New Kid on the Block/Quotes

"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my case against The Never-Ending Story!"

"Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone". "What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? [looks around the bar] Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray!" [starts drinking beer out of the ashtray]

"Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman".

"Homer, I don't use the word 'hero' very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history".

"I'll show them who's 'just a kid!'" "Bart, bedtime! I laid out your jammy-jams!"

"I actually had some doubts about moving to Springfield, especially after that TIME cover story, 'America's Worst City.'" "You could see our house in that photo!"

"Your Honor, I'd like to show the court just how much shrimp Mr. Simpson ate. Bring it in, boys!" "Eighteen thousand letters, all addressed to Santa Claus". "You want the People of Springfield versus Kris Kringle. That's next door".

There was something else...something I was supposed to tiptoe around. My divorce. That's it! Woo-hoo! I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been embarrassing.

Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.

Marge, we're going to that restaurant. But I think I'm allergic to seafood. The last time I ate shrimp, my throat closed up, and I went into convulsions. Mmm... shrimp...

[to Bart] Are you all right? She's beautiful. Say something clever. I fell on my bottom. D'oh

I no longer control the hand... The hand controls me!

Shut up, you little monsters!

[finding a babysitter] I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels. Sorry, this isn't Abbie; this is her sister. I look after her now. [rocking, but otherwise motionless in her rocking chair] No, Bart. Put it down, Bart. Bart, put it down.

I'm sorry, ma'am, but everything on the menu has fish in it. Mmm, what about the bread? Does that have much fish in it? Yes.

This is my quest. I'm like that guy. That Spanish guy. You know, he fought the windmill... Don Quixote? No, that's not it. What's-his-name, the Man of La Mancha. Don Quixote. No! I really think that was the character's name. Don Quixote. Fine! I'll look it up! [heads off and consults a reference] Well, who was it? Never mind.

[about Jimbo Jones] How can you like that guy? I dunno. Maybe because he's an outlaw. You know that dead body they found behind the mayor's house? Jimbo killed him? No. But he poked him with a stick.

Good luck in your trumped-up lawsuit, Dad. [hugs her] Thanks. That means a lot to me.

[about Jimbo Jones] What do you like about him? He's just a good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules. [sigh wistfully]

Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant. We pretty much went straight home. Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath. We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. And when you couldn't find any? [crying] We went fishing!

Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss? Maybe your standards are too high! [barflies laughs] [to Bart] You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

As usual, a knife-wielding maniac has shown us the way.

Uh oh, my heart just stopped..... oh, there it goes.

[on the phone] Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name... [whispers] Ivana? [on the phone] Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!

Bart, oh you remembered my birthday? Huh? Oh, I sure did! Here's a bus schedule. Wow, fits right in my pocket.