The Old Man and the "C" Student/Quotes

And we will do anything, including but not limited to anything, to make your stay here tolerable. Yes, you'll be completely above the law. Uh, women, guns, cash, uh, whatever you need -- it's yours.

I've never wanted a beer worse in my life. [Marge hands him a beer] I love you, honey. Are you talking to me or the beer? To you, my bubbly, long-necked, beechwood-aged lover.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Let's see you make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy!

Hello, let's hear some numbers. I got a nice diagonal goin'. B-3. You sunk my battleship!
 * [seniors laughs]

G-52. You sunk my battleship!
 * [seniors laughs]

Oh, I got a bingo! What do I win? A banana! A whole one? Yep! That's the prize?! A banana? Their natural mushiness prevents choking and promotes regularity. They're not babies, Lisa. Give 'em something fun, like cigars or booze. We tried giving them eggnog at Christmas, but it led to widespread de-shawling. And that's what they get for wearing such tight little shawls.

So, Bart, how was your first day of forced volunteerism? That place sucks! The nurses don't let Grampa do anything. They practically chew his food for him. Lucky stiff. I'm working my ass off here.

If I get up, somebody'll take my chair. Got that right. It's the only one left with padding. [rubbing the chair enviously] Padding...

Full speed ahead! Damn the torpedoes! What did he say? Put on our tuxedoes? I want some taquitos.

Medication time? Hot dog! Gimme, gimme, gimme!
 * [the old folks clamor around for their medication]

But I've set you free. No more nap time, no more bingo. You can do whatever you want! Let's play bingo! Yeah, let's play bingo! You sunk my battleship.
 * [seniors laughs]

Oh, it's not fair. I'm not supposed to die now. I'm supposed to die in a foolish motorcycle stunt at the age of fifteen. Ha, ha! You're not dead yet, you pudgy little pisher.