The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be/Quotes


 * Quimby: [Advising Marge] There's no 'mayor' in 'marriage'. There almost is. It's really close.


 * Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman on location among the good people of Springfield.
 * [Kent is behind a security glass]
 * Man: Coward!
 * Kent Brockman: Because today, we celebrate beautiful Skyline Park, a reclamation project built atop the ruins of the Springfield Monorail.
 * Crowd: [chanting] Monorail. Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.
 * Kent Brockman: No, they're not building a new monorail.
 * Lenny: Why not? This one couldn't fail.
 * Crowd: [chanting] Couldn't fail. Couldn't fail.
 * Kent Brockman: No, we're repurposing the old monorail track into a completely new and original feature we ripped off from New York: the Springfield Skypark-Line.


 * Sebastian Cobb: The monorail-- it's alive! I warned you not to...
 * [Gets run over by the monorail]


 * Quimby: On the positive side, with this disaster, we have surpassed Detroit and Kabul as the world's most unlucky city.


 * Marge: I can't believe Mayor Quimby talking down to me like that. And by the way, women don't wear girdles anymore. We wear Spanx and other shapewear.
 * Homer: [scoffs] Tell me about it. [removes some shapewear]
 * Lisa: People think we've moved on, but this world is as sexist as ever.
 * Homer: Thanks, Obama.
 * Marge: What's so great about Quimby anyway? I could cut a ribbon. And I could make it curl nicely using the edge of the giant scissors.
 * Lisa: You'd be a great mayor, Mom. You're organized, you manage the budget, and thanks to Dad, you're an expert on the court system.
 * Homer: Fun fact: being a defendant gets you out of jury duty. [chuckles]
 * Lisa: Mom, this is our time. Wonder Woman showed that if you're a goddess with superpowers, there's no limit to what you can do. You could be mayor!
 * Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. A woman prime minister, okay. Women Ghostbusters, cool. Woman head of the Federal Reserve, as far as I'm concerned, what's that? But a woman mayor?
 * Bart: If Mom becomes mayor, we can get away with anything.


 * Julio: Marge, this town is ready for a change. Quimby has been mayor, like, forever.


 * Homer: [after Marge urges him to be more like Lisa] My boyfriend is broccoli!


 * Homer: I am not a whale! I am a man with blubber, and several harpoon scars!


 * Helen Lovejoy: She's completely cooked. Unlike the children she brought to the potluck.
 * Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, Helen is a bitter as the lemonade she brought to the potluck. What a terrible potluck that was.
 * Sideshow Mel: Why wasn't this a town hall event? I like to see them balance on the stools.