Some Enchanted Evening/Quotes

Hello, I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe First name, age, problem? I'm Marge, 34, and my problem's my husband. He doesn't listen to me, he doesn't appreciate me, I don't know how much longer I can... Hey lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?

Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge. She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage. [listening to the radio at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant] Hey, turn it up! I love hearing those wackos.

The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be. Really? I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving. Leave Homer? Please, don't use his real name! Leave Pedro?
 * [everyone at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant begins laughing at Homer]

Can you be that honest Marge? Yeah! You'll tell him right when he comes home from work Yeah! Say it like you mean it... YEAH!

Homer, Marge is right, you are a pig! You can ask anyone in this bar! What!? Hey Barney, am I a pig? You're even more of a pig than I am. [burps] See, you're a pig. Barney's a pig, Larry's a pig, we're all pigs!

[giving Homer some love advice] Homer, buy your wife some flowers and take her out for a night on the town. Candles, tablecloth, the whole nine yards.


 * [Bart prank calls Moe's Tavern]

Moe's Tavern. Is Oliver there? Who? Oliver Klozoff. Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!
 * [Bart and Lisa bust out in laughter. Marge picks up the phone]

Listen, you nosey bum. If I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open! Goodness! Must be a crossed wire.

And, I made reservations at Chez Paree. [gasps] But, Homer, it's so expensive! It matters not, mon frere.


 * [Marge picks up the phone again and dials the babysitting service]

Rubber Baby Buggie Bumper Babysitting Service. This is Marge Simpson, I'd like a babysitter for the evening. Wait a minute. The Simpsons?
 * [Looks over at a bulletin board with Bart, Lisa and Maggie, with the words "NO! NO! NO!" on it.]

Lady you've got to be kidding!
 * [Receptionist slams the phone and continues writing, phone rings seconds later]

Rubber baby buggie bumper babysitting service. Hello, this is Mr. Ssssamson. Did your wife just call a second ago? No, I said Samson, not Simpson. Thank God! Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages! Especially that big ape father. [angrily] D'oh! Actually the Simpsons are neighbors of ours and we found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.


 * [Bart prank calls Moe's Tavern]

Moe's Tavern. Hello. Is Al there? Al? Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic. Lemme check. Phone call for Al, Al Coholic. Is there an Al Coholic here?
 * [Everyone in the bar laughs at Moe.]

Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass. If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill ya!
 * [Bart and Lisa bust out in laughter and shut off the phone]

The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hog-tie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.

Your parents left me this for you to watch. [holds up The Happy Little Elves] Oh, boy! The Happy Little Elves! Look, lady, we've seen the Crappy Little Elves about 14 billion times! Maybe we can watch some real TV! I said we're gonna watch the tape! Awww.. that's merely suggested viewing matter, lady, mom lets us watch whatever the hell we want. You're going to watch this tape, and you're going to do what I say or I'm going to do something to you. And I don't know what that is because everyone has always done what I say!

They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat that one right there. Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir? Why? Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster.


 * [Bart and Lisa watch the Happy Little Elves on television.]

Oh, man, I can't take it anymore. [changes the channel on television] But I wanna see what happens! You know what happens! They find Captain Cook's treasure, all the elves jump around like little green idiots, I puke, the end! Bart, you're just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love.
 * [Bart and Lisa watch America's Most Armed and Dangerous on television.]

The Cue Ball Killer should be considered extremely armed and dangerous. If you think you've seen him, call 1-800-U-SQUEAL.


 * [Ms. Botz has Bart and Lisa tied up on the couch].

We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Baby-sitter Bandit! You're a smart, young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut. He isn't.

Ms. Botz? Good lord! What have those little hellions done now!? We're so sorry, we're so sorry! Please turn off the TV.


 * [Marge and Homer finish watching Homer’s interview about the "Baby-sitter Bandit" on the news.]

Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright. Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.