Wild Barts Can't Be Broken/Quotes

Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad? Because, I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie: never love anything. Even you? Especially me.

And, what's this? He's pointing to the right field bleachers! Probably at a dying little boy. Mom, am I dying? No, of course not! [whispering] Is he, Mom? You can tell me. No!

So, who won? The losers? No, they lost. [chuckles] Losers. But only by two points. And they didn't resort to stealing bases like the other team, so it's kind of a moral victory. With a little middle relief, they might even make the playoffs. You'll be in your cold, cold grave before that ever happens. Homer, would you please stop talking about the children's graves?

...Where this morning the three "R"'s stand for rowdiness, ransacking, and i-rresponsibility. Any suspects, Chief? None. That's why we're jumping to the conclusion that this was the work of no good punk kids.

But it's not fair. Adults always blame kids for everything! Well, if kids are so innocent, why is everything bad named after them? Acting childish. Kidnapping. Child abuse.. What about adultery? Not until you're older, son.

Kids, the carnival's in town for one night only! And they've got cotton candy and hats with feathers and there's no lines because all the stupid kids have curfew! So-- Oh, right. Sorry.

You think that's bad. I had to talk to my mom all night. She's got problems. Scary problems. Adults blow. Yeah. Just look at 'em over there... Smoking their cigarettes... Drinking their coffee... Scratching their big butts... Your metabolism will change someday, too, young man.

That oughta show little Timmy and Tammy Scumbag who's in charge around here.

You're thinking about hurting us. Now you're thinking, "How did they know what I was thinking?" Now you're thinking "I hope that's shepherd's pie in my knickers."

Wait! We don't need supernatural powers! We already know their secrets. She's right! Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers. My Mom shoplifts. All the time. Stuff she doesn't even need. My Dad gets in car accidents on purpose.

[on radio] Now we come to Mr. Homer Simpson... Did you know he likes to eat out of the Flanders' garbage? Oh, Homer... I have a problem.

Brilliant. They transduced amplitude modulation via the concavity of that oversized beverage conveyance. I mean that is some clever goyvin.

All right, you kids come down now. We promise we won't kill ya. Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!