Holidays of Future Passed/Quotes


 * Seymour Skinner: You're two weeks late on the rent, Bart. Not to mention that geography report from 30 years ago.
 * Bart: Don't worry. I've got some buyers coming over to look at my good kidney. They grow back, right?
 * Skinner: Just get me that rent, or you'll be expelled.
 * Bart: You mean evicted?
 * Skinner: Mhmm.


 * Bart: (thinking) Hahaha. I'll just dump them at my mom's.
 * Skippy Simpson: You know, we can hear thoughts now!
 * Bart: Dammit!


 * Milhouse: Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal allergies are kicking in.
 * Lisa: Aww. You poor thing. this is a tough time of year for someone who's allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy canes...
 * Milhouse: I can't believe we put a man on the sun but we can't stop my sneezing! (sneezes)


 * Homer: Oh Marge, how would you like some future sex?
 * Marge: Why do you say future? This is now.
 * Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.


 * Homer: Hey, I've got a B-Mail too! You have won a valuable prize. Open now.
 * Marge: Don't open it Homie. It's a virus.
 * Homer: Too late. I- (starts to fit)


 * Bart: I can't believe she got married, and I have no one. it's so hard to find somebody new.
 * Ned Flanders: Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost.
 * Maude's ghost: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void.
 * Ned: Hehe. Isn't she pretty?


 * Marge: And now Patty and Selma are here to help us decorate with their new Lovebots.
 * Selma: (to her Lovebot) Make me a bloody Mary dollface.
 * Selma's Lovebot: No Selma. Even a robot built only to love you, can not love you. I am leaving with your sister's Compudroid.


 * (Bart gets pulled over by a police car)
 * Bart: Naww. It's Chief Wiggum.
 * Ralph Wiggum: Hi Bart!
 * Bart: Hey Ralph. I heard you died.
 * Ralph: I got cloneded. (Ralph shoots himself in the head)
 * Ralph clone 1: All right buddy, what's the hurry?
 * (Bart drives off. A lorry hits the Ralph clone)
 * Ralph clone 2: Heh. That Ralph was stupid.
 * (the lorry crashes into a building. Several Ralph clones fall out the back on fire)
 * Ralph clones: (screams of pain)


 * (Bart enters Moe's Tavern)
 * Bart: Wow. This place hasn't changed a bit.
 * Moe: Yeah, I keep meaning to switch things around but this place is always a crime scene.
 * Bart: Was my dad here?
 * Moe: Ah, yes. Since he don't drink he just comes here to see Lenny and Carl.
 * Bart: (to Lenny's body) Hey Lenny.
 * Carl: (in Lenny's body) I'm Carl.
 * Lenny: (in Carl's body) Don't you remember, you came to the brain switching ceremony.
 * Bart: Right, what was the point again?
 * Lenny: Because I wanted to get back together with my wife who was sleeping with Carl at the time.
 * Carl: Turns out she had switched brains with a monkey on a Japanese game show, and it just got weirder from there.
 * Lenny: Ah, I found it quite normal. Anyway, if you're looking for your dad, he took the kids to see his dad.
 * Bart: Thanks.
 * Carl: Hey, Moe, get me another beer.
 * Lenny: Quit making me fat!


 * Homer: He froze himself because he was sick and there was no cure.
 * Jiff Simpson: Are they working on one?
 * Homer: Oh, they found one. But don't tell him. This is way cheaper than a nursing home.


 * Homer: Dad, these are your great grandsons.
 * Abraham Simpson: Ehh. I don't see what's so great about them. And Homer, you're still a big disappointment because-
 * Homer: See you next Christmas. (Homer re-freezes Grampa)


 * Homer: Everyone thinks their dad's a jerk. And everyone's right. But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them. Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you. So, you ought to give him a chance.
 * Bart: Boys, I've acted like a ten year old for the last thirty years and I swear to you, I will grow up and act like a twenty year old, the way a divorced forty year old should.
 * Bart's youngest child: You're gonna have to do better than that.
 * Bart: Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad, I live in a school, it's Christmas. The only thing worth anything in my life is you.
 * Bart's eldest child: Oh, dad.
 * Bart's youngest child: You've taught us the meaning of Christmas. Which schools are forbidden to tell us anymore.


 * (Lisa enters Zia's Ultranet room)
 * Zia: Mom? Why are you here?
 * (Zia emerges from the Online Chemistry Midterm vial)
 * Lisa: I was worried. I thought I would find--
 * Zia: What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons. com?
 * Lisa: What? No. It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found is, my daughter looks up to me.
 * Zia: Well, of course I do. I look up to both my parents.
 * (Milhouse appears)
 * Milhouse: Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick! (Disappears)
 * Zia: But I especially look up to you. (She and Lisa hugs then a door opens a party is going on and Zia closes the door)