The Last Temptation of Krust/Quotes

So this afternoon two suits come up to me and ask me to endorse a new sports utility vehicle.
 * [Crowd gasps.]

[shouting] Don't you hate pants?

Oh you’re burning it all wrong Seymour. It's my allowance mother; I'll burn it however I want.

I don't get it, Krusty. You said you would never be a shill again! Me, I learned something about myself today. It ain't comedy that's in my blood. It's selling out.

Heh heh heh, from now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs! Dad! You too, Bart! Oh, knock it off, Homer; you're the fattest one in the car! [shocked] You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge!

Wow... they're hanging on his every word! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I hope so... [puts his hand on his colleague's] I thought I made myself clear in Boston.


 * [Marge and Homer enter Moe's.]

Four drink minimum? I'll cover ya, honey.

Last night's comedy benefit delivered wall-to-wall laughs without exception... Phew! The only exception was the dated humor of Springfield's green haired, red-nosed hack... [turns pages] Yeah yeah yeah... Krusty the Clown! Ohhhhh...

Five minutes, Krusty. Oh, I ain't going back out there. No, five minutes to get your stuff and get out!