Eight Misbehavin'/Quotes

Cool costume! It's not a costume. They found me inside a meteor. Excuse me, where are your hamper lids? [to Marge] Hamper lids? Uh, third floor. [to Bart] Help. I need tungsten to live. Tung-stennn!

Hello, Simpsons! Hey, Apu, Manjula. You guys are still married? Oh, yes sir. Quite happily. Pay up, Marge.

Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all. Well, perhaps it is time. I've noticed this country is dangerously underpopulated.

Are you sure you want a child, Apu? You know... I do. I mean, there comes a time in a man's life when he asks himself, "Who will float my corpse down the Ganges?" Oh, Apu! Take me now. Oh, Calcutta!

Hey Apu. Sittin' in the ice cream cooler, eh? By chilling my loins, I increase the chances of impregnating my wife. Whoa, too much information! Thanks for the mental picture. Why don't you tell us what you really think? Just stop spouting those hackneyed quips. Could you be any more...? Hel-lo! Look, just give me some ice cream. Um, how 'bout one not touching your ass?

Apu, do you still find me attractive? Of course I do, sweetheart. You're beautiful and silky and manageable. You're reading that off a conditioner bottle.

How did we get eight? Apu, I must confess. When we were having trouble conceiving, I took fertility drugs. I too, I am afraid, am guilty of monkeying with nature. I slipped fertility drugs into your breakfast Squishee. Mm-hmm. Well, that would only account for quintuplets. Did anyone else slip this woman fertility drugs?
 * [Homer, Marge and Bart raise their hands.]

Mine tasted like strawberry. Mmm... Ovulicious.

Free baby cola? Apu hits the jackpot, and I'm stuck with these useless one-tuplets. Gee, sorry for being born. I've been waiting so long to hear that.

Apu! It's four A.M. You are late for work! I just had the most beautiful dream where I died. Oh no you don't. Not till they're out of college. Listen, I'll die when I want to.

We-ell, morning, Apu. How are the little blessings? Ooh, they're a ravenous swarm of locusts, just eating and screaming and grabbing and poking and pulling and drooling and two have cradle rash! How do you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase? They can be a handful... of joy. Shut up! ...They'll fill your lives with... Just shut up! ...can't put a price on a miracle... I can't believe you don't shut up.

Apu told me all eight babies have colic. Although he thinks one or two might just be going along with the crowd. Eight kids. Hm, I'm sterile, right baby doll? Yes, dear. From the nuclear plant. Beautiful.

Please, Mr. Kidkill, look into your heart. I know these babies have a lifetime contract. But what if I put together an even better act for you? Something sensational! It's not just you prancin' around in a monkey suit, is it? Not any more! You got yourself a deal.