The Homer of Seville/Quotes

Oh man, that church service was so boring. I did a whole book of Find-A-Words. Dad, all you circled were the "I's" and "A's". Those are words.

If anyone asks, tell them we're plumbers... and then start plumbing until they go away.

Oh Homer, you've gotta try this roast beef au jus. Mmmm, au jus! Not quite gravy, not quite blood...

Homer, you have a mild back sprain. And you also ingested a dangerous quantity of grave dirt. Well, you're always telling me I should eat more dirt. Not dirt -- vegetables! Which grow in what?

Let's see, I'll take his liver, a case of Adam's apples, that motorcycle man's mustache... The money you've contributed to anti-helmet laws has really paid off, sir. Well, young people are my future.

Dad, you were great! And you contributed to our culture! Well I didn't mean to! No, no. It's a good thing. Oh, good. This makes up for me showing up drunk to the father-daughter dance. The dance isn't till next week. Sorry, Lisa. Can't change the future.

Nice set, Homer. That was a hot one. Wow, praise from Placido Domingo. Call me P-Dingo. Eh, I'll think about it. You know, Homer, there's one thing about opera that has always bugged me: everyone sings instead of talking. But you made me believe I was in a magical world where singing is talking. Thanks! You know, of, you're my second favorite! No wait, I forgot about that other guy. Sorry, you're third.

I want you to stop flirting with women. No problem. Sir, may I say I thoroughly enjoyed your performance. And may I say I'm enjoying the calm waters of your deep, blue eyes? Oh, well, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. [to Marge] What? That's how guys talk.

So did you see the show tonight? Remember the part where I forgot the words and I just sang "Uh-oh Spaghetti-os". I'm hoping they send me a case. Now listen, Homer. You can have me any time you want me. Marge! But if you say one word to your wife, I'll tell her you attacked me. What is it, sweetie? Um, everyone's wearing clothes in here. That's nice!

I'm sorry you got hurt, but you learned an important lesson. No one comes between me and my Homie. I'll get you for this, Marge! If it's the last thing I do! Oh and I scheduled the cable guy to come on Wednesday between ten and two. Oh but Wednesday's not good for me. I know, Marge. I know. [long evil laugh]