She Used to Be My Girl/Quotes

Mom, the dog won't take his medicine. It helps to wrap it in a slice of cheese.
 * [She wraps it in a slice of cheese and holds it in front of Santa's Little Helper, but Homer runs in.]

Woo-Hoo! Free cheese! [he swallows the cheese-wrapped pill] Homer, that was for the dog! What happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night. Then came the heart attacks.

It's a media circus! Woo-Hoo! The circus! A media circus. Woo-Hoo! I don't know the difference!

This is the most exciting scandal since the Juice was on the loose. The Juice is still on the loose. Aaaaaaaaaaahh!!!

Mr. Mayor, just how many illegitimate children are you hiding? Kent, I'm hiding nothing... [takes out a puppy from behind his back] except his puppy. Awwwwwwwww. Look into his eyes and tell me I'm lying. Well, I'm placated, and so are all my friends in the local media.

Well, if it isn't local news legend Kent Brockman. Hey, Kent, run over any more pedestrians? Those records are sealed.

I didn't think anyone successful came from Springfield. What about the two-headed goat? Technically, he was born in Shelbyville. Yes, but he came here to die. [looks out of the window at a statue of a two-headed goat] One of you ate tin cans, the other ate health food. How you solved crimes, I'll never know.

Channel 6 News rocks! A car chase every night or the weather girl wears a tube top. And if she doesn't, you win a pizza!

Marge, where are you living now? [mumbling] Evergreen Terrace. Paris? Just like you always dreamed! Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.

Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? Oh, I'd love to! I'm getting so sick of these greasy catered meals. You insult-a me, you insult Italy... [holds up a place mat with a map of Italy on] which is shaped like a boot?! Who knew?

You know, Chloe, some of us stayed in this town and made it a better place. Oh, come on, Marge. The only reason we don't move out of this dunghill is because of my court-ordered ankle bracelet. [he pulls up his pants leg to show off the bracelet, which starts beeping] I'm here! I'm here! Quit buggin' me! Why do you always have to show that to company? It's a conversation starter!

Mom, Chloe just won the ! Well, I just made the bathroom floor smell like lemons, where's the award for that?

Good news, Marge! I've learned to walk naked on stilts!

Marge, listen to me. Chloe may have a flashy job, but you're the backbone of this family. You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together. That's a sweet thought, Homie. I just hate to see you upset, honey. [snaps his fingers] You know what would be a good name for Maggie? Chloe.

Lisa, honey, let me explain what happened tonight. Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.

Mom, I wanna be just like you. I mean the lava part, not the saving Lisa. [starts strangling Bart] Pretend to care!