The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer/Quotes


 * Otto: That's not a song! Real songs are about deals with the devil, far-off lands, where you'd find smoke in relation to water.


 * Martin: Mister driver? One of my bus mates has purloined my French horn.
 * Kearney: Why can't you talk like a dude?
 * Otto: [annoyed] Oh, knock it off, Kearney! Why are you still in this school anyway? We were in third grade together.
 * Kearney: [hurt] Stupid school doesn't know how to teach me!


 * Otto: What's up, ? Need a lift?
 * James Hetfield: We don't take rides from strangers.
 * Otto: I'm no stranger! Remember this? [holds up a lighter] Metallica ruuules!
 * Lars Ulrich: Oh yeah... Springfield Arena, ninety-seven, Row XX, Seat sixty-four!
 * Kirk Hammett: I was about to quit the band when I saw your lighter. You saved me that night.


 * Marge: I hope you're happy, Bart. Thanks to your hi-jinx, I have to drive you and your friends to school.
 * Bart: Let me drive. I go through yellow lights.
 * Marge: One more crack out of you, young man, and I'm showing everyone your baby pictures.
 * Bart: Sorry, sorry, sorry!


 * Nelson: Hey dork, you're sittin' on my shadow!
 * Michael D'Amico: Sorry!
 * Nelson: What, you're too good to sit on my shadow?


 * Nelson: Whoa! Your mother must dance at the nicest strip club in town.


 * Ralph: His Daddy putted bullets in my daddy. My Daddy had to potty in a bag.


 * Mr. Largo: Oh, stop, stop! Who's the out-of-tune idiot on third clarinet?
 * Michael: That's me.
 * Mr. Largo: [nervous] You didn't let me finish! From now on you're not third clarinet, you're first everything! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm brewing tea and I have to go jiggle my bags!


 * Lisa: Urgh! There's a triple A battery in my macaroni and cheese!
 * Lunchlady Dora: It counts as a vegetable.


 * Fat Tony: Milhouse, may I borrow your three-ring binder?
 * Milhouse: "Garfield" or "Love Is?"
 * Fat Tony: Uh, I prefer the cat. He hates Mondays. We can all relate.


 * Fat Tony: I apologize for my tardiness. I "ran into" some old acquaintances.
 * Marge: On the surface, that sounds perfectly pleasant.


 * Marge: You know, I've never met your wife.
 * Fat Tony: Sadly, my Anna Maria was whacked by natural causes.
 * Marge: Oh, you're a widower.
 * Fat Tony: I bring flowers to her grave every Sunday.
 * Marge: Flowers every week! I wish I was dead.


 * Fat Tony: Sit-down item number one: your recent murderous overtures with regard to my person.
 * Dante Calabresi, Sr.: We meant no disrespect, Fat Tony -- we were simply trying to kill you.


 * Homer: All right, tap jockey, you owe Fat Tony fifty bucks. Cough it up!
 * Moe: Look Mister, I-I-I don't got the cash. My clientele -- they're all bums. They never pay!
 * Homer: Just get the money.
 * Moe: Homer, the mob is puttin' the screws on me, see. I ain't gettin' killed 'cause you won't pay your tab. Now give me fifty bucks!
 * Homer: Okay. Take it, take it! Just don't hurt me!
 * Homer: Okay pretty boy, where's Fat Tony's fifty bucks?
 * Moe: Look, all-all-all I got is twenty-five. I swear! I swear!
 * Homer: It'll do for now.


 * Bart: Krusty, Fat Tony hasn't received his weekly payment for keeping McDonald's and out of town.
 * Krusty: Uh, I'm a little short this week. Could I just pay you five dollars to keep out Hardee's?


 * Michael: My friends... I surrender. I'm handing over all my father's territory, in exchange for the safety of my family and the Simpsons.
 * Primo: Sorry. We can only guarantee we won't hurt them.
 * Dante Calabresi, Sr.: Yeah. You know, they've still gotta eat right and exercise.
 * Dante Calabresi, Jr.: Walk the dog once in a while. He's a furry little fitness machine.
 * Michael: Well said.