The Front/Quotes

This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past. Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom. Oh, my God! No, the other secret! Marge, I never graduated from High School. Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does.

[writing a letter'] Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

What are you going to change your name to when you grow up? Lois Sanborn. Steve Bennett.

Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing? I figured it was because the Demmie-crats were back in power.

Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'. Good ol' 'rock'. Nuthin' beats that! Rock! Paper. D'oh!

Is this the Abraham Simpson who wrote the Itchy and Scratchy episode? Ishy and what? No, you must be some kind of crazy person. I'm sorry, but we have a substantial check here for a Mr. Abraham Simpson. That's right. I did the Iggy.

I never passed Remedial Science 1A. And you're a nuclear technician? Marge! Ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay. What did you say? I dunno. I flunked Latin, too.

Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders. Not me! Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders! Knock that off, you two. It's time for church! We're not going to church today! What? You give me one good reason! It's Saturday. Okely dokily-doo! Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders.

Alright, here are your exams, fifty questions true or false. True. Homer, I was just describing the test. True. Look Homer, just take the test and you'll do fine. False.

Now, I'm going to burn this donut to show you how many calories it has. NOOOOOOOOOOO! The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet donut. This is not happening!

Hey, how would you kids like a tour of the studio? Abe, are you coming? Any stairs? Just one. Nuts to you.

Grampa, how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants? I don't know!

Alright brain. You don't like me and I don't like you. But let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer It's a deal.

Welcome to Remedial Science 1A. My wife recently passed away. I thought that maybe teaching would ease my loneliness. Will this be on the test? No! Ohhh. (erases note from his cheat sheet)

What about Grampa? He's pretty out of it. He let those guys use his checkbook for a whole year.

Hey, Grampa, we need to know your first name. You're making my tombstone!?

I'll never watch an awards show again.

I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.

What can I say? It hasn't been easy staying in my rut.