Bart the Murderer/Quotes


 * [A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect.]

Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer. People have been demanding to know what will happen about the resulting tobacco shortage in Springfield. I will now turn it over to a spokesman from Laramie Cigarettes. I am sorry to hear of the hijacking. To make up for this Laramie Tobacco has sent a new truck to Springfield, and the driver has been specifically instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks. YAY!

Uh, say, are you guys crooks? Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family? No. Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them? Uh uh. And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes? I guess that's okay. Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart? Hell, no!


 * [Bart's nightmare. Bart is running in an open field. An undead Skinner comes out of his grave.]

You killed me Bart!
 * [Bart runs to a shack near a cliff and opens the door. There he sees an undead Skinner who was lynched.]

You killed me Bart!
 * [Bart then finds himself in an unnamed prison, which has a neon sign that flashes like a discotechque.]

DEATH HOUSE.
 * [A mob of angry people have come to see Bart's execution, among them Homer.]

Yeah! Fry my boy!
 * [Cell. In the only quiet part of dream, a prison guard lets Reverend Lovejoy into Bart's cell.]

Reverend Lovejoy? Have you come to give me my condolences? As a matter of tradition more than anything.
 * Reverend Lovejoy pats Bart's shoulder ½-heartedly.

[wooden] There, there. There, there.
 * [Electric chair. Bart is strapped to electric chair and executioner pulls switch. The horror of being executied sufficienly scares Bart awake.]

AAAUUUGH!