Bart Carny/Quotes


 * [Marge is trying to push Santa's Little Helper into the backyard]

Come on! You have to go outside to do your... business. The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first, to show 'em how. I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard. Pfft. Sor-ry, Your Majesty.


 * [Bart and Lisa are dressed in overalls, gloves and straw hats.]

But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me? You're just going into our backyard. No one will see you.
 * [Bart opens the door and looks out.]

[off camera] Haw...
 * [Bart slams the door. Marge points at the door and Bart opens it again.]

[off camera] Haw!


 * [Bart looks at the chores list.]

Man, look at all this stuff... pull weeds, mow lawn, scoop and bag dog business. There's gotta be a way out of this. Lisa! Chop off my hands! No! Then who'd chop off my hands? All right, you chop my hands halfway off, and then, I'll still have enough strength to chop- Get to work!


 * [Marge finds Bart and Lisa in the living room instead of doing their chores.]

What are you doing inside? Work was hard, so we quit. What? [slowly] Hard work made us quit. I see! Well then, no chores, no allowance. Okay, we get our room and board free anyway. And Santy Claus provides the rest.

Son, if you do not finish your caramel apple you will not get a snow cone.
 * [Homer and Bart appear.]

[confrontational] Get out of here! I didn't scam nobody. No, we are here to learn the business. Starting today we are carnies. [pleasant] In that case let me show you how I scammed you.

Hate to interrupt your fun, but word is about that your game is crooked. And how! Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand] I understand. Uh, Dad? I think he wants-- Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman. Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. [looks at cash box] Have you seen any "Bills" around here? No. He's Bart. Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe. Wink, wink. [pause] It's a ring toss game. All right. That's it, I'm shutting this place down.
 * [Cooder and Spud return to see that their game stall is gone.]

Our game, our home... What happened here? Cops took it. Why didn't you bribe 'em? I tried, but the opportunity never came up.