Bart Has Two Mommies/Quotes

Why does God need our money? He has to finish paying off the planets. Did you see that ring He gave Saturn?

Hurry, let's climb down. [as he and Rod climb down the church steeple] Don't let our hands touch it's gay. What does 'gay' mean? Um, It means... you used to be afraid... but you're not anymore. [shouting down at Flanders] I'm gay, Daddy! I'm gay! Mrs. Simpson made me gay! [laughs nervously] I believe he's saying... he's okay.

What are you talking about? Monkeys don't have feelings. If they did, my experiments on them could be called cruel.

[sarcastic tone] Oh, you're so right! I guess I should be more concerned with Bart's safety than covering my own butt! And maybe I'm talking like this because I can't stop! Help me, Lisa, I have serious mental problems!

[gasp] A sliver from a band-aid wrapper! Call me Ned Zeppelin, but is one of my boys abraised and contused?! I cut myself on the knife playing Christian Clue. The secular humanist in the school house with misinformation!

[praying] And please thank Mrs. Simpson for giving as much fun as we had when Mommy was here." Aw. [praying] And please ask Mommy to come to Daddy in a dream so he knows how to cut our sandwiches. Aw. [praying] And please tell Mrs. Simpson it's rude to eavesdrop on our prayers. [surprised] Oh. [praying] But we forgive her. Ooooo.