Homer's Odyssey/Quotes

[blows whistle] Now, class, I don't want this field trip to be a repeat of our infamous visit to the Springfield State Prison. So I want you all to be on your best behaviour. [looks at Bart] Especially you, Bart Simpson. Mrs. Krabappel, I didn't unlock that door!


 * [at Moe's Tavern]

I'm just a technical supervisor who cared too much.
 * [phone rings]

Moe's Tavern. [on phone] Is Mr. Freely there? Who? Freely, first initials, I.P. Hold on, I'll check. [calls out] Is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
 * [barflies laugh]

Wait a minute. Listen to me, you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead, I swear I'm going to slice your heart in half!
 * [Bart and Lisa laugh]

You'll get that punk someday, Moe. I don't know. He's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name.

I don't think you're ever going to get another job and be able to pay me back.

All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale. I don't know what else to do.
 * [Maggie pokes him in the eye]

There's only one thing we can do. Take advantage of the guy. [Holds up a report card] I need you to sign this, Homer. [Bart picks up Homer's hand and writes his signature on the card.]

Damn it! I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks. There, there, Homer. You've caused plenty of industrial accidents and you've always bounced back. You can't depend on me all your lives. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.

I'll just put it where nobody'll find it for a million years.

Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.

Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, and watched them pass me over for promotions time and time again.

Loaftime, the cable network for the unemployed, will be right back with more tips on how to win the lottery right after this. Unemployed? Out of work? Sober? You sat around the house all day, but now it's Duff time. Duff, the beer that makes the days fly by. You can't get enough of the wonderful Duff. Duff Beer! Beer! Now there's a temporary solution.

Hey, Bart. Our dad says your dad is incompetent. What does "incompetent" mean? It means he spends more time yakking and scarfing down donuts than doing his job. Oh, okay. I thought you were putting him down.

Well, it's no secret. Our city is under siege by a graffiti vandal known as, "El Barto". Police artists have a composite sketch to go over and if anyone has any information, please contact us immediately.
 * [A sketch of an older, stubbly, mean-looking version of Bart is passed around]

Cool, man.