Mr. Lisa's Opus/Quotes


 * Lisa: Dad! Mom is gonna leave you.
 * Homer: Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters -- they sit peacefully for years until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own.
 * Lisa: Mom packed her bags.
 * Homer: Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel? Because she won't get more than a block away with that.
 * Lisa: She fixed the wheel.
 * Homer: Oh, God!


 * Homer: Stop drinking? That's like asking a golfer to stop drinking!


 * Homer: Ned, I have to quit drinking. Now!
 * Ned: Al right, soberino, it's just 12 simple steps.
 * Homer: Oh, 12?
 * Ned: Fine. Nine.
 * Homer: Oh!


 * Ned: Okay, step one: admit you're powerless.
 * Homer: I'm powerless. Boom! Done.
 * Ned: Step two: admit there is a power greater than yourself.
 * Homer: Um, if I'm powerless, isn't every power greater than myself?
 * Ned: This is the 12 steps, not 20 questions. Now, make a decision to turn your life to God.
 * Homer: [Scoffs] God. He's in every deal, like undercoating. Fine.
 * Ned: Make a searching moral inventory of yourself.
 * Homer: If I have one tiny flaw, it's that I have many enormous flaws.
 * Ned: Admit the nature of your wrongs.
 * Homer: Well, I'm not the best parallel parker.
 * Ned: Are you ready for God to remove these defects?
 * Homer: Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven, I order you to fix me.


 * Valerie: So I suppose you want to tell me your SATs.
 * Lisa: Very much. But I won't.