The Otto Show/Quotes

My little guy's first rock concert. I hope the s don't play too loud. Oh Marge, I went to thousands of heavy metal concerts and it never hurt me. Hmmm, well, all right, but make sure they don't pick up any of the band's attitudes towards women... liquor... religion... politics... really anything. [Homer hears ringing in his ears] I hear ya. Come on boy.

Well, after the Berlin Wall fell, our records started selling on the dismal side of the Iron Curtain, and naturally that gave us a boost. We're very big in Bulgaria, and wassisname, the other garia. Hungaria. Yeah, whoever. I can't think of anyone who's benefited more from the death of Communism than us. Oh, maybe the people who actually live in the Communist countries. Oh yeah, hadn't thought of that. I bet you're right. Yeah, on the other hand, each of us just bought out own soccer team. How many Hungarias can say that, eh?

Tonight a city weeps as, for the first time ever, a hockey arena becomes a scene of violence following a concert by Spinal Tap.


 * [Homer and Marge buy Bart a guitar]

Now boy, we spent a lot of money. So you better get real good real fast or pow! [shakes fist] Homer! Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.

Hey, Simpson, what are you trying to play? [embarrassed]. Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly Wolly Crappy. Haw haw! Burn.

Let's see your license, pal. No can do. Never got one. But if you need proof of my identity, I wrote my name on my underwear. [checks underwear] Oh, wait, these aren't mine. Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay.

Where's Otto? Otto. That's one palindrome you won't be hearing for awhile.

My name's Patty. I'll be testing you. When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions? Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean, I don't want to offend you but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me, I'm open-minded. [drops green pen] I won't be needing this.

Hey Landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice. Yeah, that was me. You! But... but why? Because you haven't paid your rent. Well, can I at least get my stuff? All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines. Wow, I had mustard?

Otto-man? You're living in a dumpster? Oh, man, I wish. "Dumpster" brand trash bins are top of the line. This is just a "Trash-Co" waste disposal unit. Otto, why don't you come home with me? You can stay in our garage. A garage?! Oh, somebody up there likes me.

I don't understand this. Why can't you stay with your parents? The admiral and I don't get along. Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go. Forget it. That line didn't work for my dad and it's not gonna work for you.

I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me...?" Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take moochers into thy... hut"?

Hey, how come you never play your guitar anymore? I'll tell you the truth, Dad. I wasn't good at it right away, so I quit. I hope you're not mad. Son, come here. Heh, heh, heh. Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your short wave radio, your karate outfit, and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.

Listen you drain clogging, last cookie-eating, collect call-getting sponge, I want you out of my house!

Well, before you do that, maybe you should take the driving test again. Oh, I can't pass that thing. I got a zero last time; this time I'm hung over. You can do it, Otto. You're the coolest adult I ever met. Wow! I've never been called an adult before. I've been tried as one but... I'll do it!

I want to take the test again. Why? So I can staple my license to Homer Simpson's big bald head.