Lost Verizon/Quotes


 * [Bart prank calls Hawaii]
 * Hawaiian bartender: Aloha.
 * Bart: Aloha to you. I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.
 * Hawaiian bartender: Hang on. I'll check. Uh, has anyone seen Maya Normousbutt?
 * [Bar patrons laugh]


 * [Bart's found cell phone rings]
 * Bart: Hello? Bart Simpson.
 * Denis Leary: This is Denis Leary, you little puke! When I find you, I'm gonna tear your heart out with two fingers! I know how to do it, too. I learned it for my show.
 * Bart: Which one? The one that got canceled, or the one that's gonna get canceled?


 * Bart: I'm never gonna have a cell phone.
 * Lisa: And I'm never gonna go to Machu Picchu. In this family, you get used to disappointment.


 * Principal Skinner: I can't believe I'm out of gas. I put in one dollar of gas and I've only driven ninety cents.
 * Agnes Skinner: You had to drive with the windows open, didn't you, Rockefeller?


 * Bart: Mom, even Milhouse has a cell phone. Your son is lamer than Milhouse! What does that say about you?


 * [Bart is at Lisa's tea party]
 * Bart: I don't know why I agreed to this.
 * Lisa: Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.
 * Bart: Oh, you're right.


 * Lisa: [seeing what her parents are up to] Tracking software? [gasps] You're spying on Bart!
 * Marge: Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
 * Moe: [Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement] That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. [laughs] Soon, you'll be mine.
 * FBI Agent #1: [observing Moe via spy camera] Keep talking, creepo.
 * FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you another year in the slammer.


 * [Dr. Hibbert gives Bart money after retrieving his golf ball]
 * Bart: A dollar? What for?
 * Dr. Hibbert: It's the least I could do. These balls cost five dollars new.
 * Bart: So I can get a dollar for every ball I find? Then if a cell phone costs $100, how many balls do I need?
 * Dr. Hibbert: [speaking aside to Dr. Riviera, his caddy] This is why my kids go to private school. [Laughs]


 * Marge: Bart, how did you get a cell phone?
 * Bart: The same way you got me. By accident, on a golf course.


 * Marge: Son, we can't afford to get you a cell phone. As it is, I'm buying frozen peas in installments.


 * [Bart driving a forklift and Milhouse standing on the lifts]
 * Milhouse: [laughing] Are you sure this is safe?
 * Bart: [holding the seat belt] Sure I got my seat belt on.
 * [Marge shows up]
 * Marge: Bartholomew Jay Simpson! [Bart brakes the forklift, sending Milhouse flies into a wall, knocking him out] What are you doing at this construction site?
 * Bart: Uh trying to do something constructive. [Marge murmurs disapprovingly] I'll just take Milhouse home. [picks Milhouse up with the forklift and leaves]