Changing of the Guardian/Quotes


 * Mav: Yo, I'm Mav.
 * Bart: Wow, a man's stomach can be flat?
 * Mav: It's one of the, like, awesome side effects of being a pro surfer.
 * Bart: Wow.
 * Lisa: Someone's smitten.
 * Portia: Whoa, way to shralp the crispies, babe.
 * Mav: My wife, Portia.
 * Lisa: Another surfer?
 * Portia: Environmental lawyer. And in my free time, I prosecute record companies who withhold royalties from elderly blues musicians.


 * Marge: My God. They want to steal our kids.
 * Homer: No one steals my kids, except me, from that theme park jail that I never told you about, except I guess I just did.
 * Marge: We're all caught up now. Let's go.


 * Marge: Look, before anyone says anything else, how could you possibly think you could get our kids?
 * Portia: It happens more than you know, Marge. I'm a lawyer; he's a surfer. That combination's pretty unstoppable.
 * Bart: Well, I'm afraid that we don't want to be with anyone but Mom and whoever she chooses to be with.
 * Lisa: Portia, you're the woman I dream of becoming, but Mom is my mom.
 * Portia: Fine, but you're leaving a gap in our lives that can only be filled by foreign travel, sleeping late and gourmet food.


 * Lenny: Oh, my God, the twister got Carl, my best friend in the world. I can barely remember what he looks like.
 * Homer: He was a black guy, but his voice sounded like a white guy.
 * Carl: Hey, excuse me for wanting to fit in.


 * Marge: Homie, if we did both die, we've never named guardians. The kids could end up wards of the state.
 * Homer: Connecticut?
 * Marge: No, our state.
 * Homer: Okay, you're right. It's hard to imagine anyone else bringing up our kids, but I think the choice is obvious: my dad.
 * Grampa: Oh, you'd let me have another chance after the way I screwed things up with you?
 * Homer: Eh, good point. We'll find somebody else.