The Principal and the Pauper/Quotes

Oh, Superintendent Chalmers! Can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored Bevering? Yeah, I take it gray with Cremium. But first, before Skinner shows up, I have a secret announcement. In honor of Seymour's twentieth year as principal, we've decided to hold a surprise tribute Friday night. It's my twentieth year, too. [rolling his eyes] The teachers' lounge is for teachers, Willie.

Ralph and I could do the report together. Your funeral.

...so, in 1966, a brave young man named Seymour Skinner enlisted and shipped out to Vietnam where he rose to become platoon sergeant. Ralph? Principal Skinner is an old man who lives at the school. Lisa? Sergeant Skinner was a hero. He risked capture many times behind enemy lines. Teacher made me go to Principal Skinner's office when I was dirty. And he survived to make it back to Springfield, where he became the fine educator we salute tonight. When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar. I love you, Principal Skinner.

[in his mind, after Skinner says he's a fraud] Keep looking shocked... and move slowly towards the cake.

Is this the line for people who want to badmouth Sergeant Skinner? And have 10 items or less. [tossing out items] 12, 11, 10, the man's a weenie!

I have no son! Look, lady, obviously you have at least one son. No! I have one stranger and one fraud! My real name is... Armin Tamzarian!
 * [Bart laughs]

The judge offered me a choice — jail, the army, or apologize to the judge and old lady. Of course, if I knew there was a, I probably would have apologized.

Armin Tamzarian's reign of terror is over! Now let us welcome our new principal Skinner... principal Seymour Skinner!... ''[audience is confused. He points to ]'' Uh, him.

Okay, once more. Where are we going? To Capital City. And why are you and the old lady in the car? We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back. And why is Marge here? I came up with the idea. And why am I here? Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies. Why are the kids here? Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them. And why is Grandpa here? Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself!
 * [Jasper looks at Abe.]

Fair enough.

From now on, you'll see a new Seymour Skinner! Oh, no; we won't! Yes, Mother.

A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Not if you called 'em Stenchblossoms. Or Crapweeds. I'd sure hate to get a dozen Crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy. Not if they were called Scumdrops.

Why are we stopping at my school, Mother? What does it say on that sign? [smacks him] I don't like your tone!