You Only Move Twice/Quotes


 * [After the family has watched the video on Cyprus Creek]

It does seem nicer than Springfield. Yeah... did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking each other down? I've never been to a place like that before...
 * [Bart shoves her aside.]

Me neither.


 * [The Simpsons try to sell their home. Apu is at the door]

Hello. I'm not interested in buying your house. But I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items, and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels! [runs off] Thank you, come again!

Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks. Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places; there's the Hammock Hut, that's on Third. Uh-huh. There's Hammocks Are Us, that's on Third, too. Got it. You got Put Your Butt There... Mm-hmm. ...that's on Third. Yes. Swing Low Sweet Chariot... Right. Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex... it's the Hammock Complex, down on Third? Oh, the Hammock District!

Good afternoon gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold. Or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this... Oh, my God! The 59th Street Bridge! Maybe it just collapsed on its own. We can't take that chance. You always say that. I want to take a chance!

By the way, Homer. What's your least favorite country, Italy or France? France. Heh-heh. Nobody ever says Italy.

Don't call me that word. I don't like things that elevate me above the other people. I'm just like you. Oh sure, I come later in the day, I get paid a lot more, and I take longer vacations, but I don't like the word 'boss'.

So, you never learned cursive? Um, well, I know hell, damn, bit-- Cursive handwriting. Script.

So, do you expect me to talk? I expect nothing from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral. You're gonna die now!

Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush. We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush. They'd be allowed to go at their own pace.

Your job will be to manage and motivate them. Give 'em the benefit of your years of experience. Don't worry, that won't take long.


 * Scorpio!
 * He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth!
 * Beware of Scorpio!
 * His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
 * And his employees' health!
 * He'll welcome you into his lair
 * Like the nobleman welcomes his guest!
 * With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
 * But beware of his generous pensions
 * Plus three weeks paid vacation each year!
 * And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
 * He loves German beer!