Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"/Quotes


 * [Marge crashes the Canyonero into Springfield Penitentiary, which allows several prisoners to escape.]

Well, I hope you're happy, Simpson. Those prisoners were one day away from being completely rehabilitated.

Anger is what makes America great. But you must find a proper outlet for your rage. Fire a weapon at your TV set, pick a fight with someone weaker than you, or write a threatening letter to a celebrity.

Marge, come in the house! Maggie smells bad, and the cat wants something, but I don't know what it is!

They're all just lying around. [to animals] Do something! Bart, they're not here to entertain us. I've seen plays that were more exciting than this. Honest to God…plays!

I can't believe they took away my license. It feels like I lost a limb. Well, that's a turn-off. Hey, why don't you come to the wild animal park with us? Oh, your father drives like an old lady. At least I've got a license! [Marge glares at him] Come on, kids, I went too far.

Okay, I assume you all know why you're here. [ducks as chair thrown at him] That's right, you're all angry, sick people. But, over these next eight hours, you will be broken down to the level of infants, then rebuilt as functional members of society, then broken down again, then lunch, then, if there's time, rebuilt once more.

Marge, you've been out there all morning. So? So lying on the couch and eating stuff isn't the same if you aren't around to see it.

Hang on; the manual says I need to log on to the onboard computer. [enters "MARGE" on a keypad] M-A-R-G-E. Hello, Marge. Where would you like to go today? No one has ever asked me that before in my life.

Don't worry kids, I'll save us. JUMANJI! [rhinos continue to stampede] Does anything from the movies work!?!?

I sentence you to kiss my ass!!!

How'd you know the plan would work, Mom? Thanks for asking. Well, I was watching Dateline, and Stone Phillips said SUVs always roll over when you turn sharply, and the gas tanks explode at the drop of a hat. And she also knew if a rhino sees a flame, he'll instinctively try to put it out. Stone Phillips again! Is there anything that guy doesn't know? Why, this Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke! What television network is he on? Why, NBC, of course! NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat! Do ya think there's anything great on NBC right now? Oh, I'm sure of it. But there's only one way to find out!
 * [the episode ends]


 * [during the credits]

I would like to read the following statement, but I do so under...
 * [gun cocks]

...my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many FOX shows as possible. . So, in summary: NBC bad, FOX good. [quickly under his breath] CBS great.
 * [the gun goes off, a thud is heard, followed by three more "safety shots"]