Treehouse of Horror IV/Quotes

Paintings. Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell so scary and horrible and gruesome that -- Bart! You should warn people this episode is very frightening and maybe they'd rather listen to that old  broadcast on NPR, Hmmm? Yes, mother.

Sorry Homer. While you were daydreaming, we ate all the donuts. Well, there were a few left but we chucked them at an old man for kicks.

Dear Homer, I.O.U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer. Bastard. He's always one step ahead. Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut! Well, that can be arranged. Flanders! You're the devil? It's always the one you least suspect!

Hmm... Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib. Uh, the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your eleven o'clock.

Mmmm... forbidden donut.

Oh you Americans with your due process and fair trials. This is always so much easier in Mexico.

So, you like donuts, eh? Uh, huh. Well! Have all the donuts in the world!! [cackles] More. Mmmm. I don't understand it. went mad in 15 minutes.

Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.

Hear ye, hear ye! The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session. Very well. But first, some ground rules. Number one: We get bathroom breaks every half-hour. Agreed. Number two: The jury will be chosen by me. Agreed. No, wait...

I simply ask for what is mine. That was a right pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as an agreement under the law which is unbreakable. Which is unbreakable. Excuse me, I must use the restroom.

Arrr... 'Tis some kind of treasure map. You idiot, you can't read. Aye, 'tis true. My debauchery was my way of compensatin'.

Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

Eyahh! Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus! Hey, there's no monster! You're deceptive. I don't see anything. Hey, who's driving the bus? Oh, uno momento, por favor.

Now I've gotten word that a child is using his imagination, and I've come to put a stop to it. No! No, it's true! There's a monster on the bus. The only monster on this bus is a lack of proper respect for the rules.

Aww, isn't that cute? He's trying to claw my eyes out.

Look at the bus! I was right, I tell ya! I was right! Right or wrong, your behavior was still disruptive, young man. Perhaps spending the remainder of your life in a madhouse will teach you some manners. Haw-haw!

We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad. They're dogs! And they're playing poker! [crazed laughter] We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!

We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield Museum destroyed.

Lisa, stop being so suspicious. Did everyone wash their necks like Mr. Burns asked?

[over intercom] Welcome, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead. Sir, you have to let go of the button. Oh, son of a bi...

Huh, ooooh, punch! Eww, Dad, this is blood. Correction. Free blood.

Mom, Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart! Why Bart is right here. Hello, Mother. Hello, Father. I missed you during my uneventful absence. Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingee... where our beds and TV... is.

Quick! We have to kill the boy! How'd you know he's a vampire? He's a vampire?! [screams]

Homer, we gotta do something! Today he's drinking people's blood, tomorrow he could be smoking!

No, I'm the head vampire! [maniacal laughing] Mom? Well, I do have a life outside this house, you know.