Bart the Genius/Quotes


 * [The family play Scrabble]

"My turn. "Kwyjibo"." (places his tiles] "K-W-Y-J-I-B-O. Twenty-two points, plus triple-word-score, plus fifty points for using all my letters. Game's over, I'm outta here--" [grabs Bart with his left hand, holding a banana in his right] "Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a kwyjibo is." "Kwyjibo." (observing Homer) "Uh... a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin." [playing along] "And a short temper." "I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape--!!!" (as Homer chases him away] "Uh-oh. Kwyjibo on the loose!"

"Now I don't want you to worry, class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success... if any."

"Hmm. Whoever did this is in very deep trouble!" "And a sloppy speller, too. The preferred spelling of wiener is W-I-E-N-E-R, although E-I is an acceptable ethnic variant." "Good point."

"Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son, a genius - how does it happen?" "Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of hereditary and environment..." (sees Homer staring blankly) "although in some cases it's a total mystery."

"Bart, this is a big day for you - why don't you eat something a little more nutritious?" "Nonsense, Marge! Frosted Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. Lisa, maybe you should try some of this." "Homer!" "I'm just saying, why not have two geniuses in the family? Sort of a spare in case Bart's brain blows out."

"Jeez. No beer, no opera dogs..." "It ain't over until the fat lady sings." "Is that one fat enough for you, son?"

"I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb."

"I hope you won't bear some sort of simple-minded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building." "Eat my shorts." "Pardon?"

"Go on boy, and pay attention, because if you do, one day you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations - you may outsmart someone."

"I think Bart's stupid again, Mom." "Oh, well..."


 * [Homer chases Bart into his bedroom]

[banging on the door] You can't stay in there forever! [locks the door] I can try. [banging on the door] March your butt right out here! Now! No way man. But son, if you don't come out I can't hug you and kiss you and make you all better. [grabs a soda can and reads a comic] You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that? I'm insulted.
 * ''[Homer growls in rage and continues banging at the door]