The War of the Simpsons/Quotes

[to Patty] "Hey! You're Homer's sister-in-law, right? I remember you. But I don't remember you being so beau[burp]tiful!"
 * [She sprays him in the eyes with ]

"Oh, ow, hey, [burp] [cough] Is that a new kind of Mace? It's really painful!"

Grampa! Mom was in such a hurry she forgot to give you this. It's a list of the things Lisa and I can and can't do. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You're allowed to smoke cigars?

Half a gallon of chocolate? Check. Half a gallon of chocolate brownie fudge? Check. Half a gallon of chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate dish? Yep. Did your mom really write that shopping list? Grampa, what a question. What's next, Lis? Sprinkles and syrup. Hey Grampa, aisle 6 and step on it. Alright, but put out that cigar.

But, captain, I can't avenge my partner's death with the pea shooter. I don't wanna hear it, McBain – tha-that cannon of yours is against regulations! In this department, we go by the book. [McBain fires part of the book through the wall] Bye, book.

Yep, 'General Sherman'. They say he's five hundred pounds of bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day. And uh no one's ever caught him? Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell...