Don't Cry for Me, Jebediah!/Quotes


 * Milhouse: I don't know what you're complaning about. I have to write an article about the guy who invented liposuction!
 * Bart: At least you've got a chance of finding an intersting fact about your guy. Everbody in town already knows everything about Jebediah Springfield. There's no way I'm gonna be able to come up with a new angle on this guy!


 * Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman coming to you live. From the Springfield Town Square .... where a miracle has reportedly taken place! A crowd has now gathered around the statue of our beloved town founder to witness what appear to be... ..tears streaming from the eyes of Jebediah Springfield! Eyewitnesses are being blown away every hour, on the hour by this miraculous occurrence!
 * Lenny: This is no time for cheap puns, Brockman!
 * Helen Lovejoy: What time will this be on the air?


 * Lisa: Gee Bart, shouldn't you be working on your history paper?
 * Bart: Check your calendar, Lis! It's Saturday!
 * Lisa: Listen Bart, we need to talk it's about the statue of Jebediah.
 * Bart (thinking): Uh, oh! She knows something. Better avoid confrontation!
 * Bart: Uh... sorry. No time. You were right, I should be working on my article. I think I'll go to the libary and do some research!


 * Lisa (thinking): I can't shake the feeling that there's a link between Bart and this so-called miracle. But what? COme on Lisa... concentrate! You've got homework to do. Nver mind about Bart!
 * Sound: Snap!
 * Lisa: Darn! What's wrong with me? Why am I so tense? And why can't I focus? What a minute. It's a little too quiet in here. Of course! My founatin isn't runnig! That explians the poor ch'i energy in the room! No wonder I've been so agitated! The water pump is missing! I wonder who would have--- Bart!!!


 * Bart: Beer? But I didn't...
 * Lisa: But I did! I discoverd your little scheme and replaced the artificial tears with some of dad's beer. Then I connected a three-horsepower air compressor to the pump, and ran the hose through Jebediah's mouth. I'm sorry I had to foil your brilliant plan bart, but things were getting way out of hand.
 * Bart: But... the dream... my beautiful squishee dream...