D'oh-lice Academy/Quotes


 * Lisa: Mr. Hurlbut?! From the Springfield Historical Society?
 * Clancy Wiggum: What are you doing here?
 * Hollis Hurlbut: Congratulating Mr. Simpsons, cheif. You see, he has just broken a hundred-year-old record!
 * Homer: I did?
 * Hollis Hurlbut: Yes. While in that tank, you held your breath for seven minutes and one secnod!
 * Clancy Wiggum: Wonderful. Can I arrest him now?
 * Hollis Hurlbut: Mr. Simpson's feat is quite hisroric. Are you familiar with Obadiah "Cheeks" Wilmington?
 * Homer: Was he the lead singer for blues traveler?


 * Homer: Wow, Mr. Wolfcastle! I'm impressed at how fast you got this thing up to... 72 MPH! And in a school zone, no less!
 * Rainer Wolfcastle: My apologies. But I am late for a massage... for my pot-bellied pig.
 * Homer: Well, I still have to write you up.
 * Rainer Wolfcastle: But this will be my twenty-first strike! I will lose my license!
 * Homer: Isn't it just three strikes?
 * Rainer Wolfcastle: When you're a celebrity, tickets are counted like dog years.


 * Rainer Wolfcastle: You with the contraband! Freeze!
 * : It's the fuzz! But how did you know about my illegal ice-shaving racket?
 * Homer: We got an inside tip...
 * : Johnny Tightlips?!
 * Johnny Tightlips: Sorry, boss. But sometimes I just need to talk to some-body about my issues.
 * Lenny: And I'm a wonderful listener.
 * : Much like our illegal snow cones, my heart is chipping away into many broken pieces.
 * Lenny: There, there. Lenny's listening.


 * Waylon Smithers: I've got to say, Clancy, there have been no accident's since you've taken over! Nice work!
 * Clancy Wiggum: I guess I'm finally motivated! Unlike being police chief, a safety inspector can actually make a difference!


 * Homer: Well, I guess this town might be safer with you in charge, Wiggy. Just promise not to work too hard.
 * Clancy Wiggum: Easiest promise I ever made!
 * Waylon Smithers: But, chief! The plant has never been safer! You can't just walk away!
 * Clancy Wiggum: Sorry, Mr. Smithers. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't argue with an archaic statue from the town charter.