The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace/Quotes

They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some...unpleasantness. I can never go back.

I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.

[visiting Homer in the basement] Hey Dad, heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap!

[delivering his nightly broadcast] Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.

Marge, that's it! That's why I haven't done anything with my life! I need to be more like Thomas Edison! Whatever. And I'm starting right now! No more damn pajamas!
 * [Homer gets out of bed, takes off his pajamas, and throws them out the window. Homer stands naked, calling out.]

From this day forward, I am an inventor!
 * [A man walking his dog calls up to Homer.]

Do us a favor. Invent yourself some underpants.


 * [Homer sits at a card table in the basement, smoking a cigar, trying to think of inventions.]

You started smoking, Dad? Yes, Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day. [holds up Homer's empty notepad] Yeah, he invented stuff, too. Shut up.