Midnight Towboy/Quotes

(Bart uses an exact-o knife to extract the word “whore” from the Bible and he pins it up on his bulletin board along with a few others.)

Bart: We can say these swears any time we want because they’re in the Bible!

Milhouse: I don’t think “Leviticus” is a swear.

Bart: Shut the hell up, you damn ass whore!

Homer: When you married a man who would years later, without warning, become a tow-truck driver, you knew what the deal would eventually be.

Carl: It sure is nice not having Homer around to tell us where we can and can't park.

Lenny: Yeah. Without the crushing rule of law, society will do a better job of regulating itself.

Bed Time Krusty Doll: Don't let the bed bugs bite! Krusty's anti-bed bug spray sold separately; may contain poison.

(Homer celebrates his new job, while at Moe’s.)

Homer: I’ve got tow dough I’m lookin’ to blow, Moe.

(Homer spreads some money on the bar.)

Moe: Huh?

Homer: I’m buying a round of the fanciest drink you got.

Moe: Four Lobster-politans comin’ up.

Ned Flanders: Top of the mornin', Tow-mer.

Homer: It's Homer, idiot.

Ned Flanders: (Chuckles) So it is. I'm just here to pay the fine for the Sunday School bus. You towed it with the kids still in it.

Homer: (Chuckles) I guess I'm more powerful than God now.

Ned Flanders: You know what they say: "With great power comes great responsibility."

Homer: Who said that?! I'll kill them with my power!

Marge: Bart, I’m starting to worry about your father.

Bart: Well, I know he seems to get dumber every year, but lately he’s plateaued.

(Maggie is using scissors to cut a bit of her hair off and put it in a scrapbook)

Marge: Oh, Maggie is getting so independent at least you still need me sack of potatoes. (starts to cry)

(Homer drops a glass bottle of milk)

Homer: What the....spilt milk! (starts crying)

(Marge, Bart and Lisa all look at Homer)

Homer: (sobbing) All over the floor!