Zelda

"Who's that tall drink of Maalox?"

- Zelda

Zelda is a former resident of Springfield Retirement Castle and former girlfriend of Abraham Simpson.

History
When Abe got his driver's license back, he reveled in his new freedom, borrowing Homer's car to drive around. During this time, Abe met fellow Retirement Castle resident Zelda, was instantly smitten with her, and took her out on several dates. Everyone around Abe warned him that Zelda was a "hoochie" and was only interested in him because he could drive. Abe, disbelieving the warnings, continued to see Zelda, but the warnings were borne out when Abe wrecked Homer's car and lost his driving privileges. Zelda then promptly left him for, who had a van with a wheelchair lift.

Abe finally realized that what everyone had been telling him was true: Zelda was a hoochie and had only been interested in him because he could drive. Zelda, meanwhile, went to Branson, Missouri with Zack. When Abe found out, he borrowed Marge's car, drove with Bart to Branson, and tracked Zelda down to confront her. Abe found her and Zack attending a musical revue performance. Abe then crashed the stage, took over a microphone, said that he had come a long way to say something special to someone, and invited Zelda to come on stage. Zelda eagerly responded, walking up onto the stage and saying "Drive me!" to him in a seductive fashion. Abe, however, said their relationship was over and called her a hoochie in front of the whole audience (getting rhythmic backup from Charo, who had been one of the performers). Zelda then fled the stage in tears. Satisifed that he had made his point by publicly humiliating Zelda, Abe went back home with the rest of the family, who had caught up to him by taking a bus to Branson.

After the Branson incident, Zelda apparently moved away from the Retirement Castle as she wasn't seen there again. She was later seen on the Royalty Valhalla cruise ship.