The Once and Future Bartman Part One: Alpha and D'oh-Mega/Quotes


 * Bartman: Chief Wiggum, what's the situation?
 * Ralph Wiggum: Someone made the Duffguy take a kid nap! I guess he was cranky and fussy and needed to lie down.
 * Eddie: What the cheif means is that someone kidnapped Lamarcus Duffman, that last man to ever be Duff Beer's mascot!
 * Lou: He send out a video message before he was abducted.


 * Comic Book Guy: Someone stole my mint-condition copy of Radioactive Man #1!
 * Houseboy: [GASP] Stealing editor Morty Mann's greatest publishing triumph is anything but petty theft!
 * Comic Book Guy: In addition to leaving behind woe and sorrow, the criminal also left this note! Please disregard the pepperoni and tear stains. Those are from me.


 * Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman here, reporting on a new bandit that seems to be the first of a new breed.
 * Marge: They stole the mini-golf scorecard from our first date! I don't know why anyone would want to steal that. It only has sentimental value.
 * Homer: Plus, it was my best score ever! Thirty-seeven over par!


 * Professor Frink: Numero Uno has pilfered my very first invention! It was an atomic potato clock! I invented it when I was three years old! Back when I was just a tiny little scientist, standing on the shoulders of my father for piggyback rides!
 * Bartman: Sorry to hear that, Professor.
 * Professor Frink: Great glavin, I loved that clock oh-so much! Not only did it tell perfect time, but it also made fries!


 * Bartman: I still can't believe that you of all people turned into a crook!
 * Martin Prince: Well, after what happened to Houseboy, I decided to turn myself into a crook before Bartman turned me into one!