Treehouse of Horror VIII/Quotes


 * [Marge and the kids shoot some mutants.]

Friends with mutants, right! Now, that's the Marge I married. Now, who wants to go steal some Ferraris?! Ooh me! I do! I do!

We can all work together to build a Utopian society, free of violence, hate, and prejudice! That sounds beautiful, Ned. And let me just say my family and I share your vision for a better- NOW!
 * [Marge and the kids pull out their shotguns and shoot the mutants, leaving them in a pile.]

Marge, kids, you're alive! All the layers of lead paint in this house made the perfect bomb shelter!

You want me, come and get me! Get 'em! D'oh!

Wait! Doesn't the Bible say "Judge not, lest ye be judged?" (muttering variously) Hey, yeah! She's right! I guess so. The Bible says a lot of things. NOW SHOVE HER!!

[after Bart goes back to normal after being a fly] Well, we were lucky this time. But it's all too clear that some things in this universe… aren't meant to be trifled with. [grabs an axe] Homer, what are you doing? Something I should have done a long time ago. [to Bart] I'll teach you to mess with my machine! [Bart screams and Homer chases Bart with the axe] I'm going to chop you good! That cost me thirty-five cents! Your only making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!

Sorry but this is a highly sophisticated doo-whackey. If you don't use it responsibly… Kablammo! [whacks Lisa in the face through the transporter] Ow! Someone just punched me in the face! It was your mother!

[as he mourns] Little Bart! [envisions him hitting ball with bat] Little Lisa! [envisions her hitting ball with bat] Little Marge! [envisions her swinging and missing] And the rest! [envisions Maggie, Santa's Little Helper, Snowball II, and the television set]

But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds! [sees neutron bomb approaching] Oh, I've wasted my life.

Oh, a Gary Larson calendar! [looks through it] I don't get it… I don't get it… I don't get it… I don't get it… I… don't get it.


 * [Patty and Selma are mixing something in a cauldron]

Needs more eye of newt. You always want more eye of newt. If it were up to you, the brew would be nothing but newt eyes!

[on the news] And that's how an heroic hippo became a deputy. [annoyed] Stupid hippo.

Homer, you know how unpredictable the French are. One minute they're kissing a woman's hand, the next, they're chopping off her head!

Not all of us died in the blast, Homer. Some of us were merely horribly mutated! [laughs]

(gasp) You're mutants? Uh, we don't like the word `mutant,' Homer. We prefer "freaks." Or "monsters."

[with a fly's body] Help me, Lis! That giant fly stole my body and now he's trying to kill me! Oh no, and I let him borrow my toothbrush! Well, that hideous creep doesn't scare me.
 * [Some slime drips from the ceiling. Lisa looks up and sees the fly with Bart's up there which sends Lisa running out the room screaming.]

Ladies and gentlemen, there is still a witch among us. Let us open the floor to, uh, wild accusations. Woo-hoo! I accuse Goodie Flanders!
 * [noises from the attendance]

I accuse Goodie Badwife. Uh, we killed her on Sunday. Well, there must be someone we can accuse. Lisa Simpson! Bart, quit that! She put a spell on me! (in brainwashed tone) Must.. drop.. pantaloons. [starts dropping his pants, but Marge grabs him before he can]

Everyone, let us not turn into an angry mob! [the crowd quiets down] Goodie-Simpson is entitled to due process!
 * [Scene cuts to everyone on a clifftop.]

OK, here's how the process works. You sit on the broom and we shove you off the cliff. What?! Well, hear me out, if you're innocent, you will fall to an honorable Christian death. If you are, however, the bride of Satan, you will surely fly your broom to safety. At that point, you will report back here for torture and beheading. Tough, but fair.

That's right, I'm a witch! And I'm the one who whithered your livestock, soured your sheep's milk, and made your shirt itchy! Hey, you destroyed my turnip crop! No, that was gophers. That's Impossible, we burned all of the gophers! Not all of them! [she turns Chief Wiggum into a large, human sized gopher with a military helmet on his head]

And As for the rest of you... [her hair pulsates, and bursts open, sending a swarm of bats flying after the townspeople] [running away] Aah! Aah! They're in my hair, they're in my hair!!

Bye, witches, thanks for not eating me! [still a gopher] Yeah, you hags are alright! =