Marge in Chains/Quotes

Who the devil are you? Don't panic. Just come up with a good story. My name is Mr. Burns! D'oh!

Who's gonna change Maggie? We're going to let her roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.

All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!

Dad! We're running out of clean clothes! It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever! Go up to the attic, there's a whole trunk of clothes. [comes down the stairs in a wedding dress humming Here Comes the Bride to himself.]

We need a cure! We need a cure! Ho ho ho. Why, the only cure is bedrest. Anything I give you would be a placebo. [frantic] Where can we get these placebos? [points at truck] Maybe, there's some in this truck!
 * [Crowd knock over truck and a box of killer bees from it break out and attack the crowd. A man, thinking the bee is a vaccine, takes it and swallows it.]

I'm cured! I mean,ouch!

Oh, the network slogan is true. Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity.

Mom, could you bring me more O.J.? Mom, could you get me some of those Flintstones chewable morphine? There's no such thing! Marge, the boy is wasting TV time. Come change the channel and pat my head! In a minute! But I'll miss Sheriff Lobo!

All right, come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says 'Capricorn', and something with coconut on it!

Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I- uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder. Is that bad? Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidently" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow! Uh, was he the black guy on the Mod Squad?

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

Now, kids, while your mother's gone, I don't want to have to wash any dishes, so from now on, drink straight from the faucet or milk carton, and we'll eat while standing over the sink or toilet.

Mr. Hutz, when I grow up, I wanna be a lawyer just like you. Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Could you imagine a world without lawyers?
 * [Hutz has a vision of a world without lawyers in his head with multicultural people walking and holding hands in a circle happily, causing him to shudder.]

I move for a bad court thingy. You mean a mistrial. Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy. You mean the lawyer? Right.

[looks at his lunchbox] Alright, baloney and cheese! What have you got, Bart? Pack of sugar and a peanut butter sticked on a playing card. Ha-ha! Your mom's a jailbird! So's yours. Oh yeah. Let's play.

Knock, knock. I'm Marge Simpson, your new cellmate. I'm Phillips. They called me that because I killed my husband with a Phillips-head screwdriver.


 * [Lionel Hutz tries to give Judge Snyder a fake verdict]

This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says "guilty." And "guilty" is spelled wrong!