How I Wet Your Mother/Quotes


 * Mr. Burns: Now, Simpson, how is it that you alone managed to keep your moral compass pointed to true north?
 * Homer: Well, sir, before I do anything, I stop and ask myself: "What would Jesus and Mr. Burns do?"


 * Homer: Ah, nothing better than a lazy Saturday morning lying in a warm, moist bed, because weekends are... Moist?! I wet the bed! The one embarrassing thing I've never done!


 * Homer: Oh Death, you're a life saver.
 * Bart: Thank you, Death. May I ask, what's taken so long with Larry King?
 * : I am not...
 * Mona: Death.
 * Homer: Mom?!
 * Bart & Lisa: Grandma
 * Marge: So your alive?
 * Mona: No. But I live on in Homer's dreams.
 * Homer: Just like my hair.
 * Marge: It's Jennifer Aniston's hair on Friends.
 * Homer: Exactly like Chandler, always criticizing.


 * Lisa: Listen, everyone. We should fall asleep in this dream. One minute at this level equals two hours one dream level below.
 * Bart: Wait, dreams have rules?
 * Lisa: Everything has rules, Bart.
 * Bart: Not me, when I hit the dance floor.


 * Lisa: We're actually entering Dad's dreams?
 * Professor Frink: Yes, yes. You see, it's the only way you can uncover the psychological trauma that is causing your father's secret shame.
 * Marge: Why does Maggie have to go?
 * Professor Frink: hat am I, a babysitter?!