Homer and Apu/Quotes

I need one twenty-nine cent stamp. That's a dollar eighty-five. I want two dollars worth of gas, please. Four-twenty. How much is your penny candy? Surprisingly expensive.

Your old meat made me sick! I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp. This shrimp isn't frozen and it smells funny. Okay, ten pounds. Woo hoo!

All right, are you willing to go undercover to nail this creep? No way, man No way, man. Get yourself another patsy, man. No way am I wearing a freakin' wire. All right, all right, all right. Would you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone? Oh, that I'll wear.

No, don't kill me! I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat! I was unaware! I WAS UNAWAAARE! Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. In my village this is the traditional pose of apology. Oh. You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly.

You're selling what now? I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment. You can't sell that. Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. He's got me there.

Is he still out there? Yes, he's raking leaves. What? That's your job. If he starts doing Lisa's wood chopping...

Well, to be honest, in my upcoming movie I'm gonna be playing this tightly-wound convenience store clerk and you know, I, kinda like to research my roles and really get into it. For instance, "True Believer," I actually worked in a law firm for two months. And then the film "Chaplin," I had a little cameo in that, I actually traveled in time back to the 1920s where... I've, uh, said too much.

There she is, there she is, the world's first convenience store. This isn't very convenient. Must you dump on everything we do?

You may ask me three questions. That's great, because all I need is one. Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart? Yes. Really? Yes. You? Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you. But, I must -- Thank you, come again. But... Thank you, come again.

Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

Hey! Hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't you? You're the... you're like the guy... You're a legend around here. Can I ask you, is it, is it true you once worked ninety-six hours straight? Oh, yes. It was horrible. I'll tell you. By the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind. Oh, yeah. You know, I studied your old security tapes.
 * [they start to watch the security tape]

In a few minutes, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.

Ah! The searing kiss of hot lead--how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.

Well, you are a very lucky man, Apu. You see, the bullet ricocheted off another bullet that was lodged in your chest from a previous robbery.