A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again/Quotes


 * Bart: Mom, Dad... do you know there's a boat out there where nothing sucks? It's called Royalty Cruises, and Royalty Cruise specialists are standing by now!
 * Marge: I'm sorry, sweetie. Maybe we could afford a vacation if some big shot didn't pick up the tab for his buddies at Mr. Steak.
 * Homer: Again with Mr. Steak! Do you know why I go to Mr. Steak? Because at Mr. Steak, they don't get mad at me for ending a lot of money at Mr. Steak!
 * Marge: Well, of course they don't!
 * Homer: Why don't you talk to Mrs. Steak?
 * Marge: There is no Mrs. Steak!


 * Bart: Mom! Dad! I woke up and the money jar was full! That means the devil accepted my bargain. Now, to uphold my end of the deal! Snowball II!
 * Marge: No! We saw how much this cruise means to you, so we all sold something special. And we made just enough for an economy cabin!
 * Lisa: I sold a couple of my rare jazz records. After a while they all start to sound the same. Still love the genre, of course. Not even close to getting sick of it.
 * Marge: And I sold our good china.
 * Bart: Really?! But that's been in your family for generations.
 * Marge: Yeah... actually, my mom stole it from a woman she cleaned for. Took her years to get the whole set.
 * Lisa: And Dad donated something, too.
 * Homer: What happened to my mini-pool table?! I was training to be a mini-pool hustler.
 * Marge: We sold it to pay for a family cruise.
 * Homer: I never even got to realize this jacket was too small.
 * Bart: It's weird to hear myself saying this, but... I love you guys.


 * Marge: Homie, we actually have the cabin all to ourselves.
 * Homer: Sex on a family vacation? I never thought such a thing was possible!
 * Marge: And the ocean will do all of the work.
 * Homer: Ocean sex rules!


 * Lisa: Two diplomats' sons are in love with me. Who will I choose: Ghana or Portugal?
 * Homer: Boy, thanks to you, we're having fun "before you were born" fun.
 * Bart: Where did the ship stop again?
 * Homer: I don't know, a lot of barefoot kids kicking soccer balls, shell necklaces; they really hid the poverty nicely.
 * Marge: Anyplace is fun if you're there with "Super Lips."


 * Bart: The song's right. No matter how much fun I cram into this cruise, it only lasts a week. Then it's back to Mom and Dad fighting, Lisa moping, homework, bullies and a lunch bag sandwich soggy with the sweat of a juice box! After this cruise, for the rest of my life, it's all downhill.