Trash of the Titans/Quotes

[walking trash out to curb] Ow, ow! Stupid trash. Rotten, stinky, [vengeful] hate world, revenge soon, take out on everyone. [steps in a puddle] Ewwww, garbage water! [to sky, fist raised] You're pushin' me, baby!
 * [Garbage truck drives by Simpson residence. Homer chases after it carrying the trash can.]

Hey! Wait! Stop! I have garbage! [loses breath and drops trash can in the street] You guys are the lousiest garbagemen ever! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, you trash-eatin' stink bags!
 * [Garbage truck stops.]

Uh oh.
 * [Truck beeps and reverses, stopping short of Homer.]

What did you call us? [nervous] Uhh, I don't know. A lot of people were yelling stuff. You called us trash-eating stinkbags. Didn't you learn anything from Love Day? That was yesterday, moron.
 * [Simpson residence. Homer enters kitchen with his pajamas stuffed with garbage.]

Good news everyone! I got in a fight with the garbagemen and they're cutting off our service! Oh lord! Now what are we going to do? Just let the trash pile up? Well, I'd rather live in a dump than in a world run by snooty garbagemen! Dad, is this another one of those situations that could be solved by a simple apology? I never apologize! I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again. That's not how she tells it.


 * [Ned tiptoes through the garbage on the Simpsons' front lawn toward the door.]

[quietly] Easy, Ned. Don't breathe in.
 * [Garbage falls on Ned. Homer is on second floor.]

Sorry, Ned! I didn't see you down there! [to Bart, hiding under window] Got him. I hate to be a Fussy Freddy and all, but Maude's folks are here and they're a tad touchy about odors. Well, then you better close your windows before the sun hits Diaper Hill.
 * [Homer points to a pile of used diapers. Rod climbs on top.]

Look, Daddy, I'm king of the mountain! Rod! Get off of there!

Good morning, trash pile. How's --
 * [Homer looks onto front lawn to see the trash has been removed.]

Hey! Woo hoo! I won!
 * [Kitchen.]

This is a very very proud day for us, especially me. Your father, me, beat city hall! It's just like David and Goliath, only this time, David won! Oh, I know. I heard it too. Here's some music. [imagines soft piano music] And to think you wanted me to crawl, Marge! Well, this man does not crawl, he stands tall! That rhymes Marge, and you know it rhymes. Admit it!
 * [Marge lets out her signature annoyed grunt.]

Oh, Homer, you didn't beat city hall! They picked up our trash because I wrote a letter of apology to the sanitation commissioner and signed your name. Period. You signed my name? I feel so violated! You've have signed my name lots of times. But this isn't like a loan application or a will! You signed away my dignity. And I'm going to get it back. Lisa, do I have my pants on? [dreamily] Yes. Perfect.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can I help you? [with accent] Potato man. Where the hell have you been?


 * [The image of the band on the video wall is replaced by Homer's face.]

Hello, Springfield! It's me, Homer! What the... bloody hell? [to Bono] Quiet, you! [to crowd] I know you want to see these rocking rockers, but I know you're also concerned about the race for sanitation commissioner. So let me give you the 911!
 * [Homer walks out on stage, the audience immediately boos.]

Hold on people, he is talking about waste management! That affects the whole damn planet!
 * [The rest of the band have a conversation in the background]

Oh, here we go! Want to duck out to Moe's for a pint? Can I come? Hmmm... no. Wankers.

[into mic] Now, Homer... Ray Patterson is a fine public servant. Why should the people of Springfield --
 * [Crowd cheers yelling "Yeah Springfield!"]

[sighs and lowers mic] Why should they vote for you? That's a very good question, Bono. [addresses crowd] Cause I'd be the most whack, tricked-out sanitation commissioner ever! Can you dig it?!
 * [Crowd is silent, Homer nervously tugs his collar and begins to dance.]

[into mic, unimpressed] Wow, look at him go. You're the real lord of the dance, Homer.
 * [Bono motions for the guards to take Homer away, guard grab Homer and haul him off stage.]

[grabbing side of stage set] No, no! Bono, help me! [lets go] Don't worry, folks. He'll get the help he needs.
 *  [ U2 begins playing as the video wall shows Homer being held by one guard and beaten by two other guards.]


 * [Homer wins the election. He gets the news looking at a newspaper dispenser.]

SIMPSON WINS IN LANDSLIDE. Says "crazy promises" key to victory. Woo hoo! Dad, are you not going to buy it? 50 cents? Not likely.


 * [An angry Mayor Quimby comes into Homer's office.]

Simpson, you idiot! You spent your entire year's budget in a month! Your department's broke! Uh... oh no! Wait! I think I've got the perfect solution. You'd better! 'Cause those garbage men won't work for free! D'oh!

D'oh! Oh, Patterson was right. I'm crashing and burning! Crashing and burning!
 * [Marge reviews expense reports.]

How could you spend $4.6 million in one month? They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge. A stamp! You know, Dad, there's a lesson in all this. Many cities have problems with garbage disposal, and it's time we realize you can't just -- Wait! Shut up! I just thought of something.
 * [Homer runs out of the house and speeds off in the car.]


 * [Sanitation Commissioner's office. Homer walks in carrying a briefcase and is greeted by several angry garbagemen carrying weapons.]

Morning, boys! Where's our paychecks, ya bum? My men ain't working another minute till we get paid!
 * [Homer unhinges briefcase to show it is full of money.]

Will cash be ok? [with a huge smile] Will it!
 * [Quimby leans into Homer's office.]

Did I hear a, uh, briefcase opening?

I bet you're all wondering where I got the money? Dealing drugs? Drugs? I'll have to say drugs, too. Close, but you're way off.
 * [Homer pulls off to the outskirts of town where garbage trucks are shoving garbage into a mine shaft.]

Look at that beautiful garbage. Other cities don't want it, so they pay me to dump it in this old abandoned mine. That's awful! I almost wish it were drugs! Some of it is.
 * [Bart points to a garbage truck from New York.]