Treehouse of Horror XXV/Quotes

School is Hell

 * Principal Skinner: There's no hope for you, Simpson. You'll be locked in detention until you graduate to the penal system.
 * Bart: [laughing] Penal.
 * Principal Skinner: Stop laughing! I said "penal," not "penile."
 * Bart: [laughing] Penile
 * Principal Skinner: It's not like you made me say "penis"!
 * Bart: [laughing]


 * Hellroads teacher: Oh, can you all feel how much richer that is? You get a pumpkin sticker.
 * Bart: [gasps] This has never happened before... I have a crush on my teacher!
 * Hellroads teacher: Down here, we can make that happen.


 * Hellroads teacher: Now, students, it's final exam day, and none of you wants to repeat the class like a certain student I don't want to embarrass.
 * : Torture?
 * Hellroads teacher: [sighs] Uh, Beelzebart, you're first. And you're going to torment a very special sinner we've prepared just for you.
 * Beelzebart: Homer? That-That's my dad. I can't hurt him.
 * Homer: No, boy. I want you to do it.
 * Beelzebart: What? Why?
 * Homer: Bart, you went to Hell and came back a winner, like Jesus. Now, come on, boy.
 * Beelzebart: Pull me apart like string cheese.
 * [strikes Homer] Homer: D'oh! D'oh! [shrieks]

A Clockwork Yellow

 * Dum: Oy! I'm getting hitched to this bluebird, and she wants me to give up the glug life.
 * Moog: Welly, welly, well, well, well. What sorry future could you have without your truest lunos by your side?
 * Dum's wife: Dum got a job at the Tower of London as a Beefeater!
 * Dum: I hope it's what I think it is.

The Others

 * Present Homer: Hey, if you're Homer Simpson, show me your driver's license!
 * Ghost of Past Homer: Well, I traded it to a kid for a bite of his sandwich.
 * Present Homer: [gasps] He is me!


 * Present Marge: Homer, do something!
 * Present Homer: Why is it always me? I work 12 hours a week, you know.


 * Ghost of Past Marge: [to Present Homer] She doesn't know what a good thing she's got. I like a man who can relax. Not like Grumpy-Lumpy there.
 * Ghost of Past Homer: [yells at Ghost Marge] Quit making cracks!
 * Ghost of Past Bart: [to Ghost Homer] Speaking of cracks, pull up your pants, dude.


 * Marge: I feel like a ghost the way you haven’t been paying attention to me! Plus, I’m dead.