The Trouble with Trillions/Quotes


 * [After flying to Cuba.]

Sorry about the landing, boys. This fog is so thick I can't see my own cataracts.

[filling out his tax return] Okay, Marge, if anybody asks, you require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.

I'm not the thief; the government is. Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend pay income taxes. And for what? Aid to ungrateful foreigners, do-nothing nuclear missiles, tomb polish for some unknown soldier.

That intrepid lad is my great-grandfather, Franklin Jefferson Burns, tossing that without a care for what the caffeine would do to the Finway Flounder. Is that a fish? It was.

[pointing to a display case] Oh, you'll find this amusing: the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in.

[wearing an FBI listening device] Hey, see you're watching the ball game. Looks like a good one. Any of you involved in any illegal activity? Cause I could sure go for some. How bout you, Lenny? Testing, testing. Lenny? You saying you want to commit a crime, Homer? Maybe. But first I need to hear about some other crimes to get me fired up. You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement? Or that telemarketing scam you pulled? Uh... like those, but involving you. Oh, you mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush? Barney!? That was me! And I'd do it again. Why stop there, Homer? My militia has a secret plan to beat up all sorts of government officials. That'll teach them to drag their feet on high definition TV! You're under arrest for conspiracy! How'd they finger Charlie? Somebody must have ratted him out. Oh, that's ridiculous, Moe. End transmission.