Papa Don't Leech/Quotes

Homer: Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night?

Grampa: It's night?

Homer: That's it, pull over!

Bart: Dad was Colonel Homer and he wore that awesome suit and Lurleen wanted to bunk his brains out! But I forget how Mom felt about it.

(Marge grinds her teeth angrily)

Royce Lumpkin: Lurleen? My goodness! You're the spitting image of your mother's hotter sister!

Homer: Just sit still in my lap.

Bart: What lap?

Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.

Homer: Why, you little....!

(Marge tracks down Lurleen's father.)

Marge: Hello. Are you Royce Lumpkin?

Royce Lumpkin: That's right.

Marge: The father of Lurleen Lumpkin?

Royce Lumpkin: Lurleen? (sighs) I ain't seen my little girl in 30 years. She must be what, uh, 12, 13 by now?

Marge: She's 34, and she's having a rough time!

Royce Lumpkin: Oh, man. I better whiskey up these corn flakes. (pours whiskey in his cereal)

Marge: She needs to see you right away!

Royce Lumpkin: Aw, man. I better heroin up this orange juice. (shoots contents of a syringe into his glass)

Marge: (to Lurleen) If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.

Radio DJ: Here's a song that's rising faster than a rocket with a rocket up its butt!

Marge: (about Lurleen) She turned down Lenny and Carl? That's like somebody who doesn't like hamburgers or hotdogs! What could make her hate men like that?