Husbands and Knives/Quotes


 * Milo: These books are meant to be read and enjoyed, not hoarded and then sold when you get divorced.


 * Homer: We're gonna be rich! We can finally afford to start a family!
 * Marge: We have a family!
 * Homer: A better one!


 * Bart: Who's stronger, the Thung or the Mulk?


 * Comic Book Guy: (to Milhouse) Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns. Hence, you must buy this comic. And the cost of your innocent accident is... $25, please.
 * Milhouse: But that's the money Yaya Sophia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter.
 * Comic Book Guy: (sighs) I hate when they tell me things about themselves.


 * (Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)
 * Comic Book Guy: Philip K. Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!
 * Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (points to the comic.) See?
 * Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl’s horse, Comet. It never really happened.
 * Bart: None of these things ever really happened.
 * Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.


 * (A local Krusty Burger is being closed down.)
 * Krusty: (sobbing) I can't believe the Labor Board is shutting me down.
 * Labor Board Official: You lock your workers in at night!
 * Krusty: It's so they can't tell their stories!


 * Bart:, you wrote my favorite issues of.
 * Alan Moore: Oh really, so you liked that I made your favorite superhero a heroin addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?
 * Bart: I don't read the words. I just like when he punches people. How do you make his costume stick so close to his muscles?
 * Alan Moore: Ughhh.


 * Milhouse: Mr. Moore, will you sign my DVD of Watchmen Babies? Which of the babies is your favorite?
 * Alan Moore: You see what those bloody corporations do? They take your ideas and they suck them! Suck them like leeches until they've gotten every last drop of marrow from your bones!


 * (Comic Book Guy bursts into Coolsville.)
 * Comic Book Guy: Attention, comic book aficionados! (points at Milo) This man is not one of us. (Comic Book Guy points at a girl named Strawberry and the crowd gasps.) He has a girlfriend!
 * Strawberry: My name is Strawberry. My purse is a lunch box.


 * Lisa: I really identified with the girls in Ghost World. They made me feel like I wasn't so alone.
 * : Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you know anyone at Batman? 'Cause I really want to draw Batman, I'm awesome at utility belts. (he points to a picture of a utility belt) Check these out. This is where the Batman keeps his money in case he has to take the bus.
 * Lisa: Mm-hmm.


 * (Comic Book Guy is destroying Coolsville.)
 * Art Spiegelman: Oh, no! The store's in trouble!
 * Alan Moore: League of Extraordinary Freelancers, activate!
 * (Art Spiegelman puts on a Maus mask.)
 * Art Spiegelman: Maus is in the house!


 * (Homer explains his surgery to Bart and Lisa)
 * Homer: Kids, daddy underwent a special procedure so he can be more attractive to your mother.
 * Bart: You had your hot dog plumped?
 * Homer: No! I had my stomach stapled!


 * Opal: Marge, I thank you for creating Shapes. And, uh, my boyfriend thanks you, too!
 * Opal's audience: Oooooh!
 * Marge: When is Straightman going to pop the question?
 * Opal: (obviously uncomfortable) Uh... uh... (to audience) You're all getting German cuckoo clocks!
 * (The audience cheers)