Sense and Censorability/Quotes


 * Seymour Skinner: Do you really think you'd get away with it, Bart? Thanks to you, your class now thinkgs that Benjamin Frankling was a vengeful, tree-hating, giant-belt-buckle-wearing, kite-wielding maniac! And my contacts tell me that you're spreading a rumor that Davy Crockett wore a juntily-askew bowler instead of a coonskin cap! Well, no more! You shall prepare another well-reserached report on the historical figure of your choice -- excluding the man who invented the toilet.
 * Bart: Thomas J. Crapper?
 * Seymour Skinner: I know who invented the toilet, Simpson!! You will deliver an oral presentation in front of the entire school next week at your monthly "what Bart did wrong and why you shouldn't do it" assembly. And, so you shall never forget your historical transgression, you will prepare and deliver said report with your father... Homer J. Simpson!


 * Homer: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do? I don't know history! I don't even know what freakin' country we're in anymore! The United States? America? Land O' Lakes? I don't wanna look at books! I don't wanna look at books! I can't breathe!
 * Bart: Dad, I know what you're going through, but you can't panic. What we have to do is take our mind off it. Ease into the work.


 * Clancy Wiggum: In Springfield, if you're gonna call Christopher Columbus a spine-eating onionman, you're gonna have your dirty laundry gone through... ...and I guarantee we'll find something pretty badly soiled. This time, we found comic book contraband worthy of a big-time indictiment. Boo yah!


 * Homer: So, what're you in for, stranger?
 * Comic Book Guy: Mr. Simpson, are you caught in a parallel universe? Perhaps one in which you are not a brainless automation? The constables brought me in because they belive the comics I sold you are obscene.
 * Homer: Omigod, they got you too!
 * Comic Book Guy: Mr. Simpson, you told them it was me. Why didn't you tell me you were doing a history report in the first place? I wouldn't have given you that histrionik pablum! I would have steered you towards doing a profile on Jack Kirby, Harvey Kurtzman, or the indomitable Dave "the lighter side" Berg!


 * Homer: Well, kids, what I did was purchase eighteen comic book that the government thinks are too disgusting to be read by any living thing.
 * Bart: Wait, you're saying I could write some words and draw some pictures so gross that it'd be a crime to look at them?
 * Homer: Uh-huh.