Burns' Heir/Quotes

Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in! Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
 * [Martin walks onstage performing in a conductor's uniform.]

[singing] ''Clang, clang, clang went the trolley. Ring, ring, ring went the bell. Zing, zing, sing went my heartstrings... [Nelson punches Martin in the stomach]'' Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.


 * [A deprogrammer has just finished forcing Bart into forgetting Mr. Burns and coming back to the Simpson family]

Well, it was a gruelling two weeks, but you have your son back."
 * [Hans Moleman walks out]

Mom, Dad, I missed you.
 * [Sighing with relief Homer kisses Hans Moleman on the head.]

Homer, that's Hans Moleman. Can I keep him anyway, huh, huh?


 * [Mr. Burns attempts to prove the Simpson family does not love him, and shows him a scripted version of a false Simpsons residence.]

[voice unlike Homer's] I do not miss Bart at all. I am glad he's gone. As am I. [Homer drops his sandwich] "B'oh!" It's probably my imagination but, something about them doesn't seem quite right. Really? Excuse me for just a moment.
 * [Mr. Burns walks into a film set where the Simpsons actors takes place.]

People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say "B'oh!", he says... [goes through script] "D'oh!" [Homer and Marge take their masks off] Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of a neurological impairment, like ' or '? I mean, what the hell am I doing here?! And this dialog has none of the wit and sparkle of . [the Lisa actor takes off his mask] Hey, you know we're getting into golden time. Yes. Well, just get it right, or you'll all be back doing  at the Westport Dinner Theatre.


 * [Bart and Lisa are dejected after failing at their auditions to become Mr. Burns' heir]

[to Homer] "I think Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now. Isn't there something you'd like to say?" "There sure is. Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, "Never Try."

As for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer.