Kirk Van Houten

Kirk Evelyn Van Houten is the unemployed father of Milhouse and the re-married husband of Luann.

Biography
Kirk is one of two sons to Grandma Van Houten and Grandpa Van Houten. He has a brother, Norbert Van Houten and is confirmed to be of Dutch descent whilst fighting with his brother.

Early life and marriage
Kirk graduated from Gudger College. Whilst he was here, he was a star lacrosse player for his college's team, close to becoming professional. Before he could sign the contract, he broke his wrist high fiving the college's mascot, Sir Gudge-A-Lot, and he lost his chance to play professionally. He worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, Southern Cracker (the Dryyyyy Cracker), in middle management, but when Luann left him, he was fired from the factory. According to Luann, Kirk was not a very good provider, and she had to borrow money from her sister and steal clothes from the church donation box.

After divorce
After the divorce, Kirk was a stereotypical middle-aged male loser and deadbeat father, with extreme emotional depression due to his divorce. He had been seen with a few girlfriends since:, a chainsmoking alcoholic who stole Kirk's car. Kirk was also seen holding hands with Edna Krabappel on a police department cruise. Kirk also went on a date with Miss Hoover. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk had visiting rights. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addressed him as his "weekend dad". Kirk suffered from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even in good times. He once cut his foot off to try and get his wife back.

When he was falsely arrested for Bart's kidnap, Kirk had conjugal visits with Ruth Powers, Agnes Skinner, Miss Hoover, Lurleen Lumpkin, Cookie Kwan and Starla.

Jobs
After being fired from the Southern Cracker, he struggled to hold down a job. He was once employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and worked as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in his eye being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to maintain a steady job. He atteneded Leavelle's Bodyguard Academy and he was also was a singer who sold his tapes from the trunk of his car. His song was titled "Can I Borrow A Feeling" and the album featured a picture of Kirk on the front in a robe, which he was using in an attempt to be a smoking jacket. He was also unemployed at some point, surviving on alimony payments and unemployment benefits.

Arrest
He was once arrest for kidnapping. When Bart went to a concert his parents banned him from, he hides at Kirk's apartment which leads to his arrest. Despite liking the attraction from the ladies outside the prison, he is released when Alcatraaz, Lisa, and Principal Skinner found out Bart was lying.

Remarriage to Luann
Kirk and Luann later remarried and while on honeymoon, were presumed dead. They were later found on a desert island when Milhouse's uncle Norbert's balloon crashed.

Treehouse of Horrors
Kirk died when Homer became Death and touched him at a baseball match, killing him.

Trivia

 * His arm was once cut off by wire that Snake planted to kill Homer.