The War of Art/Quotes


 * Homer: Kettle corn. The heroin of the farmers' market.


 * Marge: Oh, it looks great!
 * (Homer walk to the living room and look at the new painting)'
 * Homer: Well, to me, it looks like garbage salad. But that's the great thing about art. Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks.


 * Marge: But the Van Houtens are our friends.
 * Homer: Are they, Marge? If you think about it, aren't they really just the parents of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid?
 * Marge: All our friends are like that.


 * Marge: What if we give the Van Houtens 25% of the money?
 * Homer: Then they'll just be mad about the 65% that we're keeping.


 * Homer: Okay, Milhouse, the guys in back are shining up your new bike.
 * Milhouse: And all I have to do is not say anything about some painting to my Mom and Dad?
 * Marge: Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you?
 * Milhouse: I guess.
 * Homer: "I guess"! You're funny! No wonder Lisa's in love with you.
 * Milhouse: She is?!
 * Lisa: She is?!


 * Luann: We considered you our friends. We trusted you! I let Homer use our master bathroom! Then you stab us in the back!


 * Marge: See what happens when we get greedy?!
 * Homer: Honey, there's something I want to show you.
 * Marge: An ATM receipt?
 * Homer: I don't know whose this is. I found it next to the cash machine, and I've always kept it. Look at the balance.
 * Marge: Five figures!
 * Homer: With that painting, we could have what these people have: A money cushion. No more living paycheck to paycheck, one lost retainer away from the gutter.
 * Marge: I could write a check with today's date on it.
 * Homer: That's the cushion.


 * Marge: Great! Now we're raccoons, the masked bandits of the animal world!
 * Homer: Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show.


 * Marge: We don't even get this many Christmas cards.


 * Kirk: (looking at the picture of Luann on his MyPad, desperately) Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses into your thick eyeglasses ever again.


 * Homer: Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. That will prove the painting was his-- and now ours.
 * Marge: Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, and everyone's very worried about Milhouse.
 * Bart: He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, but the TV is off.
 * (Milhouse is still playing the dancing game while the TV is off)
 * Homer: But our cushion!
 * Marge: That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! Please! Just let it go!
 * (She walk away from Homer angrily, and Bart just walk into him)
 * Bart: You're not gonna let it go, are you?
 * Homer: I wish I knew how.


 * Lisa: This is so exciting! My first time establishing provenance!
 * Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting.
 * Lisa: That's a terrible thing for a father to do.
 * Homer: That's why she'll believe it.


 * Lisa: You're a forger?
 * Klaus Ziegler "Forger" is such a cruel word. I'm an art forger.


 * Lisa: What you do is horrible; ripping off geniuses who spent years perfecting their styles.
 * Klaus Ziegler: Perhaps you are the one who is horrible.
 * Lisa: What?!
 * Klaus Ziegler: You only cared about that painting when you thought it was created by someone famous.
 * Lisa: Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud.
 * Klaus Ziegler: Beauty is beauty. My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world.


 * Klaus Ziegler: If there's one thing art is good for, it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart.