Hot Cider in the City/Quotes


 *  [ Bart is sitting on his bed reading a book about ventriloquism when he's interrupted by Lisa and Milhouse. They are geared up for going Christmas caroling, as Milhouse has a songbook and Lisa is wearing a Santa hat.]
 * Lisa: Hey, Bart, we're going Christmas caroling. Why don't you come with us?
 * Milhouse: Yeah, Bart! We're going a-wassailing! Don't you want to wassail?
 * Bart: Nah, I'm adding a new trick to my pranking repertoire.
 * Milhouse: But, Bart, we're singing "", "" ... all the classics!
 * Bart: Well, I'm sure you and Santa Dork will have a great time.
 * Lisa: [annoyed] C'mon, Milhouse. There'll just be more free cookies for us.
 * Bart: Free? Cookies?! [He jumps out of the bed.] Hallelujah! It's a miracle! I'm suddenly full of the Christmas spirit! Wait for me!
 * Lisa: [cynically] Yeah, he's full of something all right ...


 * [The scene shifts to the Flanders home. Bart, Lisa and Milhouse have just finished singing "" for Ned Flanders.]
 * Ned: Well, you might say that song really blew me away in a manger! And since this is the third time you've been to my door, I'll get you a double helping of freshly baked cookies!
 * Bart: Can you put two cinnamon sticks in my hot apple cider this time?
 * Ned: Can-doodly-do, Bart!
 * [After being served, the trio walk away from Ned's house, munching on cookies. Bart also has his mug of apple cider.]
 * Bart: I can't wait to see what Flanders makes us next!
 * Lisa: Bart, we're supposed to be spreading Christmas cheer, not mooching off of Mr. Flanders!
 * Milhouse: I feel cheerful!
 * Bart: See?


 * [The trio of carolers come face-to-face with a trio of bullies.]
 * Kearney: Look, it's the three wise dorks.
 * Jimbo: Hey, this is our caroling turf!
 * Dolph: Yeah, now get out of here before I deck your halls and beat the fa-la-la out of ya!
 *  [ Lisa tries to step forward to confront the bullies, but Bart and Milhouse hold her back.]
 * Lisa: [angry] Carolers don't have "turf", and you can't crush our Christmas spirit!
 * Bart: [in a sing-song fashion] Lii-saaa ... shut your mouuu-uuth.
 * Milhouse: Trust us. They can crush anything.
 * [Kearney gives Milhouse a wedgie, Dolph restrains Lisa, and Jimbo grabs Bart by the collar and menacingly raises his fist.]
 * Jimbo: We're takin' over your route, Simpson. Now which house is givin' out the cinnamon sticks?
 * Lisa: No, Bart! Don't tell them!
 * Bart: Lisa, I don't think I have a choice.


 * [Moments later, Milhouse is hanging from a mailbox by his underwear, Bart is stuffed head-first into a garbage can, and Lisa is buried up to her neck in a pile of snow. The cookies are scattered on the ground along with Bart's cider mug and Lisa's Santa hat. The bullies laugh as they walk away.]
 * Lisa: [indignant] You bullies aren't going to get away with this! This is anti-Christmas! The only thing you're going to get for Christmas is a lump of coal in your stockings!
 * [A lump of coal hits Lisa in the forehead.]
 * Lisa: Ow! Well, I guess I should've seen that coming!
 * [After extricating themselves from their situations, Bart and Milhouse dig Lisa out from the pile of snow.]
 * Lisa: Oh, Bart, now we can't carol anywhere. I'm sorry we dragged you along for this.
 * Bart: Lis, I'm about to give you an early Christmas present. I didn't send them to Flanders' house ...


 * [At the Szyslak residence, the bullies are singing "" for Moe.]
 * Bullies: [singing] Silver bells, silver bells, it's Christmas time in the city ...
 * Moe: [getting teary-eyed and sniffly] Christmas carols for me? Nobody's ever sung me nuthin' before. I think I'm gonna cry like a woman here.
 * Bullies: [still singing] Ting-a-ling ...
 * [Unobserved by Moe and the bullies, Bart, Lisa and Milhouse are hiding behind a hedge next to Moe's house.]
 * Bart: Watch me throw my voice ... [using ventriloquism to make it sound like the bullies are speaking] This is to make up for all the prank phone calls during the year!
 * Bullies: [perplexed, but still singing] Hear them ring ...
 * [The revelation of the phone call confession suddenly dawns on Moe.]
 * Moe: Whuh--? That was you?!
 * [Now angry, Moe brandishes a meat cleaver and charges the bullies.]
 * Moe: C'mere, you rotten brats! All you're gonna want for Christmas is your two front teeth and a new spleen when I get done with you!
 * Bullies: Aaaaah! [They run away screaming.]
 * [Behind the hedge, Bart gleefully takes in the scene.]
 * Lisa: [admonishingly] Bart, I think your plan lacked the proper Christmas cheer.
 * Bart: So it's Christmas cheer you want, eh? Last one back to Flanders' house is a rotten elf!