American History F/Quotes


 * Milhouse: What are you doing, Bart?
 * Bart: Heh, heh! I can type whatever I want on this baby nad make it appear on signs all over town!
 * Milhouse: Wow! You're hacking into the mainframe?
 * Bart: Yep!
 * Sound: Clickety Clickety Click Click
 * Bart: Let the mayhem begin!
 * Sound: Stab!


 * Grampa: Hello, kids! Guess who you new history teacher is? It's me! Grampa Simpson!
 * Homer: Dad I told you on the phone! We're not home!
 * Lisa: Grampa? A teacher? In my school? This is... why would anyone think... what could he...? Who on Earth would... even if they... I mean
 * Marge: Let's get you to bed sweetheart. You've had enough excitement for one dinner-time.


 * Grampa: Let's just open our history books to page one and-- Pangaea!? What in McGraw-hill? Button who? Wisconsin? What the sass is that? Tom Edison? The Rug Cleaner's son? Nuts to that! I can see I'm gonna have to wing it like Teddy Roosevelt did on San Juan Hill. Kids, listen up so's I can teach you about the battle of the first thanksgiving!


 * Rich Texan: Are you Abraham Simpson? I'm a big fan!
 * Abe: Huh?
 * Rich Texan: I've been watchin' you! You teach history like it really was! Not many peopel know about Harry Truman's webbed toes or that Lincoln fake his own death!
 * Abe: ...and he went on to found the NBA!
 * Rich Texan: You're a breath'a fresh cattle ranch air, mister! Have you ever thought'a going into politics?
 * Abe: Politics? Me?
 * Rich Texan: I represent the "Pity Party." We're tired od being picked on for our beliefs and our intolerance! We want a leader who will do whtever it takes to keep us happy, and I think that leader is you!
 * Abe: Me?
 * Rich Texan: What'll it be, Abe? Would you like to governor of this here United State?
 * Abe: Well, the last time I was asked to run was back in tickety-aught-twoleven when Emiliano Zapata needed a dogcatcher. Aw, what the hey! I'll do it!
 * Rich Texan: Yee-haaw!


 * Abe: Hello, family! I broguht you tickets to my speech tonight. Mayour Quimby will be giving me the keys to the city. All fifty thousand of them!
 * Marge: Grampa, are your sure your want to go through with this?
 * Abe: You betcha! After I'm elected I'm gonna make Shelbyville finally stand up, shut up, and sit back down again!
 * Marge: But Shelbyville's in our state! Whatever your do to them, you do to us!
 * Abe: Wha--?! By golly, you're right! Wer'e all one big state here: Springfield, North Haverbrook, Ogdenville... and even Shelbyville! You've given me a lot to think about, Margei. It'll probably take me hours to forget it.