Bye, Bye, Nerdie/Quotes

Ah! Homer, you're still here? You should have left for work an hour ago. They said if I come in late for work again, I'm fired. I can't take that chance.

[to Bart and Lisa] And kids you're gonna miss you school bus. [looks at the window and gasps the school bus is only two blocks] It's only two blocks away!
 * [Marge grabs Bart and Lisa and brushes them both their teeth.]

We're gonna spit. You can spit on the bus. [changes their pajamas into their outfits while going down stairs Lisa is wearing Bart's clothes and Bart is wearing Lisa's clothes] Uh, mom? [holding Lisa's skirt] [to Bart] Not now Lisa. [grabs them both]

Stop! Stop! Oh, you wanna drag? [gasps] Hrmmm. I'm not racing! It's me, Marge Simpson! No, you eat my dust!

Red hair? What's she trying to pull? Those shoes look Canadian. She'll never fit in. Oh, it's tough being the new kid. Someone should go talk to her. Yeah, somebody should... [looking out of window] One-hour dry cleaner? Man, that's fast.

[as door is be-ing opened] Your baby is dead... [Marge and Homer gasp] ...that's what you'd hear if your baby fell victim to the thousands of death-traps lurking in the average American home. [she hands Marge a business card] 'Springfield Baby-Proofing'? You... you really scared us! Sorry about that. But the truth is, your baby Maggie Simpson, is dead... [Marge and Homer gasp again] ...tired of baby-proofers who don't provide a free estimate.


 * [The sales lady puts on a baby bonnet.]

Now, pretend I'm a baby. [she starts to crawl around the kitchen floor, making baby noises] Goo, goo. Me wike to expwore! [to Marge] That's a pretty big caboose for a baby. Homer, don't be... wow, that is huge!

Okay, with the window bars, toilet latches, dingo alarm and grapefruit squirt shield, your total cost would be... wow, I'm rich!

Why don't you try reaching out to this new girl? See if you two have a common interest. Hmm. Well, lots of people like jazz fusion. [she pulls out her sax and demonstrates] Okay, that's in the maybe file. What if you two bond over your Malibu Stacy dolls? They're not dolls, they're aspiration figures.

That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. [he begins to draw] She's not afraid of bunnies. [ominously] She will be.

Now, do you realize how unsafe the American home is? Baby accidents occur every three minutes. I'm the one who told you that! Yeah, but this is me talkin'. Look! I already encased the phone in concrete. How are you supposed to dial? Reach into these holes. I use a carrot. Isn't that a little excessive? I mean, how are the buttons dangerous? Baby could order poison!

Would you bullies be interested in some body guard work? Oh, this is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection. We're offering a recess and lunch package that's very affordable.

Sorry, we don't do girls. They bite and kick and scratch. And sometimes we fall in love.
 * [The bullies sigh.]

Wow, there's so much I don't understand about bullying. Yeah, there's a lot of history there. Did you know is predates agriculture?

I just don't understand Francine's motivation. Why does she only go after the smart ones? That's like asking the square root of a million... No one will ever know.

Willie, I need to see the school security tapes. Security tapes? There's no security tapes! [pointing at a camera] It's hard to miss the cameras. Aye. Willie's a stinkin' liar.

Why does the school need to watch us all the time? School?


 * [Milhouse, Martin and Database, all shirtless, are exercising on StairMasters.]

Come on people! Move it! I want to see some sweat! I'm not mastering another step until you explain the purpose of this monstrous experiment. I believe the key to bully-nerd antagonism lies in your drippings. Then I shall drip like a pot roast. Excellent. Now don't mind the squeegee. [she scrapes sweat off of Martin's body]

Thank you, Drederick Tatum. That was truly a K.O. - Knockout Oration. Heh. [flirting] Need a ride home? You really don't want that. Trust me. Mr. Tatum, do you mind if I swab you with this damp rag? No, not at all. Swab away.
 * [Lisa pulls out a beaker and starts pouring something onto the rag.]

Whoa, whoa! Nobody mentioned a beaker. Please? It's for science. Oh, for science! In that case, proceed.

The Problem? UFOs! [holds up a fake UFO on a string] The solution? This! [cuts string] That's quite an act to follow, Lisa. [stepping onto stage] I know, and the crowd is so distinguished. The inventor of the walkie-talkie is out there. [stepping after Lisa] Where? Third row, near the aisle. [gasps] Ooh, you're right. And that's not his wife.

But why do the bullies prey on the brainy? Is it jealousy? [the scientists murmur assent] No! The reason is chemical. [the scientists murmur disagreement] Tha-that's impossible! Chemicals are our friends. She's a witch!

I have isolated the chemical which is emitted by every geek, dork and four-eyes. I call is 'Poindextrose'.


 * [When Lisa shows off her Bully repellent.]

The little girl's invented some kind of bully repellent! [holding up an atomizer] Actually, it's just ordinary salad dressing. So that's where that went. The pungent vinegar and tangy Roquefort blocked the smell receptors, rendering the bully harmless. So all her bullying was just to get some attention. No, Dad! Didn't you listen to anything I said? Just to get some attention.


 * ''[Lisa notices Francine wearing a nose clip.]

That time she looked right at me and didn't touch me. Hmm. [gasps] Of course. The nose clip. Hey, Willie.I think I'm onto something. Check this out. [Francine enters the room and slowly approaches her] Not talking, eh, Willie? Just listen then. I think I figured out what sets off that big ape Francine. Willie? Willie? [grabs Lisa] Whoa! [Francine punches Lisa in the stomach and face and she is crying out and faints and Willie gives a thumbs up at the camera]