Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass/Quotes

[singing, after beating Bart in the game] I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine! So kiss my behind! [scutting and grunting at Bart] In your face! [starts dancing]

Everyone sucks but me.

What would you use instead of Nuclear power? Solar. Hydroelectric. A mix of conservation and wind. Who told you about those? The talking tree in a commercial.

[after seeing Ned's film, The Passion of Cain and Abel] You have taught me a world of faith beyond the world of science. I would pay to see it again and again and again and again but NOT SIX TIMES!!!

I wish I were a screensaver.

My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me "Comic Book Guy".

Beware the wrath of Kwan!

Look! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan! You remind me of a young. I didn't know you could talk!

[calm] Thanks to this medication I enjoy brief moments of lucidity. Those are Reese's Pieces. [goes crazy]

Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat and I can't even see the game! Just poke through!
 * [Frank then pokes his head through Marge's hair.]

The crowd gets ready for the half-time show, sponsored by the new Ford pickups, Citibank, and Moe's Tavern'.
 * [Cut to private skybox, where Moe and the two executives are watching the game.]

How could you afford this? I hustled a lot of pool. Speaking of which, you wanna play? I gotta warn ya though, I ain't that good. Alright. [under his breath] Sucker.
 * [Moe swings his cue stick full force against the executive's back, possibly killing him]

Who's the sucker now!? Huh?!!

You try to raise your kids as humanists but these show-biz types keep shoving religion down our throat. Mommy, why wasn't I baptized? You see? YOU SEE??

Wo zhen de bu dong ni men de yu yan. ''["I really don't understand your language" in Mandarin]]' But I heard you have an excellent knowledge of English. Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going on!


 * [The athletes are carrying an ark in Homer's show.]

You think Homer's mad at me? I waved at him in the parking lot and his stared right through me. I left the People's Republic for this? Yo, Michelle, ya got a boyfriend? Not in here I don't.

Omelettes? For dinner? This is the best day of my life! Didn't you just sign a $100 million dollar contract? Oh yeah. That was a good day too.