Cape Feare/Quotes

Oh my god, someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart.

Who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's.


 * [the family discusses who would want to kill Bart]

I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin McLeod, or George "Goober" Lindsey. Grampa, Matlock's not real. Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob... if someone cuts it off and smooshes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!

[to Bart] I checked around. The girls are calling you "Fatty Fat Fat Fat", and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants, but... nobody's trying to kill ya.

I'd like to help you, ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters. I'm pretty sure there is. Ha! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle... [with a law book] Uh, hey, she's right, Chief. Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for gambling purposes.

Bart, I figured it out. Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years? ? No, someone who didn't deserve it.

Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me "Chief Piggum".

Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson? Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell hole? Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could have said "peepee-soaked heck hole". Cheerfully withdrawn.

But isn't it true that you have the words 'Die, Bart, Die' tattooed across your chest? Heavens No! That's German for 'the Bart, the'. No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

You awful man! Stay away from my son! [menacing] Oh, I'll stay away from your son all right. Stay away... forever! [scared] Oh no! Wait a minute, that's no good.
 * [Bob grumbles to himself and starts to walk away, but then comes back]

Wait! I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again! No!

Tell you what, sir, from now on you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hm?
 * [Homer nods]

When I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson", you'll say "Hi". Check. Hello, Mr. Thompson.
 * [Homer stares blankly and says nothing]

Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson. I gotcha. Hello, Mr. Thompson.
 * [Homer stares blankly again and says nothing. Time passes and everyone looks tired, as if they've been at this for quite a while]

[groans] Now, when I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. No problem. [stepping repeatedly on Homer's foot] Hello, Mr. Thompson.
 * [Homer stares blankly at him then turns to the other agent]

[whispering loudly] I think he's talking to you.

Hello Bart! Mom, Dad! Your family can't help you now.
 * [The rest of the family, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II, are tied up]

[seeing Homer asleep with some drool] Oh no! Dad's been drugged! [annoyed] No, he hasn't!

Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest! By Lucifer's beard! Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel. I knew I had to buy some time, so I asked him to sing the score from the "H.M.S. Pinafore". Ooh. A plan fiendishly clever in its in-tric-acies. Take him away, boys. Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys. What'd you say, chief? Do what the kid says.