The Monkey Suit/Quotes


 * Todd: Daddy, was Mommy a monkey? I can't remember.
 * Ned: No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that!
 * Todd: But you said a stork brought me.
 * Ned: Umm... that was God disguised as a stork.
 * Rod: Then who brings baby storks?
 * Ned: There's no such thing as storks! It's all God!
 * Todd: [Kneeling beside a statue of a stork] Please bless Daddy and Roddy...
 * Ned: Stop praying to that stork!


 * Chief Wiggum: Lisa Simpson, you're under arrest for the teaching of non-biblical science!
 * Lisa Simpson: There are so many worse crimes. Why are you persecuting me?
 * Chief Wiggum: Well, we only have the man power to enforce the last law passed. You know, it's not the best system, but…well, in fact, it's pretty much the worst.


 * TV Host: So you are calling God a liar? An Unbiased Comparison of Evolution and Creationism. Let’s say hi to two books. One; The Bible was written by our Lord. The other; The Origin of Species was written by a cowardly drunk named Charles Darwin.


 * Ned Flanders: As sure as I am that Jesus hates hip-hop!.


 * Miss Hoover: Class, the town has spoken. From now on we're only teaching one theory: creationism. Now please hand in your evolution books to Groundskeeper Willie while I beat this ominous drum.


 * Barney Gumble: Homer's son's sister is right!


 * Clarisse Drummond: This trial is the biggest load of… Oh for crying out loud!
 * Wallace Brady: Now Bambi, who started that forest fire that killed your mother? Evolution?! My my my...


 * Bart: Weaving? Homer, you're my father. You're supposed to protect me from things like this.