Take My Life, Please/Quotes


 * Homer: I'm going to find out what Dondelinger did last summer! Twenty-two years ago! In the winter!


 * [After the principal switches the ballot boxes so vance would win class president]
 * Principal Dondelinger: [to Carl and Lenny] You two, I want you to dispose of this ballot box.
 * Lenny: Only if you do us a favor.
 * Dondelinger: What is it?
 * Carl: Our parents want us to go to this place called "college".
 * Lenny: Yeah, bail us out and we'll get rid of the box.
 * Dondelinger: [sighs] Fine, but if you mess up, it's Ohio College for both of you!
 * Carl and Lenny: AARRGHH!


 * [After Homer finds out what his life would have been like after seeing the events inside a tub of magic sauce]
 * Homer: Why did fate do this to me?
 * Chef: Ask the garlic bread.
 * Homer: [picks up the bread] Why? Why?
 * Chef: Hey, everyone, the stupid fat man's talking to garlic bread! HAHAHA!

[After Homer leaves the Italian resturant]
 * Homer: Looks like I'll never have a life like Vance has.
 * Marge: Homer, close your eyes...
 * [The family lead Homer to the Springfield Wall of Fame]
 * Marge: Now open!
 * [Homer opens his eyes and see's a plaque on the wall of fame dedicated to him]
 * Homer: Woohoo! Wait... how did I get on the wall of fame?
 * Bart: Hey, plaques come and plaques go.
 * [The camera pans out to reveal Principal Skinner's plaque in the garbage can]