One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish/Quotes

Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial. No way! Because I'm not dying! The second is anger. Why, you little... After that comes fear. [cringing] What's after fear? What's after fear? Bargaining. Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while! Finally, acceptance. Well, we all gotta go sometime. Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.


 * [Homer makes a videotape.]

This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. [making ghost noises] Woooo! Heh, heh, heh. Hope that didn't scare you. [now serious] Anyway, you're all grown up now. And unless you taped over this, you probably wanted to know what type of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, who loved his children and...
 * [The phone rings, interrupting Homer.]

D'oh!
 * [No one is home, so Homer answers the phone. As he does so, his rear end is visible to the camera and Homer is seen scratching it.]

Hello! Yes, who is this? Bart's friend Milhouse? [shouting] BART! Get your butt down here!


 * [Homer is in jail, after being pulled over for speeding and then getting into an argument with the cops.]

[talking to himself] Oh no, I can't call Marge, it would upset her even more on her last day with me! Oh, I know, Barney!
 * [Homer dials the Gumble residence, but gets an answering machine that sings "Nobody's Home" to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.]

D'oh! Stupid novelty answering machine! [Leaving message] Thanks, Barney! I waste my one phone call from jail getting your dumb answering machine! [in his apartment] It's Homer! [picks up phone] Don't hang up! Hey, Homer, are you in jail? Hey, look out the window!
 * [Homer peers out the window of his cell to see Barney right next door to the jail. Barney waves.]

Hiya, neighbor! I can see you! Why are you in jail? No time to explain! Just come over and pay the fifty dollars to bail me out! FIFTY BUCKS?! Whadja do, kill a judge?


 * [Barney gives Homer a ride home and Homer grumbles about not having time to do all the things on his list. Then he sees Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers girlwatching.]

Wait! I can still do one part of my list! Tell off boss! Barney, slow down! [looking through binoculars] Check out the lucious pair on that redhead. [The view through the binoculars reveals that he's staring at her shoes.] That's it, baby, work those ankles! Ring-a-ding-ding, sir. [shouting] Hey, Burns! EAT!! MY!! SHORTS!!
 * [Barney drives away at high speed while he and Homer laugh.]

What the Sam Hill was that?! Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir, One of the schmos from Sector 7-G. Simpson, eh? Well, first thing Monday morning call this Simpson to my office. We will see who eats whose pantaloons!

Hey, why don't you and your family come over for a barbecue tomorrow. No, thanks. Oh, are you sure? We've got that new propane beauty just sittin' in the backyard. No, I don't want to. Oh, it's just crying out to cook up some good eatin'! Flanders! I said I didn't... [realization] Tomorrow? Sure, what the hey. I'd love to come to your barbecue, heh-heh-heh. I'll even bring the thickest, juiciest t-bones you've ever seen. Mmm-mmm, sounds terrif. Heheheehee... the joke's on him! I'll be dead by then!


 * [Everyone else is asleep.]

[in Maggie's room] Goodbye, Maggie. Stay as sweet as you are. [in Lisa's room] Goodbye, Lisa. I know you'll make me proud. [in Bart's room] Goodbye, Bart... I like your sheets.