Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade/Quotes


 * [While Bart is watching the Clock Channel on TV.]

Coming up on the Clock Channel: 6:00. Wait, I already saw this one.

Bart, the test is in 2 hours, and you haven't slept in a fortnight! What's a fortnight? You should know, it's on the test!

No pressure, children, but these test results will follow you for the rest of your life and beyond the grave.

Lisa's not so great! She got diarrhea on our trip to Carl's Dad Caverns!

Ha ha! Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here? Laughing at jerks.
 * [Later on the class field trip.]

Ha ha! You weren't on this field trip! How did you get here? Biked.

Hey, you can't fool us. We're from the "Learn to Fart" state.

That's cheating! Bart cheated! Young lady, in the third grade we don't care for tattletales. [moans] Ohhhhh. And we don't care for moaners, either. [starts crying] Sobbing only pushes Bart's grade higher! [cries again]

[while Lisa is doing her homework] Quiet nerds burp only near school. Bart, I'm doing my geography homework. I know. That's how you remember the 4 original provinces of Canada. Quebec, New Brunswick, Ontario, Nova Scotia; "Quiet Nerds Burp Only Near School." And here's how you remember the principle exports; "Dogs Eat Barf Only On Wednesday, Mable." Stop! I want to learn on my own. [walks out of the room; hangs from a vent] Canada's govenor's general; "Clowns Love Haircuts, So Should Lee Marvin's Vallet." Get out! [tries to hit Bart with her book]

And the Lord said, "Let there be crap!"

What?! I gotta be in the same class as her? What?! I gotta be in the same class as him? [watching Bart and Lisa on TV] They're gonna be in the same class as each other?!

Get back, honky cat.


 * [On "Japanese Friends" on TV.]

Do you like my new shirt? It says "Reggae Hair Style Rock n' Roll." Could I be more Japanese? You are the Emperor of Last Year. Your comeback shames me.

Bart, I think we're lost. I used to be lost, until a friend turned me onto a book. It's called "Lisa is Stupid". You die now! [tackles Bart]

Hello, Principal Skinner! [speaks fast] Parent who waves their right to sue says what? What? [holds up an audio recorder and shuts record off] Got it.

Oh, it's red wire to red wire. What idiot dreamed that up?

Lisa comes to us from Ms. Hoover… [makes a drinking sound] …while Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel. ''[fake coughs]]' Slut!

[during the news break] Oh, Lord, I'm so fat! [vomits in a bucket]

If this ordeal has taught us anything, it's that nothing works better than the status quo. Bart, you're promoted back to the fourth grade. Yeah! And Lisa, you have a choice. You may continue to be challenged in third grade, or return to second grade and be merely a big fish in a little pond. Big fish! Big fish! The status quo. The status quo? Ay Carumba! That's just sad.