Pulpit Friction/Quotes


 * Marge: Are there any two wordsmore exciting than "couch shopping"?
 * Homer: No need. Already went online and ordered a new couch just like the old one. :Homer: And, you know, Marge, those salespeople weren't really our friends.
 * Marge: But they let me take fabric samples.
 * Homer: They charged a deposit.
 * Marge: They had to. It came from corporate.
 * Homer: That's right, sweetie, it always comes from corporate.


 * Marge: How did we get bedbugs?
 * Homer: Probably one of Bart's dirty friends. Boy, why are your friends so dirty?
 * Bart: Don't know. Why are your friends such drunks?
 * Homer: Touché.


 * Lisa: You never know, Mom. I'm only eight. I might get married someday, even if it's only a green card marriage to keep a Chinese dissident from being deported.
 * Marge: We can have the reception at Wong Lee's.


 * Ned: I don't think this is what Martin Presbyluther had in mind when he founded our religion by sticking his Three Suggestions under the Pope's windshield wiper.
 * Bart: Mr. Flanders, this new reverend has thrown tar in your half-pipe, too?
 * Ned: I don't understand that on any level, but yes.
 * Bart: Well, let's get Lovejoy back. Do you know where he is?
 * Ned: He's in a place full of brimstone and exposed flesh.
 * Bart: You mean he's selling hot tubs?
 * Ned: Yes.


 * Lisa: Mom, I found your wedding dress.
 * Marge: How?
 * Lisa: Using something this town has never, ever seen good, honest police work. I staked out the alley and befriended the garbage man who took it. Then he gave it to a local theater company, who used it in the first unsuccessful version of Mamma Mia. In a bankruptcy sale, it was bought by a young couple.