D'oh-in' in the Wind/Quotes


 * [After appearing in a recruitment film for Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Homer decides to join the Screen Actors' Guild. He needs his middle name for the S.A.G. form, but only knows his middle initial.]

Hey, Dad, what does the "J" stand for? How should I know? It was your mother's job to name you, and love you and such. I was mainly in it for the spanking. But I can't ask Mom; she's on the run from the law! Serves her right for being a 60s radical! [fondly remembering] Though she was a demon in the sack!


 * [The family try to help Homer with the S.A.G. form.]

Why not just make up a middle name? You might as well. You already made up a phony film credit. No! Homer Simpson never lies twice on the same form. He never has and he never will. You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application. Yes, but they were all part of a single ball of lies.


 * [In search of Homer's middle name, he and Grampa visit Groovy Grove Natural Farm, the commune where Homer's mom Mona went after leaving Abe. Abe notices two middle-aged men playing hackey sack.]

I remember them. Seth and Munchie. Look at those filthy, lazy, flea-bitten... [sees them looking towards him] Oh, hi there! Hey, check it out! Is that... Abe Simpson? Jeez, man, we haven't seen you since Woodstock. [surprised] You went to Woodstock? [bitterly] Your mother dragged us both to that godforsaken love-fest!
 * [Flashback to Woodstock, during Jimi Hendrix's guitar-solo performance of "". While everyone else is casually dressed, Abe looks decidedly out of place wearing a business suit.] Woodstock - Naked Homer.png

[holding up a sign reading " for President"] Boo! Bring on ! Whoa, mellow out, Abe. Little Homer's trying to groove!
 * [Abe turns around and sees young Homer dancing naked in the mud, playing and singing to Hendrix's guitar licks.]

[grabbing Homer by the arm] Shame on you, boy! Put some damn pants on, and then pull' em down! 'Cause it's time for a spanking! Whoa! Get a load of Captain Bringdown! Yeah, whoa! [protesting as Grampa leads him away] But I wanna play in the mud and be a hippie! Never! What you need's a good long hitch in Vietnam! There must be a enlistment tent around here somewhere.


 * [Back to the present, and back to the topic of Homer's mom. Seth and Munchie remember Mona.]

You know, Homer, your mom was a pretty groovy chick. And a demon in the sack! [they both chuckle] Oh, you heard about that, eh? [laughs]
 * [Seth and Munchie go silent for a moment, glance at each other, and then laugh along with Grampa.]


 * [Having embraced the hippie liefstyle, Homer tries to get Marge to go along with him.]

Marge, you've got too many hang-ups. Like, the whole shaving trip. Come on, I want to see those legs all furry and gross! That ain't gonna happen, bub. Well, at least lose the bra. Free the Springfield Two, Marge! Free the Springfield Two! [grumbles] I think you've had too much strawberry wine.


 * [While cleaning house, Marge notices an empty space where the couch is supposed to be. Then she hears a scream coming from outside. Investigating, she goes outside and sees that Maude Flanders is screaming at the sight of Homer lying naked on the couch, playing with his Frisbee.]

[still screaming] Help! Oh, I've never seen anything like— [covers eyes] My eyes have been soiled! [standing up facing Maude] Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing!


 * [At Groovy Grove, Homer tries to get Seth and Munchie to go along with him to freak people out.]

Yeah, an old-time freak-out sounds tempting, Homer, but [sighing] we've got a big order to fill. [sarcastically] Fine. I guess the juice business is more important than the ideals our hippie forefathers refused to go to war and die for. I suppose we could duck out for a couple of hours. Hey, we'll call it a business trip and write off the mileage! Now your freak flag's flyin'! Let the freak-out begin!


 * [The freak-out trio drive through Downtown Springfield. With the sunroof open, Munchie stands up in the car and blows soap bubbles in the street. Homer dons a jester's hat to take his turn.]

Have no fear, the Cosmic Fool is here! To blow the lid off your conformist button-down world! [derisively, as he rides a unicycle being pulled by a monkey on roller skates] Weirdoes!
 * [The trio pull up next to Marge and stop.]

Hi, Marge. We're freaking out squares. [annoyed and embarassed] Oh, Lord... What's in your brand-new bag, Momma? Oh, it's that pair of you wanted. Forty-eight waist with the balloon seat, right? [dismayed] Marge, not in front of the hippies!
 * [Behind Homer, Seth and Munchie chuckle.]


 * [The freak-out moves on to Springfield Elementary School, where the trio arrive at lunchtime, playing "The Star-Spangled Banner" on kazoos.]

[bursting into the cafeteria] Hear ye, hear ye! The intergalactic jester proclaims this conformity factory closed!
 * [The children cheer and quickly run out of the cafeteria, followed by the freak-out trio, leaving Principal Skinner standing in the cafeteria all by himself.]

Fifteen years of loyal service, and this is how they tell me? A jester with an invisible proclamation?


 * [The trio return from the freak-out to find that Homer's Frisbee has ruined a whole batch of juice. Homer resolves to make things right by re-making the batch at night while Seth and Munchie sleep. His task accomplished, Homer greets them first thing the next morning.]

[to Munchie] Good morning, Starshine! [to Seth] Seth.
 * [Seth and Munchie notice the empty field and gasp.]

What's going on? What happened to our crops? I picked 'em, juiced 'em, and delivered 'em to every store in town. Your business is saved! But there weren't enough vegetables left to fill that order! That's what I thought at first. But then I found the other garden behind the barn! The one with the camouflage netting. Uh-oh. Homer... those were our personal vegetables. Well, now the whole town can benefit from their nutrients.


 * [Stopped in traffic, Ned Flanders drinks the juice in his car, and is shocked at his hallucinations.]

Huh?
 * [Two teddy bears and a skeleton cross the road and laugh.]

Mornin', Ned!
 * [Next, marching hammers cross the road, and one looks at Ned, showing that it has the Rolling Stones' "Lips & Tongue."]

Pucker up, Ned!
 * [The Hammer comes closer to Ned and attempts to kiss him. Ned screams.]


 * [The juice freaks people out all over town, including at the police station. Chief Wiggum notices Lou spinning in a chair, laughing and holding a bottle of juice.]

Lou. Lou! Are you all right? The electric yellow has got me by the brain banana. I... see.
 * [Wiggum grabs the bottle from Lou, dips a fingertip into the juice, and has a taste.]

My God, it's nothing but carrots and peyote! Damn longhairs never learn, Chief. It's time for a good old-fashioned hippie ass-whomping!