To Courier with Love/Quotes


 * [After Lisa discovers the suitcase and the snake while in the plane to Paris]
 * Homer: I can't break her heart.
 * Lisa: Well, you can't let anything bad happen to that snake!
 * Homer: I promise. And you have to promise to preserve another endangered species: My marriage.
 * Lisa: I promise.
 * Homer: For the first time a snake has ruined paradise!


 * Marge: Homer, you have to do more!
 * Homer: Ook?!
 * Marge: I'm getting tired of your "Ooks". I can't do this alone. Where's your chore list?
 * Homer: Oh, I'm taking care of that! It's laminated. And to make sure I do it... [shows Marge a doodle of her on the back of the chore list] Hmm?
 * [Marge groans]


 * [Homer, Bart, Lisa and Maggie find an old car on the garage]
 * Lisa: I've never seen this. It must've been left by some previous owner.
 * Homer: Holy moly, a valuable antique car!! This is the find of a lifetime! Oh, it's a stick.
 * [Homer enters the car and starts the engine]
 * Lisa: Dad, shouldn't we see who owns the car?
 * Homer: Now, sweetie, according to the ancient law of Trover, abandoned property passes to the subsequent landowner.
 * Bart: Man, ever since you watched Medieval Tomb Robbers on the History Channel, everything with you is Trover, Trover, Trover!
 * Homer: Boy, either show me a writ of replevin or pipe down!


 * Homer: Well, if it isn't my favorite gal in my favorite room!
 * Marge: I'm glad you had a good day.
 * Homer: You don't sound glad.
 * Marge: I'm not glad.
 * Homer: But you said you were glad!
 * Marge: You need to read between the lines.
 * Homer: Why? There's just white space there.
 * Marge: [crying] I'm sorry, Homie. Your life is full of fun surprises. My life sucks!
 * [sobs and grabs a box of tissues]
 * Homer: [thinking] Uh-oh. Tissues. [Marge lays down on the bed] W... would it help if I rubbed your back? Huh? Eh? Uh...
 * Marge: Your hands smell like steering wheel.


 * Homer: Poor Marge. What do I do? Help me, universe! [the doorbell rings and Homer opens the door] Jay Leno?!
 * : Hiya! I was just passing in my 1973 Citroen DS Pallas when I saw that classic Morgan with the original wood dash interior. Man, I... I'd like to buy it!
 * Homer: You'll have to pay cash with no questions asked.
 * Jay Leno: How much you want?
 * Homer: I said no questions!


 * [Homer and Lisa try to release the snake at the Louvre]
 * Lisa: Okay, you're free! Now, remember to respect this ecosystem. [the snake stays still]
 * Homer: Come on, go! You'll be a snake that lives in Paris. It's a children's book that writes itself!
 * [Ugolín and Cesar appear]
 * Ugolín: Not so fast!
 * Lisa: [gasps] How did you find us?
 * Cesar: All tourists come to the Louvre.
 * Homer: Hey, it's got great paintings.
 * Ugolín: Oh, yeah? Name two.
 * Homer: Uh... Uh... Uh...
 * Lisa: Don't patronize us! You make belts from snakes!
 * Cesar: We treat our high fashion animals in the most humane manner.
 * [A brief scene showing a crocodile getting drunk and then hit in a factory is showed; then the scene goes back to Homer, Lisa, Ugolín and Cesar]
 * Lisa: [gasps] You're monsters.
 * Cesar: True, but that is just a part of who we are.
 * Ugolín: We are also poets.
 * Cesar: Communists.
 * Ugolín: Experts on mustard.
 * [Ugolín and Cesar realise Homer and Lisa have left]
 * Cesar: They're gone!
 * Ugolín: If we want to be criminals, we should keep a better eye on people. It's really not that hard.
 * Cesar: Do not worry. There is one surefire way to find the Americans. [shouts loudly] Marco!
 * Homer: [far off] Polo!


 * Homer: It's time for me to do what I do best: prolong this marriage!


 * Homer: Fortune favors the bald.


 * Homer: For Marge I will make the supreme sacrifice of not doing something.