The Simpsons Guy/Quotes


 * Chris: Yay! A crossover always brings out the best in each show! It certainly doesn't smack of desperation. The priorities are always creative and not driven by marketing...
 * Stewie: Okay, that's enough.


 * Brian: I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
 * Stewie: Springfield, eh? What state?
 * Brian: I can't imagine we're allowed to say.


 * Peter: [to Apu] Hello, funny sounding Cleveland.


 * Homer: [offscreen] I'll pay for their donuts.
 * [A man who look likes Homer steps out from a dark corner of the Kwik-E-Mart]
 * Lois: Thank you so much, sir.
 * Homer look-alike: For what? I didn't say anything.
 * Lois: Oh.
 * Homer: [offscreen] It was me.
 * [The actual Homer Simpson then reveals himself from another dark corner]
 * Stewie: How come this convenience store has so many shadowy parts?
 * Homer: Apu, a dozen donuts for our albino visitors.


 * Bart: Eat my shorts!
 * Stewie: "Eat my shorts!" I love that! Is that a popular expression like "What the deuce"?
 * Brian: Probably more popular. Probably... probably way more popular.


 * Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speakin'.
 * Bart: Uh, yeah, I'm lookin' for a friend, last name Kebum, first name Leigh.
 * Moe: Eh, hang on, I'll check. Uh, hey, guys, do I got a Leigh Kebum? C'mon, look at the stools. Uh, is there a Leigh Kebum? Somebody check the rear. I know I gotta Leigh Kebum.
 * Barney: Then you probably shouldn't be handling food!


 * Bob Belcher: Yeah, we did it!
 * Homer: What's he doin' here?
 * Peter: Oh, we gotta carry him 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try and look what happened.
 * Cleveland: No, no, no, no, no, no!


 * Homer: Alright, Peter. If we're gonna find your car, we're gonna think like a car, so let's fill up at that gas station.
 * [Both Homer and Peter gulp down gasoline from the pumps]
 * Peter: I feel sick.
 * Homer: Keep drinking! I prepaid 40 bucks!
 * Peter: Homer, maybe we're doing this wrong.
 * [They then observe a woman putting the fuel dispenser into the rear of her car]
 * Peter: Oh crap.
 * [The pair pull down their pants and the scene is cut directly to an adult store in Germany called Video Erötich]
 * Video Erötich customer: Haben sie Homer und Peter mit Chevron pump? ''[Rough English translation: "Have you got Homer and Peter with a Chevron pump?"]
 * [Clerk points out shelf of DVDs with Homer and Peter holding a gas pump together called Gassensexen]


 * Peter: [to Lois] I'm whispering in court to look smart.


 * Glenn Quagmire: Do you like sex?
 * Lenny: Eh.
 * Quagmire: I don't think we're that similar.


 * Cleveland: You know why they paired us?
 * Carl: Because we're the two funniest guys in our towns!
 * Cleveland: Damn right! [fist bump]


 * Quahog : You lived in Springfield?
 * Springfield James Woods: Yeah, I worked at the Kwik-E-Mart, researching a role.
 * Quahog James Woods: These guys are gonna lose.


 * Judge Fred Flintstone: I've heard all I need to hear to make a decision. If ya ask me, neither of these beers is wholly original. They're both pale imitations of my favorite beer, Budrock.
 * Peter: Oh, ho, ho!
 * Homer: Ooh!
 * Judge Fred Flintstone: But rendering a verdict is something I'm paid to Yabba-Dabba Do!
 * Peter and Homer: Eh.
 * Judge Fred Flintstone: And I find in favor of Duff.
 * Lois: Oh, no!
 * Meg: Oh, no!
 * Peter: Oh, no!
 * [silence until Peter's cell phone rings]
 * Peter: Hello.
 * Kool-Aid Man: Uh, hey. I'm... I'm in the wrong Springfield.


 * [Peter breaks out of Homer's choke hold]
 * Peter: What the hell? That really hurts!
 * Homer: No, it doesn't! I do it to my son all the time!
 * Peter: You strangle your son? That's insane! No wonder he's fat and stupid and masturbates all the time...
 * Homer: That's your son!


 * Homer: Hey, knock it off! There's a kid back there!
 * Ralph: Heh, heh, I'm in danger.


 * Kodos: Perfect, the Earthlings are destroying themselves.
 * Roger Smith: Yeah, it's really great, isn't it, guys? [to the viewer] We went to summer camp together.


 * Peter: Woo Hoo!
 * Homer: Road House!


 * Peter: I'm sorry we fought. I just wanted to make you laugh and cry. I'm a Family Guy.
 * Homer: I understand. I'm a The Simpsons.


 * Homer: Let's just agree to stay a half hour away from each other.
 * Peter: With a pile of garbage between us.
 * [the two walk off]
 * Comic Book Guy: Worst. Chicken fight. Ever.