Slaughter is the Best Medicine/Transcript

The Simpsons are watching TV when Homer reaches for the remote on the table, but notices it's not there. Homer then squeezes Santa's Little Helper, who regurgitates the remote control. Homer then changes the channel to an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon, with its title card reading "Slaughter is the Best Medicine".

The TV tune then finishes: ... Scratchy Show!

Scratchy is shown walking down the street, only to suddenly stop, and look down on the sidewalk. One of its tiles reads "Unsafe". Instinctively, Scratchy immediately jumps aside, onto another tile that reads "Safe". As he wipes the sweat off his forehead, a safe falls down on top of him. As the view shifts to the top floor of "Ace Falling Sales", Itchy is shown dropping safes on Scratchy, simultaneously throwing ten safes in Scratchy's direction. In the next frame, Scratchy finds himself on a hospital bed, pushed by Itchy. Scratchy then spots the letters "A&E" on the wall at the end of the corridor, but it turns out to actually read "Super Killing Laser". In the Super Killing Laser room, Scratchy gets strapped to a slanted table with a laser pointed to his head. Itchy then presses a red button, which doesn't actually hit Scratchy, but instead carves an upside-down digit "1" in the table itself. Itchy then pushes a button, which ejects the "1" onto the ground, crushing Scratchy, and spewing blood. As the "1" reverts upward to a standing position, Scratchy attempts to make his escape.

Itchy then presses the button again, which blows up the "1" into glass shreds, which fly through the air and slice Scratchy.

The Sky1 announcer then disclaims: "Now celebrating 20 years of The Simpsons, you're watching Sky1 HD."