A Star Is Born Again/Quotes

Daddy, why is everyone so happy the jellyfish are back? Well, in the old days, people thought jellyfish venom had curative properties. Now we know it just makes things a whole lot worse. Like laser eye surgery? Exactly! [laughs]

Sarah, you're as lovely as the day I first arrested you. Oh, Clancy. You know, I planted that crystal meth just to meet you. I was so shy.

Well, Sea Captain, looks like you and I are sailin' solo tonight. Arrr you hitting on me? 'Cause I don't do that... on land.

Are you for real? I'm as real as the nose on your face. Yeah... real. [she taps her nose and it makes a metallic sound] Well, it looks good... and it sounds pretty too.

I'm here for a while and I don't really know anyone. Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night? A woman askin' a man out? Well, well why not. And maybe I'll eat my steak with a spoon.

I used to worry Marge was too good for me. She was always thinking of ways to improve me. But then part of her died and she doesn't try any more. So we're all where we want to be.

Excuse me, Miss Sloane. May I have an autograph? Sure. Oh man, this is going right on eBay. I mean, my wall. Which I will then sell on eBay. [to Ned] Sad to say this isn't the worst I get. Oh, oh, can I just push this plaster cast onto one of your boobs? [to Lenny] Okay, now you are the worst.

Rainier Wolfcastle!? My ex-boyfriend. Sara, liebchen, take me back. If tears could burst through my muscular ducts, I would cry like a baby who was just hit by hammer. Rainier, you're too jealous. You beat up just because he presented me an award. Oh c'mon. No one misses a handshake that badly.

My libido has been terminated.

Ned, I've never met a man like you. You're sensitive, you're in great shape, you have a mustache, and yet you're not gay. No way! I won't even eat vegetables over two inches long.

Ned, I'm James L. Brooks. Can I call you Jim? James L. Brooks is good.

Sure is nice to be shopping for a woman again. The last thing I bought for a lady was a casket.

Sir, would you ask your sweetheart to sign her autograph for me? Well of course. Wait a minute. This is to adopt two of your kids. Oh, so it is. I've already dumped three on Mia Farrow. Sucker!

Wow. Wow. That made me completely forget about Bob Balaban. That's what Maude used to say.

Screen siren Sara Sloane shocked tinseltown last night with a midnight marriage to Gosford Park mega-hunk, Bob Balaban. This was followed three hours later by a quickie divorce. I bet we woulda lasted twice that long.