The Springfield Files/Quotes

[telling a scary story] ...and that's how much money college will cost for Maggie. No... no... NOOOOOOOOOOO!

La la, la la la la [skips off into the woods] The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.

Yes, and now that I'm back to normal I don't bring you peace and love I bring you hate and... Time for a booster! [Jabs needle in Burns] Good morning starshine, the earth says hello...

I'm Leonard Nimoy, goodnight, and keep watching the skis! ... I mean, skies.

Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away. Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight. I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called... "The bus that couldn't slow down."

So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt! Wha...? What?! You know. Light-hearted, fancy-free. "Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!" [chuckles] Exactly sir! [laughs nervously]

Thank God it's Wednesday. [swallows pills] It's Friday. Uh-oh. Wrong pills.
 * [Hair grows all over Jasper's body, as Mrs. Glick watches on.]

...Little help?

Well, it's 1 AM. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

Homer, it's 2 AM. What happened? It was an alien, Marge! It appeared in front of me and said "Don't be Afraid." Have you been drinking? No! [pause] Well, ten beers.


 * [Moulder and Scully watch Homer run on a tread-mill.]

Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test? No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight. His jiggling is almost hypnotic. [in a trance] Yes. It's like a lava lamp.

Please! Don't hurt me! [Gentle voice] Don't be afraid. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
 * [Begins running through the field of grass, creating a handwritten writing of "Yahhh!" in the grass.]

I'm telling you, I saw a creature from another planet. Maybe you just dreamed it. Oh yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a sticky, translucent goo. Explain that! [Serves him] More sausage?
 * [Homer starts drooling.]

Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," the chances are 175 million to one of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours. So? It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, Dad. [nervous laugh]