Homer the Great/Quotes

What do they do there? What don't they do? They do so many things, they never stop. Oh, the things they do there, my stars! You don't know what they do, do you, Dad? Not as such, no.

Why won't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?

Ok, I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, the president of The Gay and Lesbian Committee for some reason. Oh, here it is... The Stone Cutters. Yes, thank you dad. Lets go!... I'll take this Communist one too!

I'm going to follow them tonight and see where they go. Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking because you thought he dug up your garden? Well, something did! I don't want you stalking anyone tonight. Oh, okay, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. I'm... going outside to... stalk... Lenny and Carl. [pause] D'oh!

You better run, egg!

I always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is. And it's me. You're not a god, Homer. Remember Dad, all glory is fleeting. So? Beware the. No. Dad I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever! Everything lasts forever. Don't you see, getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless. Remove the girl! Dad you're not with your Stonecutters now. There are no lackies to carry out your every-
 * [Bart appears, puts his hand over her mouth, salutes Homer, and then drags her away]

Now, let's all get drunk & play ping-pong!

I could help others... I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, and make them re-enact the Civil War! Dad, that doesn't help people. Couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys started hurting people... which they almost certainly would.

Dad, you remember those self-hypnosis courses we took to help us ignore Grandpa? Do I ever! It's five years later, and I still think I'm a chicken! [to Marge] I'm a chicken, Marge!

Kids can be so cruel. We can? Thanks, Mom!
 * [Bart runs into Lisa's room and smacks her]

Oww! Cut it out, Bart!
 * [Bart laughs]