Simpson Tide/Quotes

You did this? How could you be so irresponsible? It's my first day. Since I've never seen you before, maybe it is your first day. Very well, carry on. Uh, sir, that's Homer Simpson. He's been working here for ten years. Oh, really? Why did you think you could lie to me? It's my first day. Well, why didn't you say- Whoa! You're fired!

Well, guys, I won't be seeing you for a while. Where are you going? I've joined the naval reserve. Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too. Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my two best customers. I'm joining too. And although my religion strictly forbids military service -- what the hey, I'm in too.

Good luck, Dad. Although I am morally opposed to the military-industrial complex of which you are now a part. Aw, that's sweet, honey. I'll bring you back a hat. Hey, Homer, bring me back a torpedo. No. But Flanders got his kids torpedoes. Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power!

All right, Simpson. I don't like you and you don't like me -- I like you. Um, all right. You like me, but I don't like you! Maybe you would like me if you got to know me.

Hey, Bart, check out my new earring! Pretty cool, huh? Milhouse, my mom wears earrings -- do you think she's cool? No, I think she's hot! Sorry, it just slipped out.

Young man, the school dress code specifically forbids the wearing of earrings... unless you're of gypsy extraction. Uh, I'm a gypsy. Oh, really? Prove it. Uh... I vant to suck your blood. Nuh-uh, that's a vampire! But, uh, they're also covered. Carry on.

Well, I guess that's everyone. Except earring-boy. Come on, Dad. Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were a kid? Well, when I was ten I got my ear pierced but this is completely different!

Ah Simpson, you're like the son I never had. And you're like the father I never visit.

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist... but he is not a porn star.

Children, I'll be frank. In the event of nuclear war, we can only save our best and brightest. Therefore, space in the fallout shelter will be reserved for Lisa Simpson, Martin Prince, our championship kickball team, and Sherri, but not Terri.

Mayday! Mayday! The engine room has sprung a leak! It's filling up with a clear, non-alcoholic liquid. You mean water? Yeah, that's it. We've got a pinhole leak and there's no way to plug it!

Attention, Homer Simpson! You have ten seconds to explain your actions before we open fire! Uhhh... it's my first day!

A dishonorable discharge! It's the best we could've hoped for. You can't spell "dishonorable" without "honorable."