The Last Temptation of Homer/Quotes


 * [Bart paints parking space lines in the Springfield Elementary School car park.]

The beauty of it is each parking space is a mere one foot narrower. Indistinguishable to the naked eye. But therin lies the game. I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away.
 * [All the teachers pull into the car park and no one can open their doors]

[to Edna Krabappel, banging his door into her car] You blasted woman! You parked too close! move your car! I'm in the lines! You got a problem, go tell your mama. Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this.

Is it possible all your misbehavior and miserable grades have been caused by a simple vision disorder? You mean, it ain't me noggin'; it's me peepers? Oh, well that's just luverly!

Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit. Why, that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? Smithers, throw this at him.

Oh, if they hire a woman, we won't be able to spit on the floor. And we can't take our pants off when it gets real hot. And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain!
 * [Carl and Lenny look at each other concerned.]

Ya... I mean... not... you know, if we wanted to, not that I ever... did.


 * [Bart walks into the classroom looking like a nerd.]

Nice glasses, four-eyes! Yeah, nice shoes... uh... two-feet. Your appearance is comical to me.
 * [Bart sees his reflection in Milhouse's glasses.]

[gasps] I'm a nerd!
 * [Milhouse sees his reflection in Bart's glasses.]

[gasp] So am I!

Moe, I need your advice. Yeah. See, I've got this friend named... Joey Jo-Jo... Junior... Shabadoo? That's the worst name I ever heard.
 * [A man at the end of the bar gets up and runs out crying.]

Hey! Joey Jo-Jo!

Uh... so, let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find we have very little in common. Can't talk... eating. Hey, my favorite, raspberry swirl with a double glaze. Double glaze. [begins to drool] D'oh! Okay, so we have one thing in common. But you know what I hate? Drinking beer and watching TV. Oh, not me. That's my idea of Heaven. D'oh! Me too. Really? I'm can see I'm gonna love working with you. Well, gotta go. [whispers] I wanna sneak in a quick nap before lunch. Foul temptress. I'll bet she thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy, too!

Hello, hotline? I'm very tempted by another woman! Homer Simpson! That's a dilly of a pickle. Hey, let's conference you with Marge, huh? [hangs up] NOOOOOOO!!!!

Colonel Klink! Did you ever get my letters? I'm not actually Colonel Klink. I'm just assuming his form. Hee, hee, hee! Did you know Hogan had tunnels all over your camp?

Lisa! Look out behind you! Dad, I'm not gonna fall for that. No, Lisa, I swear to you! I'm one hundred percent completely serious. You've gotta turn around right now before it's too late!
 * [Lisa turns around.]

Huh? [running away] Sucker.

Good news, honey! Two weeks are up! You don't have to wear your glasses any more. And your scalp and posture seem fine! Yes!
 * [He kicks his shoes through the window and they smash through the Flanders' living room window.]

Kids, did anyone pray for giant shoes? [raises his hand] I did! Okilly-dokilly!

What's wrong? Oh yeah, like you don't know! We're gonna have sex. Oh... well, we don't have to. Yes, we do. The cookie told me so. Well, deserts aren't always right. But they're so sweet.