The Paper Chase/Quotes


 * Bart: Listen, Milhouse. Be a pal and give me a couple of papers to make a new kite with!
 * Milhouse: Oh no, Bart! Delivering papers is a sacred trust.
 * Bart: But this is time you could spend becoming a dot com billionair. You think Bill Gates would be in court today if he'd wasted his time delivering papers? Hard, pointless work is for guys like me! Just hand over the papers, and I'll deliver them for you.
 * Milhouse: Okay, I... Wait! You're just saying that so I'll give you the papers for you kite!
 * Bart: Milhouse, I don't want to like to you.
 * Milhouse: Yes, you do!
 * Bart: Okay! Okay! I don't want you to know I'm lying to you!
 * Milhouse: All right! I'll give you sunday paper advertising insers, but that's all!
 * Bart: Deal!


 * Lisa: What's Plan b?
 * Bart: A way to deliver newspapers that no one has ever dared try before.
 * Lisa: Why do the plans look like something out of a road runner cartoon?
 * Bart: All will be explained on the roof!


 * Lisa: No plan d?
 * Bart: Naw! If Homer's taught me one thing it's "know when to give up." But at least we don't have to go to school today because of the gas leaks. What? Oh man!
 * Lisa: Oh man, what?
 * Bart: Um... nothing. Hey Lis', Can I borrow your white out?
 * Lisa: Sure. What for?
 * Bart: A school-related project.


 * Homer: Marge, did you read about the government's mandatory child allowance increase?
 * Marge: One hundred dollars a week? Oh well, the law is the law.
 * Bart: You know, I'm reallly surprised you haven't ratted me out yet.
 * Lisa: Well, normally I whould have but... ...a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars.


 * Squeaky-voiced teen: Mr. Brockman, sir? Have you seen today's paper?
 * Kent Brockman: What a story. We lead with this!
 * Squeaky-voiced teen: Shouldn't we confirm this with our own sources?
 * Kent Brockman: Look, I told you we could either have fact checkers or a new candy machine, but not both! Now get me a nutrageous bar and a live feed!