Bart Star/Quotes

Your cholestral level is lethally high, Homer, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level. Now, wait a second. You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day! [chuckles] Well, you're a little confused. Ho-ho, confused, would we?


 * [Marge gives a presentation in front of the First Aid booth.]

Now, make no mistake; when I say "First aid", I'm not talking about some sort of charity rock concert.
 * [Marge laughs at her own joke, the audience stare blankly.]

I'm talking about treating serious injuries.
 * [The crown laughs. Krusty gets out his notepad and jots something down.]

Serious injuries... oh, that's gold!


 * [Lisa pokes Bart's stomach as he sits on the couch eating]

Hey, tubby! Want another Pop-Tart, tubby? I'm comfortable with who I am.

We don't have to play football... do we, daddy? Oh-ho-ho, you betcha! Team sports'll keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls. Yay!

You know, Milhouse, you are getting a little doughy. Aw, can't I just have the surgery?


 * [Bart walks out of the dressing room in Sportacus wearing a football uniform.]

Okay, Milhouse, let's try out the new cup.
 * [Milhouse kicks Bart in the groin. Bart laughs.]

Again.
 * [Milhouse kicks Bart in the groin again and Bart yawns.]

Ho-hum.
 * [Milhouse tries again and again, getting no reaction from Bart.]

[off camera] Milhouse! Stop that!


 * [Coach Flanders assigns positions.]

Okay, Nelson's our quarterback. Thanks, four-eyes. Ralph, you'll be on special teams. I'm special. And, uh, Bart, you'll be a tackle. Cool!
 * [He tackles Martin.]

Careful, Bart! You'll break my calculator... by which I mean my head.

You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize. Fun, too.

Wipe that smile off your face! What'd I do? I'm tired of watchin' you dog it on that football field. From now on, I'm gonna work you like a dog! Now, go fetch me twenty laps!

It's time for the easiest part of any coach's job - the cuts. Now, while I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted to, I have cut a lot of you. Wendell is cut. is cut. Janey, you're gone. ? I like your hustle. That's why it was so hard to cut you. Congratulations! The rest of you made the team. Except you, and you.

But I can't play quarterback. I don't even know how! Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you. Since when? Since your mother yelled at me.

Hey, everybody, let's hear it for Bart!
 * [Homer walks off. The other players surround Bart.]

[weakly] Give me a B? I won't give you a B, but I'll tear you a new A. If I wasn't your friend, I'd tell you you sucked.


 * [Homer decides to treat Bart nicer after telling him to run laps.]

Quit running, son! I just want to give you a big hug! [thinking] It's got to be a trick. Run like the wind!
 * [Bart runs away. Homer chases after him.]

I believe in you! Hug meeee!

[after running to catch his own long ball] I gotta quit smoking.

[after Springfield's 28-3 defeat of Arlen] We drove 2,000 miles for this?

Great game, son. Come on, I'm taking you to Hooters. Aw, I don't want to bother mom at work.

I'm feeling kind of low, Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floatin' in it? You know, Skittlebrau? Such a product does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it. Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of.

[to Bart] I wanna apologise. I just got so caught up trying to encourage you, I was blinded to your stinky performance. If you forgive me, I promise you I'll never encourage you again.