The Fight Before Christmas/Quotes


 * Bart: I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!


 * Homer: Someday, TV will be invented. And it will be free! Then it will cost money.


 * Marge: This tree reminds me of your father. Round in the middle, thinning up top and your hands get sticky when you touch him.


 * Krusty [as Santa]: Kid, this company's bust. For years I've been giving away free toys and getting cookies in return. It's not a sustainable business model.


 * Lisa: You mean your gingerbread McMansion.
 * Homer: Show some respect, three gingerbread men died making that.


 * ''[After decorates the Simpsons' house:]
 * Marge: Martha, the house looks beautiful. It's like Christmas with a childless gay couple.


 * Mr. Burns: "Release the hounds! [Barking is heard in the distance.] They'll be along any minute."
 * [After a long pause, a lone harmless-looking dog arrives.]
 * Dog: "We, uhhhh ... blew the budget on ."


 *  [ Moe makes several attempts to kiss, but can't get high enough to reach her face.]
 * Moe: "I'm just gonna kiss your belly button." [presses his face into her abdomen and starts kissing]
 * Katy: [surprised] "Uhh .. that's not my belly button."
 * [Moe breaks off the kiss and looks up at Katy.]
 * Katy: [quickly] "But I didn't say stop."


 * Martha Claus: "You boys want to play soldier?"
 * Bart: "I can't think of a better way to celebrate Jesus' birthday."
 * [Martha puts poker stands on Bart's and Milhouse's heads, then wraps red tape around their bodies]
 * Milhouse: "I don't think I like where this is going."
 * Martha Claus: [Wraps tape over Milhouse's and Bart's mouths] "I don't think anyone asked your opinion."


 * Homer: "Hey, I thought you didn't want a Christmas tree."
 * Lisa: "I didn't at first, but this tree is to remind us of mom. It serves as a reminder that someday this war will be over."
 * Homer: "And someday TV will be invented, and it will be free, at first."
 * Lisa: "Until then, this tree will stand for mom and everything she stands for: hope, family, and sweeping up dried needles."


 * Grampa: "Well, it looks like this'll finally kill it."
 * Jasper: "The Simpsons?"
 * Grampa: "No, Christmas."


 * Agnes Skinner: "How come you're not off fighting like a real man?"
 * Homer: "I'm too fat to fit in a foxhole."


 * Bart: "Isn't this the busy season? Where are the other elves?"
 * Milhouse: "Laid off."
 * Nelson: Ever since NAFTA, all the jobs have been going to the South Pole.