Feud, Glorious Feud!/Quotes


 * Homer: So where are you going?
 * Ned: Wherever the road takes us! As long as it's one of the blue Billy Graham-approved, family values states!
 * Homer: Ned, as your best friend, I feel it's my duty while you're gone to look after your bumper pool table, big screen TV, and imported beer bar!
 * Ned: Oh, I've got that dovered, Homer! I made a couple of calls, and I'm donating my home to the poor while I'm gone. They take someone out of a filithy shack and let them housesit in the suburbs. It's called the love shack program!


 * Chief Wiggum: We clocked the vehicle going 90 miles per hour, and the car reeks of booze!
 * Homer: Wow! I must gave really tied one on, because I don't remember any of that!
 * Chief Wiggum: Not you! It was our boy, Bart!
 * Homer: Bart! What did I tell you about drinking and driving?
 * Bart: Nothing, I'm only ten! I can't drink or drive!
 * Homer: Touché!


 * Herman: Mr. Simpson, I'm Herman of Herman's Military Antiques and Battle Supplies. I understand you're having a feud with your neighbor!
 * Homer: What? How'd you find out so fast?
 * Herman: The Internet! Now, I know you both can't use funs, so may I suggest you let me supply you with the next best thing? The Splatter Shot 5000!
 * Marge: A paint-bull gun? I don't know, Homer!


 * Bart: Comic Book Guy? What happened?
 * Comic Book Guy: I had the misfortune of being caught in the crossfire between your father and Cletus this morning.
 * Bart: Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
 * Comic Book Guy: No need for apologies! it saved me purchasing a costume for toight's classic Star Trek masquerade ball by mimicking Frank Gorshin in episode #70 of the original series! "Let that be your last Battlefield." preachiest Star Trek ever!


 * Lisa: I found both of our family trees! if you go back to the mid-1800s, they connect. We're all actually second cousins three times removed
 * Homer: Huh?
 * Cletus: What? It be true! And the unwritten country code states that there cain't be no feudin' between kinfolk! It just ain't right!
 * Homer: I agree! I'd never be able to hurt a family member!
 * Bart: How about all the times you chocked me?
 * Homer: Those were just neck hugs!