Pygmoelian/Quotes

And now the local lug who fills your mug with the drug you chug -- oh yeah! -- Give it up for Moe Szyslak!

Duff beer is brewed from hops, barley and sparkling, clear, mountain... what? Goat? Eh, close enough!
 * [Homer takes a sip of Duff Beer.]

Ahhh, you can really taste the goat.

Kids, would you like a balloon? Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwipop. Actually, I would like a wowwipop. Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years. And if Bart gets a wowwipop, I want a wowwipop.

Moe, the new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture! Oh, boy! Move over liquor license. Hey Moe, this license expired in 1973, and... and it's only good in Rhode Island, and it's signed by you. Yeah, yeah, I've been meanin' to get that updated, uh, for this state, and real. Now let's see the poster boy for the new Moe-lennium.

Am I really that ugly? Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney that drunk? Is Homer that lazy, bald and fat? Oh my God! It's worse than I thought.
 * [Moe, Lenny, Barney and Homer all start sobbing.]

[to camera] See, this is why I don't talk much.

Aw, c'mon, look at me. I'm a gargoyle. What, with the cauliflower ear there, and the lizard lips... The little rat eyes... Caveman brow... Don't forget that fish snout. Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at. Or listen to. Or be with.

What were you thinking? Well, you said you wanted "gritty". In other words, "ugly". I wanted Maryanne on  ugly, not Cornelius on the Planet of the Apes ugly. TV ugly, not ugly ugly.

Cleo, Cleo, you've brought music to my heart, but this relationship can never work. I'm a doctor, and you're a 5,000-year-old mummy I brought back to life. But I love you, Tad. And together we can burn all the cities of the earth. It's against hospital regulations, dammit! And Clive Dancer's just waitin' for me to slip up.

So, Lenny, how are things workin' out with you and that girl next door? Eh, it's over. She got a windowshade.

And what do you have to tell us, oh, Angel of the Future? [as an angel] You're going to die in a skydiving accident. How tragic. Tell me more. Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists. With sexy results. Ooh, that's unexpected. What else? Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team. With sexy results.

Hey, there's one thing I don't get, though. When my face was crushed, why did it go back to my old face? I mean, shouldn't it have turned into some kind of third face that was different? Heh. Don't make no...