Mommie Beerest/Quotes

Thinner... thinner... thinner... thinner... too thin. Better luck next time, " - Virginia Beach."

I've never been so embarrassed. And the worst part is, this is brunch so you've ruined two meals! I'll see you all at lupper!

When we were kids, our dads used to get drunk and make us fight each other. My Pop would buy me a malted for every tooth of Moe's I knocked out. That time you blinded me, he gave you a bike. That sure was a good soundin' bike...

Mr. Szyslak, your tavern is rife with Health Code violations. You gotta be kiddin' me. Like what? For starters, the body of my predecessor is still on the floor. Oh yeah. Uh well, ya see, uh trash day ain't 'til Wednesday...

Thanks, Homer. No one's ever trusted me before -- except for that one guy who shouldn't have. That was me. Oh yeah.

Homer, those kookoo-birds at the bank goofed up and sent us a mortgage statement. Marge! How dare you open a letter addressed to both of us?

Marge, you can't go with me to Moe's. I mean, how would you like it if I came with you to your mother's? I would like it. You never come to my mother's. That's because I hate her.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, now wait just a minute. One thing Moe Szyslak has never had is a partner. Nor a wife, a friend, a chum, a casual acquaintance, a pen pal, a parrot, a meaningful conversation, a brief hug or eye contact.

But I don't wanna take care of the kids... Um... how many cigars are they allowed to have? Bart sleeps in the microwave, right? Quit playing dumb. How many magic beans should I sell the baby for? Three? Duh, der, duh. That's me, jerk-ass Homer. Duh, der, doy.

Marge, my customers don't like themselves. Therefore, they seek the darkness. Well... as fabulous as your regulars are, a remodel might bring in a higher class of lush. Look, I like Moe's the way it is, all right? And I ain't changin' it for any dame, skirt, Susie-Q, or face-macer.

Pint of ale, my dear? Well thank you, your honor. You know, you're kind of sexy. That's a deliberate mis-statement of fact. But I'll allow it.

So, Mr. Boswell. What do you think of the new Moe's? Marge Simpson and Moe Szyslak, here's a mash note to your bangers: I wish you could live in me forever! Thanks, Freakazoid.

I know, I used to think of Moe as a scabby, dead-eyed hunchback. But now that I've gotten to know him, we kind of bonded. Bonded?! How many times? Homer, Moe and I are just work friends. You and I are... marriage friends.

Simpson, you were going a hundred in a twenty-five zone. And you're not gonna flirt your way outta this one. But I have to get to the airport to save my marriage! Really? Well, why didn't you say so? Let's roll! You didn't work this hard to save my marriage. Wake up, Lou. She was way outta your league.

Homer, I made a vow on our wedding day, to stay by you -- for better or worse. And besides... I love you. You're my Homie-womie-romie-domie... And you're my Margie-wargie-bargie-fargie-gargie-margie-targie-glargie. I may have dodged a bullet here.