A Brand New Burns, Part One!/Quotes


 * Dr. Hibbert: My, my. We call this evel knievel syndrome. You've broken every single brone in your body. Even those teeny-tiny ones inside your ears. Haven't heard of that one since medical school. Ah hee hee hee.
 * Mr. Burns: I want only the best surgeons and osteopaths.
 * Dr. Hibbert: Well, I...
 * Mr. Burns: Let's not forget who paid for the Montgomery Burns wing of this hospital.
 * Dr. Hibbert: I'm not likely to do that, Mr. Burns... ...I only wish you'd let other patients use it.


 * Mr. Burns: Smithers?
 * Artie Ziff: Pipe down! Some of us are trying to siesta.
 * Mr. Burns: What is this place? Where is my morning fruit tonic?
 * Artie Ziff: Wow. You're Montgomery Burns!
 * Mr. Burns: And your voice is like chewing tinfoil.
 * Artie Ziff: I'm Artie Ziff. A billionaire like you.
 * Mr. Burns: A software billionaire. Thats hardly counts. What is this hospital garment made of? It's chafing me raw.
 * Artie Ziff: This isn't a hospital, Burns! It's a sweatshop in Mexico!
 * Mr. Burns: I think I own a few of those...
 * Artie Ziff: We all came to Rancho Segundo Posibildad for a tone up, but it's really a scam. We're being held prisoner here while trained actors, posing as our newley rejuvenated selves, return to our homes and liquidate our fortunes!


 * Mr. Burns: Every night is chili night, you hayseed clabber-head.
 * Artie Ziff: Oh look, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are at it again.
 * Bill Gates: Windows!
 * Steve Jobs: Mac!
 * Bill Gates: Windows!
 * Steve Jobs: Mac!
 * Bill Gates: Grrr!
 * Steve Jobs: Arrgh!
 * Mr. Burns: Smithers... ...where are you?


 * Bart: Will you look at that?
 * Milhouse: I never thought I'd see one.
 * Ralph: I look like a piggie.
 * Bart: A Radioactive Man 100-page gargantua #3!
 * Milhouse: One of the few copies not pulped when the comic was printed without Morty Mann's credit line.
 * Ralph: Oink! Oink!
 * Comic Book Guy: And worth more than a dilithium crystal in the neutral zone.
 * Bart: And the dollar amount, geekatron?
 * Comic Book Guy: Four hundred bucks.


 * Homer: Lisa, you know science and stuff. Can you help me?
 * Lisa: You can't do it yourself?
 * Homer: Without pictures and an instructional video?
 * Lisa: "... place flavor packets in li'l Billy Beerbelly's head cacity..."
 * Homer: Yes? yesyesyes?
 * Bart: Hey, Einstein and clueless... there' more directions in here.
 * Lisa: It's a desperate plea for help from... Mr. Burns? "I am currently being held captive in a Mexican sweatshop..."
 * Homer: That's completely impossible.
 * Lisa: He uses the word "Widdershins."
 * Homer: Oh my god! I have to rescue Mr. Burns!