Marge on the Lam/Quotes

Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!

We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.

Homer, stop that, it's just a weather station! Come on, Marge, it's fun to smash things!

I'm disappointed in you. But it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night. Marge, that's twice, I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman!

I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors. Eh, shut your yap.

Look Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car. And I'm sorry--Oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point.

I should get home to my daughter before that naked talk show comes on.

I can have a great time all by myself. Hey Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a babysitter. Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation. You're absolutely right, Dad. We don't need a baby-sitter. Wait a minute [takes out card reading: "Always do opposite of what Bart Says."] You kids do need a baby-sitter! [to himself] Blast that infernal card! [to Homer] Hey, Dad. Don't give me that card. Here ya go--[pulls card away]--No!

I envy you and Homer. Thank you. Why? If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer. Your point being?

Mmm, engine-black eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty.
 * [Marge and Ruth drive by]

That's them! Quiet! I can't hear the eggs.

Don't worry, you'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers and give you a makeover, Homina. [in a feminine voice] Ooh, that would be delightfu--Quiet boy!

Where are you going? I don't know. When will you be home? I'm not sure. Where are you going? You already asked me that! Will you bring me back something?

Dear Mrs. Simpson, while we were rescuing your husband, a lumber yard burned down. Ohh, lumber has a million uses.

Thanks, Marge. When my husband left, he took all our power tools along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind.

Well, thank you for a lovely time. You're not going home already, are you? Well, it's almost 9:30.

How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children? Have a blast, Mom. Rock the Casbah! [sneers at Bart] "Man's best friend" indeed.

Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour. We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. Three. Two. OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. Done! Still got it.

What was it you wanted to show me? This. [pulls a gun] [gasps] You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you?

Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers? As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

Ruth, is there something you want to tell me? Remember when I said my ex-husband was behind on his child support? Uh huh. Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car. Didn't you realize all you had to do was report him to the police? Marge, you're the level-headed friend I never had.

We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls, and has a lot of blue hair. A lot of blue hair? Hee hee -- what a freak! [realizes] ...it's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal just because I didn't take her to the ballet. That's exactly how Dillinger got started. Really?

I don't want to be a wet blanket, but maybe you should give yourself up. Marge, it's a matter of principle. I just can't let that deadbeat win again. You're with me, aren'tcha? [thinks] I should say something reassuring and noncommittal. [spoken] Hmm.

Look, Marge, there's no reason for you to get dragged into this. Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out. Well, I don't think they'll be that easy to lose. These are professional lawmen, and --
 * [Ruth turns the car's lights off]

Oh my God! It just disappeared. It's a ghost-car! [slams on the brakes] There are ghost-cars all over these highways, you know. Hold me. Only if you hold me. [a coyote howls as Chief Wiggum and Homer hold each other scared]

Hey, it's morning and Mom and Dad aren't home. Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here to take care of us. [nudges Lionel Hutz, who growls and brandishes a knife] [wakes up defensively] Don't touch my stuff! [realizes where he is] H-Hey, this isn't the YMCA.

Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum, back in pursuit of the rebelling women. All right, your current location? Oh, uh, I'm, er, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be asphalt... oh, geez, trees, shrubs... er, I'm directly under the earth's sun... now!

At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. [pauses] It's in the "Revelations," people!

I give up. A single mother can't win in a man's world. Ruth, that's a lot of hooey. It's not over 'till it's over. [grabs the steering wheel, making the car veer off the road] I'm sorry, I should have asked first.

Oh, no! They're headed right for the Grand Chasm! Oh my God! They're going to drive right into it just to teach us men a lesson. And it's all my fault!

Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, AKA: Miguel Sanchez, AKA: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, was paid 8 dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. He was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with a violation of penal code section 618A: "Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans." She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans, and $2000 in punitive damages and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing. Woo-hoo!