A Star Is Torn/Quotes


 * [Apu is being robbed]

[under breath] Call the police. [loud whisper] I need change for a dollar. [under breath] No change without purchase. [loud whisper] What's the cheapest thing you've got? [under breath] A two ounce bag of chips. Five ninety-nine. [loud whisper] Five ninety-nine?! What a rip-off! Someone should shoot you!

No fair, Lisa didn't get sick. It's 'cause your bodies are so used to processed food it's a shock when you eat vegetables full of vitamins, minerals and trace amounts of bug feces.

Lisa sings so sweetly and Bart is my pillow... everyone's good for something.

Looks like you guys are on the mend. Yeah, 'cause we're through with vegetables. From now on, I'm only eating food that I know had a soul.

The winner will be animated into an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon! So enter today -- especially if you're a funny-looking kid who doesn't know he sucks! [runs to the phone] I'm-a comin', Krusty!

All right, kids. Let's do this quick. After this, I gotta record twenty-seven seasons of DVD commentaries. And I remember nothing!

Lisa, that sounds like a fancier version of the song you're going to sing! And she's giving us the emotional experience of a lifetime. Oh, thank you for this angel, Lord!

This contest is moot. A Li'l Star has been made! When she sings a C, it's a C! Unlike a certain glee club I've wasted my life on! Well, I may not know much, but I do know talent when my producers point it out to me.

There's no way I'm gonna beat her. Why? Just because she sings like Whitney Houston brought to life? Don't lose hope, sweetie. I'm gonna write you a song so great, you can't lose. And that's not just the beer talking. Your father's in here too.

Here you go, honey. Sing this. How did you write a song so quickly? Much of the tune is plagiarized. Now go, go, go!

I really do like working with you, Dad. Will you keep helping me? Of course, Sweetie. You and I are gonna write and sing our way out of this godforsaken Hellhole. But your song said you liked Springfield. I wrote it about Shelbyville, then changed the names.

I really appreciate your taking such an interest in me, Dad. Honey, our time together is precious to me. I didn't want to say anything, but I don't think I'm gonna be around much longer. Really? What's wrong? Well, Moe's getting a big screen TV in February. Just in time for the Pro Bowl. Maybe this time my beloved blue shirts will win.

Homie, I'm worried you're turning into some kind of super koo-koo stage mother. Yeah. For once, couldn't you just turn into a good father? Would that be so hard?

You love sausage but you hate to see it getting made. I don't like sausage. Then would you like to see it getting made?

Dad, I'm sorry you're hurt, but you left me no choice. You were obnoxious at a level not even permitted in show business. Do you know the hours I worked? The people I had to yell at? The tires I had to slash? No one asked you to yell and slash! It's called schmoozing!

I'm not Mr. Simpson. That ship has sailed. I'm Colonel Cool! And I'm the Captain on this rocket to the stars. So, are you a Colonel or a Captain? Neither. I'm both.

Dad, you know the best part about this whole thing has been the time we've spent together. I don't care if I win, just as long as you're in my corner again. I always was, honey. Look. Cameron's about to sing the song I wrote for him. He's about to learn the most important lesson in the music business: don't trust people in the music business.

Dad, you sabotaged Cameron for me! Sure did. I'd do anything for you, honey. Especially if it's easy. Well, I think you're the sweetest Dad in the whole world. I'll always be there. Not even death will stop me. Now you're getting creepy.