It's in the Cards/Quotes


 * Carl: What the heck are you doing up there, Homer? We gotta get moving -- it's time to snake out to the ball game!
 * Homer: Carl, I'm a highly-skilled nuclear power technical safety guy. I'm simply applying some of my vast store of knowledge to the situation at hand! I've taken a photo myself sitting at my console. I'll just tape it in front of the surveillance camera... ...and old man Burns will never know I'm gone! I picked up that little trick from Mission Impossible.
 * Carl: Pretty slick, Homer!
 * Lenny: Yeah! ...and to think, for all the years I've been sneaking out early, I've had to rely on this crummy lifelike robot double of myself!
 * Lenny's lifelike robot: Hello! [KLIK]


 * Milhouse: Look, Bart -- it's Big Bill McCloskey, the cleanup hitter! Come on! Can we have your autograph, Bil Bill?
 * Big Bill McCloskey: Sure thing -- and you can call me by the private nickname my team-mates use. They call me "Nails!"
 * Bart: Cool! Because you're as toguh as nails, huh?!
 * Big Bill McCloskey: No -- actually, it's because I'm a manicurist in the off-season.


 * Seymour Skinner: How are they, Dr. Hibbert? Give it to me, straight -- I can take it!
 * Dr. Hibbert: I'm afraid it's bad news, Principal Skinner. They're all suffering from acute gastrointestinal distress brought on by a grave case of food poisoning! It's what we docotrs call "the creeping cruds." I'm not sure of the source of the malady yet, but since only teachers have been affected, you should investigate any foods that only they have access to.
 * Seymour Skinner: Blast it! If they're been in my strawberries again, I'll...
 * Dr. Hibbert: Actually I was thinkging more along the lines of the vending machines in the teacher's lounge. Meanwhile you'll have to prepare for the worst!
 * Seymour Skinner: You mean...
 * Dr. Hibbert: Yes... ...substitute teachers for the rest of the week!
 * Seymour Skinner: [GASP!]


 * Lisa: She completely misunderstood! She thought I was attacking the very ideas I was trying to honor!
 * Bart: What are you complaning about? at least you got an "A"!


 * Bart: What are you doing here so late?
 * Lisa: Miss Kelp made me write "I will not talk back to my superiors" on the blackboard 100 times. You'd think that a taeacher would recognize the worthlessness of such a rote exercise. What are you doing here?
 * Bart: Mr. Somerset made me stay after stupid school to help him make a stupid banner ofr that stupid artst & stupid crafts show tomorrow. He said he wanted my "creative input," whatever that means!
 * Bart & Lisa (thinking): [SIGH!]