Skinner's Sense of Snow/Quotes

Finally, a circus full of whimsy and wonder. [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, that's way better than fun and excitement. [reading the program] As French Canadians, they don't believe in refunds, or exploiting animals for entertainment. Oh, I wanted to see 'em fire a gorilla out of a cannon.

Mesdames et messieurs, it appears the Cloud Goddess is ripe with rain babies. We must run for our trucks. Oh no you don't! I paid full price for this freak show. Now nourish the child within me! [shakes fist] Nourish...

Children, I'm proud of you. Most of our students didn't bother to show up on this last day before Christmas break. But you've kept intact my Cal Ripken-like streak of school openage.

This is terrible. How will the kids get home? I 'unno... Internet?

I'm doing a puzzle with Grandmama, and she'll finish without me. Yes, yes, yes. We all had plans. Except for me, ironically. I'm right where I want to be. I can cut a trail through the snow. I'm part Eskimo. I don't care if you're Kristi Yamaguchi. No one leaves the building. This stinks. We'll miss the Itchy and Scratchy where they finally kiss. I don't care if they're kissing Kristi Yamaguchi. You're not going home.

Hey, whatever happened to the plow from your old snowplow business? I never had a snowplow business. Sure you did -- "." You're wearin' the jacket right now! I think I know my own life, Ned. [sings to himself] Call Mr. Plow, that's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.

Well, don't just stand there, fight back! There aren't enough coat hooks to hold all of us! Actually, there are. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty... [to Sherri and Terri] Uh, can you two share a hook? Yes, sir. We're fine, then.

Oh! I think we hit something. I hope it's Flanders. [laughs, then notices Ned] I'm just kidding. Hey, you're all right.

Mr. Army man? I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit. Is that some sort of plush novelty? Yes, ma'am. Uh, well, here's a scouring pad. It's just as good. It's cold and hurty.

Defying orders, eh? Well, I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too. Okay, Skinner. That's the last time you'll slap yer Willie around. I quit.

That's it. Cinch it up around the neck. This is a gross misuse of school property. Where are the dodge balls? [he is hit by several dodgeballs] Ow! Ow! Oh! All right, that's it! I'm writing all your names on the detention list in my mind. Silence, Seymour. We're in charge now. Your reign of fussiness is over.

Hey, I got Skinner's key card. We can finally see our permanent records! No! You can't go in there! [reading] "Underachiever and proud of it?" How old is this thing? [reading] "Lisa is an outstanding student, with a slight tendency toward know-it-all-ism." [gasps] That's not even a word!

[reading from the Payroll] Hey, look how much Skinner makes. Twenty-five thousand dollars a year! Wow! Let's see, he's forty years old, times twenty-five grand... Whoaa, he's a millionaire! Wow! I wasn't a principal when I was one. Plus, in the summer, he paints houses! He's a billionaire! Wow! If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother?
 * [the kids all laugh]

They're just not responding to logic anymore.

Nelson, if you get me outta this, there's a hall monitor position coming open in the spring... I spit on your monitors. I know. That's why the position's available.

You did it, Nibbles. Now chew through my ball sack.

Bart, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's pretending things didn't happen. And I think this is one of those. One of which? Exactly. No, seriously, I wasn't listening. One of those situations where... Gotcha!