The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed/Quotes


 * Ned: Let's start with the words you love to hear: "Welcome to Bible study!" Today, my readin' ribbon's smack-dab in the middle of Matthew 23. Now let us download the holy tweet of the Lord.
 * Agnes: Stop making this relatable.
 * Jimbo: As a youth, if I don't hear a computer word every sentence, I am outta here.
 * Ned: Duly noted. But we will make sure not to dilute the sacred gospel. Mousepad! Double click! Skype! Skype!


 * Lisa: Mr. Flanders invited us to Israel. He wants to get Dad into heaven.
 * Bart: Great. More hell for me.
 * Marge: Ned Flanders, you would take us to the Holy Land just to try to make my husband a better man?
 * Ned: Yep. I also want to try something called "pita bread."
 * Marge: Well, we will take you up on your offer. But we insist on paying our own way.


 * Ned: This is the most sacred spot in Christendom, not your backyard hammock!
 * Homer: I'm sorry. It's just that these tours are so exhausting. You're jet-lagged. You're walking around all day. It's so hard to sleep knowing Marge and the kids are all stuck in one small room, and It's so nice and cool in the tomb of the unknown savior.
 * Ned: Unknown?! This is the tomb of the most famous man who ever lived!
 * Homer: Porky pig?!
 * Ned: Porky pig's not a man! He's a pig, and he's not even a real pig!
 * Homer: But he is buried here, right?
 * Ned: That's it! I'm losing it! I'm losing it!


 * Jakob: Welcome! My name is Jakob. You may notice I speak the English with a slight accent. This is because, as you've probably guessed, I used to live in London, and that is why I sound like Hugh Grant. Come on. Let's go. We've got a lot of holy sites to see. Yallah! We finish early, we go to jewelry store owned by my cousins. No joke. Is true. Great prices. You got to haggle. Otherwise they don't respect you! Let's go!


 * Marge: Homer's gone! What's he gonna do now?
 * Lisa: Dad said he was going to unite all faiths. Only one site is sacred to Muslims, Christians and Jews. The Dome of the Rock!
 * Homer: Dome of the Rock? Messiah away!