

Grandpa: Oh, you'll see!

Golem: I feel so guilty! I've mangled and maimed 37 people and I told a telemarketer I was busy when I wasn't! I'm not a good man.

Lisa: He sure is neurotic for a monster.

Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!

Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.

Bart: Get lost!

Milhouse: Yes, master!

Kearney: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money!

Bart: Hmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?

Dolph: Who's gonna make us? That golem?

Bart: No, my gol—Yes, him.

(In "Married to the Blob," Mayor Quimby entices a group of homeless men to enter the "new" homeless shelter.)

Mayor Quimby: In you go, boys. We've got everything—warm beds, square meals, homeless women.

(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil and Homer's family try to intervene during an eating rampage.)

Dr. Phil: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.

Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' (purrs sexily)

Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.

Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"

Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.

Homer: (licks fingers) It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.

(Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach.)

Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love! (He perishes inside Homer's stomach.)

(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil confronts Homer during one of his eating rampages.)

Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!

Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.

Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!

Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!

In "Married to the Blob," as Homer wanders through Springfield looking for things to eat, he happens upon a beach party full of teenagers.)

Homer: Ooh, teenagers! Mmm! (gurgles and drools) No, today's teens have enough problems without me eating them!

Teenage Girl: Barbeque sauce fight!

(All the teens start squirting each other with Barbeque sauce, Squeaky Voiced Teen gets hit with some sauce and falls into a bonfire.)

Squeaky Voiced Teen: (screaming) The flames are sealing in my juices!

Homer: I'll savor you!

(Homer grabs Squeaky Voiced Teen and takes a bite out of him.)

Homer: Mmm! Extra-virgin. (gurgles and drools)

(Homer starts stuffing Squeaky Voiced Teen into his mouth.)

Squeaky Voiced Teen: (screaming) Tell my friends I died kissing a girl!

Homer: No!

(Homer swallows Squeaky Voiced Teen.)

(In "Married to the Blob," after eating the green goo, Homer's stomach rumbles and he wakes up in a zombie-like trance.)

Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping. (Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator.) (panting) Still hungry.

(Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on.)

Bart: Dad?

Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.

(Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light.)

Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?

Homer: Nag, nag, nag.

(Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth.)

(In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.)

Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow! (plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.)Uh? Where do you think you're going?

Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.

Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?

(The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.)

Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.

Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.

(The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.)

Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't! (He repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.) If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!

(In "Married to the Blob," Marge and Homer cuddle in the hammock in the back yard.)

Marge: Look! A shooting star!

Homer: Hey, that's great. Let's look at it after. (turns Marge's head for a kiss and while the two make out, the meteorite sears through Marge's hair and slams into the ground.)

Marge: Whoa! That almost tore my head off.

Homer: (whining) Oh, you always find an excuse not to make out.

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)

Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monie (laughs)

(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)

Smithers: (laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.

Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.