Today I Am a Clown/Quotes


 * [Lisa opens the door and picks up Maggie.]

[gasps] How did you get her out? I tried the coat hanger again. I don't understand why we only try ideas once.

I just found out I'm not Jewish! I got turned down by all those country clubs for nothing!

Who has more power? Miss America or Miss USA? I think one's elected, and the other one's appointed.

[to Lisa] How do you know all this stuff? I have a Jewish imaginary friend. Her name is Rachel Cohen and she just got into Brandeis.

[pitching show ideas to Fox] How about one where I move in with a poor family, and laugh at 'em! You see, bec… [the Fox executive looks interested briefly] Okay, how about you televise my bar mitzvah! Live! Please, you people are known for taking chances on crap!

Simpson, I hate to bother you when you're eating. But you're always eating.